analyze this convo with a chick

[pyros]

I've been seing this 24 years old chick for 1.5 months. She's having a difficult time cause her parents are about to get a divorce, her ex bf still calls her, tries to talk to her etc, and she has to go to the doctor because she feels a weird pain in her stomach.

Anyway, I was asking her how she was feeling today, and I suggested to go to grab a bite in the evening...but..here is the convo:

me: so we should go to grab a bite this afternoon
her: er....hmmm.. I dont know...I do not want to eat in the afternoon
me: well we can go to X place at 22:00 then
her: er....hmmm.. I dont know...I do not feel like going to X
me: well...maybe we could have dinner at home and then we go for a walk
her: hmmm....hhhmmm....(20 seconds thinking...)
me: my goddness, maybe we should do nothing since you show that much enthusiasm...
her: no, I want to see you, I do want, its just that I dont know what we could do
me: Ive gave you three ideas already
her: yeah but...I want to see you but I dont want to go to X and having dinner at home and then meeting you...I dont know. We could prepare some sandwitches and go to the beach and eat them there for dinner
me: I'd rather eat at home and then we go to the beach. I dont want to have just a sandwich for dinner.
her: why not? you never like my date ideas (which is false)
me: me? its you little brat. Its you the one who doesnt want to follow my date ideas today.
her: well I dont know, Im sad that we did not agree...but ok...we'll talk later...
me: (nothing)


So, what happened here? I suggested three different plans. She had to think about each of them for 20 seconds just to say that she did not feel like doing that. Then she suggested another plan which I did not fully like, so we ended up with no plan, and she got kind of upset.

I think it was a frame control game, cause really, I suggested three options, and she just wanted to do HER option...right?

 

[jurry]

Next.

Say ok we'll talk later and see if she ever tries to hang out again. Are you guys banging?

 

[Kailex]

You say you gave her three different options. To me it sounded like the same option, just re-worded differently three times. It all involved getting something to eat. Can you do that on your own and then do something else... after the first time she told you not to?

I wouldn't even have gone past asking the second time, as well.

And even then, she gave you an option afterwards. She just seemed like she didn't want to eat but you kept insisting. Any reason why?

And did you really say this?

me: my goddness, maybe we should do nothing since you show that much enthusiasm...

 

[pyros]

yes, we're banging, a lot actually.

I gave her three options:
1. going for an icecream in the afternoon
2. going to have dinner at X place at around 22h
3. meeting after dinner for a walk

She just wanted to do HER option: prepare some sandwiches and eat them at the beach at 21h. She also wanted to go to catch some tan at 15h but I said I was going to the gym and after that I had to study, so I could only meet her after 20:00h

 

[Blackmesa]

@Pyros: If you do the same style of dates over and over it will get boring. It looks like most of your date ideas involve going out for food.

Try action dates, such as bowling, hiking, jogging etc.

Regards,

Blackmesa

 

[El Payaso]

You sound needy and pushy. You should have just suggested the first idea. When she said she doesn't feel like it, you say cool, drop it and leave her be. Women come around on their own time and your neediness and pushiness only pushed her further away.

If you had been aloof, it would have only drawn her closer. Learn to practice the art of indifference.

 

[GS750]

You sound needy and pushy. You should have just suggested the first idea. When she said she doesn't feel like it, you say cool, drop it and leave her be. Women come around on their own time and your neediness and pushiness only pushed her further away.

If you had been aloof, it would have only drawn her closer. Learn to practice the art of indifference.

This. Exactly what you should have done. I've made mistakes like this too.

 

[pyros]

I might be paranoid but see this:

I texted her to see if she finally went to the beach on her own. She replied that she did, and that she turned off her cell-phone because she needed to be alone. So she was at the beach for around 3 hours...'relaxing'.
Now she texted me to let me know that she is going home and that she's gonna turn off her cell-phone again because she doesn't want anybody to contact her and needs to forget about her problems.

Well... this may be true...or...she may be meeting her ex bf, and this is why she did not want anybody (me mainly) to suddenly call her or text her...

dont you think is pretty suspicious?

 

[El Payaso]

I might be paranoid but see this:

I texted her to see if she finally went to the beach on her own. She replied that she did, and that she turned off her cell-phone because she needed to be alone. So she was at the beach for around 3 hours...'relaxing'.
Now she texted me to let me know that she is going home and that she's gonna turn off her cell-phone again because she doesn't want anybody to contact her and needs to forget about her problems.

Well... this may be true...or...she may be meeting her ex bf, and this is why she did not want anybody (me mainly) to suddenly call her or text her...

dont you think is pretty suspicious?

Dude, you're slowly losing the script. You're caring too much and being too controlling and needy. She's off doing her own thing. You should be off doing your own thing. Your neediness is only pushing her further away.

She's starting to realize that you care more than she does which is never a good thing. Pull back before you mess things up even more. Stop all these analysis and wondering.

 

[Kailex]

By the way, she didn't really turn off her phone. That's just what she is telling you.

It sounds like you are better off moving on. It doesn't seem like you know how to separate the physical from the emotional just yet.

She should be the one texting you to see where you were and not the other way around.

NEXT.

 

[Willard]

You sound very controlling and needy, she said she didn't want to eat, you could have dropped it right there and done something else, she said she still wanted to see you. Sounds to me like you are driving her away and she wants time to herself because you are being needy.

Also you are keeping tabs on her, who does that, I don't ever ask the girls I date what they are doing when they aren't with me, meeting with her ex bf, you have quite the imagination, you have only been with her for a month and a half, how serious can it be between you?

Your last thread you were complaining because she dances and exercising more that you like her to. Maybe you are leaving things out, I'm not sure but all the problems you are having with her seem like your problems with insecurity and neediness, you can't control a person you can only influence them.

 

[pyros]

Im not controlling neither needy. Im posting this just because I wanted to hear some opinions. I do not give a fu-ck, but some weeks ago she told me that her ex bf still texts her, and she replies. Some days ago he was waiting for her in the street for hours until she appeared. Two days later he did a graffiti in the streets with a message for her, lame but true. After this happened she was very nervous and feeling down because she said that she did not want to hurt him, but that she did not want to go back with him, and that she was confused. Next day she was banging me like a maniac.

She is normally the one that texts me more, asks me what Im doing etc, so dont get the wrong idea. Today I might have been a too persistent, I realise it, it wont happen again. When I suggested the second option, I should have stopped, and go to do my own thing.

Anyway, I find it very weird that she turns off her cell-phone, reaaaaaaally strange, but Im not even gonna ask her about it. I just want her as a FWB but it seems she wants me for something more serious so this is why I did not like her behaviour so much.

Im not gonna analyze her behaviour anymore, neither Im gonna post about her. She can do whatever, if I do not like what I see, Ill just decrease my attention towards her.

Cheers.

 

[Kailex]

I just want her as a FWB but it seems she wants me for something more serious so this is why I did not like her behaviour so much.

This entire thread suggests otherwise.

You really need to keep yourself in check with this girl or you will be joining that guy and doing love graffiti together for her.

Everything you've outlined in here suggests that you are taking her way more seriously than you seem to think. Any FWB I've ever had, if after the first offer they say no... they better counter-offer or I'll find something else to do.

There's really nothing more to analyze as far as she is concerned. Analyze your reactions and the why of it... again, trust me, she SAID she turned her phone off... she probably didn't.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

The text convo was cringe worthy, why aren't you calling her to set up dates hangouts what ever you want to call them. Sounds like your onetis is killing whatever relationship you have.

This broads sounds like to much drama for me, emotional tampon with divorcing parents, ex bf pining after her, health issues @ 24.

 

[pyros]

This entire thread suggests otherwise.

You really need to keep yourself in check with this girl or you will be joining that guy and doing love graffiti together for her.

Everything you've outlined in here suggests that you are taking her way more seriously than you seem to think. Any FWB I've ever had, if after the first offer they say no... they better counter-offer or I'll find something else to do.

There's really nothing more to analyze as far as she is concerned. Analyze your reactions and the why of it... again, trust me, she SAID she turned her phone off... she probably didn't.

what do you mean she did not turn off her phone?
I saw her last conection time in whatsapp, so I know she was 2 hours away from her cell-phone, or it was turned off.
Besides, she texted me at night to let me know that she was at home and that she wanted to turn off her phone again for a while cause she did not want anybody to contact her...wtf? Then at 23:00 I saw she was on whatsapp again. Weird at least.

 

[yesplz]

Weird at least.

Weird, yes. Almost too weird.

 

[Kailex]

what do you mean she did not turn off her phone?
I saw her last conection time in whatsapp, so I know she was 2 hours away from her cell-phone, or it was turned off.
Besides, she texted me at night to let me know that she was at home and that she wanted to turn off her phone again for a while cause she did not want anybody to contact her...wtf? Then at 23:00 I saw she was on whatsapp again. Weird at least.

She TOLD you she turned off her phone. I can guarantee she didn't.

BTW, you can shut off Whatsapp and still have your phone on. And the fact that you are checking the times, shows you are too emotionally invested.

She texted you at night just to be nice, give you an update and then IMMEDIATELY tells you she is going to "turn her phone off" and then you noticed she was on Whatsapp again? See what I mean.

When she said she didn't want anyone to contact her, she was trying to be nice... but she really meant YOU.

It's not weird. You just aren't catching the hints. You say you want to be her FWB but you are acting like an overbearing boyfriend when she is starting to treat you like an orbiter.

PULL BACK, you are already losing this war.

 

[pyros]

When she told me she was gonna turn off her phone, she was around 3h without using whatsapp, and after this time, at around 23h she was already online. I dont understand why she did or said this, because, Im dont text her a lot, neither I call her a lot, we do 50% each, or I do even less, so I dont get it. But the fact is that she did not want to meet, and she did not text me after this, and she did not today...
and my gut feeling says that it is related to her ex bf, the one that follows her around, calls her, texts her, cries in front of her etc.

Today she went to the doctor at 10:00; now its 17:45 so I think I should text her to see how it went.

Anyway, she has several bad things going on, so if she looses interest in me, so be it...what can I do right?

 

[Dgwizdal]

You sound like a needy little b*tch and losing her interest after barely a month ha. You should be starting to beat this b*tch off with a stick. Be more assertive. Tell her what you're doing, don't suggest it. If she doesn't want to come, do it yourself and withdraw attention. Stop giving a f*ck.

You should be building and picquing her interest over the next 5-6 months and running her little hamster to death leaving her no choice but to beg for commitment. She should be threatening to leave because you are uncatchable and cannot be tamed = gina tingles on a million and THEN you give in a little before she shuts down emotionally. Instead, you are killing it with smothering her and neediness when all you have to do it not f*ck up and be game persistent.

Recalibrate the frame. Work on your c&f and actually being aloof. You are letting her see that she can affect your emotions and frame by her being a typical woman. You need to be an oak tree in the face of a hurricane; not being thrown off her lack of enthusiasm about your SUGGESTION. This of course is only a testament to other parts of your game that are lacking. If you were doing it right, she'd be saying she'll do whatever as long as its with you.

 

[IHeartTrance]

ditch her and find another girl :rockon: