Another nice failure(lesson) here/real chat convo included!

[xblitz44x]

Solid posts Jake. I liked everything you wrote. Just want to add a few things.

"She just wasn't attracted to you, bro. Face it. Nothing you could have done could have made her change her mind, and conversely, if she liked you, these "mistakes" of spending too much time together, etc., wouldn't even be "mistakes" because they wouldn't have fvcked anything up--IF she had interest in you, it wouldn't matter." -Jake Steed

Yeah that's very true. But I'm going to go further and say that I think she was on the fence about him in the beginning. It's like a girl that you've dated that is, "so-so". You might do her but she makes a certain sound when she laughs, or her face squishes up funny when she smiles, or *something*. You might see her a few times but after 2-3 dates you realize that THAT person isn't what you perceived them to be and that attraction just fades. I think it's like that with this guy. She though "he's alright, lets just give him a shot". Maybe she liked the companionship, the having *somebody* there (like you said, Jake). But realized that when it came down to it, he was still "so-so". There was never any *real* chemistry and anything that was, was just a misperception on her part.

"Something happened - for all we know another guy entered the picture!" -P.R.L.

Something *did* happen. The compulsion and attraction towards him wasn't strong enough. The little tiny things that he did dissolved the only perpeptions that fueled her agreement to go out with him to begin with. A other guy had nothing to do with it.

"There's a book out there called "Attraction isn't a choice!",yes it's possible to create attraction."

"Attraction is not a choice" is correct. But not in the way that you are thinking. It was created by David D. to instill false hope and give his newletter readers enough incentive to buy his material. He is right in saying it's not a choice. But that's where it stops. It's unconscious. It's complusion. You either are or you aren't. What fuels the attraction is how close they perceive the person in front of them to reflect
back their ideal of what is "attractive".

If they perceive the man to be MORE attractive...the man is given AUTOMATICALLY a set of perceptions (he's sweet, he's funny, he's caring, he's badass, he's this, he's that...etc). Those perceptions fuel the attraction. Again, the perceptions are FORMULATED by HOW CLOSE he matches what *she*perceives as ideal. As time goes on, the man's *true* self will shine through, and perception will be met head-on with reality. If they are congruent...if he *is* what she gave him credit for being in the beginning..your ego gets happy and attached to the source. But if the reality doesn't match what was perceived....the perceptions (funny, sweet, confident, etc) fade away and the compulsion dies.

That's how it works. Everytime.

Ya can be as confident, charming, funny, ****y as you want. If you do not match her 'ideal' at all, then there is no attraction. No balance. She will LIKE those traits in you. But she won't want to sleep with you. Conversely if you match the ideal...and possess the amount of 'masculine' that balances her out..you'll be attributed those qualities. And she will *think* it was those qualities that made her like you all along. Crazy stuff.

 

[Walldorf]

Hello Blitz,

"Attraction is not a choice" is correct. But not in the way that you are thinking. It was created by David D. to instill false hope and give his newletter readers enough incentive to buy his material. He is right in saying it's not a choice. But that's where it stops. It's unconscious. It's complusion. You either are or you aren't. What fuels the attraction is how close they perceive the person in front of them to reflect back their ideal of what is "attractive".

I know you covered this topic in a seperate huge thread some weeks ago. Maybe I understand you wrong, but I think you can create attraction, though in a different form than it is anticipated by Viking and definitely not by acting according to some rules. Acting following the rules just emulates having special traits but in reality those are not there (yet) and she will see through this after time.
But, and I think even destini touched this topic, you can grow. For example a case of onenities is always a good opportunity to grow, to look for traits she has, but oneself doesn't. This way one can incorporate some of these traits oneself lacks. Of course there are other ways of growing, but in general growing is just about becoming more human (and not human in a way society perceives). By doing this one will naturally attract more people since in general one will "aquire" traits which are widely perceived as attractive. In adition to the traits which are generally perceived as attractive (e.g. being truly confident in a relaxed way...) there are those individually perceived as attractive (not all traits which we think are generally attractive are necessarily so by "nature"). So by "growing" you can become more attractive to a lot of woman (like the "natural DJs" are), but of course there is no way you can attract all women. Some people just do not like oranges (they might change their opinon over time) but if they do not like them that is the wasy it is.

In the case we discussed here it means the following. Right now this girl does not think, that Viking is attractive. Nothing he will DO will ever change this. Nevertheless as a person it is possible to grow. So if the girl will met him in a year or more, she could be attracted since he changed, but that is not about anyhing he did but what he IS, or what he BECAME.

As for rules: For me they were quite important to change. I will not go into detail, but survivor had an excellent thread on that:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?threadid=30497

Anyway I think you and Jake are doing a good job here in trying to get people not to be blinded by their ego and not to lie to themselves. Or as Jake put it:

The first step to being a man is facing your failures like a man.

Kepp it up!

Wal

 

[Nightspark]

forget her and find another one... DONT hold on to her since she already has placed u in the "friend" basket...

there is more chance of u getting hit by a meteorite that ending up with her again or getting into her panties...

time to move on and find another one!

 

[FreeStyleZ]

This may sound like a dumb question but. Jake Steed, are you the real jake steed? (Theres no way in hell id know without asking). And if you are... i thought you were in jail.