I just thought of something. Do bpds and women who are just simply troubled - do they have a tendency to feel not satisfied enough with what they have? Are they more likely to get with dudes they are attracted they have high IL in the beginning but no matter what happens they lose interest and become "unhappy" over time no matter what the guy does???KontrollerX said:Yeah it applies to all modern women in general but this is pretty much standard operating procedure for a BPD always.
For normal women I say its an in general thing because sometimes though it is rare a person may have been with a woman who was of high morals and values who breaks things off with no headgames and no 6 month planning or trading you up for a guy waiting in the wings.
Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Sinistar said:...let's start with the obvious. If you're here reading this post then you survived one day - most likely your worst day. You know every day will have ups and down but they will trend better and better if you do one thing - focus on moving on and not looking back. Also, you're in your mid-30's so unless you are extremely overweight or have a serious health issue the chest pains are probably a 99.9% chance of being stressed.
Your history. Three LTR's isn't so bad. This brings another question. Were all of the back to back with little or no alone/single time in between? If so, then we'll know a bit more to help you out. If not, don't sweat this part.
Her history. From what little you've said she's still basically stuck in a very juvenile understanding of relationships because she's never been out of one long enough to understand what it really means. And she's pretty young - great for dating but maybe a bit too young to be so serious with. BTW, congrats on pulling a younger woman (unfortunately just not a good one for you). Most guys your age start chasing 42yr olds because it's easier.
This wasn't a LDR (long distance relationship) so that's good. And no kids is even better since this is over and one with.
Despite what another poster said, women swing branches in more countries than just ours. However, if you need to work out some anger by all means get angry - just take it out in a healthy way.
From what I can tell she was the prize and owned the frame in your relationship. When you look at it from the outside you being in your 30's and her in her 20's that almost seems comical (but it's not). As you get into your 30's your knowledge of women should be increasing and you'll find yourself starting to have this dull indifference towards them - especially their actions. You mentioned her being detached and withdrawn and you wanting to be closer. Duh - she had the power in your relationship and when she started removing the prize you instinctively want to get it back again.
It sounds like you have committed to this being over and done with. Can you take the next step - with no kids and no common living arrangements can you completely move on. Zero contact. Never again.
Then do as the other guys are saying - get busy, work out, eat right, do guy sh!t. I'll add to that - unplug your TV (I don't give a crap if it's a 60" Flat Screen). Then unplug from all the BS around you. Start doing things (again if you had given them up). Get outside everyday even if it's crappy out. Without walls around you some of the stress has a way out. Meet new people. Start learning why you missed all the red flags. Try to figure out why you are so focused on being in a relationship. Get some good books (self help or whatever). Ask lots of questions here but do me a favor and try to focus on questions that will help you rather than dissect her.
And yes, you did come to right place. If you can be honest with the guys here they will help you through this and help you unplug for good. You'll learn in time that women are not evil or devious they're just being women and acting like women have for 1000's of years. It's us who miss the signals, tests and signs it's over. Then we get frustrated that they didn't just tell us (us expecting them to be like us!).
ps. KX's post on how things end for women and branching swinging is excellent. Read again if you have to to match up the warning signs you missed so that won't miss them again in the future.
KontrollerX said:"This is for all women right, not excluding BPD's?"
Yeah it applies to all modern women in general but this is pretty much standard operating procedure for a BPD always.
For normal women I say its an in general thing because sometimes though it is rare a person may have been with a woman who was of high morals and values who breaks things off with no headgames and no 6 month planning or trading you up for a guy waiting in the wings. In other words she realizes things with you aren't working out so ends them outright. Brutal honesty certainly but honesty nevertheless as opposed to what you will get from the majority of today's women.
"I swear my ex BPD did this before we broke it off for good. We started living apart since we had internships about an hours away from each other but the last month she kept making me go to her place whether by school or her apartment near her job. I was simply tired and said no. she started doing more ****ed up **** like leaving me at a halloween party and i just went home. eventually all hell broke loose and she started fighting me and pouring mouthwash all over me and my place...im pretty sure the last one was BPD and not the sh!t test but who knows."
Wow yeah see I'm not surprised by anything BPD's do that is outrageous and just outright fvckin crazy.
There was a story just recently of a BPD in Australia who poured solvent on her husband's genitals while he was asleep and somehow this ended up killing him. Oh yeah now I remember she also set him on fire so that obviously had to of been what did him in.
When they asked her why she did it she said she was convinced he was cheating on her and the reason she gave for pouring the solvent on his genitals was she wanted to make sure his penis belonged to only her.
So yeah just a sampling of their fvcked up antics there.
You got off comparitively lucky it would seem.
Don't know why that matters, but as a point of information: The majority of guys don't end relationships when they should. They accept and tolerate a lot of nonsense, thinking it's normal, or are happy just to be there, are doormats, afraid to be alone, whatever. Out of that group, when they do exit, it's because they've finally had enough heaps of abuse.But what about guys, what do we do?