Am I getting played?

[eaglez1177]

Hey guys. My gf and I have been going out for 5 months now, and I have a bad gut feeling that she's cheated on me before (although Ive never actually caught her in any bad lies with another guy). Would it be better to end things now before I actually do get cheated on? Or am I just getting insecure and paranoid and she really hasnt cheated on me before? (in which case I would make a horrible mistake dumping this girl if shes never cheated on me before).

I mean I know for A FACT that she used to be a slvt for a few years (she has a bad reputation), so thats always in the back of my head and makes me wonder: is she still the same person (an untrustworthy, cheating slut) or if she trying to turn over a new leaf by staying loyal and going out with me.

That brings me to another point. Do girls ever change? Say you have a girl who's had this bad reputation of being a slvt, will she always be that same, untrustworthy and disloyal slvt? Once a slvt always a slvt? Or is it possible that these kinds of girls can change and become good and loyal girlfriends?

Now back to my situation. The reason why Ive always had this gut feeling about my girlfriend is that when she talks about how she feels about me, I feel like she's faking what she says and shes playing me and spoon feeding me what I want to hear and shes lying about how she really feels. Here are some things she says to me all the time: If I tell her I love her, she will always say: "i love you more". She says things like "I love you and I never want to lose you" (Yet i never mention anything about leaving her or losing her lol. its almost like all this sh*t she is saying is coming straight out of some fvcking dramatic hollywood love movie!!) She says things like: "Your the love of my life" "Your perfect and amazing" "I love you from the bottom of my heart"

It all just seems so FAKE!! Ive caught her in a few lies before, but none of them have involved any other guys. Another thing is that since she used to be a slvt, she has A LOT of guy "friends".

Can someone give me advice on all this and tell me if this girl is for real and loyal or am I just getting played and is she cheating behind my back?

 

[TheSplat]

Relationships are built on TRUST. It's obvious you don't have that. None of us can tell you whether you're being played or not from what you wrote. And the word slvt is relative. She could be one if she's slept w/ 4 guys, or 100. You're going to either have to hire a PI to follow her around to see if she's cheating (kidding!) or you're going to have to just trust her. Or dump her. Whatever you want to do. But if you're having a good time together, you're probably just being paranoid.

 

[Interceptor]

Maybe you should just state to her that you feel like she not being genuine when she says that.
She will probably get defensive, so be prepared for that.
But tell her that for some reason you dont feel that she is being honest when she says those things.
At some point, youre going to have to trust her in order for the relationship to move forward. And if you have trust issues, you will continue to have difficulty.
If you're willing to learn, grow, overcome these challenges that all relationships face, then tell her.
And try to gauge how much effort she will put into trying make you feel safe and secure as well.
Remember, that you deserve respect and a feeling of safety and security in your partner.
Dont shortchange yourself.

And if you have to confront these issue, then do it.
Youre the Man.
Face it and confront it for the both of you.

But she has to be willing to put forth the effort in making her relationship is also secure, and that you have nothing to worry about.

Men often grow up thinking that their needs dont matter.
And that the most important thing is to always make sure she's happy, while ignoring our own happiness. We ofen feel undeserving, and feel our needs are second place.
( then there are those who are arrogantly selfish, and dont care about anybody's needs or feelings, they are just concerned with their own. But Im talking about healthy, mature men who want a solid relationship,and want to give and recieve love and affection, But many men still have a sense of undeserving despite their wanting of a healthy relationship. They still have inner work to do to feel more worthy and deserving, and increase their self respect, self esteem.)


So if you're feeling something is 'off'. Bring it up to her.
Address it. Name it.
And then depending on how she reacts, or RESPONDS , make your decision.

Dont stay with a female because you have no life, or no other options, or have become codependent, or are lazy, etc...


You MUST have the Power to walk away at any time.

 

[eaglez1177]

Well thats another thing...Im worried to bring this up to her because if I do she'll get really pissed that I dont believe she loves me. I mean ive like questioned her love for me once before and she like flipped out and got all mad.

 

[x86]

Don't make your decisions based on fear. It's no fun acting like a timid mouse all the time around someone.

 

[Ganondorf]

Don't you think you might be being alittle over dramatic?
if you can't trust your gf, then why be with her? why would anyone waste time trying to be with you only to fvck other guys?

i think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure you've never lied before, but just because a person lies doesn't mean they cheat

you never know. Your gf might be the more faithful to you then you give her credit for
if she didn't care about you, would she have gotten mad when you were a baby an told her you don't think she means it?

lighten up, and love her back. stop trying to catch her. all truth comes to light eventually, and if she's faithful it will show. likewise, if she's cheating it will show

stop trying to police her. relationships are about trust and giving. give to her. you are only holding back your relationship with all this worrying
good luck bro

 

[BlakeW5]

Like others have said, relationships (good ones anyways) are built on trust. It's hands-down the most important factor.

At the same time, people get defensive about things for a reason. Defensive reactions usually indicate someone's lying or covering something up (don't ask how I know, I don't want to talk about it). Basically, if there's nothing you have to hide or be ashamed about you shouldn't have a hard time talking about it. If she does look out.

Either way, bring it up. Regardless whether or not you fear how she'll react. If she actually cares she'll see your side of the equation and do what she can to console you. You shouldn't be the only one in the relationship who has to prove yourself. In the end, if talking about it helps you trust her more it's worth the risk. Either it will make the relationship better (you can trust each other) or it will tear apart a relationship that wasn't what you thought it was.

 

[eaglez1177]

Like others have said, relationships (good ones anyways) are built on trust. It's hands-down the most important factor.

At the same time, people get defensive about things for a reason. Defensive reactions usually indicate someone's lying or covering something up (don't ask how I know, I don't want to talk about it). Basically, if there's nothing you have to hide or be ashamed about you shouldn't have a hard time talking about it. If she does look out.
Either way, bring it up. Regardless whether or not you fear how she'll react. If she actually cares she'll see your side of the equation and do what she can to console you. You shouldn't be the only one in the relationship who has to prove yourself. In the end, if talking about it helps you trust her more it's worth the risk. Either it will make the relationship better (you can trust each other) or it will tear apart a relationship that wasn't what you thought it was.

Yea see thats the thing if I went to her today and talked to her about it she would get so mad and upset that I still didnt believe she loved me after five months.

 

[bukowski_merit]

i dunno... "relationships are built on trust" just sounds too much like advice that would be in Cosmo or on Dr. Phil... just sounds a little too simplified and PC to me... "give to her and she will give to you" is terrible advice when dealing with girls with a history of being slvts...

Do girls ever change?

depends on if they're low self-esteem or not... if they are (and most girls are)... then without therapy - it's unlikely they will change. this girl especially sounds LSE. most girls with a history of being slvts are LSE and HD (high sex drive)... which is really the worst combination of woman you can find. And she's worse the more attractive she is.

"I love you and I never want to lose you" (Yet i never mention anything about leaving her or losing her lol. its almost like all this sh*t she is saying is coming straight out of some fvcking dramatic hollywood love movie!!)

this may surprise you... but i think her doing this is her telling you she wants to have a fear of losing you... she's subconsciously communicating that... she wants you to give her an array of emotions; to take her on the roller coaster.... if she can't get this - she's bound to create some drama...

as interceptor said "You MUST have the Power to walk away at any time." and she must be aware of this at all times (you don't tell her this, you sub-communicate it to her)...

It all just seems so FAKE!! Ive caught her in a few lies before, but none of them have involved any other guys.

how did you handle her lying to you???? what types of lies?

Another thing is that since she used to be a slvt, she has A LOT of guy "friends".

if this is a problem with you... you should have made that clear to her before you jumped in a 5 months relationship with her... reacting to that now is going to get you nowhere...

Yea see thats the thing if I went to her today and talked to her about it she would get so mad and upset that I still didnt believe she loved me after five months.

you gave her a chance to act on the drama she wants to bring to her life. how did you react when she was acting like this?

 

[eaglez1177]

i dunno... "relationships are built on trust" just sounds too much like advice that would be in Cosmo or on Dr. Phil... just sounds a little too simplified and PC to me... "give to her and she will give to you" is terrible advice when dealing with girls with a history of being slvts...


depends on if they're low self-esteem or not... if they are (and most girls are)... then without therapy - it's unlikely they will change. this girl especially sounds LSE. most girls with a history of being slvts are LSE and HD (high sex drive)... which is really the worst combination of woman you can find. And she's worse the more attractive she is.



this may surprise you... but i think her doing this is her telling you she wants to have a fear of losing you... she's subconsciously communicating that... she wants you to give her an array of emotions; to take her on the roller coaster.... if she can't get this - she's bound to create some drama...

as interceptor said "You MUST have the Power to walk away at any time." and she must be aware of this at all times (you don't tell her this, you sub-communicate it to her)...



how did you handle her lying to you???? what types of lies?



if this is a problem with you... you should have made that clear to her before you jumped in a 5 months relationship with her... reacting to that now is going to get you nowhere...



you gave her a chance to act on the drama she wants to bring to her life. how did you react when she was acting like this?

Wow you were totally right about the low self esteem and high sex drive. Whenever I tell my girlfriend how hot she is (and she actually is pretty hot) she ALWAYS, disagrees and just shakes it off. On top of that, she always tells me how shes always alot more hornier than most girls.

And how can I sub consciously communicate to her that she can lose me at any time?

As for the lies, they werent that big of lies but theyre still lies so I did get pretty annoyed with her for like a day. Ex: Probably the worse lie i've had with her was when she went to one of my best friends and started asking him if I ever discussed our sex life with all my best friends. My friend covered my back, and said "no he doesnt do that". Then, he texted me and told me what my gf asked him. Then, when I asked my gf about it, she COMPLETELY denied everything she asked my friend and she lied to my face for the entire day.

And when she got mad at me for questioning if she really did love me, I was kinda startled that she would get so mad and defensive. I wouldve thought that she would be like "noo dont ever think that I really do love you" but instead she got mad that I didnt accept her love by now.

 

[scottfall]

most girls with a history of being slvts are LSE and HD (high sex drive)... which is really the worst combination of woman you can find. And she's worse the more attractive she is.

Can a man ever be strong and kind enough to get a woman out of that mentality? Give her the rush of losing him while still loving her enough to never really leave?

 

[2.0]

Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah!

Who says all sluts are disloyal and untrustworthy!? Girls who like sex can still be ethical people. Don't feed the anti-sex movement.

 

[horaholic]

Does her history involve infidelity? If so, she will likely do it to you. You sort of imply it. However she acted in previous relationships is how she will act to you, period. How old are you? How many years has it been since shes reformed her slvtty ways? If she was scandalous in high school, but has been normal for the last ten years, she might be alright. If she was slvtty right before you met her, I'd bet money she's still a slvt. Every cheater goes into their next relationship with the attitude of "Im not gonna cheat this time, I swear," but they always end up caving in.

Dont be afraid of her getting pissed if you talk to her. Thats a part of being in a relationship, and its essential for being a man. If that breaks you up, then, better now than later, right?

Edit: I reread your post, and you clearly state that she use to be a disloyal, untrustworthy, cheating slvt. Yes, she either has, or will cheat on you. Get out now. All cheating hors try to 'turn a new leaf' with every new dude. All this means is that she tries to fight the urge to cheat on you. If she has that urge in the first place, she is nothing but trash.

One more edit:

And when she got mad at me for questioning if she really did love me, I was kinda startled that she would get so mad and defensive. I wouldve thought that she would be like "noo dont ever think that I really do love you" but instead she got mad that I didnt accept her love by now.

When people get 'defensive' it is an indicator of deceipt. Ask her calmly if she's cheated on you sometime. If she flies off the handle, or hesitates to answer, it is likely that she has.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Wow you were totally right about the low self esteem and high sex drive. Whenever I tell my girlfriend how hot she is (and she actually is pretty hot) she ALWAYS, disagrees and just shakes it off. On top of that, she always tells me how shes always alot more hornier than most girls.

The low self-esteem causes her to believe she's unworthy of guys being nice to her (and there's nothing you can do about this - it's best not to tell her otherwise - and she may actually respond better to being treated bad.) The high sex drive causes her to cause drama but what she really wants is to be fvcked! The next time she starts doing some stupid sh!t - don't get pulled into it, instead escalate on her, and fvck her... don't discuss things.. fvck her and completely dominate her! i guarantee she becomes happy and shuts up...

And how can I sub consciously communicate to her that she can lose me at any time?

don't kiss her @ss... seem distant... like you're losing interest... make her jealous... dirty stuff really... she's a bit crazy... you have to be crazy back at her... these guys telling you to "talk to her" must not have been in many relationships with these types of women... actually... a lot of DJs will want to avoid this type of woman completely... and i understand the reason... maintaining sanity and all... but these girls are quite the fvck... but i would only advise you to not try to make this woman you wife, or to involve too much emotion in her... she would have been better as a FB (which is what i do with them, i don't want to get a broken heart over one of these girls)... you really made a mistake with making her your GF... and even playing the game along with her - will not keep your sanity in tact...

As for the lies, they werent that big of lies but theyre still lies so I did get pretty annoyed with her for like a day. Ex: Probably the worse lie i've had with her was when she went to one of my best friends and started asking him if I ever discussed our sex life with all my best friends. My friend covered my back, and said "no he doesnt do that". Then, he texted me and told me what my gf asked him. Then, when I asked my gf about it, she COMPLETELY denied everything she asked my friend and she lied to my face for the entire day.

she's just trying to create drama... go figure...

And when she got mad at me for questioning if she really did love me, I was kinda startled that she would get so mad and defensive. I wouldve thought that she would be like "noo dont ever think that I really do love you" but instead she got mad that I didnt accept her love by now.

you shouldn't have had that conversation with her... but, how did you REACT? that's what i'm asking...

 

[bukowski_merit]

Can a man ever be strong and kind enough to get a woman out of that mentality? Give her the rush of losing him while still loving her enough to never really leave?

"kind enough"? not a chance
"strong enough"? not likely... and even if he could - it would take WAAAAYYYY more effort than it's worth..... and he may be in a padded room by the time it's all said and done...

the only real answer is her seeking therapy on her own to find out why she is this way.

Low Self-Esteem, High Sex Drive, Hot Women - are better for FBs, ONS, or (if you're like me) MLTRs.... and the funny thing is - if there was some magical formula to tame these women - we probably wouldn't like them as much (especially if their Reformation meant a decrease in their sex drive)...


if you want the least amount of problems look for a High self esteem, low sex drive woman... they will give you the least problems... but they will also be quite boring in bed...

 

[It's-Me]

Maybe you should just state to her that you feel like she not being genuine when she says that.
She will probably get defensive, so be prepared for that.
But tell her that for some reason you dont feel that she is being honest when she says those things.
At some point, youre going to have to trust her in order for the relationship to move forward. And if you have trust issues, you will continue to have difficulty.
If you're willing to learn, grow, overcome these challenges that all relationships face, then tell her.
And try to gauge how much effort she will put into trying make you feel safe and secure as well.
Remember, that you deserve respect and a feeling of safety and security in your partner.
Dont shortchange yourself.

And if you have to confront these issue, then do it.
Youre the Man.
Face it and confront it for the both of you.

But she has to be willing to put forth the effort in making her relationship is also secure, and that you have nothing to worry about.

Men often grow up thinking that their needs dont matter.
And that the most important thing is to always make sure she's happy, while ignoring our own happiness. We ofen feel undeserving, and feel our needs are second place.
( then there are those who are arrogantly selfish, and dont care about anybody's needs or feelings, they are just concerned with their own. But Im talking about healthy, mature men who want a solid relationship,and want to give and recieve love and affection, But many men still have a sense of undeserving despite their wanting of a healthy relationship. They still have inner work to do to feel more worthy and deserving, and increase their self respect, self esteem.)


So if you're feeling something is 'off'. Bring it up to her.
Address it. Name it.
And then depending on how she reacts, or RESPONDS , make your decision.

Dont stay with a female because you have no life, or no other options, or have become codependent, or are lazy, etc...


You MUST have the Power to walk away at any time.

Interceptor nailed it.

 

[eaglez1177]

The low self-esteem causes her to believe she's unworthy of guys being nice to her (and there's nothing you can do about this - it's best not to tell her otherwise - and she may actually respond better to being treated bad.) The high sex drive causes her to cause drama but what she really wants is to be fvcked! The next time she starts doing some stupid sh!t - don't get pulled into it, instead escalate on her, and fvck her... don't discuss things.. fvck her and completely dominate her! i guarantee she becomes happy and shuts up...



don't kiss her @ss... seem distant... like you're losing interest... make her jealous... dirty stuff really... she's a bit crazy... you have to be crazy back at her... these guys telling you to "talk to her" must not have been in many relationships with these types of women... actually... a lot of DJs will want to avoid this type of woman completely... and i understand the reason... maintaining sanity and all... but these girls are quite the fvck... but i would only advise you to not try to make this woman you wife, or to involve too much emotion in her... she would have been better as a FB (which is what i do with them, i don't want to get a broken heart over one of these girls)... you really made a mistake with making her your GF... and even playing the game along with her - will not keep your sanity in tact...



she's just trying to create drama... go figure...




you shouldn't have had that conversation with her... but, how did you REACT? that's what i'm asking...

I know im gettin a lil off topic but ive never understood the reasoning behind a woman creating drama. Like why the heck would she want to start a huge fight and sh*t between us? Most of all though, is there any way I can tell that shes purposely "creating" this drama?

As for the reaction-your asking what I said back to her? I really didnt say much I was kinda speechless at the fact that she would get mad over something like that. To be honest with you though after a little while of her being mad at me I kinda just caved in to her and apologized and said that I believe her when she says she loves me.