Am I a douche for this?

[Tuttleycool]

I have been dating this amazing woman for almost a year now. Thing is, I still keep in touch with an ex who I consider a very good friend. The more I hang with this ex the more attracted to her i am. We are setting on the couch one night (the ex and I), we start making out, and I take her to the bedroom. So, I cheated on my gf. I continue to hang with my gf like nothing has happened. I text ex again to come over with the intention of sleeping with her again, of which we do. Current gf still has no idea.

Ex tells me she still has feelings and would like to try things out again. I'm interested but tell ex I have to think about it. I'm still with my gf whom I'm sleeping with and has no idea I'm having these talks with the ex. The ex texts to hang out, we do. I initiate sex again. We sleep together another time at her place after which I leave and come back to my place because my gf is coming over for the night. Oblivious to the fact I just got laid an hour before I saw her.

I finally tell the ex I want to be with her. Ex agrees but is a bit worried about being a rebound. I tell her that won't be an issue. So ex and I are dating and I'm leaving current gf.

Problem is, after I leave my gf (let's call her girl 1) I start to miss her. So much so that i want her back. Her and I meet up and she stays over. We agree to get back together and work things out.

New gf (previous ex, girl 2) comes over the next day and can tell something is wrong. I lie to her about seeing girl 1. I can tell she's suspicious but I keep to the lie. I tell her I don't feel the same now and I want to get back with girl 1. Girl 2 is furious and tells me she never wants to see me again. I haven't heard from her in three months. I feel bad for assuring her of what I wanted and changing my mind about it like that.

So, in all, I cheated on girl 1 about 16 times with this person and she has no idea. She's still blissfully ignorant to it all and loves me even more now. I also ruined a good friendship with girl 2 because of how things went with that.

Am I an a**hole for what I did to them?

 

[LiveYourDream]

You treated Girl 1 like sh!t. You treated Girl 2 like sh!t. Sure you were confused, that doesn't make it less of an azzhole move. 1x maybe excusable to confused. 16x not so much.

If you don't feel like one now, just wait till Girl 2 decides to make sure girl 1 knows. When Girl 1 confronts you crying about how much she loved you and trusted you, only to find out you cheated on her, not just 1x but 16x,... you can pretty much count on feeling like an azzhole in that moment.

Don't ever consider making Girl 1 a wife down the line. Girl 2 will certainly make sure Girl 1 finds out, in a big way, if Girl 2 catches wind of an engagement/marriage and hasn't already spilled the beans.

At this point, it will hang over your head as long as you are in a relationship with Girl 1, or are in contact and care to some degree, because someday Girl 1 will find out. You just never know when.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

You treated Girl 1 like sh!t. You treated Girl 2 like sh!t. Sure you were confused, that doesn't make it less of an azzhole move. 1x maybe excusable to confused. 16x not so much.

If you don't feel like one now, just wait till Girl 2 decides to make sure girl 1 knows. When Girl 1 confronts you crying about how much she loved you and trusted you, only to find out you cheated on her, not just 1x but 16x,... you can pretty much count on feeling like an azzhole in that moment.

Don't ever consider making Girl 1 a wife down the line. Girl 2 will certainly make sure Girl 1 finds out, in a big way, if Girl 2 catches wind of an engagement/marriage and hasn't already spilled the beans.

At this point, it will hang over your head as long as you are in a relationship with Girl 1, or are in contact and care to some degree, because someday Girl 1 will find out. You just never know when.

It usually comes out one way or other.

OP, you sound like a kid in a candy store. You can fck who you want; just don't play musical relationships. This experience should tell you that you really want to be single, but probably you fear loneliness. Weak.

 

[thatfeel]

What a junk show, OP. You basically humiliated "girl 2" big time which isn't a cool thing to do to anyone. Is she complicit in it? Ehh, probably, but still, it's up to you to "be the bigger man".

 

[LiveYourDream]

If you want to sleep with multiple women then do that. Enjoy doing it. Just don't set yourself up to be monogamous, if what you really want is variety. Own what you want and set up your life accordingly.

 

[Tuttleycool]

What a junk show, OP. You basically humiliated "girl 2" big time which isn't a cool thing to do to anyone. Is she complicit in it? Ehh, probably, but still, it's up to you to "be the bigger man".

She was complicit but obviously in it because she wanted to get back together.

 

[thatfeel]

She was complicit but obviously in it because she wanted to get back together.

Well that's not really the important part though, she was complicit because you were leading her on hard and you were making it seem to her like your actions and words were true. She could almost be faulted if it was just cheating and nothing more, then that just makes her guilty by association, by that isn't what the two of you just did in the end.

 

[BrainDamage92]

What are you smoking? First of all, women always know when you cheated, but can turn a blind eye if they love you, or they cheat as well.
Somehow you did the best for yourself, which is plain obvious, but it happened by chance.
And yeah, youre an *******

 

[Tuttleycool]

I really honestly wanted to be with girl 2 up until I left girl 1 and didn't realize how much I cared about and missed her until it happened. My feelings for girl 2 changed after that. I'm pretty sure gurl 2 hates me now even though she tried talking to me about how she felt. I know she knows I lied but I still played like I didn't have girl 1 over the night before. I left the door open for a friendship later if she's interested.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Not at all.

That's how the game works.

Fortune favors the bold. Dare to take risks. The girlfriend stays no matter what. The others are just sluts for the night.

Memento Mori. All depends on how you live on after.

 

[playa99]

You shouldn't be with either girl. An ex is an ex for a reason.

You weren't 'just friends' with your ex, that is an outright lie, you fvcked her.

Finish your girl, it'll be doing you and her a favour. It will only happen down the road when you meet another woman. Spin plates and find a woman who you want to fully commit to.

 

[marmel75]

I have been dating this amazing woman for almost a year now. Thing is, I still keep in touch with an ex who I consider a very good friend. The more I hang with this ex the more attracted to her i am. We are setting on the couch one night (the ex and I), we start making out, and I take her to the bedroom. So, I cheated on my gf. I continue to hang with my gf like nothing has happened. I text ex again to come over with the intention of sleeping with her again, of which we do. Current gf still has no idea.

Ex tells me she still has feelings and would like to try things out again. I'm interested but tell ex I have to think about it. I'm still with my gf whom I'm sleeping with and has no idea I'm having these talks with the ex. The ex texts to hang out, we do. I initiate sex again. We sleep together another time at her place after which I leave and come back to my place because my gf is coming over for the night. Oblivious to the fact I just got laid an hour before I saw her.

I finally tell the ex I want to be with her. Ex agrees but is a bit worried about being a rebound. I tell her that won't be an issue. So ex and I are dating and I'm leaving current gf.

Problem is, after I leave my gf (let's call her girl 1) I start to miss her. So much so that i want her back. Her and I meet up and she stays over. We agree to get back together and work things out.

New gf (previous ex, girl 2) comes over the next day and can tell something is wrong. I lie to her about seeing girl 1. I can tell she's suspicious but I keep to the lie. I tell her I don't feel the same now and I want to get back with girl 1. Girl 2 is furious and tells me she never wants to see me again. I haven't heard from her in three months. I feel bad for assuring her of what I wanted and changing my mind about it like that.

So, in all, I cheated on girl 1 about 16 times with this person and she has no idea. She's still blissfully ignorant to it all and loves me even more now. I also ruined a good friendship with girl 2 because of how things went with that.

Am I an a**hole for what I did to them?

If you can't handle sex without developing feelings like a woman does than its probably better you stop cheating on them. Sex with someone outside a relationship is just that...sex.

 

[Tuttleycool]

I feel bad for girl 2, though. I really built her up and we talked about dating at length. I even assured her that I was totally into it then backed out. She wasn't just a plate to me and I'm afraid I've screwed the pooch with her.

 

[cola]

I feel bad for girl 2, though. I really built her up and we talked about dating at length. I even assured her that I was totally into it then backed out. She wasn't just a plate to me and I'm afraid I've screwed the pooch with her.

Well why would you do that? You talk too much..

 

[Igetit!]

I have been dating this amazing woman for almost a year now. Thing is, I still keep in touch with an ex who I consider a very good friend. The more I hang with this ex the more attracted to her i am. We are setting on the couch one night (the ex and I), we start making out, and I take her to the bedroom. So, I cheated on my gf. I continue to hang with my gf like nothing has happened. I text ex again to come over with the intention of sleeping with her again, of which we do. Current gf still has no idea.

Ex tells me she still has feelings and would like to try things out again. I'm interested but tell ex I have to think about it. I'm still with my gf whom I'm sleeping with and has no idea I'm having these talks with the ex. The ex texts to hang out, we do. I initiate sex again. We sleep together another time at her place after which I leave and come back to my place because my gf is coming over for the night. Oblivious to the fact I just got laid an hour before I saw her.

I finally tell the ex I want to be with her. Ex agrees but is a bit worried about being a rebound. I tell her that won't be an issue. So ex and I are dating and I'm leaving current gf.

Problem is, after I leave my gf (let's call her girl 1) I start to miss her. So much so that i want her back. Her and I meet up and she stays over. We agree to get back together and work things out.

New gf (previous ex, girl 2) comes over the next day and can tell something is wrong. I lie to her about seeing girl 1. I can tell she's suspicious but I keep to the lie. I tell her I don't feel the same now and I want to get back with girl 1. Girl 2 is furious and tells me she never wants to see me again. I haven't heard from her in three months. I feel bad for assuring her of what I wanted and changing my mind about it like that.

So, in all, I cheated on girl 1 about 16 times with this person and she has no idea. She's still blissfully ignorant to it all and loves me even more now. I also ruined a good friendship with girl 2 because of how things went with that.

Am I an a**hole for what I did to them?

So basically....you cheated,lied,ruined a great friendship,and potentially put these girl's health at risk. And your question is whether you're an azzhole or not for what you did to them.

Ummm......no...not at all.


I'd only say you were an a$$hole if you're hypocritical. In other words,as long as you're ok with a girlfriend lying,cheating,sneaking around,and putting your health at risk....then you're good to go............but if you expect a girlfriend to be honest and faithful while YOU run around lying and cheating...then yeah....I'd say you're a douche or whatever.

I was kinda wondering what the understanding was you two had at the beginning of the relationship,but seeing the way you re-assured her here of what you wanted,then after you got her trust,you went and did the complete opposite,I see it doesn't matter,since there's nothing to your word anyway.

 

[thatfeel]

So basically....you cheated,lied,ruined a great friendship,and potentially put these girl's health at risk. And your question is whether you're an azzhole or not for what you did to them.

Ummm......no...not at all.


I'd only say you were an a$$hole if you're hypocritical. In other words,as long as you're ok with a girlfriend lying,cheating,sneaking around,and putting your health at risk....then you're good to go............but if you expect a girlfriend to be honest and faithful while YOU run around lying and cheating...then yeah....I'd say you're a douche or whatever.

I was kinda wondering what the understanding was you two had at the beginning of the relationship,but seeing the way you re-assured her here of what you wanted,then after you got her trust,you went and did the complete opposite,I see it doesn't matter,since there's nothing to your word anyway.

Yep agreed, this has nothing to do with spinning plates. Your word basically means sh!t, think about that.

Spinning plates is what you do when you DON'T have a 'girlfriend', as given in the subtext of there being a commitment between you two for you to call her a girlfriend and say you were dating for a year. Spinning plates is for when you're single, otherwise you keep in good graces with other fellow women and take notice of them but don't pursue anything further than light flirting and banter if you've agreed to a relationship.

 

[Tuttleycool]

So basically....you cheated,lied,ruined a great friendship,and potentially put these girl's health at risk. And your question is whether you're an azzhole or not for what you did to them.

Ummm......no...not at all.


I'd only say you were an a$$hole if you're hypocritical. In other words,as long as you're ok with a girlfriend lying,cheating,sneaking around,and putting your health at risk....then you're good to go............but if you expect a girlfriend to be honest and faithful while YOU run around lying and cheating...then yeah....I'd say you're a douche or whatever.

I was kinda wondering what the understanding was you two had at the beginning of the relationship,but seeing the way you re-assured her here of what you wanted,then after you got her trust,you went and did the complete opposite,I see it doesn't matter,since there's nothing to your word anyway.

I meant it when I told her I wanted to date. I felt differently about it after i left girl 1 because I missed her to the point it made me feel like I couldn't go through with girl 2. It wouldn't be fair or right to go into a relationship with girl 2 feeling that way. She kept bringing up the talk we had about dating and how I assured her I was in. It was kind of aggravating how many times she kept saying it. I feel bad about it, for sure and told her I was sorry.

Girl 2 pretty much hates me now, which hurts because we were friends for such a long time. I left the door open to be friends later. Think she may come back someday?

 

[OsirisII]

I left the door open to be friends later. Think she may come back someday?

Seriously? Think about it. What would You do in her place? Like think you are in her situation...

 

[Joneslazy]

I have been dating this amazing woman for almost a year now. Thing is, I still keep in touch with an ex who I consider a very good friend. The more I hang with this ex the more attracted to her i am. We are setting on the couch one night (the ex and I), we start making out, and I take her to the bedroom. So, I cheated on my gf. I continue to hang with my gf like nothing has happened. I text ex again to come over with the intention of sleeping with her again, of which we do. Current gf still has no idea.

Ex tells me she still has feelings and would like to try things out again. I'm interested but tell ex I have to think about it. I'm still with my gf whom I'm sleeping with and has no idea I'm having these talks with the ex. The ex texts to hang out, we do. I initiate sex again. We sleep together another time at her place after which I leave and come back to my place because my gf is coming over for the night. Oblivious to the fact I just got laid an hour before I saw her.

I finally tell the ex I want to be with her. Ex agrees but is a bit worried about being a rebound. I tell her that won't be an issue. So ex and I are dating and I'm leaving current gf.

Problem is, after I leave my gf (let's call her girl 1) I start to miss her. So much so that i want her back. Her and I meet up and she stays over. We agree to get back together and work things out.

New gf (previous ex, girl 2) comes over the next day and can tell something is wrong. I lie to her about seeing girl 1. I can tell she's suspicious but I keep to the lie. I tell her I don't feel the same now and I want to get back with girl 1. Girl 2 is furious and tells me she never wants to see me again. I haven't heard from her in three months. I feel bad for assuring her of what I wanted and changing my mind about it like that.

So, in all, I cheated on girl 1 about 16 times with this person and she has no idea. She's still blissfully ignorant to it all and loves me even more now. I also ruined a good friendship with girl 2 because of how things went with that.

Am I an a**hole for what I did to them?

Man just live your life the way you want. When you'll be old enough, then you think about setteling down. But people should live the moment and care less about everything else. This is just a friendly advice

 

[BeExcellent]

In a word, yes.

If you want to be single, play the field and spin plates, then do that; at least have the character to be transparent.

Your word means nothing.

Once an "amazing" woman finds out you are not trustworthy, she's gone. Really gone. She will have enough self value to walk away & not look back. She will have enough other good options to choose from because really "amazing" women are rare.

If Girl 2 is also an "amazing" woman, you screwed that up too; you will likely never hear from her again.

You need to be transparent. If you are going to sleep with and date multiple women then be upfront about that. If you are going to be exclusive then be exclusive.

Your problem is that you want the high quality women who aren't willing to settle for being a girl in your rotation, so you think by lying and deceiving these women you can get what you want.

You can get the pleasure you want - short term if you embrace that you are a user of people. If you can be honest with yourself that this is who you are.

There are men here who are like this. They own who they are. They know they are willing to deceive as a means to an end, they place their desires above how their behavior affects the women they are involved with. Is this you?

When the women find out they know their trust has been betrayed and that you were just using them the whole time & you didn't value their exclusivity or trust in or caring for you it is cruel & devastating. Oh well. So be it if that is who you are. Why do you care?

You are here simply to either stroke your ego or show off. You know this was douche behavior. Own it. If you dislike the consequences that you are running off "amazing" women, then quit being a douche. Simple. Be transparent & trustworthy.

But never expect good women to tolerate douche behavior. They won't once they find out. Eventually you'll end up with various crazy makers and then once a seriously crazy woman eviserates you we can read and respond here too.