An Intoduction and my story

[MtnMan]

Hey Guys. Let me start off by saying, this site is the $hit! Like so many others, I found my way here because a woman stomped on my heart and reveled what an AFC I had become.
Its been about 2 months since the breakup. We started dating when she was 19, I was 22. I was graduating college, and she was at the end of her freshman year. I saw this hot latin looking chick at one of our house parties and I went and got her. She was cool as **** and great in bed....

Fast forward 8 years...I own a house out in the mountains (my dream home) she lives with me, drives my spare car, is my fiance, her horse lives at my house...life is goodish, but she's my dependent, has tons of debt and only pays me $500 out of the $1700 mortgage..I have a good job, not debt, and am very happy and proud of myself and where I am by my 30th birthday.

The monetary issues keep creating problems. Her jobs pays like crap, and I want her to just balls of and find something better. I've done it several times, why can't she? At some point this tension has taken its toll and she comes home from work and says she's done. She wants to try and live on her own and be her own person. I get out my AFC playbook and follow it to a T. Cry, beg, you name it. Basically make a fool out of myself.

I was a wreck for a couple weeks, but started to get my head together. Went out and bought some new skis and started getting back into that hobby, and burning off that bad energy. I still felt like ****, still hoping we would work it out.

Then I get out my AFC playbook again, and create a match.com profile. Talk to a couple chicks who are 5's, then a couple 7's and 8's. A 7 agrees to a date with me and flakes on me a couple times. I get pissed and google "dealing with a girl who flakes". That brings me here and I go down the rabbit hole reading thread after thread here. That really got the ball rolling for me. I was ready to break free from that feeling, but couldn't do it. Reading post after post here is just what I needed to get on the ball and start rebuilding myself.

So here I am, now 2 months after the breakup. I've been feeling good and excited about life for the last week. I know I have a long road ahead of me, I'm an AFC for sure, but I know I can do better. I have kicked ass in my life in every area except with women, and I know I can improve that area of myself. I have everything I need to get chicks, I'm tall, in good shape, good enough looking (maybe 7 or 8), good job, have done some pretty crazy **** and traveled all over. People always think I'm interesting and chicks usually dig me AFTER they get to know me. Where I fail is going out and meeting chicks. I am a straight chump on that front. I have no game, but in just 2 weeks I have seen improvement. Just the little things, making eye contact, flirting with chicks like bartenders and cashiers and such. Just practice, but I can feel myself improving and it gives me hope.

So thank you guys for all of the posts, thanks for being that extra kick in the ass that I needed to get my **** back together and move on with my life. Its early yet, and there is still much for me to do to purge the ex. Her horse and dog still live at my house, and since I am a chump I have had trouble kicking them out since I know she does not have enough money to pay board for the horse somewhere. Is that my problem? Hell no, but its harder than it seems to be a hardass to her. I'm obviously not over her, and she keeps in contact with me. Over the last 2 weeks I have cut contact and completely stopped talking relationship with her, and its made her contact me more often. I need to man up and tell her the horse has to go, I tried once, she cried like a baby and I backed down like a b#tch. I wish it could all just go away, but its not going to. She stops by to take care of the horse once a week, and bring it food and whatever. I have resorted to making myself scarce when she is here, but that's not good enough. I know that to heal I must go full NC. I'm not even sure I would want her back at this point. I'd love to have a chick who had her **** together financially and also gave a great BJ. I'm sure they are out there. :crackup:

So on the dating thing, I live pretty rural and because I am stuck taking care of animals who live outside in the winter, I can't really go out to effectively right now. That will come in time. The match.com thing is kind of stupid, but since I had a profile, I reworked it according to a couple great threads on SS. Made the profile short and sweet with some vague but interesting things about myself. I took a ton of pics of myself and sorted out the best ones and put 4 of them up. That worked pretty amazingly. I have actually gotten a bunch of emails from chicks that I didn't contact. Several of them 5s or 6s, but a couple 7s and 8s. A chick who is maybe a 7.5 or 8 emailed me, and I summoned the small amount of DJ within myself and got digits and a date with 2 emails. She is out of town until next Thursday, so I couldn't secure a date early.....high flake risk for sure. But still positive feedback either way.

I know all that is wordy, but thats my story. Thanks again everyone who has posted over the years, and thank you google for getting me here. I'm looking forward to building up that one part of me that has been lacking my whole life.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Welcome!!! This site will open doors you didn't even know existed.
Stick around, read the DJ Bible and the book of Pook (both links are on the site somewhere) and listen to the advice.
You'll be a new man in no time and reaping the rewards.

 

[MtnMan]

Thanks for the welcome. I actually already read the bible. I am not kidding when I say within 2 weeks of discovering this site I can see small signs of my game changing for the better. The nicest thing I have figured out so far is that it really is a GAME and a challenge and I love trying to learn new stuff.

 

[SecondHalf]

Welcome. Grats on the new direction.

You have to lose those animals friend.
Her debt or finances are your not your problem.

You do realize that most likely her idea of getting her life together so she doesn't have these economic pressures is to find a bigger AFC that will just pay her depts and allow her to float through life as a dependent?

You're making it pretty easy for her to achieve that.
The final nail in this coffin must be driven in by you.
This is very important. It will be the turning point in your life.
You come first!

It is not easy, but you must. My self image changed significantly when I put all my ex wife's belongings in storage and started deducting it from chile support. She was only procrastinating to keep one foot in the door while she verified if the grass was truly greener. I closed that door, and so must you!

SH

 

[MtnMan]

Welcome. Grats on the new direction.

You have to lose those animals friend.
Her debt or finances are your not your problem.

You do realize that most likely her idea of getting her life together so she doesn't have these economic pressures is to find a bigger AFC that will just pay her depts and allow her to float through life as a dependent?

You're making it pretty easy for her to achieve that.
The final nail in this coffin must be driven in by you.
This is very important. It will be the turning point in your life.
You come first!

It is not easy, but you must. My self image changed significantly when I put all my ex wife's belongings in storage and started deducting it from chile support. She was only procrastinating to keep one foot in the door while she verified if the grass was truly greener. I closed that door, and so must you!

SH

Excellent excellent advice. I never underestimate the advice of a dude in his 40's or 50's (or older).

 

[MtnMan]

Believe in yourself brother. Great things lie ahead for you.

thank you for the feedback. I know what you say is correct, and it helps to see it from someone else.

The nicest thing about this breakup is that there was no real fight, no horrible things said, no nasty drama......The worst thing is all of what I just said. It means that I now must do the dirty work since she took the easy way out of the relationship. I even said that to her during one of my blubbering begging sessions. Something to the effect of:

me: "so you are going to force me to do the dirty work here and end it for real?"

her: "you are going to have to do what you need to do"

And yes, other people considering begging for your woman to come back....DON"T DO IT! It will not work, and a couple months down the road you won't want her back anyways and now you just have that image of yourself begging her. Ironically, getting over a woman for real seems to be the best way to make her want you.....

 

[Colossus]

Welcome to Sosuave, MtnMan. This little corner of the internet has been helping men unplug and find balls they never knew they had for years.

Regarding your situation, you have probably found most of the advice you need in threads and the DJ bible. I will second that you need to go full NC to move on. I see this problem somewhat often here; a guy gets with a girl at a very YOUNG age, they have a goodish relationship for 5-8 years, and she gets the inevitable wanderlust of a girl who shacked up too young and now has innumerable choices and options in this world today.

It was different in generations past---women NEEDED marriage and a steady man more than they do now. Today I think the #1 corrupter of women is that they have too much goddamn choice. There is no incentive for them to be sweet, feminine, and productive; and instead they can just be lifelong irresponsible brats who bring little and less to the table for a man of value.

You'll likely find that online dating is a cesspool of mediocrity, but sometimes it's the only avenue you have. Cast a wide net online but don't expect to meet any gems. When your life opens up a bit then get involved in social non-dating activities that will put you in proximity to interesting women 25 or older.

Keep reading and asking questions here and we'll help you however we can.

 

[disgustipated]

Man....I envy you and the fun ahead that's in store for you. You're in a very advantageous position, and so young! Good going.

About the ex. Few things. Relationships between men and women are transactional, its just how it is. Usually we provide our resources for what should be an acceptable level of sex, mostly. This for that. Right now, she still has access to your provisioning with free boarding of her animals. That would be fine IF you were getting something in return....sex. You're not. She's probably telling the guy shes fuucking or soon to fuuck what a sucker you are. Either give her a reasonable date to have the animals removed or tell her she has to accomodate you sexually every so often for it to continue.

Wanna see her TRUE character? Wanna really go down the rabbit hole? Do this. Tell her she has til next week to get them out ...no ifs, ands, or buts. Watch what she does. She may start with the tears again, stand firm like a rock...watch her then try to manipulate you with words, stand firm, then watch her true character come out...shell get nasty as hell. I don't really recommend that because I love animals and I like to be reasonable but its amazing the 180 turn they can do within a conversation that doesn't go their way.

 

[Colossus]

I second the 30-day animal notice, but only out of fairness to the animals. Not her.

Also I disagree that relationships are transactional in the form of resources = sex. That is way oversimplifying it for them and it absolves them of any responsibility to bring something more useful to the table. All they have to do is bend over or spread their legs? Weak. I expect submissiveness, kindness, some domestic skills, and an overall pleasant attitude...in addition to generous sex.

 

[disgustipated]

I agree totally. I thought those things were understood, didn't need to be mentioned. Sex is also a part of that as well. I mentioned sex in his situation now because what does she have to offer him NOW in return for boarding her animals? Respect? Pleasantness? No, sex...that's it.

And he may not even want or need that at this point.

 

[trent_afc]

Dude you sound like me; 6+ year LTR crashed and burned and I was devastated. It literally took me YEARS to recover, glad you're not making that same mistake. Focused my pain on furthering my career, education, and fitness, so I became financially independent at 32, masters degree, done some traveling, and pretty jacked. The mastery of women is my next goal, and I'm here trying to learn as well. I can't add to what has already been said above, I just wanted to show some support and say welcome.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Mountain Man,
A Man with the intelligence,personality and drive,to achieve what you have by thirty is indeed a great asset to this Site......With Internet dating there is a sense in which you are able to sort yourself out,know what you want....
By writing to different Women,you will have time to collect your thoughts when they ask the typical questions that Women ask in any social environment...Your replies will be considered,thoughtful...after a while you will have fielded most of the queries you are likely to meet in the Real World,in which your replies will flow like an actors lines,conveying a suave confident image,wonderful value in the Dating World!

 

[MtnMan]

Dear Mountain Man,
A Man with the intelligence,personality and drive,to achieve what you have by thirty is indeed a great asset to this Site...

Thank you for those kind words!

I had a pretty serious period of red-pill swallowing when I was 24 or so. Not sure what kicked it off. I was spending a good deal of time every day when I got home from work in the woods sort of meditating in a way. I had a spot that i would go and just sit until my mind started working $hit out on its own. I did this every day for an entire spring/summer/fall. Nothing I was working on really dealt with my relationship with women or other people. I was more processing the way the world works. I thought about how men used to (and still are in places) slaves that were forced to work. I started seeing the whole daily life rat race as a more advanced and intelligent version of the slavery. Everything works in unison to keep the normal man docile, distracted and uninformed. I went WAY WAY down the rabbit hole and it consumed me for a good long while. I obsessed over history, the military industrial complex, false flag terrorism, media control, etc. I went through a period where I felt very isolated like I had swallowed the pill and no one else in the world felt the same way. It was hard. I don't know why my woman stayed with me through that. I lost touch with some of friends because I just felt like i couldn't relate anymore. I didn't care about the things normal 20 year old people did.

Then I realized one of my co-workers who is a bad @ss 40 year old dude who is very deserving of respect felt similar about the world. We exchanged ideas and I showed him some things he didn't know and he introduced me to some new ideas as well. Then I slowly started realizing there were a few people around me that quietly felt similar. I got a new job where i worked around a lot of different places in the Caribbean and I met more people from all over the world and realized there are awakened humans all over the place. Still vastly outnumbered, and usually pretty quiet because of the ridicule that the sleeping sheep dish out to anyone with an opinion that challenges the status quo.

By the time i was 28 I had been able to come to terms with the reality of the world to some degree and started being able to find peace with it. I figured the best I can do is live and do what I want to be happy and not buy into things just because everyone else is. I was, and still am very proud of this process. I think it may have cost me a relationship and a few friends, but it gained me a tremendous amount of self respect.

So here I am now, ready to re-immerse myself into the world once again with a new outlook. I can have my thoughts and opinions, and others can have theirs. Now that I am single, I am ready to move onward to the part of my personality that I have never developed to my satisfaction. That is my game with women and socializing in general. I don't desire to bang a new girl every single weekend, I simply want to be able to pursue at my leisure and sample women as I please. I will likely end up in a LTR again someday, but not until I do a satisfactory amount of experimenting physically and emotionally.

Onwards and upwards!

 

[Vigs]

Welcome aboard. Sarge and spin plates. If you take nothing away from the board, take those two.

 

[MtnMan]

well a little update on my story. I have been enjoying life quite a lot lately. Visiting friends that I haven't seen in a while, got a trip planned to the Dominican for a week to just do as I please and hang with my buddy who works down there, bought another motorcycle, been skiing a bunch and socializing a bunch more. Had a couple chances to get laid, although I turned them down since both were chicks on my lower end of the spectrum, and I decided I would rather get nothing than stoop at this point.

I've been trying to work a few chicks with the online dating thing, although not really having much success yet. I think dealing with people in real life is far superior, even with my limited game skills.

I have almost finished the rational male, great read. I'm open to other book suggestions that are along the same line.

My ex and I have been in somewhat regular contact since she has been working out moving her horse, dog and cat. All of those are about to move on february first, so that will be good. I couldn't really no contact her because of these details, but I did shut off the emotional feed to her completely. Only business talk when we did speak. About the time I started being legitimately happy with life without her, she could sense it and she started getting in contact with me more. I held strong.

Here is the interesting part, or ****ty part, or great part. I guess it depends on your opinion of the whole situation. She comes over last night to get the dog. I was out of town picking up my new motorcycle, told her i wouldnt be home until 8. She made sure to show up at 8:30, mind you she has a 1.5 hour back to her apartment. I make myself some dinner while she is there, and basically brush her off but let her talk about her job interviews etc. I sit down and eat, she is still there chatting my ear off. Then the little devil on my shoulder tells me to see if my no contact and general aloofness has paid off, so i kino her some. Check out her new shoes, feel her calluses that she is getting from climbing at the gym. Its like I knew I shouldn't but it was fun to see how drastically the balance of power shifted from 100% her to 100% me.

Long story short, I tell her "i just need to do a little experiment" and pull her in for a kiss. That basically ignited a bang fest of epic proportions. It was pretty fun, not really a confidence boost of any kind, but still fun.

The strange thing is, in the aftermath I expected to feel like sh!t, but so far no. Still pretty much where I was before. I gave her a good banging too, hardly any foreplay, no romantic kissing, just a good bang 100% they way I want to bang.

I'm not sure if this bangfest swayed the power back into her court, but I think no. I have no plans to call her, just resume my emotionless state towards her and continue on as I was.

Thoughts?

 

[SecondHalf]

I'm not sure if this bangfest swayed the power back into her court, but I think no. I have no plans to call her, just resume my emotionless state towards her and continue on as I was.
Thoughts?

Yep, been there, done that.

The high lasts a little while, but what goes up, must come down.
Balance of power matters not. You've seen her for what she is. You know what she expects of any man she has in her life (service and resources).

For me, it set me back some and further jaded relations between myself and my son's mother. In the end it wasn't worth it, but man ... at the time I was a freight train and she was a well lit tunnel. Nothing could have prevented it.

Just remember the negative as well. She will slowly try to put things back the way they were or skip off and jump back into the new guys bed (if she has one). You broke up because things were ... broken!

SH

 

[sodbuster]

You see her for what she is... unfortunately MOST women are the same. Only marry if you want to raise kids, and have Family limited partnerships or trusts set up for your stuff first. Pre-nup may not be bullet proof, but THOSE are...

I've told my staff {when they asked why} "did SHE scrimp and save to get my financial house in order? Why should she get half?"

 

[MtnMan]

the thing that's tripping me up here is that she is legitimately getting her life together instead of leaning on everyone else. I honestly think she needed to kick her own ass in gear and it seems to be working. Good for her I suppose, I wish I had met her at this point, not all those years before when we were both basically kids.
I took life by the balls and I got wanted, and she came along for the ride. Now I only could consider dating a chick who has her sh1t together. The messed up thing is that my ex is becoming the chick that I was wanting all along. Whatever, should have kept my c0ck to myself. :crazy:

 

[MOTU]

MtnMan, glad to see another reformed LTR'er here... please do keep us updated on your progress. And having recenlty read DJB and Pook, I only have one word for you:
NEXT!!

 

[MtnMan]

well, may as well keep this going. Somehow it seems that my ex and I have become FB. I was real skeptical after the first bangfest that it was going to ruin my progress, but so far, so good. Still have a date planned with another chick thursday, been going out regularly and meeting new people.
The ex has been available to bang at my request, and she always accommodates. So far the entire situation has remained in my frame.

I can see this isn't going to be something that works out long term, but it seems to actually help my not-give-a-fvck attitude with other women. Life is strange. Problem is, i obviously still have feelings for her, and she does for me. (feels dirty admitting that).