An Intro and some questions

[Mark1234]

Hey guys,

I'm relatively new here. I'm thankful for this site because it has opened my eyes to how women operate and the games they play. I'm 25 years old with very minimal experience in the field of dating. I've actually only kissed 3 girls and have never had sex, been close but not quite

I used to have very little social skills or social understanding but when I moved out of my parents house I began to learn, sometimes harshly. For some reason before I leave my apartment (studio) I have to do a yoga routine, medidate for almost half an hour to settle my nerves and if I don't I am a nervous wreck? I don't understand why, because I know I'm not in immediate danger or anything.

Has anyone dealt with harsh anxiety and if so how did you deal? I'm exercising, eating fairly well, not drinking or smoking, and have cut way back (pretty much completely) on my porno watching. Maybe caffeine is part of the culprit?

My next question was about religion but I'm not sure if that's allowed here?

 

[window]

you are on the right track as you are aware of your nervousness. I'd cut out the porn altogether. Keep up the meditation and cut out the caffine. Keep up the yoga. Pay no interest to the girls in the class unless they express interest in you as you are not ready for them yet. I'd give up the religion and learn to think for yourself. Focus on your work and how you can improve in that area. Also I'd read no more Mr Nice Guy as you may have been brought up under circumstances which promote excessive nervousness and social anxiety.

Hope this helps.

 

[Mark1234]

Thanks for the input. I have heard a lot about No More Mr. Nice Guy and will look into it. I'm glad I got a job dealing with people, it forces me out of my shell and really makes me feel better about my nervousness because other than work and gym I really don't have much human contact, which I'm not really complaining because I cherish my time alone too.

 

[Colossus]

It sounds like you have some some legitimate social anxiety issues. You may benefit from seeing good psychologist or therapist. I think a lot of it will be overcoming your fears, talking to women and getting more comfortable around them. Just take it one step at a time--dont worry about being a don juan right now.

Religious discussions are usually not allowed, but in the context of your story it's ok. We generally close purely religious threads because they turn into flame wars.

 

[avoidthenoid]

Check out meetup.com just to mingle with people in nearby that share similar interests.

 

[Mark1234]

I will check out meetup.com and see what it has to offer. It's weird, sometimes I can be really charming and fun and not nervous at all but sometimes I am really nervous. I've noticed cutting out porn has really helped me feel overall less nervous.

Now my religious question. I've gone to church off and on since I was 13 and I've always been interested in learning about a higher power. I recently stopped going because I just haven't found a church that I feel comfortable going to. I've got 3 visible tattoos that I feel may make some church people feel a little uneasy. I'm sure it's just me though. I still find time during my day to read the bible and to meditate and think about God or some higher power.

Anyways, have you guys ever heard of Billy Graham? I've watched quite a few of his sermons on Youtube and really love hearing him speak. He seems to really be a man of God. He makes a lot of sense to me and I was just curious if any of you guys have faith in a higher power (such as God) and find if it's a big part of your life?

Disclaimer : Not meant to cause a flame war just wanting some opinions.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I will check out meetup.com and see what it has to offer. It's weird, sometimes I can be really charming and fun and not nervous at all but sometimes I am really nervous. I've noticed cutting out porn has really helped me feel overall less nervous.

Now my religious question. I've gone to church off and on since I was 13 and I've always been interested in learning about a higher power. I recently stopped going because I just haven't found a church that I feel comfortable going to. I've got 3 visible tattoos that I feel may make some church people feel a little uneasy. I'm sure it's just me though. I still find time during my day to read the bible and to meditate and think about God or some higher power.

Anyways, have you guys ever heard of Billy Graham? I've watched quite a few of his sermons on Youtube and really love hearing him speak. He seems to really be a man of God. He makes a lot of sense to me and I was just curious if any of you guys have faith in a higher power (such as God) and find if it's a big part of your life?

Disclaimer : Not meant to cause a flame war just wanting some opinions.

Dude, religion isn't going to solve your anxiety issues -- fvck religion and enslavement of the mind -- you are a fire within your being and your life is for you to create.

Re; Anxiety -- I used to struggle with this -- sometimes it flares up when I'm mentally ruminating too much -- challenge it in microdoses. When you feel a situation that stimulates anxiety; push into it. Push yourself against the barrier. For example, if it is a person, man or woman, you are having trouble talking with -- push it and do it anyways, challenge your fear, try and do anything to initiate some mode of contact and have some form of meaningful interaction. I promise you, this cognitive re-training can take effect through the micro-chasms of challenging that interaction.

Don't get absorbed in religious propaganda. Sure love one another is crucial, being the best we can, crucial also, but be skeptical of baby jesus and the dogma that entrains him.

 

[jafyk]

Hi Mark, welcome to sosuave. For what it's worth I am a christian and I'm familiar with Billy Graham. Though I haven't watched him in recent years partly because I'm not much of one to watch TV preachers.
Of course there are many people who don't believe in God and will try to influence you to give up your belief in him. However, for the purpose of this site as a poster above mentioned it's generally advised for people not to get into religion simply because people have different views on that and it often starts conflict. Besides is this really the place for you to come seeking religious answers?

This site doesn't have full proof answers to all life's problem. You will come across conflicting advice at times. The general idea is to weigh the advice you receive here and decide what works best for you according to your personality and with your individual experiences. As you've learned as a christian while the bible generally gives a guide as to how to lead our lives it doesn't exactly tell us how to navigate the dating field. Not all practical knowledge are in the bible... as it may apply to our society today. This is just something for you to keep in mind. So, do try to keep an open mind with the advice you get here. You may also want to try things out to see what works for you and what doesn't. This is how you learn.

My personal advice to you on this site that will help you catch up faster is to 1) Read articles on this site and ask your questions but at the same time I would recommend (2) That you read the Book of Pook located in the DJ Bible link at the bottom left corner of your screen. Basically sums up a lot of things on this site and its premise is that if you improve yourself the type of women you want will naturally fall in place. It is written in mystical, funny style as it applies to our world today (3) Seek out Rollo Tomassi he's one of the few moderators who are solid in their advice. As you spend more time here you will realize those who offer solid insights. Oh by the way I was 24 when I lost my virginity so don't worry about it. Soon you will be looking back and seeing how far you've come. Welcome brother. Improve but don't loose yourself in the process.

 

[Desdinova]

I used to be extremely socially retarded at one point. The very thought of approaching a girl and talking to her made me extremely nervous to the point of shaking.

I overcame that by forcing myself outside of my comfort zone. I'd approach women, talk to them, and even asked them out. I'd get rejected, but the rejection isn't anything like I'd seen on television. I didn't get slapped in the face for it. Instead I'd usually get some line such as "I'm kinda sorta seeing someone" or "I have a boyfriend".

The best thing you can do to get over your anxiety around women is make some female friends. They'll show you that there's nothing intimidating about them and they're nothing more than female humans. Many of them will hug male friends that they're particularly fond of which will help you get over anxiety of being touched by them.

As for religion, discussion of it is generally not allowed on the forum.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

MARK, put an age on your user profile. Read the forum rules.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=127221

 

[zekko]

The best thing you can do to get over your anxiety around women is make some female friends. They'll show you that there's nothing intimidating about them and they're nothing more than female humans. Many of them will hug male friends that they're particularly fond of which will help you get over anxiety of being touched by them.

Just don't misinterpret the hugging.
Guys who have had little contact with girls can catch feelings when one of them starts to show them a little attention that they're not used to getting.

On the other hand, that doesn't mean the female friend wouldn't have sex with you. These things can get complicated fast.

 

[Mark1234]

I'm not 100 percent sure. I've taken the Myers Briggs test and got both ISFP and ESFP. After socializing I'm not necessarily drained but do like my alone time to chill out and reflect on the day. I do feel more comfortable and at ease when alone though and most of my hobbies reflect that (swimming, yoga, video making, lifting weights, and gaming). So I'm leaning more towards introvert.

 

[Mark1234]

Quick update here if anyone is interested :

I've been working at a restaurant for around 4 months now and before I would get kinda nervous around people but since working around people daily and conversing with others on a pretty much routine basis I feel like I can talk to anyone, even striking up conversations with people at the gym. I joke around with the people at work and feel a lot better about interacting. A lot of girls work there too and it has been good practice talking to them as well. Now to try and build some friendships/relationships...


Plus I feel more energized after working so that probably means I'm extroverted.

 

[Atom Smasher]

There ya go. All it takes is exposure and practice. Social calibration always starts with learning how to handle simple small talk.

 

[loco2chon]

Well welcome Mark! Me, myself am kind of new here too... I was very active back in '05 '06 then went MIA for about five or six years. I completely left my whole DJ Bible study and just did "my thing". Which of course didn't go well. Now I'm back, I'm also 25 and I'm ready to give it my all.

If it ever crosses your mind doing the DJ Boot Camp in this forum somewhere I'm down to do it with you. A few years ago I printed the whole e-book and had it laminated. I have it here somewhere and I really want to start doing it. We can do it together, I hear it helps with motivation.

Anyways welcome to the rough and long road to becoming a DJ! Good luck with your anxiety... When I feel anxious I just smoke... :/.

 

[loco2chon]

Just don't misinterpret the hugging.
Guys who have had little contact with girls can catch feelings when one of them starts to show them a little attention that they're not used to getting.

On the other hand, that doesn't mean the female friend wouldn't have sex with you. These things can get complicated fast.

Been there. Done that... -_-' If its one thing you can take from this thread, take this advice!

 

[Mark1234]

Well welcome Mark! Me, myself am kind of new here too... I was very active back in '05 '06 then went MIA for about five or six years. I completely left my whole DJ Bible study and just did "my thing". Which of course didn't go well. Now I'm back, I'm also 25 and I'm ready to give it my all.

If it ever crosses your mind doing the DJ Boot Camp in this forum somewhere I'm down to do it with you. A few years ago I printed the whole e-book and had it laminated. I have it here somewhere and I really want to start doing it. We can do it together, I hear it helps with motivation.

Anyways welcome to the rough and long road to becoming a DJ! Good luck with your anxiety... When I feel anxious I just smoke... :/.

Thanks for the encouraging words! I've never heard about the Boot Camp, I will look into it for sure and hit ya up once I read over it, sounds good!

Note : My anxiety actually decreased substantially since I quit chewing tobacco. I know it's different for everyone, but I think the nicotine put my nervous system into overdrive and really contributed to my anxiety, although I know some people who relieve anxiety by using nicotine.

 

[zekko]

Regarding tobacco and anxiety, here's my experience. I used to smoke. I found that whenever I smoked a cigarette it gave me a calming sensation.

But the reason it calmed me down was because my body craved nicotine because I was addicted to it. My body wanted nicotine and that would make me anxious. Giving it the nictotine (smoking) would calm me down. So it was both the cause and the cure for the anxiety.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Regarding tobacco and anxiety, here's my experience. I used to smoke. I found that whenever I smoked a cigarette it gave me a calming sensation.

But the reason it calmed me down was because my body craved nicotine because I was addicted to it. My body wanted nicotine and that would make me anxious. Giving it the nictotine (smoking) would calm me down. So it was both the cause and the cure for the anxiety.

Biochemically this is exactly what is happening -- as your nicotine serum level in your bloodstream drops, this initiates a stress response (anxiety restlessness craving) by which new nicotine in pacifies the stress response (stimulated by the dropped serum level).

So when people say ciggs calm them...90% of the time the calming and the anxiety are both the medicine and the poison induced by the very same catalyst (the cigg).

 

[loco2chon]

If you do decide to go on with the boot camp let me know! It will motivate us if we both do it together and give each other our feedback. I believe its in the DJ Bible section. I printed it a long time ago and had it made in to a book. . I found it the other day. I suggest you do the same.

I'm sure it'll help us with reforming ourselves...

About the Ciggs, I only smoke when I'm feeling mellow or down. It doesn't happen often.