Anti-Dump's Machine (Part 3: You BUY a relationship, not BUILD one)

[Pook]

Anti-Dump's Machine (Part III: You BUY a relationship, not BUILD one)

Anti-Dump says that guys who go into relationships with no guidelines of what they want, end up with the girl doing things the guy didn't want. You do not 'build' a relationship. You BUY one.

You 'buy' a relationship NOT build one.

It means when you first meet a woman she has to ALREADY have the potential for being a partner.

Take computers. You could build one yourself. I saw them. They are called 'kits'.
Very, very few people have the desire and patience to build their own computer.

But that's what most guys try to do in relationships. They try to 'build' a relationship with talk and kindness and gifts and flowers.

All the while the woman is not the sort of woman who should be IN a relationship.

A woman who is not relationship worthy will think nothing of dating you.
She thinks she has every right to. Even though she is demented.

When you 'buy' a car, you don't try to put a different transmission into it. You don't put 'bigfoot' tires on it either.

You buy it the way you WANT it to be. If it's not RIGHT you don't buy it at all!

If your girlfriend is not acting like you think she should be, it's because you didn't 'buy' a relationship.

You thought you were smarter than the Don Juan who CHOSE the right one in the first place.

My brother was looking for a wife, a woman he could settle down with. He started to pick and choose the women he wanted. With them, he would practically interview them. "Was she right for me?" he wondered (rather than thinking, "Am I good enough for her?"). He even gave out specifications on what he wanted in the relationship. For example, he specified how often he expected sex ("at least twice a week" he said. And she agreed! Later, he told me, "Maybe I could have pushed for three times a week!") haha. What this shows is how he BOUGHT the relationship. He put down certain things he expected, was even candid and up front about them. A guy with no guidelines of what he wants ends up getting DUMPED and BURNED.

Love is not like a courtroom.
Women are all guilty of NON-interest until they PROVE it to you by showing CONSISTANTLY good behavior.

Otherwise you do not connect.

No excuses, no cancellations, no run-arounds, no 'I'm not ready for a relationship' NO 'give me time'.

Love the way you want it or they must be weeded out.

Love the way YOU want it. Sounds great huh? Get used to it Don Juan.

Grow a backbone TODAY. It's NO to bringing a friend along on the date. It's NO to rude behavior. It's NO to "I have to check my schedule". It's NO to "give me your number".

You lead, they must follow. For a few months. Then you can get 'mutual' if you choose. That's "IF" you choose.

Protect the only part of your body that loves you:

YOUR HEART.

Relapse responded to this with his story. It is long but very crystallizing. It makes the point I've been trying to hammer for years:

Funny you should make a post like this today, AD. I was thinking of posting a personal testimonial and what you've stated relates to that. Synchronicity everywhere I look, some days.

A while back I posted about my fiancee breaking our engagement. That was four months ago - we're talking now, trying to be 'friends.' That may make some of you pissed at me, but she's the first girl I had sex with and it is important to me that I keep on good terms with her. 'Nuff said. But besides that I'm getting decent feedback now on what I was doing right and what I was doing wrong, from someone who knew me very well (probably too well). That, in itself, is very valuable.

What she has told me is that, in the beginning of our relationship, she wasn't sure if I even wanted a girlfriend. She said I seemed cold - which could be interpreted as seeming distant or mysterious in some ways. At that time in my life I was doing karate, doing great in school, doing very well in dealing with some personal issues, and I guess I radiated confidence. As time went on in our relationship I became less secure and less confident. In the end she broke my heart. She ****ed up, but I also allowed myself to be hurt. I wasn't protective enough of my heart.

He didn't protect his heart! This is a reason why you can do all the right things in attracting the women but STILL LOSE. Critics on Anti-Dump that he didn't focus on the 'attracting' part totally miss the point Anti-Dump was making (ANYONE can attract women. I was attracting women when I was even a NICE GUY. You can attract women all day but still get no where. You must filter them out). As long as I've been on the forums, I haven't seen anyone make the same points Anti-Dump did.

Now listen to what Relapse says next:

We were close throughout most of our relationship, except at the end of course. All along we had sex. But you know what? In the beginning, when she thought I was somewhat cold and didn't want a girlfriend, we had sex A LOT. We talked and shared of course, and that felt good, but we had sex A LOT. I got backrubs A LOT. She was a LOT warmer to me in the beginning when she thought she had to work to keep me. I got more of what I wanted when she wasn't sure if I was interested or not. When she found out she had me no matter what, that seems to be about the time that things went downhill.

Now that I'm talking with her again, and hearing what she was feeling and thinking throughout the course of our relationship (she held back quite a bit), I'm realizing that a surprising amount of what I read here about women is true. It doesn't matter how special she is or how much she loves you - she's still a woman, and women have to have certain things in a man to remain interested in them.

Now read the following very carefully:

So I guess the moral of the story is this: Be confident. Be satisfied with yourself. Be patient, wait for what you want. Be independent, not desperate. Keep improving yourself, keep growing, keep broadening your horizons, keep trying new things, so that you've always got something exciting about you to be mysterious about. Do not implicitly trust anyone - trust is earned and not given. RESPECT women, but do not allow YOURSELF to be disrespected either. Either call people (women AND men) on their bullsh|t, or get them out of your life and laugh as you walk away. You should probably do both. If someone hurts you, milk it for the lessons and move on as best you can. If you have to grieve, then do so, but don't wallow in it.

I'm starting to think the most important way to maintain a woman's IL is by improving yourself and respecting yourself FIRST.

Improving yourself and respect yourself first! Where have we heard that before? Some guys are scared of relationships. But the point is that if you are constantly growing, constantly improving, constantly living, then you will never become boring, always remain a bit mysterious, and you will always be interesting to her.

Anti-Dump makes this point to Relapse:

As soon as she realized you really loved her, her mission was over.

Women are love seekers. As long as they are looking for love in you they will hang in there. But as soon as they find it, they are off with another dude to start the process over again.

They must never be really sure as you found out. Say "I love you" very rarely in the future.

Make the woman WORK to get you. This doesn’t mean becoming passive or disinterested, it means going on with your life and if she wants to come along, fine, but you have some ground rules. If she isn’t consistent, then she is GONE.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Wow! Another thoughtful instillation installment of ADs Philosophy. These post have totally revolutionised my approach to women. Before I looked for girls who I thought were hot and pursued them even though they barely gave me the time of day, and some of them manipulated me a fair deal. Looking back on my last few years of misadventure, I realise I passed up two or three girls who showed some of these criteria of high interest. In future I shall look for high interest first, before then assessing their looks etc.

Just curious, what did Anti-Dump say about where to meet girls and find these girls with high interest levels. While I am at college, my course is male dominated, and my societies tend to be male dominated, and while I could join an aerobics club I think the girls would spot a wolf in sheep's clothing!

I just feel I do not meet a large enough cross section of girls to see a lot of girls with high interest.

Thanks Pook!

 

[Oxide]

I can understand why AD's idea's werent welcomed as much as expected. You see, this runs much deeper then the average talk on these forums.
Most of the guys, new guys, feel there is one goal for them : fvck as many chicks as they can. I was like that, and im sure every other guy here has too.

And so we read and read, we suck the information in, and go out there to conquer, we fall and if we are strong enough, we rise again. But really, we are trying all too hard.

As soon as a woman realizes that she had just met the REAL MAN (you!), she is going to be the one reading up cosmopolitan's and talking endlessly with her friends, trying to figure out a way to make you hers. She gets the same thrill as you do, when you chase after good looking girls. But the trick is to never let her think she has "Got you".

For if that happens, you are no more.

 

[B9]

Have to say that this is excellent stuff and a most welcome change from the 'get the pvssy!' attitude that seems prevalent on the forum these days (not that I mind it, but it is not my primary objective with women, nor are women my primary objective in life as it seems to be for some here).

I appreciate you taking the time to compile this, pook. Thanks.

 

[bp1974]

I appreciate you taking the time to compile this, pook. Thanks.

Ditto. Thanks!

 

[MVPlaya]

This is a great thread... I like these Pook threads. Who is Anti-Dump though?

 

[Nocturnal]

pook from what i've seen almost all of your posts have been focused on women. but I have a question. do you believe in the development of other skills (most if not all social ones) that might not relate directly to getting women, such as humor etc? from my point of view, you have to build everything up around a foundation of strong values and learned social skills (everyone learns them, but some pick them up more naturally than others), or you just can't have any kind of long term relationship. In the process of pursuing women, would you also work on overall social skills?

 

[Blaaaaat]

Strange, all the posts I've read from pook were suggestion to improve yourself. The relation with "to get woman" was, ofcourse, also there, but that is what this forum is about.

 

[drixsa]

You 'buy' a relationship NOT build one.

It means when you first meet a woman she has to ALREADY have the potential for being a partner.

bump this for my future reference.

(this stuff is awsome)

 

[Lifeforce]

bump

 

[S0LID]

Originally posted by Lifeforce
bump

NEXT, NEXT, NEXT

 

[LAWYER]

this post.... is a classic

 

[comic_relief]

Just what I needed to read.

exactly, I what I wasw thinking as well. I need to do some of the same stuff as well.

Looks like I need to polish up on Anti-Dump Machine this week.

I actually did "buy" my girlfriend as well. It was utter genius. I made her jump through the hoops.

The only thing that i need to make sure that I don't do is say "i love you" so much. I need to desparately work on that now.

comic_relief

 

[Interceptor]

Why do we keep doing things that doesn't work and stop doing things that do work? :crazy: :crazy: I've really made my girl feel secure about me in the relationship, I keep telling her she's the only one for me and that I don't want anyone else:nervous: :nervous: Nowadays, she doesn't even blink an eye when other HOT (as in hotter than her) girls come up to me to talk and hug.

Man I've turned into a big sissy boy... time to snap out of this pvssywipped state

You've given her the power.
She now has authority over you.

Many males feel the need to ecxpress initmate issues verbally, rather than through acvtins.

If you express your love and commitment verbally, it will actually not have the same force or power in her mind, and will not steer the relationship the way you want it to go.
In fact, many women feel that when males over verbalize their intents and feelings it's a big turn off. They feel you are insecutre, and needy for validation.

Very big turn offs.

Masculine Men are Men of Action. Remember that.

Leave the words to the women.
Now, don't go thinking that you have to be SILENT. That's not what I'm saying.
But you don't have to verbalize:

"I'm the most romantic guy you'll ever meet."

"No man will ever liove you more than me."

"I will take care of you and priotect you."

"You can trust me. Really."

"I will never, ever cheat on you."

"You have me forever. I will never leave you."



Blah blah blah.....

Blech.

It soudns counterintuitive.

But you know what this is?

The matrix, and all the programming you've been indoctrinated in.
It's not what women really want.
It's a paradox.
They do want this, but they don't really want you to over verbalize it.

 

[eyedogg]

Well said interceptor!

 

[comic_relief]

bump

exactly, I what I wasw thinking as well. I need to do some of the same stuff as well.

Looks like I need to polish up on Anti-Dump Machine this week.

I actually did "buy" my girlfriend as well. It was utter genius. I made her jump through the hoops.

The only thing that i need to make sure that I don't do is say "i love you" so much. I need to desparately work on that now.

comic_relief

*giggle* "Yeah, still working on the same stuff I guess."

This post is OLD from my second girlfriend and I suppose that I did with the little knowledge that I had. Now my knowledge of what I want is much greater. The newest girl that I am seeing I screened very effectively.

Knows foreign language? Yep.
Intelligent? Yep, grad school this fall.
Wants to travel the globe? Definitely.
Willing to move out of PA? Definitely
Intelligent thought provoking relatives that are not fvcked up? Excellent.
Knows how to bicycle? YES! (important for a cross country cyclist)
Ambitious? Most definitely
Would rather spend time outdoors than indoors? YES!
Knows how to play Magic the Gathering? Yes
Knows how to play Mario Kart? Definitely
Knows how to play a musical instrument? Three
World Traveler? Yep, Europe, Asia, and North America
- the list goes on and on -

Some of my previous relationships I just got into and it ended with utter bullsh!t. Now I am much MUCH more picky about who I let into my life.

I may not agree with all of anti-dump advice, BUT I do definitely agree with this post :woo:

- Comic_Relief

 

[goodlistener]

love it

 

[Magg45]

Nice site to learn many things. But it should not treated it so fake or negative aspect.

 

[GetBetter]

Hello Pook,

First of all I'd like to thank you for another great post! Your posts and now Anti-Dump's suggestions or advices are all too helpful and now are kind of making me believe that what I was thinking is right.

Pook, you have always concentrated on self improvement rather than girls; being the best in your own eyes, accomplishing goals that you always wanted to and just do what you like, right? And so I am doing. A sense of accomplishment and confidence fills up. Also, I am not afraid of girls anymore, know why? Because of what I started to think and now such posts of yours make me believe so.

I am not sure why but I have started to think of girls as creatures who do not posses much power but it is US, Males who are superior and better than Females. We shall dominate them and they shall listen! Females are now kind of creatures who are meant to be controlled by us and if they do not do so they shall be kicked out of our lives. Due to this I always have a feeling now that I can get any girl. Although, I havent made any moves yet because not many girls interest me now and those who do are usually older and whom I just have glimpses of while riding bike. I even use Kino( just small touch) and on girls who I talk for the first time and they dont respond badly or weirdly. I dont care either what or how they respond. I shall get what I want!


But tell me, is this correct? Is the way I think of girls should be the right way or not? I am curious; call this silliness but w/e.

 

[Krueg]

bump