An awkward handsome guy

[HandsomeAwkwardGuy]

Hey guys,

First time post here. I've (25M) been single for about 9 months now. My last girlfriend really set me back if I'm honest. I became a shallow, apologetic and totally whimp version of myself inside that relationship. I allowed her to use me as a door-mat. If my college self could see me then he'd probably punch me in the face and tell me to 'wake up'!

Anyway, I'm not out very often as my home village has extremely small prospects for a guy like me. No females to look out for and the ones that are there are extremely unappealing. Once every 4-8 weeks or so I visit buddies in another town and we go out like 3 nights in a row hunting for girls. My hit rate is pretty good and I'll usually always end up getting sex at least once while I'm up there. I noticed this time though just how awkward and un-cool I found myself. My friends would be approaching women like there's no tomorrow and rejection didn't seem to phase a single one of them. I had to down multiple double vodkas to get myself going, and even with this, I became so hammered that I couldn't hold much conversation. In one of the bars we were in, my friend was talking to these three girls but the hottest one couldn't keep her eyes off of me. When he was out having a cigarette with them I plucked up the courage to join them. When I sat down, the super hot chick just stared at me and said 'wow, you have got to be a model or something'. She was so clearly into me but I didn't what to do or say so I just limply said 'thanks'. I tried to get something going with her but I think she lost interest me soon after. The point is, I'm not the worse looking guy by any means, but my conversation skills and personality lets me down sometimes. I feel so caged speaking to women. Literally, If I can hold a flowing conversation for two whole minutes then that's a win for me.

Have you guys got any advice?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hey guys,

First time post here. I've (25M) been single for about 9 months now. My last girlfriend really set me back if I'm honest. I became a shallow, apologetic and totally whimp version of myself inside that relationship. I allowed her to use me as a door-mat. If my college self could see me then he'd probably punch me in the face and tell me to 'wake up'!

Anyway, I'm not out very often as my home village has extremely small prospects for a guy like me. No females to look out for and the ones that are there are extremely unappealing. Once every 4-8 weeks or so I visit buddies in another town and we go out like 3 nights in a row hunting for girls. My hit rate is pretty good and I'll usually always end up getting sex at least once while I'm up there. I noticed this time though just how awkward and un-cool I found myself. My friends would be approaching women like there's no tomorrow and rejection didn't seem to phase a single one of them. I had to down multiple double vodkas to get myself going, and even with this, I became so hammered that I couldn't hold much conversation. In one of the bars we were in, my friend was talking to these three girls but the hottest one couldn't keep her eyes off of me. When he was out having a cigarette with them I plucked up the courage to join them. When I sat down, the super hot chick just stared at me and said 'wow, you have got to be a model or something'. She was so clearly into me but I didn't what to do or say so I just limply said 'thanks'. I tried to get something going with her but I think she lost interest me soon after. The point is, I'm not the worse looking guy by any means, but my conversation skills and personality lets me down sometimes. I feel so caged speaking to women. Literally, If I can hold a flowing conversation for two whole minutes then that's a win for me.

Have you guys got any advice?

Your convo with others will flow well once you get ONE that your confidence is good with. Because youll become outcome independent. B

 

[HandsomeAwkwardGuy]

Your convo with others will flow well once you get ONE that your confidence is good with. Because youll become outcome independent. B

Thank you for your reply!

 

[Serenity]

I sat down, the super hot chick just stared at me and said 'wow, you have got to be a model or something'. She was so clearly into me but I didn't what to do or say so I just limply said 'thanks'.

If you can't come up with something witty on the spot then "thanks" is your best bet. How you accept a compliment matters though, if you said it in a limply manner it projects your lack of confidence quite clearly to the socially experienced. If you instead smile warmly while you say thanks it will give an entirely different impression.

While I've never been said to look like a model, I do look handsome enough. I can relate to your situation somewhat, little trouble in the looks department but I had a stifled personality. Didn't know how to carry a conversation, worried about how to carry a conversation and freezing up under the ever increasing pressure.

You have to rid your mind of this worry, but what comes first? Having a good conversation to ease the worry or easing the worry to have a good conversation? Notice that one of those options are actually within your control, you can ease the worry. A worry happens inside your head, it will grab a good portion of your attention and that will disable you from fully engaging in a conversation. One thing you can do about it is to direct your attention away from your own thoughts, preferably to your external surroundings. Really observe, listen and take in the environment. Catch yourself when your attention drifts inwards as it undoubtedly will when you start practicing this, gently direct it to something external again. When a woman speaks to you give it your full attention, do not analyze your thoughts, speak what your mind serves you.

That's self trust, that is precisely what confidence is. You simply trust that your mind will automatically serve you a reply. You can analyze it all later, when you're alone, but when with others you should stay in the moment.

It's a leap of faith, but I never regretted it and neither do I think you will. If you happen to say something you realize is dumb after you said it then don't panic, trust that your mind will serve you the solution and let it flow out of you.

 

[HandsomeAwkwardGuy]

Wow, thanks so much for that detailed answer. What an amazing definition of confidence! I'll likely use that myself in the future.

 

[sosousage]

Hey guys,

First time post here. I've (25M) been single for about 9 months now. My last girlfriend really set me back if I'm honest. I became a shallow, apologetic and totally whimp version of myself inside that relationship. I allowed her to use me as a door-mat. If my college self could see me then he'd probably punch me in the face and tell me to 'wake up'!

Anyway, I'm not out very often as my home village has extremely small prospects for a guy like me. No females to look out for and the ones that are there are extremely unappealing. Once every 4-8 weeks or so I visit buddies in another town and we go out like 3 nights in a row hunting for girls. My hit rate is pretty good and I'll usually always end up getting sex at least once while I'm up there. I noticed this time though just how awkward and un-cool I found myself. My friends would be approaching women like there's no tomorrow and rejection didn't seem to phase a single one of them. I had to down multiple double vodkas to get myself going, and even with this, I became so hammered that I couldn't hold much conversation. In one of the bars we were in, my friend was talking to these three girls but the hottest one couldn't keep her eyes off of me. When he was out having a cigarette with them I plucked up the courage to join them. When I sat down, the super hot chick just stared at me and said 'wow, you have got to be a model or something'. She was so clearly into me but I didn't what to do or say so I just limply said 'thanks'. I tried to get something going with her but I think she lost interest me soon after. The point is, I'm not the worse looking guy by any means, but my conversation skills and personality lets me down sometimes. I feel so caged speaking to women. Literally, If I can hold a flowing conversation for two whole minutes then that's a win for me.

Have you guys got any advice?

DUDE imlike you ! im also 25 and handsome