Am I wrong?

[Nutz]

Ex and I had an arrangement where she pays all the bills and my pay was being direct deposited into our old joint account. Then I transfer a fixed amount to my personal account (an allowance if you will).

I changed things so the pay goes to my account and I transfer over the amount for the bills and whatever she needs on top of that for the month, but it'll be a fixed amount.

She's pissed and making all kinds of threats. Mind you she just traded in a 18 month old Jetta for a VW minivan and ate about $6K negative equity all without my knowledge. Oh, and that raised her monthly car payment by about $80 and extended the loan out another year).

My take on it is if there's any leftover funds those are mine. The minivan thing only confirmed my suspicions that she was taking whatever was left over and pissing it away thereby milking me out of my money. She does have her own job, but she makes peanuts compared to what I bring in (~$11/hr vs ~$60/hr). On top of that she gets my reserves pay every month, which is about $300.

In short, I have no idea how much money was actually left over every month that she was wasting that I could have been "hoarding" as she put it.


Anyway, back to the point of this thread....

Am I wrong?

 

[Nutz]

I guess not!

 

[Heretolearn]

you are split so your money, unless there is something you have not told us

 

[LeftyLoosey]

Of course you're not wrong, unless you have kids, then everything should just go into the joint account. If you don't have kids but she still thinks she's entitled to half your pay, I really hope she has a magic vagina.

 

[PSYCHO]

Wrong question!!!

ARE YOU INSANE!!!

Joint account??????

The deliberate placement of fluoride and feminine hormones in the water are dulling the men;s senses today, as planned!!!

End it now or else your error will be magnified greatly!!

I may be psycho, but you are NUTZ!!!

 

[jophil28]

Ooops

 

[jophil28]

There is no legit reason for having a joint acct withan ex.
I would separate your $$ out immediately.
Women say and do bizarre things when money and negative emotions are intertwined. Do NOT expect any common sense from an ex.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Are you married? Hmm, I guess not. I would never have a shared account unless I was married to someone. I learned this lesson the hard way not too long ago.

BTW, WHAT are you thinking leaving a WOMAN in control of your MONEY?!?!? :nono:

 

[PeeGee]

As I understand it, you have your money in yours and money goes in the shared account for expenses.

If you were married this would make sense. You are not, so keep your money in your account and give her what is fair for the expenses you both use.

You are not married, so treat her like a roommate and not a wife.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree with the other posters that you should never have a joint account with someone you are not married to.

One other thing, a minivan? That spells baby in my book. Stop having sex with this girl. I know of no childless woman who wants or owns a minivan unless she's planning a family. Between that and her trying to control your finances, she's setting you up for daddyhood.

 

[Da Realist]

Ok, I understand you want an answer to this situation, but I'm curious of the whole relationship. You and this girl are broken up, she is paying all the bills, and she is even getting money from checks that should be going toward you? Are you just trying to help her since she makes less? The question is why? The relationship is over no matter who did the splitting. She should not be living off of you. You shouldn't be dealing with her unless it's necessary like she has a kid with you or there is some kind of work agreement. You're right that she has been taking extra because you should have been checking out the bills instead of just letting her take of them herself. All the money you give her is eventually go towards another guy in someway through her getting her hair done, putting gas in the car to go out, getting that new dress, etc. Why not share the whole situation involving her because the true answer may be that you need to just cut her off and manage your bills on your own.

 

[LeftyLoosey]

Holy crap, I didn't even realize he was talking about an ex. This is so ridiculous that I wouldn't have normally bothered to reply.

 

[Nutz]

Ok, I understand you want an answer to this situation, but I'm curious of the whole relationship. You and this girl are broken up, she is paying all the bills, and she is even getting money from checks that should be going toward you? Are you just trying to help her since she makes less? The question is why? The relationship is over no matter who did the splitting. She should not be living off of you. You shouldn't be dealing with her unless it's necessary like she has a kid with you or there is some kind of work agreement. You're right that she has been taking extra because you should have been checking out the bills instead of just letting her take of them herself. All the money you give her is eventually go towards another guy in someway through her getting her hair done, putting gas in the car to go out, getting that new dress, etc. Why not share the whole situation involving her because the true answer may be that you need to just cut her off and manage your bills on your own.

She managed the finances for the most part when we were married. When we split she kept paying the bills as a short term fix until we got settled and then we'd revisit the arrangement down the road. The status quo was working well enough and we just didn't really think about it so we never went back and separated out the bills. Now we're doing that. And yes we have a kid together.

How things will be is just as the other posters have mentioned:

I pay my bills, she pays hers. She tells me how much she needs to cover her bills and I transfer over that amount every month.

I'd like to do this gracefully where we cut over a couple bills a month so we don't get caught with our pants down, but how she's reacting probably won't let that happen. Tomorrow I need to transfer all the bills over so they auto pay out of my account. Honestly though I don't see what the big deal is about paying bills. Pretty much everything is automatically paid/debited from our account so there's not a lot of work to you, ya know.

 

[seth03]

Damn these usernames are a lot more accurate than I thought. I'm Seth.......and U iz NUTZ!

 

[amoka]

Damn these usernames are a lot more accurate than I thought. I'm Seth.......and U iz NUTZ!

lol

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Damn these usernames are a lot more accurate than I thought...

:nervous: LOL jk

So I take it you are still married? Well, there are certain laws, that no matter how unfair, would still require you to help support her. However, you should be in control and deem what is necessary... Is she making enough to be self-sufficient? Are you helping her with the hopes that you might one day 'work things out'? Do you still live together? Obviously this can't go on forever, (or do you have children??) so it's best to start discussing how to wean her off of your income.

I wish you the best!

 

[Nutz]

:nervous: LOL jk

So I take it you are still married? Well, there are certain laws, that no matter how unfair, would still require you to help support her. However, you should be in control and deem what is necessary... Is she making enough to be self-sufficient? Are you helping her with the hopes that you might one day 'work things out'? Do you still live together? Obviously this can't go on forever, (or do you have children??) so it's best to start discussing how to wean her off of your income.

I wish you the best!

Not living together. Technically still married. Had a limited divorce, but it was nullified when she moved back in for a short while. She's been back out for 6 months. She doesn't make enough to live and wants an additional $300 on top of all the bills I'm covering for groceries and gas. I hate to do it, but I have to give her that money. Plus the way I see it it's kinda like child support for my boy to make sure he's covered.

 

[Zunder]

She managed the finances for the most part when we were married. When we split she kept paying the bills as a short term fix until we got settled and then we'd revisit the arrangement down the road. The status quo was working well enough and we just didn't really think about it so we never went back and separated out the bills. Now we're doing that. And yes we have a kid together.

How things will be is just as the other posters have mentioned:

I pay my bills, she pays hers. She tells me how much she needs to cover her bills and I transfer over that amount every month.

I'd like to do this gracefully where we cut over a couple bills a month so we don't get caught with our pants down, but how she's reacting probably won't let that happen. Tomorrow I need to transfer all the bills over so they auto pay out of my account. Honestly though I don't see what the big deal is about paying bills. Pretty much everything is automatically paid/debited from our account so there's not a lot of work to you, ya know.

Is letting a women handle your finances AFC behaviour? In my mind it is bordering on it.

I know what one of my ex's was like given any money - needless to say, I'd rather pay an accountant than have a woman have any control over finances.

Btw, Nutz, don't take my reply the wrong way. I am not accusing you of being an AFC, but I think it is a good quesiton to all DJ's about how much, if any, control we give to a woman when it comes to finances.
I say Zip, Zero, Nada.
But everyone will have their own opinion.

 

[decades]

what do you want? do you want to be done with this? or do you want to stay in a netherworld where you are "kinda" divorced and kinda not? If you want to really end it, so that you can move on completely, then you have to start cutting the cord. Start by taking control of your money and getting her to stand on her own two feat. That will be harder if she knows that you are there with the bucket to catch anything that falls through. Make an agreement then stick to it. Be the CFO of your own life. I see this as more than about money. I see this as about not letting go...with money as the glue that keeps you stuck together.

 

[jophil28]

Is letting a women handle your finances AFC behaviour? In my mind it is bordering on it.

"...bordering on it ", my azz - it is mainstream chump behavior right out of "Everybody loves Raymond".
What are some of you guys in Nth America , thinking ?

The only woman who would even be allowed to "handle my finances" is that sweet old lady bookkeeper down at the bank.