Am I wrong to steer clear of girls with bfs?

[Siragoos]

I'm talking about girls in LTRs. My skills are still developing so I feel like I just can't handle that aspect yet and it has made it simpler and easier for me to focus on single women (or women who don't tell me they have bfs).

Anyway, a guy at my gym was telling me how there was this girl that he dated for 2 years. For that first year, she was dating another dude for 6 years. However, that guy lived in another state because the girl had to move for work.

The guy at my gym seriously thought she and her ex were going to get married. But he said what helped out is that she hardly ever saw him, like once every 3-4 months.

Granted this guy at the gym had a few things going for him: he's good looking, he's big (he's a personal trainer) and he had status bc he works at the gym and the girl started out at the desk.

The reason this guy brought this story up is because I told him about some other girl who I steered clear of because she was in a LTR. She too was in a long-distance thing. However, it was easier for me not to pursue because nothing happened the first couple times we saw each other so I dropped it.

But this guys story is bothering me...I mean, it just seems so much easier to just stay clear, at least for beginners.

 

[Johnny Alias]

I'm conflicted on this one...

So the deal is many of the women out there, especially the lookers, are already locked up with another guy. They never have to hit the ground so to speak and swing from vine to vine with relationships. This is great for them as they never have to be alone... however it doesn't allow for any introspection as to what went wrong in the previous relationship. If there were disagreements oftentimes its much easier to swing to a new guy rather than do the hard work of talking things out and most importantly COMPRIMISING.

Two other factors you need to watch out for is that if she is willing to emotionally cheat or really cheat on her guy she professes to love with you, what on earth will stop her from doing this to you in the future? They say "Once a cheater always a cheater" and that "leopards don't change their spots." In truth past behavior is a very strong indicator of what will happen in the future. It's not guaranteed but it is usually very likely.

Beyond all that you've got the BF or husband to think of. Sometimes these triangulation situations can be DANGEROUS. Men fighting over one woman (which they oftentimes love) can wind up in serious emotional damage, jail, or even death. And yes I'm serious.

My ex-fiance cheated on her new guy with me for months... and she kept saying we should be together and would go back to him. He and I were total AFC's and kept fighting over her. She marinated in the attention as our self-esteems were destroyed. IT WAS JUST SICK.

It's a dicey path to be sure. I'd try to stick with women that are single or just dating. Seriously. The pain and suffering you can endure on the other side is tough on your soul... and needlessly hurts the other guy. There are plenty of women out there that aren't married or have an LTR. Just find them...

 

[Colossus]

See this list and lesson # 27.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Good list Colossus. Wish I'd read it years ago...

 

[Mr Wright]

See this list and lesson # 27.

Surely we're designed to want to fvck another guys woman and get away with it. Genetically it makes sense, sleep with another guys girl and get her pregnant, then have him help bring up the child, whilst you're off somewhere else. It's a genetic win-win situation.

 

[dutchmaster]

Go for it! Most the girls I want have boyfriends.. Doesn't stop me from trying.

Who knows maybe he treats her like crap, thats where I come in, treat her real good, tell her she deserves better and lay the pipe

 

[Slickster]

Yes, and when you kiss her how does HIS c0ck taste?

 

[Groverz]

Why not? Just don't expect anything out of the relationship. If I did that I would just consider it and open relationship, or pretty much just a **** buddy. Honestly it is ****ty to do to another guy but if she is not cheating on him with you it will be someone else, and might be even more than just you. I do not really consider anyone who is seeing more than one person in a relationship. If you really love someone you will be with only them. If they tell their BF they love them, then bang you the next day, they were completely lieing to their BF.

Also they might be good for practice, if you get bored of them and walk away they might not bug you as much because they have their fake "bf" to go back to.

If a dude was banging my g/f I would be more pissed at her than him. Or me for making her want other men, not the dude, he is just a guy like all of us trying to get a peice.

 

[Siragoos]

Why not? Just don't expect anything out of the relationship. If I did that I would just consider it and open relationship, or pretty much just a **** buddy. Honestly it is ****ty to do to another guy but if she is not cheating on him with you it will be someone else, and might be even more than just you. I do not really consider anyone who is seeing more than one person in a relationship. If you really love someone you will be with only them. If they tell their BF they love them, then bang you the next day, they were completely lieing to their BF.

Also they might be good for practice, if you get bored of them and walk away they might not bug you as much because they have their fake "bf" to go back to.

If a dude was banging my g/f I would be more pissed at her than him. Or me for making her want other men, not the dude, he is just a guy like all of us trying to get a peice.

Well, if they're dating multiple people, then I don't see the problem. However the girl I mentioned in the first post had been exclusive with her boyfriend for a few years.

 

[backbreaker]

Even in my plate spinning days, most girls i was with were emotionally evolved with other men. my wife was technically "seeing someone" when we met.


every girl you meet that's attractive is going to be doing one of the following


1. dating someone
2. putting men off to focus on some type of career goal
3. dealing with kids
4. just getting out of a relationship and is emotionally tied to someone else


if you make the net so small that you can't catch fish what's the point

It's alot like selling cars. when I sold cars I would talk to everyone. if oyu are buying something today i'd talk to you. if you wren't buying something today i'd talk to you. if you were in the maintaince bay getting your car worked on i'd talk to you.

and about.. 5-7 times a month out of the blue i'd get someone at the front desk asking for me "yeah backbreaker i talked to you 2-3 months ago i wasn't looking for a car then but i'm looking for one now" or "my car went out" or "hey you told me you could get me in a car for the same payment as i have now, my raidator just went out and i would rather just get a new car now if i can keep my payments the same"

if i just stuck with the clients who were looking to buy a car that day i'd have been living on scraps.

put your irons in the fire and let them rest. talk to people, if they have boyfriends, whatever, talk to them be social but don't make your move, you do that enough and eventually you'll be like the guy at the car lot who just gets refferals out the blue. one of my better dates was with a chick who called me like 5 months out the blue one day "hey i was dating someone when we met but you seem chill and my BF and i broke up you want to go out"

 

[Siragoos]

Even in my plate spinning days, most girls i was with were emotionally evolved with other men. my wife was technically "seeing someone" when we met.


every girl you meet that's attractive is going to be doing one of the following


1. dating someone
2. putting men off to focus on some type of career goal
3. dealing with kids
4. just getting out of a relationship and is emotionally tied to someone else


if you make the net so small that you can't catch fish what's the point

It's alot like selling cars. when I sold cars I would talk to everyone. if oyu are buying something today i'd talk to you. if you wren't buying something today i'd talk to you. if you were in the maintaince bay getting your car worked on i'd talk to you.

and about.. 5-7 times a month out of the blue i'd get someone at the front desk asking for me "yeah backbreaker i talked to you 2-3 months ago i wasn't looking for a car then but i'm looking for one now" or "my car went out" or "hey you told me you could get me in a car for the same payment as i have now, my raidator just went out and i would rather just get a new car now if i can keep my payments the same"

if i just stuck with the clients who were looking to buy a car that day i'd have been living on scraps.

put your irons in the fire and let them rest. talk to people, if they have boyfriends, whatever, talk to them be social but don't make your move, you do that enough and eventually you'll be like the guy at the car lot who just gets refferals out the blue. one of my better dates was with a chick who called me like 5 months out the blue one day "hey i was dating someone when we met but you seem chill and my BF and i broke up you want to go out"

This is what I meant. I mean...it seems better to not actively pursue, but rather talk to them, be memorable and they'll contact you if things go south. I actually told one girl to contact me if things go south with her guy, though I'm not sure if it was the right move.

 

[Uncharted]

If you're "new" to all of the plate-spinning stuff (like myself a year ago) I would avoid girls with boyfriends at first. It's easy to get oneitis on a girl that's flirty but has nothing to lose because she can just get attention while saying "well I have a boyfriend" when you try to escalate with her.

What I do is just "backburner" her. Don't actively pursue her, don't text her, say hi and flirt when you see her in person, but basically make her a backup - not a primary target.

I've done this before and girls have reached out after they later broke up with their boyfriends. Remember that most relationships end at some point. But if not, keep yourself busy with other girls. Don't count on her ever calling, but if she does then it's like a bonus:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=205329

Plant seeds.

 

[backbreaker]

oneiits has nothing to do with how many plates you are spinning and has everything to do with how content you are with you as a person.

if you are talking to 10 girls at once if you aren't content with what you are doing in life you are still going to look towards women for validation and you are still going to eventually develop oneitis once one of those 10 girls convinces you that she is what's going to be the answer to your problems

that's the biggest mind shift i've made since i've "grown up". the thought that i can cure oneitis by talking to 10 chicks instead of 1-2 is laughable. if that was the case i'd have oneitis for my wife which i assure you i don't. lol she can take her happy ass on somewhere if she starts trippin

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I avoid them

 

[backbreaker]

You keep throwing them back, no need to settle.

but we aren't talking about a chick wiht a baby or a girl with too many tats or a chick with 50k in student loan debt. those are true red flags. a girl who happens to have met a guy before she ever knew you is not a red flag lol.

your out gaming yourself for no apparent reason. you'r emaking the game much harder than it has to be taking that silly ass stance.

Nor did i ever suggest that she cheats on him with you nor did i suggest that she leaves you for him. you took that there lol. all i said was keep you irons in the fire. get numbers, be nice, be friendly. be a name she remembers when she's on the market.

because what you are going to end up doing is throwin on your virtue cape and every time you run into that same girl because you refuse to talk to her, she's going to be have met someone else. and you are going to talk yourself on thinking you are being virtuous by not spitting at her when in reality you're just being an idiot.

 

[Cremasta]

But this guys story is bothering me...I mean, it just seems so much easier to just stay clear, at least for beginners.

It is easier to stay clear of taken women. She's the one bargaining from a position of strength.
If you think she's worth the effort, turn on the charm like you would with any other girl until she tells you she's not available, then you just say 'ok, no hard feelings' and walk away.

Just don't spend too much money on her.

 

[VladPatton]

Put those bıtches on Hold, son! Pick up the phone when they're single again. It is NOT worth the drama.

 

[cervantesscthree]

Put those bıtches on Hold, son! Pick up the phone when they're single again. It is NOT worth the drama.

Precisely. Life can be hard enough without knowingly mixing with a another guys woman. I wouldn't do it simply because of the potential grief it could cause.

 

[dutchmaster]

Yes, and when you kiss her how does HIS c0ck taste?

Prob not too diff than from asking him how mine tastes..

That's a flawed logic.. What attractive single woman isn't sucking another c0ck other than urs?

 

[user name]

my 38 year old brother's just got involved with a very cute 25 year old branch swinger. she was previously seeing a 40 year old before she ditched him to be with my brother.

red flags are waving wildly but i'm not saying anything until i see how this pans out.