Let's look at it from another angle, instead of blowing smoke up your ass..
The dynamic of your "relationship" was totally off here...(off = give it a name...toxic, narcissistic)
Both of you lack(ed) empathy for the other and this transpired to create a narcissistic dynamic which was the energy force in your
dealings. Both of you lack the ability to look at things from the other's point of view. This is clear from what you wrote. All the perspectives are from the individuals' points of view.
I was in a relationship with a single mother for 6 months, we would meet about 3 times a week.
I'm guessing you probably rushed into this. Three times a week was too much, way too much at this early stage.
This woman was all about sex and food. Not once did we have a meaningful conversation about anything.
Generally speaking, women can be quite childlike and may not develop their personalities fully. Why should they when the have daddy and men fawning all over them and praising them to the hilt on social media. A woman who has no conversation will blame the man for being boring (good at projecting ). We can use this to our advantage by self amusing : mock her a little for fun. Get her to talk about her self and her interests (food? Watch come dine with me/ Kitchen Nightmares. Cook a new meal together) this shows empathy, gets her to open up and gets you out of your own narcissistic thoughts. Tease her about her responses in a fun way (banter) showing humor..................................keep it light and funny with women.
why would you look for "meaningful conversations" with a woman (a woman you are seeing for such a short time). Have fun with her, You want meaning, go back to church, find a buddhist temple.
i was basically using her for sex.
Shows perhaps an immature boundary / scarcity mindset. Also incoherency in your philosophy/principles. On one hand you want "meaningful conversations" on the other you are fine with "using her for sex". Lack of coherency in your thinking.
She wanted me to meet her family and vice versa and because i wasn't sure where this was heading i was very hesitant in doing so.
Again boundaries. Sounds like you don't know where you are headed and who will head there with you. Sort these things out.
A week ago i had an argument with my mother.
Sort this out. Frame and boundaries. You cannot go losing frame with your mother. You will continually lose frame with women until you have this sorted out. You need to control your emotions (perhaps develop your emotional maturity ). It sounds like a codependent relationship : she knows how to push your buttons and you react. Perhaps you know how to push her buttons too. YOU NEED TO CONTROL YOURSELF AND STOP ARGUING WITH FEMALES. It's a losing battle.
Check out "nasty people" = It can show you ways of how "invalidation" happens and how to avoid reacting to it. (interestingly enough he mentions empathy too: if someone is being nasty to you , you can be sure that it's often not about you......they are just fvcking miserable in that moment!
Well according to my now ex, she said she couldn't be a part of a dysfunctional toxic family because her ex husband had the same problem and it clearly has traumatized her. Her family according to her is all fine, everyone gets along.
You perhaps took this personally (you introverted) rather than again, showing empathy, looking at where she is coming from and understanding this point of view..............failure to so puts one on the defensive.
So I told her that's how it is, if you can't handle it then we should stop now before families are met. And i said i've not happy about being compared to your ex.
You see? Lack of empathy and failure to look at the other's point of view puts us on the defensive and when this happens with both partners in a "relationship", a hardened stance is taken by both parties and you remain at loggerheads. This is your dynamic. This is your energy.
She cried and left. I shut the door behind her.
Hardened stance with anger. Never ends well....
To be honest i felt angry about her abandoning me just like that, but at the same time I'm not surprised either and feel relieved.
This is narcissism, the opposite of empathy. You only look at your point of view and put a subjective judgement on things (she "abandoned me", thus adding to the situation.
Did i handle it correctly?
Sure! Be aware of smoke being blown up your ass...
For your own growth, go through it all and own whatever part you can own and learn from it.
You need to sort out your childhood issues. (dysfunctional family : probably codependent issues, fear of abandonment, wanting to be loved but unable to accept it /pushing it away)
Never speak to a woman / whoever you are dating about these issues (even mentioning "my family is dysfunctional".
Speak to a decent therapist, resolve these issues. Be the calm island while the waves of madness are crashing all around you.
