I think you are looking at this the wrong way.
If I go into a restaurant, and she's picky where we sit, I want let her talk to the host about that stuff.
It sounds like this has been your experience with women. What you are describing is a woman who is not relationship material. Relationships should be easy. They should be yin and yang. Your masculinity should complement and counterbalance her femininity. Where people run into problems is with women exactly like you describe above. They are not in their feminine and instead they want to call all the shots, are picky, demanding, and want to lead. This is a MAJOR problem because it is not in a woman's nature to be like that, and it makes them unhappy and frustrated.
Often times women try to lead because of mental illness, or because of some psychological issues/trauma. Example is crippling insecurity and or separation anxiety, and if their response to that is to try to control everything, then you get leadership/masculine energy.
What typically happens with these women, in my own personal experience dating many of them and being married to one of them, is that they think they want to lead and have control over everything, yet they blame you at the same time for not making them "feel a certain way" and they become exhausted with the act of leadership and control which doesn't come naturally to women. The worst part is, they don't see it how I have explained it above. They don't understand why they feel that way about you. They just know they have two sources of frustration:
1. Anxiety and stress and exhaustion around the weight of making every decision and having control of everything (even though they are the ones driving it)
2. A general dissatisfaction and disgust toward their partner - the reason for which they can't quite put their finger on. "It's just...... it's just SOMETHING," and since they can't put their finger on it, they will start to make up reasons they aren't happy with you and they will change every day because they don't actually know what it is. You can go to therapy and they will say it's X one day and Y the next and the result is that nothing you ever do will be good enough because all the things they SAY they want you to do aren't the things that are causing their unhappiness.
This is where screening during dating comes into play. You want to find a woman who isn't bossy, demanding, and picky. You want a woman who is RELATIVELY go-with-the-flow. When you find a woman like this, leading is effortless because you just move through life and through the relationship like you normally do as a man. You decide where you want to work right? Or what hobbies you want right? Or where you want to eat right? If you didn't have a woman who constantly pushed back on your suggestions and leadership, how much effort would "leading" truly be? The answer is: it isn't, because you lead yourself every day by simply making normal decisions. That's all it is. It CAN get a little more complex when the two of you end up having some disputes over relationships and boundaries, and this is where understanding leadership and frame still needs to come into play, but this only happens from time to time. It should not be a constant struggle on every topic, every decision, every thing in day to day life.
There are many ways you can screen women for this during early dating.
