An introduction and an inquiry for some advice...

[Zer0]

Alright fellow DJ's... I know this is probably my first post here and all but i really need some professionals to step in here and provide some advice/opinions.

But first a little bit about myself....

When i was in high school, i used to like this one girl (we'll call her Suzy). And it seemed like no matter what i did... Suzy just didn't have it for me. I did everything i could to make myself "better"...including reading every single tip i could dig out of this website. NOTHING worked. So... sadly... i spent the larger part of my high school career just watching as Suzy dated every single guy but me. Boy, was i depressed.

Anyways, summer comes and i finally get to get out of that stink hole and gladly away from Suzy. So here i go into college, a guy that's never been in a relationship.... a total newb.... a VIRGIN. But before i went to college i decided i would be a totally different person. No more Suzy. No more nice guy stuff. I was going to be ME. This time was going to be different... I'm NOT GOING TO DIE A VIRGIN.

Next thing you know, girls are literally flocking to me. I went from a total newb to having (futurama term) "snoo snoo" almost on a daily basis. It was great. And now... 2 years later.... guess who comes crawling back.... YEAP.. YOU GUESSED IT... SUZY.

So you guys might be wondering... what seems to be the problem then?

Well the problem is that ever since I've gotten into college... i haven't been able to find something or someone that will keep me wanting more. I've already lost track of all the women i dated and i still haven't been able to find something stable. And truth to be told... that's really what I've been yearning for lately...stability.

Ok... now for the complicated part of the story...

A close friend of mine recently broke up with his girl friend of 6 years. His reason being that he was bored of the stability. The guy literally just left IMO a really great and stable relationship to pursue a lifestyle similar to my own. (Guess it's true how the other side is always greener huh, lol)... and i'm here thinking "WTF".

Now ... I'm not one to swoop in on deals like this but i have to admit it's tempting and i have been considering it. The girl is AT LEAST a 10 in my book in ALL categories including personality and she seems to be able to offer a guy stability... which happens to be what i have just been in the market for. *BINGO*

We get along great and i have to admit that after some consideration (without my friend in the picture that is), i am attracted to her. But i seriously don't know what to do. I mean they just broke up and the guy is a close friend of mine, so i understand there'll be a lot of complicated issues on how to approach this one.

So my questions are pretty much how i should approach it.

Should i be there for her to give a shoulder for her cry on? (maybe some "snoo snoo" afterwards? jk )

or should i just wait it out... and even then... how long?

I was initially just going to pick her up my motorcycle this week and take her out. I wasn't even going to ask (usually when i tell girls to get on the back they just hop on anyways). But i'm seriously confused on how to tackle this one.... and i just found out I'm not really good at courting the girls my friend just dated. THIS SUCKS. HELP ME FELLOW DJ's!!! PLEASSSSEEEE

 

[ARrocket]

Yeah that's a pretty crappy situation there...

First and foremost: Will your friend have a problem with it? Your friendship seems to be important to you, and if it is, make sure he will be ok with it. These girls are everywhere, but your best friends are not. If it will bother him, stay away.

IF he is ok with it, I think that if you rush in and become her shoulder to cry on, you might get your snoo snoo, but you won't get a relationship. You will become a rebound....she will get with you at first because she is unstable and unsure of herself at this point, and will gain a lot of confidence through hooking up with you. But then, she'll think "wtf am I doing?" and will be gone.

So, if your buddy is cool with it, you wait. Stay away for awhile, and when she seems to have recovered, start doing your thing.

 

[Zer0]

so while I'm "staying away".... would it be harmful to talk to her normally? And by normally i mean NOT bringing up the subject of how she just got dumped.

 

[ARrocket]

so while I'm "staying away".... would it be harmful to talk to her normally? And by normally i mean NOT bringing up the subject of how she just got dumped.

I think it's fine...just make small talk, be a bit C&F, light kino every now and again. Let her see your sociable side with others though. Be careful not to get too close to her right now.

 

[DavenJuan]

Zer0...

first off, congratulations on bettering yourself and realizing that this site isnt just about picking up as many women as possible.

however..

i think there are a few things that should be addressed here.

IMO, i think that you are "settling" for this ex gf of your friends. you are comfortable with her, you know her, and you dont have to worry about all the things most people do when starting relationships. its as if you are "stepping into you friends place" its easy, its simple, and you dont have to do much work. i ask myself, if subcounsciously there is more behind this move you want to make than you realize.

im not sure what the pycshological thought process around this, but this is just the first thing that stuck out to me. there are plenty of women that you can find yourself with that isnt already there

another thing that sticks out is what type of women would this be if she was okay to "rush" into a relationship with her ex's bestfriend? not saying this is a bad thing, but there are to many "issues" that may arise from this.

you are in college brother. there are plenty of women to get to meet that doesnt carry such baggage and isnt hitting so close to home.

good luck with whatever you decide

 

[DonGorgon]

Humans are inherantly unstable creatures so one day we want an LTR and the next we wana be a single player... So most times se end up in an LTR and cheating...

The only time people really settle down completely is when they are to old to go out searching and viagra no longer works...

 

[Zer0]

Thanks for the replies guys. Appreciate it.

Daven... thanks for the suggestion about the many other women out there.

I just realized my mistake in my first post is that i made the situation sound like this is the only girl for me.

While i do enjoy her company, it's more of a bonus for me if i do end up with her. But it's definitely not a life/death situation to me. I'll live if i don't get her and thanks to high school...I believe I've experienced enough rejection to shrug it off and move on.

I just wanted to know how to approach the situation without making it all weird. Besides i think in the end, i wouldn't mind just being friends with her... i mean i'd rather have that than nothing.