An Ex - And Good Friend - Beaten By Her New Guy

[Maurizio 2.0]

How would you feel? What would you do?

I amicably split from a girl I had dated for ~6 months perhaps a year ago. I have nothing but good wishes for this girl, stayed in contact and continued to be friendly and talk with her after we ended.

She's been in relationships with two guys since me, and I haven't talked to her as much in the last few months, and as such I had never heard much about the most recent guy.

Get a text yesterday indicating something has been up, spoke with her today, and hung out with her for most of the evening. Her most recent guy has had escalating irrational jealousies, showed up drunk at her apt. about a week ago, coerced his way in by claiming to be her landlord - who she's friends with - and beat her up (...she showed me scabs from wounds inflicted a week ago). She clawed her way from his hold, ran out of her apartment and banged on all her neighbors doors as he chased her. Cops showed up, questioned the guy, and issued an emergency restraining order. He showed up back at her apt. a few hours later, and luckily the cops were still there. Cops chased after the guy, and even dispatched a helicopter with searchlight, but he successfully ran away.

The drama of the whole incident sounded cinematic frankly...

This isn't about either me or this girl wanting each other back AT ALL. This is about a good human being that I care about in a major way being terribly and frighteningly victimized.

To repeat the opening line... How would you feel? What would you do?

 

[Tiguere]

i dont have no pity for women who stay in a violent relationship especially in USA. WHERE A SIMPLE CALL TO THE POLICE CAN SORT OUT THE PROBLEM.

tell her to call the police and ask for a restraining order. then go NC.

 

[f283000]

What do you get if you keep talking to an ex? You will eventually get drama in your life.

And for you it means listening to drama about her scum bf's that she left you for.

She's been in relationships with two guys since me, and I haven't talked to her as much in the last few months, and as such I had never heard much about the most recent guy.

Get a text yesterday indicating something has been up,

So she forgot you existed for a couple months rarely talking to you and now that she needs an emotional tampon to cry on she contacts you.

Stop being such a white knight. You're being a white knight asking us what would we do in situations like this when in reality THERE IS NOTHING WE SHOULD DO. She ain't your gf, your wife, you're just her therapist/emotional tampon that's all.

If anything you should tell her to talk to the police, and you need to try to stay as far away from the drama as possible. The last thing you want is getting too involved and getting this guy to come after you now.

I know this may sound cold but you don't need this sort of drama in your life from a woman that left you for scum. It's like being used.

Your situation is very common. Nice guys keep talking to their ex's and the exe's use the nice guys to tell them about the horrible way her a**hole new bf treats them. The difference is she'll leave you for the smallest thing, but her new bf can treat her like crap and she will stick around.

That's women for you. Treat them like a queen and care for them and they leave you for the smallest thing. Treat them like crap and they'll stick around.

 

[Maurizio 2.0]

Wow... ok guys. Timeout. BE FVCKING BETTER.

I'm really dismayed at the the terrible conclusions that have been leapt to, the selfishness being displayed here, the misogyny, the instinct you all have to blame the victim. Seriously, you guys are acting like terrible people, you should be ashamed.

This girl is a friend for life. Not having spoke with her frequently over the last few months changes nothing. (She left me for scum?) For the record, I LEFT HER. This isn't about getting laid. Stop thinking with your d!cks for a second.

She's doesn't need to work on herself. She's a fine person in every way. Actually, great in many.

What do you guys think of young boys and girls who are sexually abused? They asked for it? Most people, men especially, tend to prescribe to the deluded belief that as people we're in complete control of our own lives. It's a fallacy. We can all be victims.

Ignore for a second that it was an ex and a woman that was assaulted. This was a dear friend of mine that was violently assaulted. I feel sad for them and a desire to be there for them emotionally or in any other way. That's what friends do. They're there for each other.

...this forum is turning some of you into woman-haters and it's not a good look...

 

[Naughty Ninja]

To the TS.

What are you getting out of this? I'm not talking about sex or getting back together.

You left her. She chose this person. She can't talk to anyone else?

I've had a few past friends female and male with the drama. There's only so much I could take of it and I moved foward with my life. But that's me.

What are you hoping to accomplish?

 

[JustWuzzle]

listen to the other guys

You will put your self in a situation you can't get out of. The last thing any of us want is you hurt or dead over a girl.She is just going to go back to the guy. Don't be the man we hear about on the news. I did what you wanted to do before.I almost got beat up by the and girl.Nobody is blaming the girl just her choices.If she stopped talking to you because of a new bf then you guys were not friends. I'm not a woman hater I put myself in harms way mutiple times. If this guy ran from police what would he do to you,think

 

[backbreaker]

play this song for her

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-sJXWL673Y

and hang up

She's doesn't need to work on herself.

Yet, she's dating reincarnations of Ike Turner

What do you guys think of young boys and girls who are sexually abused

I feel very sorry for them. But, this woman is a grown woman, who decided with her best judgement, that dating a dude with a strong pimp hand, was a good idea.

Law 10 ​

Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky ​

You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

You really think your story is "unique". It's not. The woman has shown you she has piss poor judgment. Do this.. ask her has she left the guy. I am willing to bet 100 bucks she has not, yet she's this great woman.


If you didn't want to **** her still you wouldn't be posting in this thread. IF she was a 250 pound slob would she be your "friend for life", hell no.

I remember I dated extremely briefly this girl in AA when I was in AA for like 2 months. I can say as a DJ, I did nothing wrong. I played it correctly. She was just, freaking crazy. Left me for a guy that she was more into. I wasn't mad, I cut ties. 3 months later he tired to kill himself and she had relapsed and I hear word on the street, she's getting trains ran on her for pills. I kinda felt bad, I knew the girl she was "(a hell of alot) Better than that. But she relasped what she sowed. People have to live with the decisions they make. And when people make stupid decisions like that, it's best to stay far away as possible. She called me a few times, for what reason I dont' know becuase I never would pick up the phone. When she made her decision I wanted nothing else to do with her.

You left her. She chose this person. She can't talk to anyone else?

This is what gets me more than anything else. She's a grown ass woman. Like she can't think for herself. Why does every guy think women are helpless damsels in distress that they just have to help and do **** for. If she wanted no part of him, she would find a way to get rid of him I promise you. Just like she found a way to get rid of you.

 

[backbreaker]

Amen Backbreaker. I think the OP is still in the matrix. His defensiveness is strong. It could only mean that his feelings for the girl is strong. I never understood the whole "female friend" thing myself. Hell, I would never post something about a non ROMANTIC friend in a DON JUAN site. Something doesn't add up.

not as strong as the BF's pimp hand though. oh wait....

 

[Noodles]

I amicably split from a girl I had dated for ~6 months perhaps a year ago. I have nothing but good wishes for this girl, stayed in contact and continued to be friendly and talk with her after we ended.

Ignore for a second that it was an ex and a woman that was assaulted. This was a dear friend of mine that was violently assaulted. I feel sad for them and a desire to be there for them emotionally or in any other way. That's what friends do. They're there for each other.

Okay...what do you want to hear? You've obviously already got something in mind and appear to be looking for validation, so what do you want to do?

You dated this girl for 6 months and haven't really seen much of her in the last year. How long did you know her before you dated? I'm guessing not long - this is a long term 5+ years friend is it? You haven't attended 4 of her last 5 birthday parties have you?

So if you're not long term friends, this sounds like she's using you. And that's assuming she's telling the complete truth. There are two sides to each story. For the record they don't bring in police helicopters for domestics without a requirement for arrest and serious threat in London. Maybe life is different for you.

But let's say you are good friends and she's being honest. What do you want us to tell you to do? Go and give him a good kicking?

You're not going to do that. Because if you were the kind of person that does that - you already would have. But you haven't because you're not.

So - here are your options:
1. Let her sort out her problems. She's a big girl and has already got the police involved. You can't actually do anything else anyway.
2. Go and 'talk' to him. Argue, and you possibly knock him out. She leaves him and realises you're her hero. You get married and live happily ever after.
3. Go and 'talk' to him. You know you're not a fighter - I doubt you've been in a fight as an adult. He's the same. You both look stupid. She stays with him and thinks you're an idiot.
4. Go and 'talk' to him. He beats you to a pulp. She stays with him and thinks you're an idiot.

And I put number 2 in there to make you feel better. It won't happen.

Let me ask you then...what would YOU advise someone that came on here asking your question?

 

[Igetit!]

I'm really dismayed at the the terrible conclusions that have been leapt to,

Well why do you think that everybody seems to be coming to the same conclusion? You think it's a coincidence? How can so many guys with different lives,different backgrounds and upbringings,who've had different relationships with different women,how can we ALL come to the same conclusion when faced with the situation you just described?



I'm no different. Everything the other have said is what I've seen and EXPERIENCED in my own dating history.

the selfishness being displayed here, the misogyny, the instinct you all have to blame the victim.

Ok,I'll be fair....I won't blame her for getting beat,BUT if she intentionally,ON PURPOSE chooses TO STAY in that situation,then the blame IS on her,and whatever future beatings or whatever else this guy does IS her fault.


There....is that fair?

Ignore for a second that it was an ex and a woman that was assaulted. This was a dear friend of mine that was violently assaulted. I feel sad for them and a desire to be there for them emotionally or in any other way. That's what friends do. They're there for each other.

Look....if you want to be there for her,then be there for her.

You asked us what WE would do.


Remember this...

To repeat the opening line... How would you feel? What would you do?

You asked us how we would feel and what we'd do,and we told you.

Sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear.




If this was the FIRST TIME she's ever been in a relationship where she was physically abused,then ok,if you think you can help her in some way,then go do it. But if this is just the latest abusive loser she's hooked up with in a long line of other abusive losers,then hey,I have no sympathy for her.


I have sympathy for people who can't find jobs,who've lost loved ones,who are sick in the hospital with diseases. These people can't just MAKE A DECISION and choose to walk away from their situations.


This woman CAN.


Again,if this is the FIRST TIME she's experienced something like this,then I'm with ya,but if this is abusive guy #15 she's been with,then put a cape on,draw an "S" on your chest,and go save her YOURSELF because WE WON'T back you.

 

[Diaforetikos]

If you were a real friend you would ask her why the hell she dated that guy. Show her what her actions are leading her to.

Then once you finally get to get your point across, let her make her own decision. She wanted to date him, and here are the results.

I don't know how you are, but I'm not one to see a piece of gum in my friends hair, and not say anything. That's pretty dirty. If she has a problem, let her know about it. Whatever she wants to do after that is her business.

 

[JustWuzzle]

Well why do you think that everybody seems to be coming to the same conclusion? You think it's a coincidence? How can so many guys with different lives,different backgrounds and upbringings,who've had different relationships with different women,how can we ALL come to the same conclusion when faced with the situation you just described?



I'm no different. Everything the other have said is what I've seen and EXPERIENCED in my own dating history.




Ok,I'll be fair....I won't blame her for getting beat,BUT if she intentionally,ON PURPOSE chooses TO STAY in that situation,then the blame IS on her,and whatever future beatings or whatever else this guy does IS her fault.


There....is that fair?


Look....if you want to be there for her,then be there for her.

You asked us what WE would do.


Remember this...


You asked us how we would feel and what we'd do,and we told you.

Sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear.




If this was the FIRST TIME she's ever been in a relationship where she was physically abused,then ok,if you think you can help her in some way,then go do it. But if this is just the latest abusive loser she's hooked up with in a long line of other abusive losers,then hey,I have no sympathy for her.


I have sympathy for people who can't find jobs,who've lost loved ones,who are sick in the hospital with diseases. These people can't just MAKE A DECISION and choose to walk away from their situations.


This woman CAN.


Again,if this is the FIRST TIME she's experienced something like this,then I'm with ya,but if this is abusive guy #15 she's been with,then put a cape on,draw an "S" on your chest,and go save her YOURSELF because WE WON'T back you.

I get it gets on me a lot but listen to him we are looking out for your well being. You will get hurt or killed defending this girl. Just tell her to get a restraining order. I really wish you the best don't get hurt. I want to add sometimes women lie to get you to feel sorry for them. My ex lied on me and told me that her ex (who she said she still loved hit her).