Am I back to being an AFC? or did I never leave!

[the_m@n]

Ok. A couple of hours before date 3 I get this voicemail?

"Hey its such and such... I'm really sorry to call... I'm sorry... I don't think I can go out tonight... I think I need to take some time for myself. I had a really good time with you and I definitely like you. I just think I need to go a little bit slower. Call me back and we can talk... ok (really low voice). Bye (sounds sad)."

Can someone decipher this for me?

I didn't call her back nor do I intend to. At this point I've nexted her. I just want to know what the heck all of that stuff means because as far as I was concerned I played the first 2 dates pretty cool.

Background--> Date one, lots of flirting, kissing and talking.
Date two, lots of flirting, a ****load of kissing and some more intimacy with clothes on. She told me her last relationship lasted 5 years without me asking and I didn't care to ask her how or when it ended. My mind is going to her being hung up on this other guy still even though she seemed to be really into me. I think she's confused but either way I don't have time to mess around with her head games.

I want to be able to look for the signs of whatever caused this earlier than date 3 so I don't waste my time. Thanks for any insight guys.

 

[Zarky]

No way to tell, bud. You've lived that situation and if you can't decipher it then everything we say based on a paragraph of description will be mere speculation.

You've done right not to call her back. Maybe 3 months from now she'll call but until then you should be dating other women and not contacting her.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear M@n,
Zarkie has it right,she is just playing in her head theatre wants you to play along.

 

[jophil28]

"Hey its such and such... I'm really sorry to call... I'm sorry... I don't think I can go out tonight... I think I need to take some time for myself. I had a really good time with you and I definitely like you. I just think I need to go a little bit slower. Call me back and we can talk... ok (really low voice). Bye (sounds sad)."

Can someone decipher this for me?

Indeed I can - the 'womanspeek' translation goes something like this --

"I had second thoughts about you from the first date onwards but I needed the ego boost so I went through 'the motions' on the second date and pretended that we were getting along well BUT I was not really "feeling it " for you.. No "chemistry". I do not want to date you again. However I feel bad about flicking you off like this so if you call me I will give you some sugar coated BS about "not being ready" and "going slow".."

The hard truth is this - a woman who has moderate to high interest level in you will NOT leave a VM like that.
This one is done.
And you have also been witness to the skilled acting ability of women. That second date was an Academy Award winning performance.

 

[Atom Smasher]

^^^^ Cosign.

See my sig.

 

[the_m@n]

Indeed I can - the 'womanspeek' translation goes something like this --

"I had second thoughts about you from the first date onwards but I needed the ego boost so I went through 'the motions' on the second date and pretended that we were getting along well BUT I was not really "feeling it " for you.. No "chemistry". I do not want to date you again. However I feel bad about flicking you off like this so if you call me I will give you some sugar coated BS about "not being ready" and "going slow".."

The hard truth is this - a woman who has moderate to high interest level in you will NOT leave a VM like that.
This one is done.
And you have also been witness to the skilled acting ability of women. That second date was an Academy Award winning performance.

Ok after 3 days of no contact... never called her back I got this facebook message today:

"I want to apologies for cancelling on you! I honestly did have a great time with you. I think right now it's just to early for me to be going out on dates. My ex and I only broke up a month ago and I feel like I just need to get my head on straight befor I start going out with other people. I didn't want to lead you on just to run away later so I thought it would be best to cancel befor you spent any more money on me. I hope that later on we can go out again, you are a really nice guy and I enjoyed the time that I spent with you. I hope you don't hate me."

How should I respond to this if at all?

Thanks guys!

 

[hithard]

you are a really nice guy

How should I respond to this if at all?

Thanks guys!

all i saw was the above. You were the time filler while she attempts to get her ex back. Dont bother responding and furthering your nice guy status, plenty more out there.

 

[jophil28]

Ok after 3 days of no contact... never called her back I got this facebook message today:

"I want to apologies for cancelling on you! I honestly did have a great time with you. I think right now it's just to early for me to be going out on dates. My ex and I only broke up a month ago and I feel like I just need to get my head on straight befor I start going out with other people. I didn't want to lead you on just to run away later so I thought it would be best to cancel befor you spent any more money on me. I hope that later on we can go out again, you are a really nice guy and I enjoyed the time that I spent with you. I hope you don't hate me."

How should I respond to this if at all?

Thanks guys!

The 'womanspeek' translation of her FB is this," There was no spark , I wasn't "feeling it " and I do not want to go out with you. Thanks for re-inflating my ego ."

It is up to you whether you want to respond to that rejection.

 

[J. Darko]

Just keep seeing her for the fun of it, but don't expect anything to happen and please don't waste too much time on her.

 

[Kailex]

"I want to apologies for cancelling on you! I honestly did have a great time with you. I think right now it's just to early for me to be going out on dates. My ex and I only broke up a month ago and I feel like I just need to get my head on straight befor I start going out with other people. I didn't want to lead you on just to run away later so I thought it would be best to cancel befor you spent any more money on me. I hope that later on we can go out again, you are a really nice guy and I enjoyed the time that I spent with you. I hope you don't hate me."

Translation: I really don't care about cancelling on you, but right now I am in the in-between stages with my ex and that other guy I am talking to as well. Since none of them are 100% confirmed scenarios, I am trying to keep my hooks on all of you. I had a so-so time with you, but if no other options become available to me, I'll come back to you. My ex and I only broke up a month ago so he still lingers around and we still talk. I don't care about getting my head on straight before I start going out with other people, because I'm female, and we don't do that. I say I didn't want to lead you on, but as a matter of fact, that is exactly what I am doing. I'm admitting that I am a golddigger by saying that I didn't want you to spend more money on me, in all honesty, if we ever go out again, you better spend more money on me (Kailex's Note: Notice she said "Spend money on me" and not "Spend money with me"). I will say you are a really nice guy but simply so that I don't hurt you and you can't blame me for not wanting to go out with you again. This way, I can defer the blame from me just by saying "I hope you don't hate me". This is the way that I, as a woman, shift the blame from me onto something else. I'm so sweet and innocent through all of this that you really can't hate me."




DON'T RESPOND.

 

[wait_out]

I bet some girl, somewhere, has a template she will just cut & paste to send these.

It's probably happened

 

[Lucifero]

Translation: I really don't care about cancelling on you, but right now I am in the in-between stages with my ex and that other guy I am talking to as well. Since none of them are 100% confirmed scenarios, I am trying to keep my hooks on all of you. I had a so-so time with you, but if no other options become available to me, I'll come back to you. My ex and I only broke up a month ago so he still lingers around and we still talk. I don't care about getting my head on straight before I start going out with other people, because I'm female, and we don't do that. I say I didn't want to lead you on, but as a matter of fact, that is exactly what I am doing. I'm admitting that I am a golddigger by saying that I didn't want you to spend more money on me, in all honesty, if we ever go out again, you better spend more money on me (Kailex's Note: Notice she said "Spend money on me" and not "Spend money with me"). I will say you are a really nice guy but simply so that I don't hurt you and you can't blame me for not wanting to go out with you again. This way, I can defer the blame from me just by saying "I hope you don't hate me". This is the way that I, as a woman, shift the blame from me onto something else. I'm so sweet and innocent through all of this that you really can't hate me."




DON'T RESPOND.

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