Am I wrong?

[DJinTraining06]

My girlfriend who I live with went out with her friends tonight and got home at 2 am. I was working till 9 pm and got home around 10 so i decided to just stay home and relax cuz i was tired.

I don't care that my gf went out and is having a good time, she should im glad. I woulda went out with my friends myself but i felt like stayin in tonight. Ok so this morning she said she had a really bad cold and she might just go to happy hr and shes not sure if shell stay out past that.

Ok so i dont hear from her till 11pm. She texts me saying she's at a bar and shes staying out a lil longer. So i say aight cool, ill pick u up from the train station i dont want u walkin home alone(it's 8 blocks but it's late). She says ok ill let u know wat time train. So around 12 ish she texts again saying shes staying out a lil longer. So im like no prob just lemme know wat train. Around 12:30 she texts sayin heading to the train soon. 1:00 am im dozing off on the couch and i text her and say im getting sleepy do u mind takin a cab? She goes i have no money ill walk ill be ok. So i text her back - dont walk its dangerous go to an atm or ill get u. She says no ill be ok. A lil more time goes by and she texts again around 1:45 am. I'm so tired i read the text and just say screw it, this girl goes to bed at 11 pm on weekends when shes with me, now i stay up till 2 am like im her daddy. She should not spend every last cent on drinks and take a cab, for christsakes theres a cabstand right below the train platform we live near and a 7/11 with atm. So anyway she gets home and starts screaming at me saying wat kind of bf lets her gf walk home late at night alone. And suppsoedly some guy followed her. for a couple blocks.

She's so drunk right now i would bet money the guy was just walking where he had to go. She starts screaming like a child and sobbing saying i hate u, u dont care, u dont care about me over and over. Then she goes to the bathroom and throws up. She comes out and comes to bed and starts sobbing, but then i realize shes breathing weird. I ask if shes ok and she says shes having a panic attack. Soudned like asthma or something.

Now tell me is it that horrible that i didnt pick her up. Ipick her up form work almost every day and its 8 blocks away. This girl never stays up late with me now i gotta be up to pick her up? Im wide awake now i cant sleep shes driving me nuts. 2 weekends ina row she got drunk and went off on me.

 

[SharinganUser]

She's just drunk and sick. I wouldn't take this seriously as it's a first offense. She can say you didn't respect her by not picking her up, but remember she disrespected you first by treating you like a chauffer.

 

[bornyesterday]

She's drunk and having a fit. Thinks she says won't make sense then. It's about the feelings she is expressing. Don't reason with it.
Seems like she can only express her frustrations when she's drunk. She's not emotionally stable and healthy. Fear of abandonmont etc. She makes you feel guilty and makes it look as if she is a rabbit in a headlight, helpless. So you want to help her cope and feel desperate about it.

But you cant do that. You must set the rules for yourself. You need to detach emotionally from her or she will play you on her emotions.

 

[DJinTraining06]

she said a gentleman would have picked her up cuz udont even have work tom morning. thne she says her friend texted her and said she hoped she didnt walk home alone and took a cab. then she said her friend couldn't beeleive i didnt pick her up.

as for the other part of ur post, its not a first offense shes not a pleasant drunk. She starts off really happy and ends up like a psycho. She's picked fights with me over the strangest things when shes drunk and does the screaming sobbing routine. And then in the morning she either apologizes or acts like it never happened. Last Firday actually i met up with her and her friend who wnet to happy hr and she was pretty drunk when i met up with her at 7 pm. We had a mix drink with dinner and a beer after that, and on the way home she picked a fight with me about our cat on the train. Raising her voice about how i dont take care of the cat anbd callin me an *******. Now at first i was laughing thinking she was joking, but she started getting serious. and it branched off into all diff directions and she wasnt even making sense. I ended up yellin at her cuz she was embarassing and shes like ill say watever i want and getting loud int he middle of the street afetrwards. So then i turn down a block to get to our house and she doesnt walk with me. I say wat r u doing im goin this way. She says i dont wanna walk with u go away. So i say fine this is ****ing ridiculous thinking shes gonna follow me eventually. Well she doesnt and we end up walkin home two diff ways and when i meet her at the front door shes yellin at me sayin wat kind of bf lets his gf walk home by herself. Then when we got in she flipped out and sobbed, vomited and fell asleep. It's almost routiine with her when she gets drunk. Am i dating a lunatic?

 

[Dannyrt34]

You're not wrong buddy. Just don't worry about arguing with her while she's drunk. She probably don't fully realize how she's acting.

Whenever she's sober just sit her down and talk calmly with her. Keep it lighthearted but still letting her know your side of it.
Perhaps you can discuss with her about holding her alcohol better, or not drinking so much to the point where she can no longer rationalize her emotions.

 

[DJinTraining06]

Yea thats what i tried to do, i didnt apologize and i just went to bed, and let her sob until of course it soudned like she was having an asthma attack so i had to ask if she was ok. she def isnt emotionally healthy, shes on antidepressants cuz of soemthing that happened a few years ago.

She's drunk and having a fit. Thinks she says won't make sense then. It's about the feelings she is expressing. Don't reason with it.
Seems like she can only express her frustrations when she's drunk. She's not emotionally stable and healthy. Fear of abandonmont etc. She makes you feel guilty and makes it look as if she is a rabbit in a headlight, helpless. So you want to help her cope and feel desperate about it.

But you cant do that. You must set the rules for yourself. You need to detach emotionally from her or she will play you on her emotions.

 

[WaterTiger]

DUDE!
This chick is crazy from the get-go! Isn't she the same one who won't have sex now that you moved her in? Now we find out that she's a psycho drunk! You need to get rid of this girl, as soon as possible.

She's going to drive you crazy.

 

[bornyesterday]

I know I'm just another guy behind a monitor on another end of the world and there's always another side of the story, but based on the information you've given me and if I was in your shoes I would be out of that house, not next year or next month, but right NOW. I would never ever stand for this.

Look, the solution is very simple, but it's hard to swallow. When did the realtionship stop from being ok to deplorable? Right when you moved in together. Stop doing what doesn't work. A man must be willing to walk away at any time. So do that. Move out. Live with your parents, friends or find a simple cheap appartment temporarily. There are some financial issues with your house, work around them.

You are not esponsible for her misery, you dont need to fix it. Walk out.
Maybe you can work at your relationship from there, maybe it means the end of it. You need to choose for yourself, your own well-being.

But maybe I am missing something.

 

[ogre170]

But to answer your actual question...

Some other posters pointed out that your girlfriend has some issues, even suggesting that you should book. I don't disagree with those sentiments but I don't have anything to add.

Regarding your own actions though (and you did ask), I can't help but think that your actions were inconsistent with your words -- at least from her perspective. All night long she told you that she was coming later. All night long, you told her 'cool -- call me when you're ready'. You told her that you don't want her walking home from the station. You told her it wasn't safe. You told her, 'don't worry, I'll pick you up'. Then when push comes to shove, it's no longer cool, you won't pick her up, she has to walk home alone and maybe she was followed part of the way.

Why wouldn't she be pissed?

The stuff about her overspending, the cab stand, ATM, etc... is rationalisation. All technically true but so what?

What would have happened if earlier in the night, you had told her that you would be happy to pick her up but only until 12:30 a.m. (or pick a time) -- after that, she's on her own. Then at 12:30, you send her a message telling her that you are coming to pick her up. Then, if she isn't ready or doesn't want to come, you can tell her that she's on her own. Do you think that she would have reacted the same way?

By the way, you didn't specify whether you ignored her 1:45 text (or slept through it) or whether you responded to it (and if so, with what).

 

[TheRealSupreme]

DUDE!
This chick is crazy from the get-go! Isn't she the same one who won't have sex now that you moved her in? Now we find out that she's a psycho drunk! You need to get rid of this girl, as soon as possible.

She's going to drive you crazy.

Best advice so far. And it's from another woman. Will he listen? NOPE. He is so stuck on stupid over his situation that he cannot see the forest for the trees in the way.

This new passive male archetype gets on my last nerve. What happened to old fashioned males on the planet? Oh they are not on the internet. They are out there boning his girlfriend and others like him's women.

My bad.