Any advice for a 23 year old virgin?

[matt0611]

Hey mate, I really don´t want to be rude, but this doesn´t sound for me like a self-definition of a man, if you understand what I mean. If the most important in your life is having a great family (but not founden by yourself), being smart, having a college degree and having a god job (in this order), then you are far away from being a man a woman could be interested in. You sound like a little boy.

Moving from home could be a good advice. Maybe alone into a new city / foreign country. I think in your age it can´t really ruin your financial situation. Have you ever tried learning to dance in a dancing school? I mean not this hip-hop shyt but real dance? These schools are full of chicks ready for the "hide the sausage" game. And I can also recommend going to a professional. Paying for sex and loosing money on gabling is something you have to do at least once in your life in order to become a real man.

I don't really understand what you are getting here, not to be rude. I didn't say those things made me a man, just saying that my life was going pretty well and in most respects I am happy. I was also not naming them in any particular order, was just the first things I thought of when I tried to think of the good things and blessings in my life.

I guess you're saying I am not a man? I don't really understand why you are saying this though, other than my lack of experience with women I don't see what makes me not a man. What kind of man *would* a girl be interested in? I'm just a little boy? I just don't really follow the logic here that makes you say that. Sorry, just a little confused at why you would say such things about me.

I will be moving from home eventually, I lived in an apartment for 5 years alone while I went to college but its over now and I live back at my parents house. I need money to move out, so this "moving out" part is in the pipeline, its not gonna happen tomorrow however but yeah it is coming. I don't see what that will change though however, like I said, I've lived alone for 5 years before so.

Also, sorry, but I just can't just go pick up and leave to a new city or new country. My whole life is here, family, friends, a job that I've worked very hard to get and I love.

No, I've never tried dancing though.

Also, to the guy that suggested to work out, I do, 3 times a week. Did this for about a year, I look a lot better than I did in my teenage years but still, doesn't really help me, I just do it now because its fun.

I honestly do think I'm just terribly unattractive, I've tried online web sites as well and never get any responses to my messages. Even girls that you guys would probably consider pretty ugly / fat.

I actually was recently thinking about getting a high-class escort this summer. I think I'm going to do it after a few more months of trying and not seeing any progress, because I've seen literally zero progress for years. Glad to see that a guy had a good experience with that. Even if I never have sex after that, I can take comfort in the fact that I did it once in my life.

Thanks guys.
Its good to talk to someone about this stuff that can understand where I'm coming from.

 

[londonzen]

seriously dont try so hard and dont be 2 nice further more just be you.

im quiet a little shy and would say im more a nice guy than a jerk say 8/10
im 23 as well and girls seem to be on my case (blacks,whites,spanish,asians whatever) the reason being they all say im real and am myself like i never let a girl get the best of me and always have manners but if a girl is a ***** then i will just ruthlessly next her.
there was this 1 girl i knew when i was seventeen at college who would everytime i saw her try and spit game to me and if i didnt like the question i would plainly ignore it as a girl would do.

she would be like(she done her research on me) i spoke to blahblah about you he reckons we like each other
me) is it?

she was anoying i didnt like her at first but over a week or so we got to know each other.
till in the end she comes out with "your so quiet but you are very at ease with yourselve are you one of them blah blah type of men?
me) sigh(as she was anoying) you know what im just me

i swear she melted on the spot and was biting her lip and asked me for my number then and there and that was my first sex a few weeks later and trust it was me that was holding it up.

she was a hb8 but thought she was an 11 so we didnt last long i grew tired
4 months.
she always said the reason she liked me was coz i was so at ease with being quiet i didnt try and put on bravado or act like difrent people so be yourself and get out there man it will happen.

 

[Irs88]

if you are confident and you think your life is all set...great!

Now you need to try meeting women. You ahve to be interesting. Join groups(like dancing), make new friends that go clubbing a lot. Go sarge outside. Make a journal on this website and tell us the whole conversation. keep doing taht and you WILL eventually become a PUA. We will be giving you advice and feedback after every entry of each sarge you make.

get to it!

 

[Violent V]

Well, let me be clear here. I do not feel hopeless about my life. I feel hopeless about this one PART of my life. I feel very good about other parts. I have a great family, am smart, graduated college, have a good job.

Like I said, I was very happy up until a few months ago but when I have so many parts of my life in order and going where I want to go except one, its hard not to realize it and feel crappy about it.

I do the things you advise about other parts of my life, and I always thought if I kept doing them the girl stuff would just fall into place but it doesn't seem to.

Its like a totally different part of me. In other respects I am confident, sure of myself, normal, happy. In the part of my love life I am just lost and wishing I knew how to fix it...

I don't really understand what you are getting here, not to be rude. I didn't say those things made me a man, just saying that my life was going pretty well and in most respects I am happy. I was also not naming them in any particular order, was just the first things I thought of when I tried to think of the good things and blessings in my life.

I guess you're saying I am not a man? I don't really understand why you are saying this though, other than my lack of experience with women I don't see what makes me not a man. What kind of man *would* a girl be interested in? I'm just a little boy? I just don't really follow the logic here that makes you say that. Sorry, just a little confused at why you would say such things about me.

I will be moving from home eventually, I lived in an apartment for 5 years alone while I went to college but its over now and I live back at my parents house. I need money to move out, so this "moving out" part is in the pipeline, its not gonna happen tomorrow however but yeah it is coming. I don't see what that will change though however, like I said, I've lived alone for 5 years before so.

Also, sorry, but I just can't just go pick up and leave to a new city or new country. My whole life is here, family, friends, a job that I've worked very hard to get and I love.

No, I've never tried dancing though.

Also, to the guy that suggested to work out, I do, 3 times a week. Did this for about a year, I look a lot better than I did in my teenage years but still, doesn't really help me, I just do it now because its fun.

I honestly do think I'm just terribly unattractive, I've tried online web sites as well and never get any responses to my messages. Even girls that you guys would probably consider pretty ugly / fat.

I actually was recently thinking about getting a high-class escort this summer. I think I'm going to do it after a few more months of trying and not seeing any progress, because I've seen literally zero progress for years. Glad to see that a guy had a good experience with that. Even if I never have sex after that, I can take comfort in the fact that I did it once in my life.

Thanks guys.
Its good to talk to someone about this stuff that can understand where I'm coming from.

Matt,

You are blessed to have such a great family, secure job and stability in your life.

Moving out does not = girls, just as working out doesn't always = girls. You have said yourself you have done both during college, and did not get a girlfriend...

But, the point at least I am trying to make is a lot more deeper than having the supportive family, stable job, secure finances, and later on the hot girlfriend, and perfect bachelor’s pad. These are all great pointers for women, especially those who are looking for security and marriage. But you are looking for a girlfriend, not a wifey.

So, what I am saying is start behaving more ‘masculine’ in a sexual way. Your behaviour, your tone of voice, your body language, your wardrobe, Be a bit more reckless and exciting, spontaneous and imaginative. A girl is attracted to these masculine traits as we are attracted to women who have feminine conventions.

I firmly believe this is where your problem lies. This what we mean by being more of a man- behaving more masculine. Do this and the opposites will attract.

V

 

[matt0611]

Matt,

You are blessed to have such a great family, secure job and stability in your life.

Moving out does not = girls, just as working out doesn't always = girls. You have said yourself you have done both during college, and did not get a girlfriend...

But, the point at least I am trying to make is a lot more deeper than having the supportive family, stable job, secure finances, and later on the hot girlfriend, and perfect bachelor’s pad. These are all great pointers for women, especially those who are looking for security and marriage. But you are looking for a girlfriend, not a wifey.

So, what I am saying is start behaving more ‘masculine’ in a sexual way. Your behaviour, your tone of voice, your body language, your wardrobe, Be a bit more reckless and exciting, spontaneous and imaginative. A girl is attracted to these masculine traits as we are attracted to women who have feminine conventions.

I firmly believe this is where your problem lies. This what we mean by being more of a man- behaving more masculine. Do this and the opposites will attract.

V

Thank you, this sounds like very good advice in theory. It sounds hard just to learn those traits by reading a book however, I wish I had more guy friends that were like that so I could learn first hand. Unfortunately all my friends are in a similar position to me, they've never even had a girlfriend.

I would love to meet a guy that has all these traits and hang out with him for a bit to see how he acts around women.

My other obstacle is I just don't meet many women, none of my friends are women and none of my friends know any women.

Sometimes I feel like the walls are just closing in around me in these matters and its very scary.

 

[Violent V]

Hi dude,

Indeed, behaving like a male is not something you learn/read in a book, on this website or copying off someone else. It is in your genes... it’s already who you naturally are. You just need to embrace it, get in touch with it. Guys who act ‘masculine’ and more like a human (i.e. sexual) being are successful with women (besides many other things) not by copying off someone else or read it up here. They embrace their own sexuality and testosterone. There is no set way of behaving around girl to attract, just that the more you embrace the more successful you will be.

It is in our nature to take charge, it is in our nature to work, to act not react, to find solutions to problems, to be ‘social’ and outdoors doing things, to be logical (thats why men are so good with wit and humour) etc. more relevantly, its in our nature to go for and take what we want.

The majority of men in the West are purposely brought up to be scared of their testosterone. Infact, masculinity is looking more like femininity recently- I am sure you have noticed this yourself. We are taught to be in touch with our emotions, to really care what others may feel, to sacrifice our dreams and ambitions for mediocre family life. We are taught subliminally that a girlfriend/marriage makes us ‘complete’. Men are being dictated to on how to behave and think…

Man sees a woman they naturally find attractive, and hesitates. Even when the woman is dressed up and behaving seductively (in the same way a female peacock spreads its feathers)? WTF???

This website is a sort of rehabilitation for those men who are seeking to change. And the biggest change you can make is to re-embrace your sexuality in general, not just regarding girls.

Not to hate on others but speed seduction is simply a way of over-compensating (for all the inaction with girls in the past). It is not a solution to the overall problem.

I suggest before doing anything else, you read The Book of Pook. It can be life changing.

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/Downloads/The Book of Pook.pdf

Good luck dude!

V

 

[Irs88]

you guys gave some great advice! OP if you follow what al the guys above me said, you are guaranteed to turn your life around in 1-2 years. I really mean it. Good luck man.

 

[LittleRiverBand]

"The extent of your virginity is important.

A guy in his twenties who has been in relationships and done everything else with girls but technically having sex is in much better shape than a guy who is older and has never even kissed a girl or had a girlfriend."

This was in the link and I feel it's important. I was 17 when I had my first kiss and that's only because one of the girls I met in a chat room one night and never saw her again and the other I met on vacation. Both were age 15...(You might say that's close enough in age, but as you know when you're 17 almost 18 and just graduated high school there's a big difference between you and a high school sophomore/junior.) Both were ok looking but didn't know how to kiss to save their lives. I probably didn't either, but they were supposed to have experience, I wasn't.

Didn't have anything going on in the women department until this February at the age of 25 when I met a woman my age on Facebook (HB8-8.5) and dated her for about a month and was friends with her for another couple months. Here's what I learned:

1.)Kissing someone who knows how to kiss and you're attracted to is great, but like the article says like anything else it's just another "good" thing in life. It isn't some on top of the world thing. It gets boring after a while.

Feeling/sucking t*ts, fingering, blow jobs, same thing. She had a pretty big and nice pair but it gets old after a while. In fact I've found myself looking at smaller chested women more frequently now for the first time in my life.

2.)Being able to talk to women is more important IMO than "just losing the V card." I know guys that aren't virgins and can technically say they're ahead of me, but I'm better at going on a date or being around a woman than they are.

I also went on a date (she was only in town for a week and lives on the other side of the country) with the kind of girl I'd like to date. Kind of cute, goal-oriented, not a flirt but not shy, hasn't dated much, etc. and we talked for 2 hours non-stop with no awkward pauses. To me, the fact that I met the kind of woman I'd been dreaming about and was completely comfortable on essentially a blind date (we had met through mutual friends on facebook) was a confidence builder for me.

So what I'm saying is if you just want to lose the V-Card because you think "I have to" you don't. It will likely just confuse you having a ONS with some woman when you have no idea how to even touch a girl to turn her on. Make a goal to get a date somehow. Since you say you are unattractive, you may want to lower your standards. I have the advantage of at least being tall and average looking.

 

[Captain Harlock]

The majority of men in the West are purposely brought up to be scared of their testosterone. Infact, masculinity is looking more like femininity recently- I am sure you have noticed this yourself. We are taught to be in touch with our emotions, to really care what others may feel, to sacrifice our dreams and ambitions for mediocre family life. We are taught subliminally that a girlfriend/marriage makes us ‘complete’. Men are being dictated to on how to behave and think…

says who? Nobody ever taught me anything about that.

 

[Commandante]

Look, I don´t want to be rude on purpose, but I´m going to be honest. If it hurts, it´s because I´m right. If it doesn´t, it´s because I´m wrong. This can happen, because I don´t know you, I only know your posts. In this case forget my post and do what the other guys say.

If I ask you about good things and blessings in your life, and the first things you think of are I have a great family, am smart, graduated college, have a good job then this is a particular order. You try to make me believe it´s not, but it is. Who do you want to take for a ride? Me or yourself? If you have written it in this order: I have a good job, graduated college, am smart and by the way I have a great family, would be OK. It would sound like a young MAN at the beginning of his career. What you have written sounds like a clever BOY.

You know what “reading between the lines” means? I´m pretty sure! Then go back, read your own posts LOUD. And read not what you WANTED TO SAY, but what you SAID! You will have the same point of you like me!

But anyway, if you are not satisfied with your life, you have to leave your comfort zone! Don´t start this “but I´m satisfied with a lots of stuff in my life” BS again. Hey man, you need a fvck! It´s one of the most important thing in the whole fvcking life. Dolphins, the most intelligent animals on the Earth, do it FOR FUN! Why you should live without it? You said you are smart! Then be smarter than a stupid dolphin, don´t find excuses!

How can you do that? Have you ever tried to learn to dance? No. Than do it! Do you have success in bars? No, you don´t. Then try somewhere else! You don´t have enough opportunities because you are living in a small town? Move to a city! Are you afraid loosing your friends if you do that? You have written “I honestly don't have any friends that are good with this sort of thing so I come to ask you guys for advice.” When you “get good with this sort of things” you will loose them anyway sooner or later. If your family loves you because you are the part of it (I mean son, brother, etc.), they will still love you even if you go your own way. If your family loves you because you´re mommy´s little boy, then they can´t support you on your way improving your life.

Are you short? Lucky you! +2 kg muscles and you already look like a small terminator. Use your money you earn in your good job and change your clothes. Go to a hairdresser. Wear designer glasses.

Also, sorry, but I just can't just go pick up and leave to a new city or new country. My whole life is here, family, friends, a job that I've worked very hard to get and I love.

The greatest risk you can take in life is not to risk it all! --Pook

Or I could say no risk, no fun or no pain, no gain bla bla bla...

 

[LittleRiverBand]

"Hey man, you need a fvck! It´s one of the most important thing in the whole fvcking life."

You're telling me the fact that he hasn't got laid is more important than the fact that he seems lost? He's admittedly a below average looking guy and probably isn't very outgoing or else he would have at least had a date or a girlfriend by now. It sounds like he just wants to get laid because he feels he's 23 and feels like he should have already, not because he wants to and craves it.

If he's this concerned about fitting in with society, he has bigger problems.

 

[Commandante]

You're telling me the fact that he hasn't got laid is more important than the fact that he seems lost?

No. I said having good sex is more important than having a good job, a degree or being smart. And what I said naturally implies that he seems lost. I wanted make him to think "fvck, I seem lost" and not to read "fvck, you seem lost". Now you ruined my plan. Thanks!