AMA about girls with BPD

[Soflobro#3]

A emotional child’s moods can swing and flip back within hours…

Sometimes was just always in a bad mood. Her son even told me once "im used it and just take it". I use to tell her to stop calling fat and stupid.

The thing is in a way this made her easy to emotionally manipulate in some ways.

 

[Soflobro#3]

A emotional child’s moods can swing and flip back within hours…

But kratom makes me kind if emotionally unstable and makes me kind of irritable and energized. When I don't take it I'm not like that at all. When i drink and take it it makes it worse.

 

[Billtx49]

Sometimes was just always in a bad mood. Her son even told me once "im used it and just take it". I use to tell her to stop calling fat and stupid.

The thing is in a way this made her easy to emotionally manipulate in some ways.

True, but it shows her history of turbulent personal interactions also, which is a flag by itself…

 

[Soflobro#3]

True, but it shows her history of turbulent personal interactions also, which is a flag by itself…

She kind if told me about this when u first started talking to her. I didn't realize that it was this crazy though. I thought she was just kind of just being self critical , or being humble. But she usually always came around and she always did certain things with conviction, which made it easy to look the other way.

Still a b1tch though.

 

[Billtx49]

She kind if told me about this when u first started talking to her. I didn't realize that it was this crazy though. I thought she was just kind of just being self critical , or being humble. But she usually always came around and she always did certain things with conviction, which made it easy to look the other way.

Still a b1tch though.

Mine was honest also at first. Did I really need to know that one of her former BF’s left her with claims of being manhandled by her? She said it in a smirking laughy manner btw…
It was a warning.

 

[Soflobro#3]

Mine was honest also at first.

What was she like. What did she do? What happened?

 

[Infern0]

how do I know girl is BPD OP? whats the most common behavior

From what I've seen a history of self harm is the biggest red flag, look for cut marks on arms. I've dared a girl diagnosed with bpd and been friends and hooked up with another one also diagnosed and both were cutters.

Second is she moves WAY too fast and proclaims love for you far too early.

 

[Infern0]

When did you first see the raging? I have dated women with all the pre-reqs but never saw the raging, maybe I didn't get that close.

Love Bombing: do they do things that simply cannot be faked, to where you believe they truly did love you in that fleeting moment? Contrasted with the fake stuff they use to string you on for validation later. There were a few incredible love polemics written virtually in the moment that finally broke down my guard with one. The rest was just obvious fake flattery(although actions sort of backed it up).

Do they get bored when they capture you, or when some small thing triggers abandonment?

I am more of a narcissist/histrionic magnet than full blown BPD I think, but I have dated a few cutters for short periods of time and that is a sure fire BPD symptom.

1. Raging doesn't usually happen until you are past the honeymoon phase and into devaluation. Then if you say no to her thats when it happens. Not all are Ragers though.

2. They belive most of what they are saying during love bombing because they think you can make them happy (basically that you can make their mental illness go away) but obviously once they realize thats not true you become just a dissapointing for them and they start looking for the next saviour.

3. It's not that they get bored its that they realize you didn't make them better. There is also a big fear of intimacy factor which means they will feel like they need to escape if they sense you are getting too close to them. This is why you get the best results by being pretty aloof with them.

 

[The_411]

Bigit

Bigoted behavior? Like what?

Racist/bigot

Bigit

Bigoted behavior? Like

Bigit

Bigoted behavior? Like what?

Like everything. They act as if you are attacking them if you hold a different opinion.

 

[E-Man-Cipated]

... kind of finding it bizarre that 1 in 2 women on here are being diagnosed with BPD... Like the Sosuave community are ****ing therapists. Jeez!

 

[Infern0]

... kind of finding it bizarre that 1 in 2 women on here are being diagnosed with BPD... Like the Sosuave community are ****ing therapists. Jeez!

1 in 7 women have it, while a greater number than that have at least "traits" of it or a similar personality disorder, something closer to 1 in 4

So if there's 100 men on sosuave who have dated an average of say 15 women each

1500 divided by 4

Statistics would say between us we have encountered 375 of these women.

I find it bizzare that some posters want to bury their heads in the sand and act like it's somehow "unlikely" that MANY men in here have in fact been with a BPD woman

What do you get out of it?

 

[tutu78]

1 in 7 women have it, while a greater number than that have at least "traits" of it or a similar personality disorder, something closer to 1 in 4

So if there's 100 men on sosuave who have dated an average of say 15 women each

1500 divided by 4

Statistics would say between us we have encountered 375 of these women.

I find it bizzare that some posters want to bury their heads in the sand and act like it's somehow "unlikely" that MANY men in here have in fact been with a BPD woman

What do you get out of it?

Plus many people here know that the girls they dated have actually been diagnosed with BPD. The experience with BPD is something on its own not just simple bi.chin' about a random a bit off girl.

 

[Infern0]

A quick half-arsed Google search says 1%. Come on now.

Got nothing against you guys. It's sort of like the Naruto community or something. You are into something a bit silly, and it's like live and let live.

But then you get guys who joined back when i first did in 2015 who are still making very grim threads and posts about their "bpd ex" and being egged on by others doing the same, nobody questioning or testing these ideas at all, and you have to conclude that the scene is just very bad news in general.

I wish everyone and anyone the best to achieve whatever it is they are after. I think this stuff hurts much more than it helps. I've seen clear repeated evidence of that in my time here.

OK, I'll ask you to kindly not comment on this thread anymore as it doesn't concern you and you aren't contributing anything of use. Thankyou.

 

[AJ84]

I work in mental health so am exposed on a daily basis to people with mental illness. I can honestly say that in the 10 yrs I have been in the field, working with 100s clients with mental illness in addition to running groups with other agencies in mental health facilities, I have met 11 people with BPD, and two of them were men.
It’s a horrible disorder to have and to be on the receiving end of, no doubt, but I think your statistics on prevalence are off. It’s more likely that 1 in 7 women are not gf material, rather than having a significant mental illness like BDP. In fact the research shows that the prevalence rate is less than 6%. This is from the medial community, where peope are qualified to assess and make that diagnosis. SS is not a medical community.

 

[Infern0]

I work in mental health so am exposed on a daily basis to people with mental illness. I can honestly say that in the 10 yrs I have been in the field, working with 100s clients with mental illness in addition to running groups with other agencies in mental health facilities, I have met 11 people with BPD, and two of them were men.
It’s a horrible disorder to have and to be on the receiving end of, no doubt, but I think your statistics on prevalence are off. It’s more likely that 1 in 7 women are not gf material, rather than having a significant mental illness like BDP. In fact the research shows that the prevalence rate is less than 6%. This is from the medial community, where peope are qualified to assess and make that diagnosis. SS is not a medical community.

Are you a qualified psychotherapist? What are your credentials?

Here's the thing 6% are DIAGNOSED

It's much more common in young women than any other category group. You also have those who show significant "traits" of BPD but not enough for a diagnosis, however many of these are just as bad.

On top of that you have those who fall into NPD, ASPD, HPD, you have codependent women, ACOA's, Bipolar, and ALL of these women are VERY sexually active. They get through a lot of men, a LOT.

Trust me when I say if you are active in the 18-30 dating age pool its NOT uncommon to find girls with these sort of issues.

I don't really care if it's only 5% (so ONLY 120 million of them) that doesn't mean it's something which should be ignored.

Take it from me who dated a DIAGNOSED borderline personality for almost 2 years, I HAVE seen her drive a young man to suicide by overdose, make false rape claims, overdose herself and I find her in the bath covered in her own vomit, coming home to cut wrists pouring with blood, being woken at all hours of the night because she's out of her head on drugs walking through the ghetto, getting fired from jobs, blackmailing her boss etc etc etc

It's not a null issue, if you know, you know and I really don't understand why people feel the need to minimize it or act like that's just "normal female behaviour" ive had countless women since and none can come even in the same area code as what these women can do to you.

 

[AJ84]

Are you a qualified psychotherapist? What are your credentials?

Here's the thing 6% are DIAGNOSED

It's much more common in young women than any other category group. You also have those who show significant "traits" of BPD but not enough for a diagnosis, however many of these are just as bad.

On top of that you have those who fall into NPD, ASPD, HPD, you have codependent women, ACOA's, Bipolar, and ALL of these women are VERY sexually active. They get through a lot of men, a LOT.

Trust me when I say if you are active in the 18-30 dating age pool its NOT uncommon to find girls with these sort of issues.

I don't really care if it's only 5% (so ONLY 120 million of them) that doesn't mean it's something which should be ignored.

Take it from me who dated a DIAGNOSED borderline personality for almost 2 years, I HAVE seen her drive a young man to suicide by overdose, make false rape claims, overdose herself and I find her in the bath covered in her own vomit, coming home to cut wrists pouring with blood, being woken at all hours of the night because she's out of her head on drugs walking through the ghetto, getting fired from jobs, blackmailing her boss etc etc etc

It's not a null issue, if you know, you know and I really don't understand why people feel the need to minimize it or act like that's just "normal female behaviour" ive had countless women since and none can come even in the same area code as what these women can do to you.

I’m a registered social worker with an MSW who specializes in mental health and addictions. I’m not a psychologist or a doctor but I have run therapy groups and am trained in therapeutic modalities such as CBT, MBCBT, solution focused therapy etc.
I’m not downplaying BPD, and I have no doubt that what you say you experienced with your ex is true. And yes more women than men have BPD, and more men than woman have anti-social personality disorder. Both are cluster b disorders.
What I’m saying is that you are making statements as fact (1-7 with BPD) based on your own experiences and perceptions and those facts are not accurate.
That’s all I’m saying.

 

[Infern0]

I’m a registered social worker with an MSW who specializes in mental health and addictions. I’m not a psychologist or a doctor but I have run therapy groups and am trained in therapeutic modalities such as CBT, MBCBT, solution focused therapy etc.
I’m not downplaying BPD, and I have no doubt that what you say you experienced with your ex is true. And yes more women than men have BPD, and more men than woman have anti-social personality disorder. Both are cluster b disorders.
What I’m saying is that you are making statements as fact (1-7 with BPD) based on your own experiences and perceptions and those facts are not accurate.
That’s all I’m saying.

According to the largest study ever conducted on personality disorders (PD) by the U.S. National Institutes of Health (NIH), 5.9% of the U.S. population has BPD (Grant et al. 2008) and 6.2% has NPD (Stinson et al. 2008). As some people fit both diagnoses, about 10 percent of the U.S. population has BPD and/or NPD.

OK so 12.1% of people had bpd or npd as at 2008 (id wager that number has drifted slightly north since then but it's not citable so we will leave it at that.)

So without including only "traits" (which is probably MORE than those with full blown disorders, its more like 1 in 9 than 1 in 7.

I also think these disorders are higher amongst those between 18-30 than say 50-90. I could research this but I'm fairly confident to make an assumption.

I admit my belief of the diagnosis rate was slightly off but not by as much that it's really worth arguing about? Hmm?

Again if you have dated 9 people, odds are you have dated one.

9 people isn't that many, we aren't talking about a needle in a haystack here.

 

[tutu78]

Where do we draw the line on taking responsability after a break-up with a BPD girl?
All these push-pull made my frame destroyed in front of my eyes. I was afraid of losing her and wanting to be her side with her issues.

To learn the proper lessons how much of the blame I need to take on my behalf.
I'm confused on this any thoughts will be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Infern0]

Literal gaslighting and blame shifting

I have to be honest I don't understand it.

I'm all for being accountable and learning from ones own mistakes

But these guys would tell everyone even people who WERE with a girl with BPD, oh it's your fault she just had low interest, all women are like that it's just normal behaviour.

Imagine being a guy who goes through that whole ****show and being told thats just normal women behaviour?

You'd probably just become a monk if you thought that was normal.

 

[Infern0]

Where do we draw the line on taking responsability after a break-up with a BPD girl?
All these push-pull made my frame destroyed in front of my eyes. I was afraid of losing her and wanting to be her side with her issues.

To learn the proper lessons how much of the blame I need to take on my behalf.
I'm confused on this any thoughts will be appreciated. Thanks.

Two things

1. You don't know what you don't know

People don't go into a BPD relationship knowing what's going to happen, there are usually a ton of red flags but you may not know they are red flags and usually you are hooked before you know what's happening. Now you do know so going forward its on you.

2. You do have to take responsibility going forward

Forgive yourself for being naive, eventually forgive the girl for being what she is (its a disorder born of terrible abuse at the end of the day) and move on. In future look before you leap and learn about women and how they operate so you can vet these sort of women out before they become an issue.

"Blame" in these situations is really pointless, look at is as a painful lesson but one you really NEEDED TO learn.