Am I sending out a defensive message?

[The LadyKiller]

Recently, I have not been receiving the reciprocation or positive attention from HBs that I would like. I've asked some of my close buddies if I am doing something wrong that I don't know about, and they said no. So, what would a HB notice that a guy wouldn't?

Then it hit me. I'm not tall (5'7"), but go to the gym a lot and am buff as a result - people comment on my physique (unfortunately, most of it is from guys). I'm a "good guy," but I'm not afraid to stand my ground with others and am an outgoing person. I'm also somewhat of a bulldog when it comes to getting things done and done right - I don't sit around and wait for things to come to me (nothing is given, it's earned).

While the traits above appear to be positives, they also form a negative perception. Something called a Napoleon Complex. The gist is HB's might think I'm overcompensating for something (Napoleon Complex would suggest height, but in general overcompensating could be for anything). It's not something guys would pick up on, but something girls might.

My question here is, how do I get rid of this perception? I'm working hard to be the best "me" I could be by going to the gym and being confident, but I guess HB's don't see it that way?

 

[European-DJ]

Are you buff or ripped?
Usually, short guys who are really buff get this barell look to them; when you are short you should try going for the toned and ripped look, not too bulky and buff. Just my 0.02

 

[Uncharted]

I'm 5'9" and I used to be 210 mostly muscle but not ripped just big and I think I looked more intimidating. I tore my shoulder labrum and I was forced to quit working out. Now I'm 175 and I think I look better. Now I'm more "ripped" and I look slimmer in clothes and (most importantly) I feel more confident.

I would do whatever you think would make you feel better. My cousin is a "barrel" type guy but he is always upbeat and laughing and he always gets chicks.

 

[The LadyKiller]

I'm more buff than ripped. 5-7, 170-175lbs with big arms and can bench a good amount. I don't have a "flat" stomach (45 chest, 33 waist), but you can still identify all parts of a 6-pack. I have decent running speed as well. Some guys ask if I take steroids, but I'm 100% clean.

I was scrawny when I was younger, I feel a lot better now than I did back then. I'm upbeat/positive, but maybe the physique contributes to the Napoleon Complex perception?

 

[Vice]

I'm a tall guy and sometimes I get unwarranted hostility from shorter guys that sometimes isn't even conscious on their part.

Look over yourself carefully and ask yourself if you are honestly trying to impress certain people about a certain aspect in your life.

 

[The LadyKiller]

I'm a tall guy and sometimes I get unwarranted hostility from shorter guys that sometimes isn't even conscious on their part.

Look over yourself carefully and ask yourself if you are honestly trying to impress certain people about a certain aspect in your life.

I myself realized a while ago that I have this complex with my military experience; I find any reason to bring it up so I can tell people I'm in it. Gotta stop doing that. No one cares, and I'm bored of answering the same questions over and over anyhow.

Interesting point (bolded). I thought it over, but I don't think there is a particular aspect of my life that I stress on other people. Other people bring up my physique, to which I usually give a cliche "Trying to be in the best shape I can be" type response.

Sometimes, my conversations with HBs tend to drift to the same couple of things I know about them. When I try to elevate the conversation from smalltalk to "medium talk," they close up and that's the end of it. Though I'm sure this isn't uncommon, the bit of hostility in the HB's attitude (ignoring, giving 1-word answers, no eye contact) is a red flag.

Which brings me back to the question of if these girls think I am overcompensating for something without me realizing it - and how to change that perception?

 

[Stagger Lee]

You say you noticed recently women being less responsive to you, and you point to a buff build possibly the cause. Is your buff physique also recent?

It's hard to venture a guess without knowing all the factors. It's possible that you just ran into a recent string of women that were not as receptive. In the long term you can see an average trend, but in the short term women can be feast or famine. How long have you noticed it?

Assuming it's not just a short term anomaly, my guess is there's something that has changed about your appearance. Hair thinning, getting older and more lines/wrinkles in face, not as lean body etc?

Women not being responsive usually means they are not attracted enough, and I believe attraction is mostly visual/appearance. Even a change in your mood can change your appearance and be noticed, or your affect.

 

[Atom Smasher]

The following is not aimed at anyone in particular but rather is my typical general Saturday morning essay.

A lot of men are completely unaware that being overly buffed is equal to wearing tons of jewelry. It reeks of "try hard" and insecurity. Many women dislike it because it shows that a man cares way too much, that instead of being out in the world battling and slaying dragons he spends his time in the gym adoring himself in the mirrors.

The trick is to find the sweet spot of good definition without looking like a caricature of a musclehead.

Every man is different so each one has a different sweet spot, but it's all too easy to lose perspective in the gym.

The female analog might be excessive makeup. To other people she looks bizarre and people universally understand that she is unbalanced, but her own mind adjusts the intensity downward when she looks in the mirror.

I would say that when a man displays muscularity that shows he is well prepared to take on any threat in life, that's an attractive thing. Muscularity that shows he is more devoted to working out than slaying dragons reeks of insecurity. This is very hard for a young man to discern (age 24 and below).

Gym rat = attractive to 5 to 10 percent of women (probably closer to 5). Muscular and well - defined = attractive to 60 to 70 percent of women. Also of course the type of woman you're trying to attract comes into play.

For me, I like to look like I can kick your ass if I want to because I'm lean, fit, and muscular. I convey that I spend an appropriate amount of time in the gym to be able to take care of business in life, but I don't stand around in the gym all day secretly blowing kisses to myself. Really, so many men are unaware that anything in excess shows that he is compensating for insecurity. A man who displays balance is extremely attractive and garners respect from both genders.