An almost successful field report

[crowolf]

Saturday night. Hanging out with my wingman. It's around 8pm and we are doing a last walk around the center. Then I spot a cute solo tourist Asian woman. After some hesitation, I approached her. I told her that she looked nice and I came to meet her. She responded positively. We talked for less than 5 minutes and I said "it's cold, let's walk for a bit", while pointing in the direction she was already walking before I stopped her (it was my direction too). She hesitated for a second but I calibrated with "..for 2-3 minutes", and she said "okay". We ended up walking and talking for maybe 10 minutes. I playfully teased, challenged and spiked her whenever there was a chance to do so.

At one point I caught myself asking too much questions, so I calmed down, and allowed some silence to fill in the atmosphere. Then she started asking me questions. We arrived at a point where I had to catch my tram, and she had to turn left to arrive at her hotel (the next day it turned out it was a hostel). I was waiting for my tram and she decided to stay with me. She was hooked.

I thought about bouncing her elsewhere. But earlier she said she doesn't drink. And it was too cold to go to the park next to my place. I said that I am hungry so I planted the idea of going to eat something, but she had just ate right before I met her. She told me she is here for only 2 days. Mentioned it maybe twice. My tram was arriving so I got her number, and we hugged for goodbye.

I had the idea that maybe after I eat at home, we can arrange something spontaneous the same evening. So about 30+ minutes later I texted her. Soon she replied, and even offered me to meet the next day for a dinner before her flight. Sounds good, except at first I thought that she was testing me to fill in the "provider" role and invite her to a restaurant date. I said that I have some things to do during the day but I'm free after 6 pm. And I inquired "what type of foods do u like" in order to gather more information about her intentions. The next morning she replied "anything, I rely on your good recommendations".

I planted the seed of "I recommend you my spaghetti. but depends on the mood, let's see". She replies "you are in charge, so okay". Another green light. Then we arrange the meeting, as she was travelling out of town, and I also had some tasks during the day. Later she had to wait for me at some coffee. I told her "bonus points if you are near the university (that's my region)". Some 20 minutes later she sends me location of the coffee, and surprisingly it is 5 min. away from the university, haha. But for whatever reason my ideas contradicted, as I wanted to walk around the center and show her something interesting there.

So I took her from the coffee and we went for a walk. I showed her some interesting places, and we talked on all types of subjects. I'd say we had good chemistry in terms of presence and company. But not a lot of sexual tension was built during the time we were together (around 2,5 hours in total). At some point we were both hungry, and it was time to go for the spaghetti. I live ~20 min. away from the center, and we walked there. I usually walk slow, so it looked much far away than it should have been. A few times she asked how much longer do we have, and I said "600-700 m.", then "2 minutes". It was almost accurate.

Then we arrived at my place, went up, entered in. We sat on the bed, and I put up music on my laptop. She had around 40 min. left before she had to go. I boiled the water, and started preparing the meal. We talked while seated on the bed with some distance between us. It wasn't uncomfortable, maybe at the beginning for her, but it got better with time. But for some reason I didn't close the distance. Didn't try any escalations. I touched her hand and arm on a few occasions. Her reaction was rather positive (semi-freezing and looking me lowkey submissively with her big eyes).

However, when it was her time to go, I didn't even get to hug her. For a slight moment she stayed there maybe expecting me to go for the kiss or do something but I didn't. This I regret. Now looking back I should have reached my hand forward for her to grab me, then pull her in, and take action. Or tell her "one last thing before you go. come here...".

In conclusion, we had a good time, and I don't think rushing into things would have been a good idea anyway, but I need to start risking with going for the kiss and doing more physical escalation. Maybe I focus too much on the conversation and connection, but not enough on the real action. Even if in my mind the "real action" is better when there is a connection before it...

Also I am wondering if she is disappointed that I start like a seducer but then don't fulfill her fantasies of a wild s3x with a semi-stranger happening. She had high interest, too... The thing is, I need to get in a certain mood to be horny and sexual. And maybe 2 hours of chit-chat isn't enough for it. She was also overdressed, so all I got to be attracted by was her face. Or maybe all of these are bs excuses for why I didn't even go for the kiss. However, If she had more time, it is almost sure that we would end up laying together and being more close, doing stuff... Maybe if I didn't screw my logistics by walking earlier.

If you have some ideas or feedback, I'd like to hear your thoughts.

 

[Solomon]

The girl was only there for 2 days and came back to your place, obviously you already realized you should have escalated, with a situation like that that's the only thing to do, but good job on the other stuff

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

The girl was only there for 2 days and came back to your place, obviously you already realized you should have escalated, with a situation like that that's the only thing to do, but good job on the other stuff

Pretty much.

Your lack of escalation was the only "error."

You were never going to see her again anyway, (and she was probably thinking the same thing) so you might have well gone for broke.

Also, maybe spend a bit less time worrying about her perception of whatever you're doing.

Just charge full speed ahead doing whatever you want to do for whatever reason, within the context of leading the engagement.

 

[Serenity]

I think the thing I'd change here is to let water keep on boiling while being balls deep in her for that limited time.

She came to your place right before leaving, the only reason I can see for her doing that would be for something exciting to happen. I don't think your spaghetti was the exciting thing she actually came for.

 

[crowolf]

I think the thing I'd change here is to let water keep on boiling while being balls deep in her for that limited time.

She came to your place right before leaving, the only reason I can see for her doing that would be for something exciting to happen. I don't think your spaghetti was the exciting thing she actually came for.

Haha. You might be right. However, I believe there should be a build-up for that. Can’t just let her in and jump on her. I mean it’s a possible scenario but here the vibe was different.

 

[BPH]

First of all, I'm amazed that this interaction went as well as it did...

Imagine being this girl; you're a tourist, by yourself, at night, approached by 2 men, who then ask to walk with her wherever she's going...holy hell, it's easy to see why she hesitated.

Anyway, I want to address this:

Some 20 minutes later she sends me location of the coffee, and surprisingly it is 5 min. away from the university, haha. But for whatever reason my ideas contradicted, as I wanted to walk around the center and show her something interesting there.

So I took her from the coffee and we went for a walk. I showed her some interesting places, and we talked on all types of subjects. I'd say we had good chemistry in terms of presence and company. But not a lot of sexual tension was built during the time we were together (around 2,5 hours in total).

She had around 40 min. left before she had to go.

What is this? She agreed to dinner at your place, so instead of meeting her at the coffee place and walking to yours, you decide to spend 2 and a half hours walking around?

I quoted the fact that she had 40 minutes left because she either A. informed you of her curfew before the date, in which case you wasted a ton of time walking around, or B. she established this cutoff because she had obligations she told you about/didn't want to stay over late for a hookup.

You can't do much about B, but if it were A I have no idea why you didn't spend all that time at your place getting comfortable.

Everybody already mentioned how you should've escalated, and you know that too. There is never a "perfect moment", you have to make things happen because she's not going to be the one leading the interaction.

I'd really like to know why you wasted so much time though.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I think you could have slept with her, but your logistics were all over the place. I doubt anything significant could have happened during the 20 minutes she visited. However, you could have arranged things to give yourself more time by being a bit more assertive at the beginning, but that’s water under the bridge. Good job on approaching her and building rapport.

Next time you have someone at your home, instead of focusing on your own insecurities and doubts, try to cultivate a sense of confidence and ease. Let go of lingering feelings of guilt or anxiety. This positive mindset can be more intoxicating to a potential partner than any amount of alcohol. Remember, it's your confidence and relaxed demeanor that can truly captivate someone. Avoid discussing certain topics that might bring up insecurities or concerns, such as past relationships, work stress, or future plans.

Once their overactive minds calm down, you can use flattery to make your partner feel more attractive and feminine. Compliment their charms and physical body; it’s their fault that you became more physical and assertive. Making them feel alluring is key, and everything that follows will be much easier.

A, B, C’s of sales, always be closing.

 

[Serenity]

Haha. You might be right. However, I believe there should be a build-up for that. Can’t just let her in and jump on her. I mean it’s a possible scenario but here the vibe was different.

You're a man, you are not subject to the vibe, you are supposed to be the source of the vibe.

I can certainly think of a possible way to build up to sex in this particular scenario within the given time limit. You should have started by closing the distance, then touching, then making out, then touching more, then undressing... If you're getting an immediate green light every step of the way you can just go to the next step very shortly after.

I think she was ready for it just by the fact she was there at all. Why the fvck would she come to your place, basically a stranger's place, such a short time before going away probably forever if not to potentially fvck??

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The girl was only there for 2 days and came back to your place, obviously you already realized you should have escalated, with a situation like that that's the only thing to do, but good job on the other stuff

Agreed...no idea why OP wasted all that time when he should have been fvcking her brains out. It was clear what she wanted when she agreed to come back to his place knowing she would never see him again and it wasn't to talk for 2.5 hours.

 

[crowolf]

@BPH - A few corrections: She got approached only by me. She didn't see that I was with a friend either. I just went along with the girl, my guy understood, and let us do our thing.

Your confusion about my messed up plans and logistics is probably right. I could have bounced her to the park nearby, and then go straight home, instead of walking around for 1.5h, and then having less than an hour at my place. However, I felt that I needed more time. And I was in the mood for some walking first. We knew each other for 15 minutes before our date, and even If I could pull her home after a total of 30 minutes of interaction, I am not a fan of doing things quickly just for the sake of "scoring".

She had to catch her flight, and that's why she had to leave. I knew it even before the date.

- - -

@Clockwerk - Spot on. Thank you!

- - -

@Serenity - True that I must be the one to alter the vibe, establish the frame, and lead. For whatever reason I chose not to rush things. The only thing I regret is not doing anything at the end. And about the part that she has no other reason to come to my place unless she wants to have s3x - maybe. Anyway, I don't want to feel guilty about this. As I said - I don't like forcing things. Maybe it's a mistake to cling to comfort and safety that much. The next time I will try to step out of my comfort zone when it comes to escalation.

 

[BPH]

@BPH - A few corrections: She got approached only by me. She didn't see that I was with a friend either. I just went along with the girl, my guy understood, and let us do our thing.

Fair enough. Still, I'm surprised that she was so receptive, given the other pieces of context there.

However, I felt that I needed more time. And I was in the mood for some walking first. We knew each other for 15 minutes before our date, and even If I could pull her home after a total of 30 minutes of interaction, I am not a fan of doing things quickly just for the sake of "scoring".

She had to catch her flight, and that's why she had to leave. I knew it even before the date.

You don't have to rush into "scoring", but if she's agreed to come over to your place in the evening by herself I don't know why you'd spend more than an hour walking around in what I presume to be cold weather.

If you're worried about not knowing each other well enough, cool, that's what you can do while you eat dinner at your place - talk.

If you weren't interested in "scoring" at all, then why waste your time? She's not stupid; she's leaving and will likely never see you again - why do you think she's agreed to come over?

Figure out what you want, then be decisive. If you wanted to have sex, it was right there. If you didn't want to have sex, I don't know why you brought her back to your place at all. That's the point I'm trying to make here.