Am I too lovey as a default?

[MtnMan]

I have noticed with this girl I have been seeing that I am pretty 'lovey'. For example:

-i found myself stroking her hair after banging
-i cuddled with her pretty hard when she stayed over
-make dinner with her (she is an excellent cook, loves to cook)
-taking her on motorcycle rides
-walking around in the woods

Now, this girl is into me for sure. Interest level is high, but I don't feel the "talk" coming yet, but if things continue along this path, I see it being possible.

I think I act this way with women that I like, and enjoy doing stuff like this with girls, not just simply bang and leave.

Now, I am not opposed to the idea of a relationship at some point, but not without a good amount of time to observe the girl and see if she is worth it. Am I coming on too strong doing these kinds of activities? Current girl is fun to spend time with, and this stuff just seems to be the natural thing that I want to do. Basically, she comes to my place, I show her what I am all about, and she likes it. Am I accelerating the inevitable girlfriend "talk"?

 

[I_was_born_a_PIMP]

This is good keep it up. Woman like affection from MEN. Makes them feel like little girls, which is great!!

 

[Don-Kong]

Be crystal clear what you want and express it at the time. Then you wont get all weird. You'll be able to communicate effectively and she will respect it. Sounds good tho bro!

 

[El Payaso]

It is good, in my opinion.

What is bad is becoming dependent on the girl and tolerating bad behavior from her just because you want to fvck her or you delude yourself into thinking you need a girlfriend.

Basically, treat her nicely and romantically as long as she keeps showing you high interest, treats you just as well and behaves properly. Withdraw your attention when she misbehaves.

 

[MtnMan]

cool, thanks for the check guys. I am naturally quite affectionate with a woman that I like. So far, she matches my efforts, maybe even exceeds them. Only once have I made a correction.

I called her to set up a date, and she kind of gave me the run around (i think she was being flirty, but I didn't feel like playing games), so I just told her I'd call her later. Low and behold, she calls me up and asks me when we can hang the next day. She drives 45 mins to my place, and brings half of the food for the meal.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

That sounds normal to me, originally from NH my parents are hippies & were all about lovey dovey sh*t. With that being said don't rush in to heavy but you'll find out from her what she is looking for 1st. I caught myself doing similiar to a FB once, judge your own a actions the more you act like a "BF" then the more she will expect that behavior. Special treament only when they deserve it.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I never used to do that sort of stuff with plates for fear of sparking that reaction you feel is coming.
If you just want to bang a chick and nothing more, I think it's best to hold back on the full treatment.
Dinner, scintillating conversation, amazing sex and then GTFO. No sleepovers.

I felt this always kept the woman in no doubt that I was simply "Mr Goodfvck", not "Mr Right".
An added bonus is that if something more serious did develop, I had all those aces (romance, togetherness, sharing secrets etc) up my sleeve.
My philosophy has always been that a chick has to earn the full suite of my affections.
But to each their own. Depends what you want from her.

 

[MtnMan]

With this particular girl, I get enjoyment spending time with her, doing the above mentioned things. I am not necessarily looking for a relationship, but also not opposed to one if it seems like a good option.
I wouldn't want to spend extra time with a girl beyond sex unless she has an interesting personality, which this girl does. I am just wondering if I need to check myself before I give off the boyfriend vibe too much. So far whatever I have been doing has only seemed to increase her IL, so i guess that is good.
Like I said, I am not against relationships, but I'm also not ready to deal with that talk yet. So far, the talk has not happened at all, so perhaps I am just making something of nothing.

In the past I have never taken time to keep the process of becoming boyfriend/girlfriend at a slow pace, I just let it happen quickly, this time around I want to do much more screening.

 

[BeDJ]

MtnMan!

Congrats on your progress! You came a long way since joining this site. Your post history should be inspirational to new members on SoSuave.

 

[pdx1138]

.
I'm also not ready to deal with that talk yet. So far, the talk has not happened at all, so perhaps I am just making something of nothing.

yep something out of nothing.

"The Talk" usually happens around 3 month mark.

 

[MtnMan]

MtnMan!

Congrats on your progress! You came a long way since joining this site. Your post history should be inspirational to new members on SoSuave.

Thank you very much! I tend to want to make progress very quickly in my endeavors, and sometimes I feel like all this work and I still have no game.
When I step back and look at my situation, and mental state, I have come a long way in 2014! I don't really have plates to spin though, only this one girl. But even with just one girl, I am successfully having a casual relationship on my terms with a cool girl. I guess I can call that a victory!

 

[om1xr]

it's not a bad thing man! you are the Boyfriend kind of man not the Lover kind. so you will be more comfortable in LTRs and that is great if that's your thing.

 

[apprenticedj]

I think you're fine, remember you have to do what feels right for YOU. If you like to get a little lovey dovey don't worry about it, as long as the two of you are on the same level with your affection. She's an excellent cook eh? Lucky dog!

 

[MtnMan]

I got a problem gents!

I can feel some beginning stages of one-itis coming on with this girl. The more I get to know her and her background, the more I like her. (not that this is a bad thing).

The problem is I could feel myself feeling anxious that she hasn't contacted me in a couple days. Usually she sends me some nonsense text with a picture of some fancy desert she made etc. I know this is nonsense, but I am admitting it now in hopes of mitigating the feeling. I haven't done anything like send stupid texts or call her or anything, but that feeling pisses me off. I know that if she flakes out and looses interest I am already to the point where its going to sting. I was really feeling great since I finally shook the chains of my ex...looks like I still got work to do.

Luckily I have a weekend trip planned out of state with my boys tomorrow, so I will be forced to think about other things, hopefully I get a chance to hit on some women while I am gone too.

Sometimes I feel like im such a woman about this crap. This girl shows high interest, treats me great, brings food to my place, drives 45 mins to see me, picks up my phone calls etc. No reason to think she is loosing interest, yet I can feel that anxiety inside. I suppose this is the first girl that I have met since being single that I actually consider for dating potential. I got to get my $hit under wraps!

I was going to set up something with her for next week when I return, but now I am hesitant to call, fearing that I will further my oneitis for this girl!!!

It seems like as soon as you make some good game progress, you run into the next phase and realize how much work you still have ahead of you. It is like crossing the finish line, only to realize there is a much bigger race beginning on the other side.

 

[MtnMan]

I would text her over the weekend. It doesn't have to be anything special. In fact, I would text a single word: "Hi." Wait her response and don't text again until she responds.

Not a crime to date other people and enjoy her company. IMO, at the end of the day, all they really want (moreso than exclusivity) is to be treated like a queen. I have no issues treating them special, even though most of my plates probably assume that I'm not a 1-woman man.

And don't assume that she's 100% ready to commit to you. She might be dating other guys for all you know. Or she may not like you as much as you think.

Yes, i think its possible for sure that she has other guys in her life. I only just appeared on her radar a short time ago. I also don't assume she is ready to commit to me.

My main concern now is my own feelings toward her. I think I genuinely like her, and the more I get to know her, the more I like her. My concern is the fact that it gives her power over me, even if she doesn't know it yet.

I think my game/frame has been tight so far, and things are fine, but internally I feel myself thinking about her more than I should. I know myself, and I know that I am pretty emotional (no homo). I know that if she lost interest now, I would already feel hurt to some degree. Whether I want to admit it or not, having good sex where there seems to be a decent connection definitely strengthens my feelings for a girl.

Maybe its ego, maybe its emotions. Sucks either way, I need to learn how to be less interested, but still interested...does that make sense?

In the past I would have just blown it at this point by letting her see that I am becoming interested, so far I think I am fine, but I feel like I have to fight an internal battle over it. On one hand, I feel like I should just bang a bunch of women and desensitize myself to those feelings. On the other hand, I fancy myself in a LTR again one day, and want to feel like the girl I am with is special. I don't quite know how to strike that balance.

 

[om1xr]

Maybe its ego, maybe its emotions. Sucks either way, I need to learn how to be less interested, but still interested...does that make sense?

The problem is not with how you feel about this girl but your intentions of being in this kind of relationship.

that mean if you enter a relationship or become attached and invested in a girl based on a need or lack. it's like you are looking for a girl to complete you or to bring happiness to your life then you are going to suffer and find yourself playing silly games and confusing yourself more and more.

Try to change need and lack by appreciation and curiosity and fun seeking when it comes to girls and relationship in general. It's all about experiences and fun but people confuse themselves by playing games instead of having the right mindset and life.

 

[MtnMan]

The problem is not with how you feel about this girl but your intentions of being in this kind of relationship.

that mean if you enter a relationship or become attached and invested in a girl based on a need or lack. it's like you are looking for a girl to complete you or to bring happiness to your life then you are going to suffer and find yourself playing silly games and confusing yourself more and more.

Try to change need and lack by appreciation and curiosity and fun seeking when it comes to girls and relationship in general. It's all about experiences and fun but people confuse themselves by playing games instead of having the right mindset and life.

great post man, I had really been doing well with this for the last few months.

I have been having a great time with my life, traveling, seeing my buds, working on my property. This girl threw me for a loop. I really felt like I was doing great, and getting over my LTR, and having a woman consistently in my life. I dated a few girls, had some good times, and really didn't have any negative emotions, I thought this was great!

Then along comes a girl who I actually have good chemistry with and could see as potential relationship material, and it throws me for a loop. Its a bit like starting over, but I think I will get a handle on it.

Part of my problem is that I have a pretty obsessive (maybe even addictive) personality. Lukily I have never had problems with substances, but I do get very into certain things. This has allowed me to focus on some pretty heftly projects and complete them. I have also learned many things through this drive to succeed. It is also helping me with game, as long as I keep it applied correctly.

Currently I can feel it start to go off the rails a little bit. The obsession and drive is shifting away from meeting girls, and self improving to thinking about this one girl. I think it is excellent timing that I am going on a roadtrip with some buddies this weekend. I will have other things on my mind and I can step back and get my head straight again.

That being said, if this girl never talks to me again, I will be sad. She is the most interesting girl I have met in the last several months. But I know I will be just fine if that happens. I think learning how to smooth those ups and downs is essential for me.

And to make matters worse/better, I now have a date at a nice cafe near my place on tuesday with this girl. Obviously she is still interested, but now I must work even harder to keep myself in check. Its been said that my obsession and drive are my best and worst qualities.

 

[MtnMan]

little update here, girl in question here is coming over tonight, going to grab dinner at a cafe near my place and hang back at my place.
During a brief text convo she sends this:

"I have another bold question for you, but I am going to save that for tomorrow night"

Hmm, not sure what question this might be, thinking it might be the 'exclusive' question.

I like this chick, she is potential GF material, but I have not had enough time to properly screen.

How can I communicate that it is a possibility, but I am not ready at this present moment without blowing the whole thing out of the water?

 

[MtnMan]

well lol@me. I definitely over analyzed this situation. Her question was "can we have sex by a campfire?"

However this morning she brought up her roomates (a couple that has been together for a long time) and how she likes their relationship and has learned things about what she wants from a relationship by living with them. So I suppose I wasn't completely off base, she brought that up unprovoked.

I'm in this strange state where I want her to want a relationship with me. I have a strange feeling in my gut, and I literally cannot tell if its positive or negative or both. I can't tell if things are about to drop with this girl or get more serious.