An Introduction and a Request for Insight

[Mr.225]

I am new to the Red Pill, and to the forum.

I have read all TRM books. I find them as valuable and full of truth as all of you. I was awakened while married, (this year) and I would like the insight of the community here, if you all would be willing to make suggestions.



I am 39. She is 37. In the last 4 years, my career took a turn for the better, but I was struggling before then, employed, but not what either of us wanted. I am very hwp, I weight train 3-5 days a week. As far as SMV goes, I believe I am a notch or two above my wife. She has simply gained weight since we were married…about 30 pounds. We have no kids. We have been married 10 years.

She defers to almost all of my decisions in all things except money and sex (important areas I know). Long ago we both agreed (maybe an error on my part) that she seemed more skillful in record keeping and organization, so she “keeps the books” but there is a high level of communication about what is going on financially. All financial decisions are cleared through me.



I have always been unhappy with a lack of frequency and intensity in our sex life. She knows this, however, until recently reading TRM books, I have struggled to understand how she could be so into me while dating, but not once I put the ring on it. So now I know, but I am not totally sure what to do to make it better.



To complicate this, I am a Christian. As much as I believe the Red Pill is true, I also believe the tenets of Christianity. Divorcing her and spinning plates, is not what I want to do. Recently, I have begun to withdraw some attention from her, and I am seeing some smaller positive responses in her. Anyone familiar with Christianity would expect that she is Christian as well, and she is. She is not a bad wife, except for the bedroom. Sex is infrequent, starfish stuff, and she resists any attempts at novelty. From time to time she sheepishly concedes to wearing lingerie, but she looks like my dog when I yell at it, so that kills the mood.



Option 1

Divorce her and spin plates

Option 2

Tell her I am not divorcing her, but I am breaking up with her, and if we are to be together romantically, she will have to earn my affection. Then I can set out clear expectations for what will satisfy earning my affection. I think this is bad, because TRM says you cannot tell women stuff, you have to demonstrate.

Option 3 (Best Option I think, but I am not sure on how to accomplish this)

Withdraw affection and attention without overtly saying I am breaking up with her. (I am starting to do this, with some good results). However, I am not sure how to positively assert a sort of “new me” that she is going to believe. I suppose I could simply tell her I want her to do xyz, wear stripper heels, bend over, etc. The question is: if she refuses or complies begrudgingly, what do I do without the option to divorce and spin plates? Simply remove affection and attention? It would seem at this point that had already failed to secure compliance.



Question 1

Should I insist on taking the responsibility of “keeping the books”, so I am in total control of the family finances. My instincts tell me I should, but she does do a good job, she is respectful with it, but I worry that it makes her too much like a man in the responsibility it requires.

Question 2

She was raised in a home that drilled into her that men would “lover her and leave her”, so she was very inexperienced with men prior to me, and one hypothesis I have is that this socialization (or lack of it) by her parents creates in her a conflict where she finds men attractive when the act manly, but she is scared of masculine assertion, dominance, etc., because she has been conditioned to believe it is accompanied by desertion. Do you all have any thoughts on this?

For those who read this (I know it is a long post ) and who offer some suggestions, I would like to say that I really appreciate it.

Mr.225

 

[Bible_Belt]

No kids...why did you get married? Just to cohabitate?

The Bible is down on divorce, sure. I think the old testament says "God hates divorce," and Jesus said that man should not separate what God has put together. However, regarding marriage, it also says "wives, give yourselves to your husbands, and husbands give yourselves to your wives." She is obviously not being a very good wife if she won't fully give herself to you sexually. If she tries to tell you sex is evil, read her the Song of Solomon.

There are a lot of divorced Christians out there. I don't think you should feel like it is the end of the world if that happens. The perfect life has already been lived, right? You don't have to live perfection yourself.

I hope it works out for you. I'd say to keep all of your options on the table.

 

[lamath]

I am new to the Red Pill, and to the forum.

I have read all TRM books. I find them as valuable and full of truth as all of you. I was awakened while married, (this year) and I would like the insight of the community here, if you all would be willing to make suggestions.



I am 39. She is 37. In the last 4 years, my career took a turn for the better, but I was struggling before then, employed, but not what either of us wanted. I am very hwp, I weight train 3-5 days a week. As far as SMV goes, I believe I am a notch or two above my wife. She has simply gained weight since we were married…about 30 pounds. We have no kids. We have been married 10 years.

She defers to almost all of my decisions in all things except money and sex (important areas I know). Long ago we both agreed (maybe an error on my part) that she seemed more skillful in record keeping and organization, so she “keeps the books” but there is a high level of communication about what is going on financially. All financial decisions are cleared through me.



I have always been unhappy with a lack of frequency and intensity in our sex life. She knows this, however, until recently reading TRM books, I have struggled to understand how she could be so into me while dating, but not once I put the ring on it. So now I know, but I am not totally sure what to do to make it better.



To complicate this, I am a Christian. As much as I believe the Red Pill is true, I also believe the tenets of Christianity. Divorcing her and spinning plates, is not what I want to do. Recently, I have begun to withdraw some attention from her, and I am seeing some smaller positive responses in her. Anyone familiar with Christianity would expect that she is Christian as well, and she is. She is not a bad wife, except for the bedroom. Sex is infrequent, starfish stuff, and she resists any attempts at novelty. From time to time she sheepishly concedes to wearing lingerie, but she looks like my dog when I yell at it, so that kills the mood.



Option 1

Divorce her and spin plates

Option 2

Tell her I am not divorcing her, but I am breaking up with her, and if we are to be together romantically, she will have to earn my affection. Then I can set out clear expectations for what will satisfy earning my affection. I think this is bad, because TRM says you cannot tell women stuff, you have to demonstrate.

Option 3 (Best Option I think, but I am not sure on how to accomplish this)

Withdraw affection and attention without overtly saying I am breaking up with her. (I am starting to do this, with some good results). However, I am not sure how to positively assert a sort of “new me” that she is going to believe. I suppose I could simply tell her I want her to do xyz, wear stripper heels, bend over, etc. The question is: if she refuses or complies begrudgingly, what do I do without the option to divorce and spin plates? Simply remove affection and attention? It would seem at this point that had already failed to secure compliance.



Question 1

Should I insist on taking the responsibility of “keeping the books”, so I am in total control of the family finances. My instincts tell me I should, but she does do a good job, she is respectful with it, but I worry that it makes her too much like a man in the responsibility it requires.

Question 2

She was raised in a home that drilled into her that men would “lover her and leave her”, so she was very inexperienced with men prior to me, and one hypothesis I have is that this socialization (or lack of it) by her parents creates in her a conflict where she finds men attractive when the act manly, but she is scared of masculine assertion, dominance, etc., because she has been conditioned to believe it is accompanied by desertion. Do you all have any thoughts on this?

For those who read this (I know it is a long post ) and who offer some suggestions, I would like to say that I really appreciate it.

Mr.225

You should do the book yourself imo

The sex thing id go with creating some competition anxiety. Nothing overt just subtle change in behavior.
Go to the gym more, go out with friends more often etc etc

 

[Kotaix]

I don't see any issues with her keeping the books. If she wants to do it, let her do it. But every day that I live the red pill life, I trust my intuition more and more, if your spidey senses tell you to do that, do it.

I'm with lamath. Use dread game to get her to initiate romance or work out more. She'll be coming to you for sex if she wants to keep you around, it sounds like this is working. And when in the bedroom you should just step it up a notch and get a bit more animalistic. Grab her hair and give it to her hard once she's worked up. Don't ask permission, just do it. I've never met a woman that didn't love that.

Answer this: Do you ACTUALLY want to keep her around. And Why?

Ask her the hard questions, talk to your wife. Confront her and be direct. She'll respect you for having the balls to be open about it, the harder the question, the more respect in my experience. And moreover, this is something you need to do for yourself. Asking the hard questions is like a muscle that needs exercise.

 

[Mr.225]

No kids...why did you get married? Just to cohabitate?

The Bible is down on divorce, sure. I think the old testament says "God hates divorce," and Jesus said that man should not separate what God has put together. However, regarding marriage, it also says "wives, give yourselves to your husbands, and husbands give yourselves to your wives." She is obviously not being a very good wife if she won't fully give herself to you sexually. If she tries to tell you sex is evil, read her the Song of Solomon.

There are a lot of divorced Christians out there. I don't think you should feel like it is the end of the world if that happens. The perfect life has already been lived, right? You don't have to live perfection yourself.

I hope it works out for you. I'd say to keep all of your options on the table.

First, I married before I knew about Red Pill theory. So, I married for the same reason any other Christian blue pill guy marries. I did and do, love her, and I would like to keep her, provided the sex were better. As I said earlier, in a lot of ways, she is a good wife, but in this one big way she is not good.

The no kids thing is lengthy, but in short, when we were married, we were much poorer and there is a history of mental illness in our families that both of us wanted to avoid in child. We have the money and space now for a kid, but we are older.

Mr. 225

 

[Mr.225]

I don't see any issues with her keeping the books. If she wants to do it, let her do it. But every day that I live the red pill life, I trust my intuition more and more, if your spidey senses tell you to do that, do it.

I'm with lamath. Use dread game to get her to initiate romance or work out more. She'll be coming to you for sex if she wants to keep you around, it sounds like this is working. And when in the bedroom you should just step it up a notch and get a bit more animalistic. Grab her hair and give it to her hard once she's worked up. Don't ask permission, just do it. I've never met a woman that didn't love that.

Answer this: Do you ACTUALLY want to keep her around. And Why?

Ask her the hard questions, talk to your wife. Confront her and be direct. She'll respect you for having the balls to be open about it, the harder the question, the more respect in my experience. And moreover, this is something you need to do for yourself. Asking the hard questions is like a muscle that needs exercise.

I am totally cool with this approach. I am comfortable with confrontation (much more so then she is), but I think a conversation where I lay things out, how they should change, etc. shows a bit of weakness that she will lose respect for, right? When people resort to overt communication then that is, because they don't know what else to do. (TRM, no?). However, if I just change my action, and I start to get more direct with sexual requests (get on your knees, go put this on, etc.) she will notice a difference and she may resist. I have told her before, that it is unfair for her to expect me to lead, but then have her stop everything I lead into...if she does that, then she is leading. Of course, like the TRM says...female solipsism, etc. If or when she resists, (which is likely in my view), what then?

Thank you to all the guys that responded. I am thinking about some version of Option 3, unsure about the books issue, but leaning towards doing them even though I don't want to.

I am always interested in more insight from you all.

Mr. 225

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Could it be she wanted to secure a "Mr 225" into marriage. Thus once married the sex was no longer required? Deferring to you on all but the money and sex? Well your left with crumbs. She controls the power.

 

[Mr.225]

Could it be she wanted to secure a "Mr 225" into marriage. Thus once married the sex was no longer required? Deferring to you on all but the money and sex? Well your left with crumbs. She controls the power.

Sure thing. I agree. It is possible.

Although, I don't totally understand it. Doesn't she want non-starfish sex with somebody? She never leaves the house hardly, as she works from home. She doesn't want girls nights out, she wants to go out with me, and have boring transactional sex, not because she wants it, but because I think she feels if she doesn't have sex then we are in a bad spot. From time to time I get so sick of the "mercy ****", that I just don't. I didn't touch her last weekend--part of my new passive dread scheme.

This is where I have some trouble wondering how much her upbringing is causing some sort of internal fight in her where she is afraid of sexy stuff, because she sees it as a precursor to abandonment or something that comes with abandonment and that it is also somehow inherently gross, and bad. I think she might admit to this a little bit, but in 10 years of complaints by me, she has not been so bothered by it to change her behavior.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sure thing. I agree. It is possible.

Although, I don't totally understand it. Doesn't she want non-starfish sex with somebody? She never leaves the house hardly, as she works from home. She doesn't want girls nights out, she wants to go out with me, and have boring transactional sex, not because she wants it, but because I think she feels if she doesn't have sex then we are in a bad spot. From time to time I get so sick of the "mercy ****", that I just don't. I didn't touch her last weekend--part of my new passive dread scheme.

This is where I have some trouble wondering how much her upbringing is causing some sort of internal fight in her where she is afraid of sexy stuff, because she sees it as a precursor to abandonment or something that comes with abandonment and that it is also somehow inherently gross, and bad. I think she might admit to this a little bit, but in 10 years of complaints by me, she has not been so bothered by it to change her behavior.

She could be getting it. Or she might not need it.

 

[sazc]

"She was raised in a home that drilled into her that men would 'love her and leave her' "

This isn't going to end well....

Whatever you decide, dread game, laying down requirements, etc. It's ALL going to trigger her.

 

[Kotaix]

You're not wrong about overt communication being somewhat of a fallback, but if she refuses to talk with you about a touchy subject then you're never going to get any kind of response and it'll continue to fester in your mind, slowly destroy your marriage and YOU WILL WASTE YOUR TIME, which is already happening.

Case in point: I was recently asked by someone I've known for a long time if I was interested in getting together with her if we were both still single in 2 years, as a backup plan (after she just told me she started dating someone). I laughed in her face and told her I'm nobody's plan B. Then I finally asked her about the elephant in the room: Why did she date her son's uncle for 8 months. Turns out they aren't related (long story). HARD ****ing question, but she made it a point to tell me a few minutes later how she admired me for having balls to ask her such a question.

And coming back to the overt communication thing: Don't tell your woman what to do, just do what you want and see what happens. She might like it. If not... there's the door.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sure thing. I agree. It is possible.

Although, I don't totally understand it. Doesn't she want non-starfish sex with somebody? She never leaves the house hardly, as she works from home. She doesn't want girls nights out, she wants to go out with me, and have boring transactional sex, not because she wants it, but because I think she feels if she doesn't have sex then we are in a bad spot. From time to time I get so sick of the "mercy ****", that I just don't. I didn't touch her last weekend--part of my new passive dread scheme.

This is where I have some trouble wondering how much her upbringing is causing some sort of internal fight in her where she is afraid of sexy stuff, because she sees it as a precursor to abandonment or something that comes with abandonment and that it is also somehow inherently gross, and bad. I think she might admit to this a little bit, but in 10 years of complaints by me, she has not been so bothered by it to change her behavior.

The splakavelli could come to your house while your well put together and on point azz is at work.

 

[Spaz]

What's the problem with these type of women?

These are the good one's.

All she needs is some good spanking.

Anytime you're displeased with her, turn her over your lap and spank her good until she cries.

Then give a good loving soothing rub at that sore azz after she says she'll be a good girl.

Then smash her good and she'll be cumming like she's never had it before.

Now you're got a proper wife who will yearns to be spanked from time to time.

 

[highSpeed]

What's the problem with these type of women?

These are the good one's.

All she needs is some good spanking.

Anytime you're displeased with her, turn her over your lap and spank her good until she cries.

Then give a good loving soothing rub at that sore azz after she says she'll be a good girl.

Then smash her good and she'll be cumming like she's never had it before.

Now you're got a proper wife who will yearns to be spanked from time to time.

F*ckin hell man, I hope you're not serious? How far do you think you're going to get with that advice before you end up in the paper for domestic abuse? 30-40 years ago? Yea sure, you could probably still get away with that kind of sh*t. Now, you're a heartbeat away from a metoo moment. Seriously, please, whoever you are OP, don't listen to that, unless you are the one who wants spanked in jail.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

F*ckin hell man, I hope you're not serious? How far do you think you're going to get with that advice before you end up in the paper for domestic abuse? 30-40 years ago? Yea sure, you could probably still get away with that kind of sh*t. Now, you're a heartbeat away from a metoo moment. Seriously, please, whoever you are OP, don't listen to that, unless you are the one who wants spanked in jail.

He means playfully. If she wants to be that high and mighty they shouldn't be together.

 

[Spaz]

F*ckin hell man, I hope you're not serious? How far do you think you're going to get with that advice before you end up in the paper for domestic abuse? 30-40 years ago? Yea sure, you could probably still get away with that kind of sh*t. Now, you're a heartbeat away from a metoo moment. Seriously, please, whoever you are OP, don't listen to that, unless you are the one who wants spanked in jail.

I'm dead serious.

For OP this is what I recommend. He has what it takes to pull it off and profit immensely from it.

Both husband and wife will be happier.

If it's you, I won't recommend it.

 

[ubercat]

Ok first a credential I don't enjoy owning I'm divorced. I'm 3. 5 years into a m ltr with my current girlfriend.

I suggest starting with the finances. a couple I know who split the wife had stolen enough money out of the housekeeping to buy her own place and that was before the divorce settlement. Turning a sourish marriage around is a big undertaking with plenty of risk associated. You want to have your assets detailed and plenty of working capital money if things go nuclear and ideally a stash of your own. As always with a woman sell it as being more sensitive to her needs. you're working hard babe look a bit tired I should help you with that blah blah. At the very least take turns so she knows you're watching.

for the bedroom business I would try a gentle Sneak Attack first when you're not rushing off somewhere and she's just had a shower. Time with her cycle when she's ovulating should be more horny.

We don't need to get into what your repertoire is but there's plenty of instructional videos you can download these days if you want to try something new EG two girls teach sex. There's literally days of instruction anyone would learn something.

and if you pull a couple of New Tricks in the bedroom she will definitely be wondering if you've learnt them off some other girl you've got on the side so there's some easy dread game. If she fronts you on that just say I always knew that babe sorry I guess I just got a bit lazy.

 

[highSpeed]

I'm dead serious.

For OP this is what I recommend. He has what it takes to pull it off and profit immensely from it.

Both husband and wife will be happier.

If it's you, I won't recommend it.

Ok, let's do this. OP, take this advice, run with it and get back to us from jail as to how it worked out. Lol, can't make this sh*t up. Batsh*t crazy advice. Not going to work for him guarantee it. I'll eat my f*cking hat if she lets him do this and doesn't call the cops.

 

[highSpeed]

He means playfully. If she wants to be that high and mighty they shouldn't be together.

No, it appears as if he was quite serious

 

[Spaz]

Ok, let's do this. OP, take this advice, run with it and get back to us from jail as to how it worked out. Lol, can't make this sh*t up. Batsh*t crazy advice. Not going to work for him guarantee it. I'll eat my f*cking hat if she lets him do this and doesn't call the cops.

Only a select few men is capable of this and are able to get away with it.

It's the same with some men who goes around slapping a girls azz to test its tightness and then compliments her, with her blushing and accepting it.

While that same girl would scream sexual harassment if a man such as yourself does the same to her.

Like I said I don't recommend you to do this.