Any advice for a 23 year old virgin?

[matt0611]

Hi guys, I'm new here...I honestly don't have any friends that are good with this sort of thing so I come to ask you guys for advice.

I'm 23, I've never had sex, had a girlfriend, been on a single date, had a kiss from, or held hands with a girl before.

Up until about a few months ago I just accepted that I was a complete failure with women and that none would ever want to be with me. I was actually happy with myself, I didn't need to be sad anymore. But as I came to a realization that I could be happy like this for the short term, I don't think I can look back 30 years from now if things are still the same and be happy.

I need some help or advice, I don't even care about being a pick up artist or whatever, I would just like to have a girlfriend someday (this is my long term goal).

I have a real hard time meeting women, the only place I know where women that you can just talk to are bars, but its so intimidating, and I no longer have anyone to go with.

I also live with my parents (I just graduated college last month) in the suburbs (pretty small town)

I'm pretty short (5'3) and not good looking so that doesn't help any.

I just don't know what to do and feel pretty hopeless about this part of my life. Do you guys have any advice for me? Know anyone in a similar situation that overcame something like this?

 

[search1ng]

get a job (If you don't have one already)
Move out (Try to make sure you're not destroying your finances/savings in the process)
Hit the gym like a roid junkie.
Join some group. (Some sports club, dance class w/e. some social setting)

expand from here. Maybe pick up an instrument etc. Women usually come pretty naturally after this. really hot girls you want may take some game --> DJ bible.

 

[DonChino]

There is some similarity me and you have in the girl department. But honestly the only advice I think there really is to get is just start cold approaching during the day everywhere you go. Read some field logs especially j0n's and a few others. Starting from page one of the field log you can see exponential progress of how they went from someone like you and I and into guys that get girls left and right.

The secret of how they did it was just to get out there and approach, don't let rejections bother you in the slightest. Slowly but surely you will develop the mindset and skills you need to talk to and pick up girls. Don't get caught up reading too much into this stuff either, the best thing you can do for yourself is to get out there and get your hands dirty.

At first man I wouldn't even worry about what to say when cold approaching. You just need to make it happen, get rejected and once you get rejected enough times that you start to not care about what they think or how they react; then that's when you can start working on your game. The first step is what will do you in, but once you get over that it just gets easier.

 

[Violent V]

Before focusing on the women, the money, the job, or the home or family, first focus on yourself.

What steps can you take to be the best man that you can possibly be from this point onwards? Set yourself some goals- what parts of your life would you like to improve? Think of things you've always wanted to achieve, learn or do, and make it your mission to eventually tick them off the list.

Focus on fulfilling your great potential. You will then start feeling good about yourself, you will start having things to do with your time, and will always be busy, on-the-go. In the meantime, everything else will naturaly fall into place along the way- including the countless girlfriends.

Girlfriends are there only to 'enhance' your ongoing life, nothing more. That is the role they themselves want to play. They will go home and waste their time bragging to their friends on the phone or in a coffe shop about what all the cool and fun things they did when you invited them to spend some of their time with you.

When you feel hopeless about your life, what girl is gonna want to tag along with you?

V

 

[Kevin Feng]

Hey buddy,

If it's any consolation, I was in your exact same position not even a year ago and I was debating on whether or not I should be on the VH1 show. I figured in the end, if it meant tooling myself on national TV, as long as I got the girl in the end, it would have all been worth it.

I understand you're feeling down right now, but know that feeling bad about it doesn't generate results. DO something about it. Go out, try it, if that fails, take a bootcamp, can't afford it? Save up for one.

I've trained with all the best in the world and that's what made the difference for me.

I'd say pick up has easily been one of the most difficult endeavors in my life because not only does it require strategy, but it also requires effective emotions management.

Shoot me a PM and I can definitely point you in the right direction if you're looking for professional mentoring.

-Kevin

 

[matt0611]

Before focusing on the women, the money, the job, or the home or family, first focus on yourself.

What steps can you take to be the best man that you can possibly be from this point onwards? Set yourself some goals- what parts of your life would you like to improve? Think of things you've always wanted to achieve, learn or do, and make it your mission to eventually tick them off the list.

Focus on fulfilling your great potential. You will then start feeling good about yourself, you will start having things to do with your time, and will always be busy, on-the-go. In the meantime, everything else will naturaly fall into place along the way- including the countless girlfriends.

Girlfriends are there only to 'enhance' your ongoing life, nothing more. That is the role they themselves want to play. They will go home and waste their time bragging to their friends on the phone or in a coffe shop about what all the cool and fun things they did when you invited them to spend some of their time with you.

When you feel hopeless about your life, what girl is gonna want to tag along with you?

V

Well, let me be clear here. I do not feel hopeless about my life. I feel hopeless about this one PART of my life. I feel very good about other parts. I have a great family, am smart, graduated college, have a good job.

Like I said, I was very happy up until a few months ago but when I have so many parts of my life in order and going where I want to go except one, its hard not to realize it and feel crappy about it.

I do the things you advise about other parts of my life, and I always thought if I kept doing them the girl stuff would just fall into place but it doesn't seem to.

Its like a totally different part of me. In other respects I am confident, sure of myself, normal, happy. In the part of my love life I am just lost and wishing I knew how to fix it.

 

[Violent V]

Well, let me be clear here. I do not feel hopeless about my life. I feel hopeless about this one PART of my life. I feel very good about other parts. I have a great family, am smart, graduated college, have a good job.

Like I said, I was very happy up until a few months ago but when I have so many parts of my life in order and going where I want to go except one, its hard not to realize it and feel crappy about it.

I do the things you advise about other parts of my life, and I always thought if I kept doing them the girl stuff would just fall into place but it doesn't seem to.

Its like a totally different part of me. In other respects I am confident, sure of myself, normal, happy. In the part of my love life I am just lost and wishing I knew how to fix it.

Read the dj bible

 

[Violent V]

Then more importantly, apply.

 

[ElGuapo]

I can relate to your story a great deal. I'm 24 and I'll be 25 soon. Throughout most of college, it was rare for me to even socialize with girls, never mind date/have sex with them. The only girls I'd ever socialize with outside of school were my guy friends' female friends or girlfriends. It was sad.

But honestly, I've improved a lot since then. I just vowed to be more social etc. Now I have lots of female friends including some pretty attractive ones. I still haven't dated any of them and I got the LJBF speech from a couple. It's frustrating, but I'm better off than where I was before. I'm moving forward and making progress.

Also, I've hit the gym pretty hard. I too am not very big. At one point, I was 5'7 and 125 lbs. I'm now up to 135 and I'm trying to get to 145.

You just have to take baby steps and keep pushing your comfort zone. At first, it was hard for me to even initiate a conversation with girls. Today, I can do that pretty easily. I can open a girl and build rapport. Now I need to work on the next step: building sexual tension and isolating. I genuinely believe that although I haven't been successful at those steps before, I will soon master them.

The most important thing is to just move towards your fears.....don't run away from them. At first it will seem terrifying to open a girl. You might screw up horrendously on your first few attempts. But after a while, you find it's not so bad. You can never progress if you never practice.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

I'm gonna get flamed here, but here's my advice: get an escort, not a street hooker I'm talking about a high class call girl, $150 per hour and up. Get the "girlfriend experience", she'll give what you need and want without rejection. I was in your boat mate 27 still a virgin I decided to go this route. Helped me big time. You finally get ***** that you crave which kills all desperation you had. You feel better about yourself and you now know that ***** is no big deal and you can get it whenever you want. This was the only thing that helped me.

 

[ssj4halo]

^^ I don't know about that. Its the fight to the top that matters, not actually just getting to the top. I actually did get a pros. when I was 20. I was really improving myself, but I still had a lot of inner game issues. Of course, I backed out at the last minute because I thought I would be cheating myself.

Anyways, read the dj bible man. Become a better man in general. It will really open your eyes. The next thing which I myself am trying to do is get social! talk to everyone, everywhere(including girls)

Read all the top posts in this forum(by Pook, etc.) Their are some GREAT threads that really help in all departments of life.

After that, you got to start approaching. Practice makes perfect. Keep doing it with the skills you learned from reading the bible and the top posts and you should be up there in to time.

Proof? When I left high school, I couldn't even talk to a HB6 for more than 2 minutes. Now its been three years since then. I started at 110 lbs and 5 7'. So i know how it feels to be short. But it doesn't really matter man. you fill find out if u read the bible and stuff.

Anyways, i improved myself and gained 50 pounds. After a cut, I am down to 153 lbs. I also changed my clothes attire(kinowear.com / mens details at GQ/ mens health ). After that I worked on my inner game by finding my problems and reading posts to help me come over those problems.

Now I am at the stage of just talking to EVERYONE. and its working. in fact, I had 2 girlfriends, almost got serios with 3 other girls, and had sex with one of them in April. I am a new man. And if I can do it, i am 100% sure you can. I was really the lowest you can get. Im not going into that, but Trust me.

 

[daygameguy]

Probably the biggest step that you'll need to take will be to become proactive and actually meet women, anywhere that you feel comfortable in.

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

^^ I don't know about that. Its the fight to the top that matters, not actually just getting to the top. I actually did get a pros. when I was 20. I was really improving myself, but I still had a lot of inner game issues. Of course, I backed out at the last minute because I thought I would be cheating myself.

I hear ya mate.. I started considering escorts when I was 21. I knew they existed from when I was 13, up here in Canada they advertise them all over the place in the phone books and classifieds, and I learned from an early age what it was all about. But I never wanted to go that route, but when I got to 21 with zero success, it started to come to mind. What stopped me so early was that I didn't want to lose my V card to a *****, so I kept hoping and trying, but as the years went along I came across even more desperate. So at 27 I said fvck it and called up the agency, I even told them I was a virgin, they said no problem they have girls that handle that sort of stuff. Went to the girls in-call location, she treated me real well and made me feel on top of the world (you got to remember, I had never touched a woman's body before that, so it was great) It gave me a great boost of confidence really, it's tough to explain. Anyways, the one draw back of this is that I always used this way out as a crutch. Whenever some chick flaked on me, I'd always turn to the agency. I used it as an escape, made me forget about the ***** that flaked on me real quick. In turn, I spent a ****load of money, I actually calculated it out I spent $5,000 on escorts last year. Again, flame me if you will, but for me it was money well spent as it made me feel a whole lot better about myself and more importantly, instantly killed any oneitis I was developing. Knowing you can bang hot babes whenever you wanted is a very liberating experience.

Anyways, that's my little tidbit of info for you. You are still young, so perhaps you may not want to go down that route. At first, I felt ashamed that I lost my virginity to a *****, but that only lasted for a short time then I didn't give a fvck about something that people take way to seriously. At 27, I really had no choice anyways, as I was way too old to be a virgin anyways.

 

[andy1989]

Read these two articles:

http://datinggroundwork.com/virgin

http://datinggroundwork.com/sexbasics

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

Read these two articles:

http://datinggroundwork.com/virgin

http://datinggroundwork.com/sexbasics

The first part of the "virgin" article is a crock of ****. I did an experiment, I posted a profile on Plenty of Fish, saying I was a virgin. I got a ton of comments about if from chicks saying "you're so brave to mention that", "that's great that your so honest", bla bla bla, not one of those chicks would ever meet up, so I think it does matter.

 

[andy1989]

The first part of the "virgin" article is a crock of ****. I did an experiment, I posted a profile on Plenty of Fish, saying I was a virgin. I got a ton of comments about if from chicks saying "you're so brave to mention that", "that's great that your so honest", bla bla bla, not one of those chicks would ever meet up, so I think it does matter.

I doubt the reason they wouldn't meet up with you was because you admitted to being a virgin.

 

[ssj4halo]

I hear ya mate.. I started considering escorts when I was 21. I knew they existed from when I was 13, up here in Canada they advertise them all over the place in the phone books and classifieds, and I learned from an early age what it was all about. But I never wanted to go that route, but when I got to 21 with zero success, it started to come to mind. What stopped me so early was that I didn't want to lose my V card to a *****, so I kept hoping and trying, but as the years went along I came across even more desperate. So at 27 I said fvck it and called up the agency, I even told them I was a virgin, they said no problem they have girls that handle that sort of stuff. Went to the girls in-call location, she treated me real well and made me feel on top of the world (you got to remember, I had never touched a woman's body before that, so it was great) It gave me a great boost of confidence really, it's tough to explain. Anyways, the one draw back of this is that I always used this way out as a crutch. Whenever some chick flaked on me, I'd always turn to the agency. I used it as an escape, made me forget about the ***** that flaked on me real quick. In turn, I spent a ****load of money, I actually calculated it out I spent $5,000 on escorts last year. Again, flame me if you will, but for me it was money well spent as it made me feel a whole lot better about myself and more importantly, instantly killed any oneitis I was developing. Knowing you can bang hot babes whenever you wanted is a very liberating experience.

Anyways, that's my little tidbit of info for you. You are still young, so perhaps you may not want to go down that route. At first, I felt ashamed that I lost my virginity to a *****, but that only lasted for a short time then I didn't give a fvck about something that people take way to seriously. At 27, I really had no choice anyways, as I was way too old to be a virgin anyways.

don, I looked at your pic in hotornot or whatever thread you posted a while ago. You are white and pretty good looking(no homo). I see guys like you pick up girls all the time.(I actualy would be pretty damn happy to be in your position, your face/body waaay better than mine/staus) no homo. Of course now I changed and I am happy with what I got blahblah

When I got a pros that really did help me out. its true. We didn't have sex but I got a handjob and made out for a bit. It helped me to some degree I guess. I know exactly what you mean though. Before that for physical shiiit, iv made out with 1 girl and played spin the bottle with 7-8 HB7s for kisses in my freshmen year dorms. I was the newb who everyone in the floor liked for some reason so they thought it would be fun to mess around with me lol...

 

[Commandante]

I feel very good about other parts. I have a great family, am smart, graduated college, have a good job.

Hey mate, I really don´t want to be rude, but this doesn´t sound for me like a self-definition of a man, if you understand what I mean. If the most important in your life is having a great family (but not founden by yourself), being smart, having a college degree and having a god job (in this order), then you are far away from being a man a woman could be interested in. You sound like a little boy.

Moving from home could be a good advice. Maybe alone into a new city / foreign country. I think in your age it can´t really ruin your financial situation. Have you ever tried learning to dance in a dancing school? I mean not this hip-hop shyt but real dance? These schools are full of chicks ready for the "hide the sausage" game. And I can also recommend going to a professional. Paying for sex and loosing money on gabling is something you have to do at least once in your life in order to become a real man.

 

[GrimPhallic]

Matt,

I've noticed that different things work for different people on here. I've never had problems with women until my first serious breakup years ago when I signed up for this site... point is, anyone can get a single girl... but if you want advice on how to get girls, period, there are three things you need to do, and then three major rules you need to apply:

TO DO
1. Work out non stop, and eat like a horse (healthy foods). Start three times a week M W F, then build up to every day. Follow Diesel's workout guide in the workout section for diet, and follow strong lifts 5x5 workout (http://stronglifts.com/stronglifts-5x5-beginner-strength-training-program/). This is the MOST IMPORTANT as it will make you feel good, and will help you look better. You graduated college already, thats good, you have a good job. This means you have order in your life. Just add this workout stuff and keep it all in order.

2. Change your entire wardrobe. Chances are you have a sucky a$$ collection of clothes, sorry man, this is probably true. If you cant afford to spend a bunch on new clothes, go to Platos Closet... I get Reuhl, Buckle, Abercrombie, Hollister gear there all the time for 30% of the in store price... Dont be ashamed, its a great idea. I started my new wardrobe from here, and then buy new stuff now and again as well.

3. Groom yourself well. Use gel to spike your hair up, grow facial hair, trim your body hair and pubes lol.

RULES TO APPLY
1. DONT CARE! You will read on here that you should be the alpha male... this is true, but this does not come naturally to any guy. I have found that not caring got me there pretty quickly. Care only about yourself, period. Im serious, just flat out put yourself over everyone and everything (aside from family of course)... even friends. They may not like it at first, but they will quickly follow suit and you will quickly become the alpha male. They will be calling you asking to hang out all the time, so will the chicks, trust me. It may take time, but you have time as it will take a while to get youself where you need to be. Being rejected also falls under this category. Get rejected. Say things to women like you dont care. This leads to my next rule...

2. BE A D!CK!! Maybe the most important, if rule 3 isnt. The hot chicks like d!cks, period. Sorry to anyone who disagrees, most of us who have success with hot chicks can confirm this. You need to find a balance though. Start out always being a d!ck, then add your dj personality into it as time goes, and you will be the perfect balance of d!ck and good guy. The chicks always fall for this.

3. BE ****Y!!! This can be difficult. Just like rule 2, chicks like confidance. Challenge girls. They love this sh!t, Im serious. I recently landed a HB9 Psychology major in school for her PHd... I should get mad props for this... You know how I did it? Following these three rules to a T. I get called an a$$hole and d!ck everyday... but I get laid by those same girls lol. They act like they take it as a challenge to bring you down from your ****y d!ckheaded high, and when they cant, they spread their legs every time.

Oh a lot of guys preach rapport, this can definately help, but isnt so important. Remember its all about yourself. If you use myspace or facebook, just get a bunch of friends. Request girls all over the place, in the message say "I think ur cute so I friend requested you" or something along those lines. Then just get a bunch of friendly messages going with everyone. This will work as greeat rapport, then when you first meet a chick get her on your page and she will see/think you are popular. This is less important than everything else. Just remember, its all about you. Trust me in a few months of this, you will be very skilled in the art of poontang catching.

Austin

 

[GrimPhallic]

Oh I forgot to say once you get to the point of confidence, take a bunch of pictures of yourself and everything you do... with your friends and everything. Add those to your facebook and myspace accounts, etc. This shows you are confident, and women just plain love to look at pics so its all good.