Am I being played or what???

[dk1990S111]

A couple weeks ago I met this beautiful chick on POF, as far as looks she is pretty much perfect in my mind. She showed very high interest, insisted on buying me little snacks when she came over to my place to hang out. If she had to cancel plans right off the bat she made sure to offer to see me when I was free next. Well on Sunday we were supposed to go out to the desert and have a little fire. Started to rain a bit a few hours before we were going to head out. She texts that the weather is crappy so I tell her "ya looks like we'll have to go another time. I have another idea if you still want to come out" and got no response. Figure ok ghosted, that sucks but life goes on didnt send her any other messages or call her after that. Thursday night rolls around and I get this text from her.

"Hi dk. Im so sorry Ive been so MIA. Im not in the best head space right now I guess, and it has nothing to do with you ok; Im being kind of quiet and unresponsive to a lot of people rn. I have some free time tomorrow, and would like to see you if youre up for it. I understand if youre not. Ill text you again tomorrow to check in, or you can text me either way. Im gunna get some sleep, didnt get much at all last night (as usual lol, some kinda drama happens) I hope to hear from you."

I text her back and tell her ya I'll be free later on in the afternoon. So we meet up for coffee and at first everything is really cool. She offers to pay but I didnt let her. She got a little mad because I am fixing a speaker for her and she was saying she wanted to pay to repay me for doing that for her. Later on she brings this up, saying that she likes to pay sometimes to be an equal in the relationship so if I never let her pay we'd probably argue about that. Her (single) mom raised her to never rely on anyone, especially a man. We sit in my truck and listen to music for a while then she says she needs to talk to me about something. Says that she is dealing with a lot right now, her best friend had some stuff stolen from her and now the person is in jail. Dont know much about it, but she just said that her friend has been calling her at all hours of the night and she has to be there for her. She did look extremely drained, could tell she needed sleep for sure. Said that she had another friend that she has been dealing with problems with as well, and on top of all that she works for something like Child Protective Services so a lot of emotional stress gets put on her shoulders dealing with that kinda stuff all day. So she drops the "for now we should just be friends and stay in touch" bomb on me. Says shes just not at all ready to be present for what might be leading to a relationship. Also says that the attraction is definitely still there and she loves spending time with me, but just not the right time for her and she wouldn't blame me for just seeing other women.

One thing that stood out to me was that she said "I usually would just ghost in this situation but I really like you so I wanted to have this talk with you." Very true and now going back and reading that text she sent thursday night it just seems really strange overall. My buddy has already made sure I understand this chick is sounding pretty damn crazy at this point and he thinks she's just playing games to keep me as a backup. I have no idea what to think though. Its possible that she is not dealing with her friends drama but instead drama with her ex bf maybe, no clue.

 

[AttackFormation]

1 - Why do you insist on paying for her and why are you paying for her at all? I see this compulsion from other guys on this board too. What the fvck is wrong with you? Its pathetic, and i bet she got mad because she thinks so too. You need to cut that out

2 - If she wanted to be with you it would lower her stress level to be with you. All her talk is just her expressing that she has low interest, which she lets out when she says shed normally ghost you "in this kind of situation".

3 - From the way you insist on acting like a cuck, i dont know whether theres something for you to learn about yourself here or whether her low interest was out of your control (whether theres other guys in the picture or not). Normally Id say the latter but you could have turned her off somehow, but that also only matters if she was mentally healthy which who knows if she is

 

[Focal core]

Next her not worth the trouble.

 

[Focal core]

She works for CPS? So, she's the devil. That woman sees nothing but single mothers, all day long, and she made half of them single. Run, don't walk. You shouldn't even be thinking about that girl. She would even be hired by CPS unless she'd been molested, had daddy issues, was raised in foster care, and had at least one abortion.

You just dodged a bullet, and you don't even know it.

Biggest red flag give away.. I saw this too... Op didn't?

 

[dk1990S111]

Lol ok it’s like CPS but not really, she deals with teens going through sh1t. Kinda like a therapist from the sounds of it, but didn’t talk much about it.

As for paying, she paid the last time and I didn’t want her paying again. Maybe it sounds weak but feels weird to me, especially because I feel a little sorry for her knowing I make wayyyy more than she does so it’s like me spending a penny whereas for her it’s a dollar. Not a big deal to me at all to buy her some coffee

 

[Robert28]

She used the word “friends”. Hard next. Ghost. Run, don’t walk and don’t pass go.

 

[Focal core]

her best friend had some stuff stolen from her and now the person is in jail.

Don't be that friend, you might be jailed too soon op. Good god.. Run?! Definatelyyyyy

 

[dk1990S111]

No-one is saying you hafta make her buy you flowers and candy and cologne and take you to expensive restaurants and on cruises...unless she really wants to. I had women who took me out, and women who invited me over for a pizza and a movie. I just did whatever they wanted to do, wherever i had the time. You can let her hang out at your house; just tell her to bring some beer and an apron. It's okay to be a cheap date.

Ya we’ll see, not asking her to do anything at this point. She can ask to see me, but with the whole friend thing I’m not asking her to do anything for a while

 

[Robert28]

Ya we’ll see, not asking her to do anything at this point. She can ask to see me, but with the whole friend thing I’m not asking her to do anything for a while

I can’t stress this enough but she played her hand when she said “let’s be friends, not looking for relationship”. That says “I need to every now and then but since I called you my friend you’ll never get sex or anything else from me, I’ll waste your time if you let me though.”

I’ve heard what she said verbatim before and I promise you are in for nothing but time wasting.

Ghost!

 

[dk1990S111]

I can’t stress this enough but she played her hand when she said “let’s be friends, not looking for relationship”. That says “I need to every now and then but since I called you my friend you’ll never get sex or anything else from me, I’ll waste your time if you let me though.”

I’ve heard what she said verbatim before and I promise you are in for nothing but time wasting.

Ghost!

Don’t doubt it at all

 

[dk1990S111]

So the text Thursday was just so she could get me in person to tell me we should be friends just to validate her when she feels like it? Just seems so weird to go through that effort

 

[Robert28]

So the text Thursday was just so she could get me in person to tell me we should be friends just to validate her when she feels like it? Just seems so weird to go through that effort

Yes. That way she can say you and her had “the talk” face to face instead of over text or whatever. She’s labeled you as a friend. I’ve been there and she will make it seem like things will go on like they have been but she will quickly relish you into the friend zone where you can’t touch her or kiss her or have sex and you’ll be confused. She won’t be confused but you will be. If you protest she can say “but we had the talk about friends”.

 

[sangheilios]

Has anyone on here ever actually met a normal and well adjusted woman off of an online dating site or app? Seriously, it seems like every single story I read of on here or hear about in real life almost always involves a female that is just off lol.

 

[backseatjuan]

Single mom? Fck you dude. She is maximum a plate material, only if sh fcks good and displays mad interest. Hers I judge above 80%.

Playing you? Little pull back, some drama. Yes. It looks like she playing you. Tag along, fck, nothing serious.

Do not lend her money!!

 

[Focal core]

Single mom? Fck you dude. She is maximum a plate material, only if sh fcks good and displays mad interest. Hers I judge above 80%.

Playing you? Little pull back, some drama. Yes. It looks like she playing you. Tag along, fck, nothing serious.

Do not lend her money!!

The girls mother is a single mom.. Not her

 

[Focal core]

So the text Thursday was just so she could get me in person to tell me we should be friends just to validate her when she feels like it? Just seems so weird to go through that effort

That's your guts feeling speaking, finally, yes there's something weird happening there mate.. Finally.

 

[Frozen799]

From personal experience.

Don't fall for the "she made the effort to explain this to me, therefore there might be any interest". It happened to me few months ago, but my reply was to next her and that "I have enough friends already". She was just trying extra hard to keep you in friend zone, as she likes your company.

Second red flag - from what I can see, during your meetings she was only crying on your shoulder and releasing all the bad emotional stuff happened to her. DO you think a women who is really interested in you would even think of sharing bad things with you? She will try to put her best foot with you, just to make sure she won't loose you. She used you as emotional tampon, which was pretty handy considering her situation and she wanted to keep you as such. I have known such women in the past and they are completely drained all the time and will just bring you down with them.

She is playing you to be there when she needs you for her emotional relieve, but not ****ing or relationships.

Ghost, delete all contacts and never look back my friend, otherwise you are in a world of trouble.

 

[dk1990S111]

Since she added me on fb last night it’s pretty clear I’m her backup. I have a speaker I fixed for her that she should be coming to get in the next couple days. Kinda thinking about asking about her friend we talked about the other night. Bad idea?

 

[Snake-eyes]

Since she added me on fb last night it’s pretty clear I’m her backup. I have a speaker I fixed for her that she should be coming to get in the next couple days. Kinda thinking about asking about her friend we talked about the other night. Bad idea?

Why are you complicating this?, she already told you her plans. There’s nothing weird about this situation. Why do you keep on holding on to this girl?? You are becoming her emotional tampon slowly but surely. Everyone in this thread is 100% right about this chick. Quit complicating your life and then justifying it. If you were looking for answers because you were “confused”now you have them