Am I Being Too Picky? And what if I am?

[Mr. Me]

Point being, if you date 100 women, you will find 1 that merits your exclusivity.

Given. I guess what I'm doing is filtering 100 down to a few, on the basis that if I go out with only those that really sizzle for me, any likely prospect that emerges will be a HB7>10 in my eyes. Plus, I avoid forming unintended attachments to HB6s or less.

It's just that it seems out of 100 random women, only three may possess the outward traits sufficient to get me to want to find out about the inner traits. So it's become a few and far between scenario. I was at the mall the other day, which especially because of the holidays, is abundant with women, and yet, I only saw about three that I thought were hot enough. Of course, I see them as I'm sipping coffee with Ms. FiveKids.

But JEEZ, 100 women? I don't think I could bear listening to 100 HB6s telling me about the kitty cat they saw crossing the street that day, what they found at the department store and other assorted female stories.

someone labeling you as 'picky' is really just a shaming tactic.

I hear that. Though I think my pal wasn't shaming me, though I think he was expressing this common belief that being picky keeps you single, and being single is a bad thing, ergo, one should lower one's standards in order to find someone to be with. I believe, OTOH, that single is the natural way of life. We're born alone, we die alone (even if we're in a relationship at the time), and we have to live alone in our bodies, in our experiences, throughout our life while other people may come and go. We may have others join us, be with us, but ultimately, we experience our lives by ourselves. That's our constant.

And that's part of why I'm picky. If another person joins in my journey, they have to enhance my life. Not cause problems. Not cause trouble. Not cause rife. Any bad behavior from another person pulls my life down, not up, therefore, why would I want to be with anyone that doesn't thrill me? There I go again.

I guess I needed to hear whether or not I'm being picky AKA ridiculous. I guess if I found something wrong with 100% of everyone, that would be ridiculous. At 98%, I'm still at 2% ridiculous-free.

 

[guru1000]

There is no question that it is a numbers game.

Funny thing, in my line of business you have to sieve through 1000 prospects to find one compatible client willing to do business with you. Yet we look at this as normal.

 

[cedd]

this "picky thing" is all about having standards, isn't it ?

with experience and age growing we all (I hope for you) are sharpening our standards and expectations regarding women and life.

Its a good thing being picky but only if you have options. Being picky with no options is just closing one's eye to this lack of choice.

The man who can't get 8s or 9s but says he doesnt want girls below is often covertly saying that he fvcks 5s or 6s and is ashamed of.

 

[STR8UP]

But JEEZ, 100 women? I don't think I could bear listening to 100 HB6s telling me about the kitty cat they saw crossing the street that day, what they found at the department store and other assorted female stories.

I haven't dated 100 women in my LIFETIME, let alone 100 in a year. Does that mean I'm never going to find my one and only?

Then again, maybe my definition of "dating" is different than others. There are plenty of women I have hung out with or gotten a drink with or went on "A" date or two with or who I fingered in the bathroom at a party, or......

But actually "dating" 100 women per year? As in meeting up with EACH and every one of them? C'mon.....that's just insane. That's like TWO per week! Jeesus, my fukking head would explode after a month.

Don't get me wrong....I love women. But I disqualify most women BEFORE I waste my time on a "date". Up until my life got thrown into chaos I was averaging meeting one or two potentials per year WITHOUT meeting the other 98 or 99 for coffee. Of course there are always a few DISqualified candidates I allow to share my bed in between as well, but I'm not dating most of them.

 

[jophil28]

... If another person joins in my journey, they have to enhance my life. Not cause problems. Not cause trouble. Not cause rife. Any bad behavior from another person pulls my life down, not up, therefore, why would I want to be with anyone that doesn't thrill me? There I go again.

Therefore , most women at your (our age) are NOT fit to be considered for an LTR.
Most will cause trouble and strife starting slowly about the second or third month of your relationship. Most are immature dingbats in adult bodies who believe that they are doing YOU a favor....and most want to be a pampered passenger, not a co-pilot.

With the exception of a tiny minority who are widowed, the majority are divorced and 'single again' for some very telling reasons. In a nutshell the 'marriage worthy' women over 30 are successfully married.

THose who are divorced (and some have done it several times) should not be in the business of marriage, or an LTR either.

I agree that being "picky" is not being ridiculous, it is acting in your own best interests.
To be blunt, dating divorced women, with the intention of seeking a permanent partner, iis picking over the scrapheap.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Why not be picky? If you don't find a woman attractive, don't waste your time (or hers). In theory, it makes sense that you should start by dating 5s and 6s and work your way up, but in practice it takes 10x the work to get rid of 'em as it does to hook 'em.

I don't like the mentality that some guys have about racking up as many sexual partners as they have access to regardless of looks or quality. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. It should be a CHOICE vs. a NEED.

I say go for the 8s, 9s, and 10s right off the bat. Sure, they're going to be tougher and you're not going to be forgiven as many mistakes, but they're the ones you should be "practicing" on, and they're not as inaccessible as you think. These girls are often the most socially intelligent as well due to years of being approached, so by learning to be comfortable around them you subconsciously communicate that you "get it."

When you settle, it invariably leads to second guessing, which leads to regret and disappointment. Besides, if you're settling, it only means some other douchebag is out scoring the hotties.

 

[020204]

I think being picky is reasonable. However I do think it is rediculous to expect a HB9 who is toned and very classy if you are a slob yourself. If you take care of your body and dress to that type of women then I don't see the necessity of slumbing it with 5s and 6s. I believe anything upwards of a 6.5 usually has the potential to transform or doll herself up to a HB 8 and 9 with the right fashion sense and hitting the gym. In order to be picky you must up your own standards in terms of grooming and how one presents oneself.

 

[mrRuckus]

I'm seeing an 8-9 blonde (mostly to others) right now that i really can't see myself with because she's too tall. She's 5'9 or 5'10.

I'm between 5'10 and 5'11 and to me the sex is awkward. The angles and leverage are all screwed up for me when i'm used to girls being 5'1-5'5. Simply too much leg.

--

What bugs me about women is when they COULD be extra hot and they just choose not to be. I wish skinny girls would put on a little muscle, but all they care about is the weight number on the scale. Their arms and legs would be so much nicer if they weren't "just" skinny.

 

[edger]

I'm between 5'10 and 5'11 and to me the sex is awkward. The angles and leverage are all screwed up for me when i'm used to girls being 5'1-5'5.

Are you crazy? I hung out with a chick who was 5'1" a few yrs ago, and nothing could've felt more awkward about it. And I'm 5'8" and it bothered me. When we kissed, I found myself in the most uncomfortable position, as I had to literally bend my knees about 10 degrees to lower myself to kiss her. It looked really stupid. I could just imagine how stupid a 5'10" guy would look.

 

[edger]

Edger is seeting himself up for a life of pain and suffering with women, and a lifetime of posting on SS about the drama in his life with those same women who get him hot."

Lol. Eh, what are ya gonna do? I'm always prepared for the worst, believe me. I've come to learn to prepare for the worst. That's why, when it comes, I hardly feel it any more.

 

[ketostix]

I'm seeing an 8-9 blonde (mostly to others) right now that i really can't see myself with because she's too tall. She's 5'9 or 5'10.

I'm between 5'10 and 5'11 and to me the sex is awkward. The angles and leverage are all screwed up for me when i'm used to girls being 5'1-5'5. Simply too much leg.

--

I think about a 5-6inch height differential is ideal with the girl being 5 inches shorter. So for me, about 5'7 or 5'8 is ideal. I think shorter for the girl works better than her being taller in general. I think any girl much over 5'9 starts to look freakishly tall and I think it's hard for a woman to carry that height and not look lanky.

 

[mrRuckus]

Are you crazy? I hung out with a chick who was 5'1" a few yrs ago, and nothing could've felt more awkward about it. And I'm 5'8" and it bothered me. When we kissed, I found myself in the most uncomfortable position, as I had to literally bend my knees about 10 degrees to lower myself to kiss her. It looked really stupid. I could just imagine how stupid a 5'10" guy would look.

Stand with a wider stance. It lowers you. That's how i wash the dishes since sinks are made for women to stand at and my lower back hurts bending over. Do you often make out standing up? You kiss for a couple seconds if that normally standing up. I'm usually sitting or lying if we're kissing more than a few seconds.

Shrug. I dont' know. I never even thought about that. It's way weirder for me to have her at eye level kissing her... or standing behind her trying to jump to see past her... Most girls i've dated are 5'4 and 5'5. I didn't even really care for the 5'7 one because she was too tall... heh.

Especially because all girls insist on wearing heels. Why do they insist on being annoying like that and then whine they have to walk across the parking lot in heels? I park the first damn spot i see without regard for distance because my legs and footwear are functional and i hate dealing with the traffic of fat people all aiming for that one open spot while some fool fiddles with their keys.

I like them shorter, not too skinny, and with more than an A cup. C preferably, really. Some Bs kinda work but most chicks don't even seem to know their proper size so i start to get confused.

 

[mrRuckus]

I think about a 5-6inch height differential is ideal with the girl being 5 inches shorter. So for me, about 5'7 or 5'8 is ideal. I think shorter for the girl works better than her being taller in general. I think any girl much over 5'9 starts to look freakishly tall and I think it's hard for a woman to carry that height and not look lanky.

When you are the same height it totally ruins doggy style because her ass is too high. Stupid freakishly long thighs.

Even missionary is screwed up because there's octopus legs in the way.

 

[azanon]

A pal of mine recently said to me, "You're really picky".

But I know this much about myself, because I've been through it before: Physically-wise, if the woman doesn't have the lean, ectomorph body and slender face, the long, straight dark hair, the slender legs and tapered wrists and curved hips that makes me salivate and that 50% of all other men are attracted to, then it the long run, I'm just going to keep on looking. Conversely, I know for sure when I'm with that type, I'm more then satisfied.

It's just as important to me as what a woman's character and personality traits are. Just as one wouldn't dream of hooking up with a selfish, mean b1tch, I wouldn't hook up with a plain Jane. My pal would hook up with a plain Jane if she treats him well enough, but I've tried that in the past, and couldn't keep doing it. It has to be about the outside just as much as the inside.

Otherwise, I feel, what's the point? If I'm going to put any effort at all into a relationship, participate in it, have to deal with the pimples now and then so to speak, then why bother unless it's someone who makes you gulp when you see her naked?

I probably AM being too "picky". But to not be would mean I'd be with women I don't want to bother poking even with your d1ck. What would be the point of not being picky?

To give you any kind of decent answer, I'd need a full body pic, your income, and your net worth. If the general response is "awesome shape and looks for a 54 year old", 75K+ income, and 400K+ net worth, I'd say your standards sound right on the money.

If you're average or worse looks or overweight, less than 75K income, or basically broke, then yes, definitely, you're too picky.

I'm a huge fan of DJism, but your success will still be highly limited if you're overweight/fat, and don't have much money at 54.

 

[Matt Rogers]

It is about quantity or quality. You obviously prefer quality and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact I think it is more refined than being one of these guys that taps everything that moves.

I also notice you have a precise physical type. I think that is probably the real problem. There are lots of beautiful girls out there but if you have a very narrow definition of beauty it is that much harder.

Assuming you have a reasonable amount of experience with women which I can tell you have, there is no need to date 100 girls a year. Just zone in on the girls who fit your physical template and see if they are feeling you.

Ive also tried to settle and tried to accept what I perceive to be physical flaws in women. It never works.

 

[Sinistar]

A pal of mine recently said to me, "You're really picky".

But I know this much about myself, because I've been through it before: Physically-wise, if the woman doesn't have the lean, ectomorph body and slender face, the long, straight dark hair, the slender legs and tapered wrists and curved hips that makes me salivate and that 50% of all other men are attracted to, then it the long run, I'm just going to keep on looking. Conversely, I know for sure when I'm with that type, I'm more then satisfied.

It's just as important to me as what a woman's character and personality traits are. Just as one wouldn't dream of hooking up with a selfish, mean b1tch, I wouldn't hook up with a plain Jane. My pal would hook up with a plain Jane if she treats him well enough, but I've tried that in the past, and couldn't keep doing it. It has to be about the outside just as much as the inside.

Otherwise, I feel, what's the point? If I'm going to put any effort at all into a relationship, participate in it, have to deal with the pimples now and then so to speak, then why bother unless it's someone who makes you gulp when you see her naked?

I probably AM being too "picky". But to not be would mean I'd be with women I don't want to bother poking even with your d1ck. What would be the point of not being picky?

This might be worth mentioning in this thread however given the OP's age and experiences this most likely does not apply to him specifically. The OP mentioned that a friend told him he is picky. There are two parts there that any self-aware DJ should pick up on.

The Friend: Anytime a friend or family member (especially female or AFC guy) tells you this your ears should perk up. But for reasons different than you might initially guess. They are quite possibly trying to manipulate you. Not in some devious way. More likely, in some way to sway your lifestyle closer to their lifestyle or expectations (via their beliefs). My guess is that your lifestyle and choices somehow make them uncomfortable or seem outside their norm and they want to normalize. The beauty of finding the DJ way is that we can pick up on these statements almost instantly and often it can be a load of fun if you actually address their statement with challenges to their lifestyle and belief system.

Picky: I think this can be lumped in with High Standards. For guys who've dated a lot (high level of experience w/r to intimacy, attraction, interpersonal relationships) I really just think of these terms as overt AFC/Female descriptions of your evolved indifference to the once mystical power of women. Throw this one back at them and have some fun with it. They might learn a lot from you when you are at this level.

On the other end of the spectrum and far more common is the guy with little or no experience. This one is obvious. Being Picky (or having High Standards) are prime examples of buffers to rejection (see Rollo's posts for more info). I know a few years back Rollo and I disagreed when he initially grouped High Standards into the soulmate category. I can see that now to a larger degree. The reason I see being picky (or having high standards) as being somewhat different than the "one" is that I know for a fact that there are easily 100,000's women in this world who are as attractive as Marissa Miller (my favorite example these days). Even a lifelong AFC with no dating experience knows this fact. He knows there are thousands of women who fit his "high standards" - he believes he be happy experiencing any number of them - but only them. Why? If a woman is not deemed that attractive he has an excuse (buffer) not to approach and feel the pain of rejection. If he dates outside this 'picky' group he also fears what his friends, family and (ironically) what other women would think of him. For the inexperienced (as I said not the OP's case) being picky is a fantasy put in place to avoid real world interactions, rejections, etc.

 

[Mr. Me]

If you're average or worse looks or overweight, less than 75K income, or basically broke, then yes, definitely, you're too picky. I'm a huge fan of DJism, but your success will still be highly limited if you're overweight/fat, and don't have much money at 54.

Without giving away lots of personal details, I can say that at 54, happily, none of that applies to me. I'm not the typical 54 y.o., thank god.

With the exception of a tiny minority who are widowed, the majority are divorced and 'single again' for some very telling reasons. In a nutshell the 'marriage worthy' women over 30 are successfully married.
To be blunt, dating divorced women, with the intention of seeking a permanent partner, iis picking over the scrapheap.

I believe that's true. I'd also go one further and say that it's true for women of any age. I'm privy to discussions of brides-to-be since I'm in the wedding industry, and these are mostly 20 to 30 somethings, looking to breed, or keep up with their getting married friends, and when I hear them talk, for the life of me I can't see how the guys want to marry them. They're immature, have issues, lousy traits, and they even admit it. These women rebound from relationship to relationship husband shopping until they meet a guy who passes their tests and is willing to give them what they want. For the most part, the guys they are marrying act like chumps and are submissive to the women, willing to accept poor partners and I suppose it's because the women have the poon and give the sap attention. I just met a couple, where the guy is really nerdy looking but has money, but he's marrying a young frickin' model! But I have to say, she comes off as V-E-R-Y high maintenance. I don't even want to work with them because I can foresee problems with her already.

Point is, these younger girls aren't the best picks either.

The rarer ones: Once in a while I'll meet a couple where the guy's running the show and the girl wants to marry him because he's the prize and he knows how to handle her and she's been trying to get him to say yes for years. The there's those couples that have been together so long and decide to tie the knot; they're just real comfortable with each other.

I've often thought that widows were probably the best bet (as long as they're young, not the elderly ones!) But the problem with widows is that they tend to idolize their late husbands, placing them high on a pedestal, in fact, idolizing them and overlooking whatever was bad in the relationship and all the flaws, and no one else can ever compare. Who needs that?

That's the difference between widows and divorced women, by the way. Widows wish their former husbands were alive, whereas divorced women wish their former husbands were dead.

Anytime a friend or family member (especially female or AFC guy) tells you this your ears should perk up. But for reasons different than you might initially guess.

Exactly. My pal just HAD to get married because I think he found the dating waters very rough, and along comes one gal who says "marry me!", and I think that became a safety net for him or end up alone. And I think that's what he's pitching to me. I don't necessarily want to be "alone", but I sure don't want to be with just anyone.

I really just think of these terms as overt AFC/Female descriptions of your evolved indifference to the once mystical power of women.

Bingo.

 

[Ballie]

Originally posted by Jophil
With the exception of a tiny minority who are widowed, the majority are divorced and 'single again' for some very telling reasons. In a nutshell the 'marriage worthy' women over 30 are successfully married.

Tend to agree with this 100%. I am dating an attractive widow around my age - what a refreshing change from the divorcees and their baggage. This one is definately LTR material