Am I being played? How do u get her & my respect back?

[julez]

Hello to all the members on this forum,

I have been seeing this younger girl (23) for the last year. Things were going extremely well between us until last week when we went away on our 1st vacation. Things got pretty messed up when she got sick, we missed our return flight & she got nailed by customs for not declaring goods.

She didn't call me for a few days since we came back & I eventually called her to see how she is doing when she gave me major attitude about why did I wait so long to call. Eventually she blew up on me & said she has lost respect for me for not being there for her. I landed up apologizing for anything that I may have did to her that bothered her - like not referring to her as my girlfriend in the past.

We met up last night because I am about to go away on a business trip this week overseas. She finally opened up & explained a lot of problems that she has with "my selfish ways" & in her personal life of how she needs to move out from her mom's house.

I have always initiated no contact whenever I felt that she was behaving spoiled. But last night I told her that that I will focus on her & try to help her get situated when I get back. I also told her that I have always be exclusive with her since we got together. Now, I feel she may see me as being needy & she stated that she is going to focus on her instead of me. She used to see me anytime I wanted to before.

Did I mess up by verbalizing too much? Is it possible to get the relationship back the way it use to be? If so, please let me know how?

Any advice is greatly appreciated

 

[Energizer]

I don't believe in "no contact" when in a relationship. That's what you do in dating, but in a full blown relationship, I think it's ridiculous. That's your first mistake right there. It sounds like you weren't supportive enough - your bird gets done by customs, probably needs sex to cheer her up and you're playing the no contact game? Yeah, I'd say that's your second mistake.

The third mistake you made was seeking her forgiveness, if a bird gets edgy with me, I'll exit the conversation and let her stew for a while. Seeking forgiveness or blowing your lid are not helpful and ultimately hands over the control to the woman which is your job to maintain, not hand over.

What selfish ways are these? If a girlfriend said that to me, I'd ask what she meant, before showing her the door if I think she is being unreasonable. Women in argument tends to say things they don't mean to inflict maximum emotional carnage on the male and to manipulate him. Dont be the male black widow spider to the female, because you know what happens to male black widow spider don't you? He gets killed by the female. The Animal kingdom is messed up, so don't be a black widow, a lion. I ain't watched one wildlife documentary where a Lion has succumbed to a female. So why are you?

Fourth mistake, pandering? Pandering ruins any society and ruins relationships. I don't pander to anyone and neither should you. You wanna regain her respect and you then pander to her? It doesn't work. Been there, done that, got the failed report card.

It is possible to get the relationship back on track, don't let a week mess things up, just sit back and see what happens, if she is acting like a moron then next her, if she warms to you then continue things as were before the week away.

As for the customs etc - that is entirely her fault. Not yours. I would have said that to her as she tried to manipulate me.

 

[julez]

Dammm Energizer, THanks 4 your response.. I really needed to hear what you had to say.

You have hit me with the most insightful angle on my relationship, or any I have ever had before. I really needed to hear the logic of how society works. I got this model chick by being the strong and independent, confident male. I agree with you that I totally lost control by seeking forgiveness too quickly, pandering and being manipulated by the spider. I so fell for her trap. How do I get out of it and come on top with her wanting me again?

I'm flying out tomorrow morning.

Is it cool to call her before I leave or while I am away. Or should I just let her cool down and call her when I get back next week?

Thanks again