Always seems to be a catch

[The LadyKiller]

Recently, I posted about a new HB I met who I clicked with immediately and was taking out on a casual lunch date (we both had work later in the day). For what it's worth, the outing went very well - she was great to be with and said she does not play games (you'll see where this is headed). HB also expressed her desire to go see a movie with me during the next week (she also asked me to go to a concert with her a few months from now, but that's irrelevant). Thinking I was in much better position than I actually was (you'll see), I said that's fine.

Fast-forward to today. I run into HB and discuss plans for this movie date she initiated - day, time, etc. Everything went well until she said, "Hopefully we can make it earlier in the day, as I......might have a date that night." Inside, my mind looked like this: :crazy: . Somehow, I kept my composure and joked how she's going to have a busy doubleheader that day, to which she agreed (she "does not play games"...so she might have lied. IMO, all girls play games.).

I've seen a lot of things in the dating game, but not this. This is new. Unfortunately, I get the feeling this is basically a death knell for any hopes I had with HB. Two of my buddies who I hang out with were equally confused, they've never heard of this. Later in the day, I ran into one of our mutual friends - one who suggested she "liked" me. Apparently, HB's friends have never met the guy, but he is real and they've been on a few dates (getting closer to becoming a couple). Her friends like me, so they'll put in a good word, though it might go nowhere.

This brings me to my predicament. I can handle being turned down, that happens, and I can find other plates. But, do I still go on the date? Is it worth it? Can I really gain anything out of this? My friends think that flaking on the date (for obvious reasons) is going to look really bad because we're all in the same social circle and I'm the most stand-up guy in the group. But there is no chance in he** I am paying for her if this is a friends thing. :crackup: :crackup: To make matters worse, our entire social circle is going out the night before this "date." Perfect.

What is the best way to go about things, given our shared social circle and what I now know (basically that she's possibly on the verge of being taken)? The way I can see it, I can go all-out and try to make this my Super Bowl of afternoon movie dates, or be straight up and ask her what the deal is (but this would reveal my feelings)? I could also flake, but it'd be obvious and because we're in the same social circle, she and I are sure to be in the same company.

Again, I can handle rejections and find other plates in time (my three other plates: 1 is relocating in a week, another I learned is also in a relationship, and the third has become a major headache), but the situation is a Catch-22. I can't be a d*uche. And oh yeah - our paths likely cross tomorrow/today too.

 

[papawapa]

This is a perfect opportunity to expose the afc-ness of the other guy. You take her out, but not to a movie. Find an activity to do. Something fun. Keep your plans with her and bounce her to the fun date. The idea being to keep her occupied and having so much fun that she loses track of time, get her to take some shots too, try to end the night secksing her. At the very least your goal is to make her late for the later date. If you can keep her occupied until the other guy starts to freak out you will have accomplished something good.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Screw that.

I've always been the type that only deals with co-operation not competiveness. That means if the woman is dating other people then I'll pull out. I don't compete for anything. The game is all about co-operation.

If you just want to hit it however just go with the flow but make sure not to spend any money on her. If you actually have any sort of feelings for her then just drop her. No chick is worth competing over.

 

[DonJuanit0]

Screw that.

I've always been the type that only deals with co-operation not competiveness. That means if the woman is dating other people then I'll pull out. I don't compete for anything. The game is all about co-operation.

If you just want to hit it however just go with the flow but make sure not to spend any money on her. If you actually have any sort of feelings for her then just drop her. No chick is worth competing over.

Agreed! I always hate increasing the EGO of a woman, either with compliments either with my attention! At first I will say and do what is necessary for me to make my intentions clear, after that, what she earns she gets.

I would feel insulted if a woman would clearly say that I am competing someone else to win her! I should be the prize, not her! Fack that and next her.

There is always the possibilty that she has friendzoned you, since you didn't say that anything sexual happened! I would flake that date and if she asked why, I would be honest, "I didn't like the idea of going out with you and have to leave because you have a date with someone else later! I don't see the point in doing so. Have fun though"

 

[VladPatton]

HB: "I don't play games..."

Translation for other members of humanity: "I'm a pro and play the game hard as fück!"

Example: She strings you along and plans another date the same evening.

You need to turn pro...instantly. Go out with the social group and flake on her by saying YOU have another date as well. Sit back and observe hamster RPM and gauge what happens.

 

[Bokanovsky]

This brings me to my predicament. I can handle being turned down, that happens, and I can find other plates. But, do I still go on the date? Is it worth it? Can I really gain anything out of this? My friends think that flaking on the date (for obvious reasons) is going to look really bad because we're all in the same social circle and I'm the most stand-up guy in the group. But there is no chance in he** I am paying for her if this is a friends thing. :crackup: :crackup: To make matters worse, our entire social circle is going out the night before this "date." Perfect.

Actually, it is perfect. Go out with the social circle, ignore her throughout the night and flirt with other women. The following date, tell her that you'd have to catch a movie another time because you have a date. Actually going out with her would cement your reputation as a massive AFC. B!tches like that need to be put in their place.

 

[TheCWord]

This is why we always beat the drum of escalating, going for the kiss, being clear it's a date, etc....

OP, you say lunch date, movie date, etc... Are you sure she knew these were dates? Or did she think she was just hanging out with a friend?

 

[GS750]

Sounds like a test to see if she can make you jealous and/or getting you to invest in her more. No shame in her game.

 

[DragonBlood]

PrettyBoy has already nailed it but..

Yeah this is an obvious test and ultimatum on her part. Either way you have to commit or become a walking wallet. Hell maybe even both. This is massive disrespect and nothing short. Like you said you dont know what to think but DONT BE FOOLED.


Ok so, how would I handle this... To me I dont see much difference to this and when your date wants to bring one of her 'friends' along. Anyway... closer to the date, preferably in person or by calling...

Me: Hi, how are you bla bla, listen, Im thinking of cancelling the movies.
Her: Why/thats a shame/is it because bla.
Me: Well, you either belong to me or Im not interested. Its as simple as that.
Her: <regardless of what she says>
Me: <casual response>



Note, that I never committed to her, the games continue. You have lost control of the frame here big time. There is no 'catches' in your life. PERIOD.

 

[RumnCoke]

Actually, it is perfect. Go out with the social circle, ignore her throughout the night and flirt with other women. The following date, tell her that you'd have to catch a movie another time because you have a date. Actually going out with her would cement your reputation as a massive AFC. B!tches like that need to be put in their place.

^^This. If a chick was really into you, there's no way she'd mention the other date. Definitely don't waste any money or her.

 

[papawapa]

Her mentioning the other guy is a shat test. It doesnt mean she is not interested. She was fishing for a reaction.

 

[Trump]

This brings me to my predicament. I can handle being turned down, that happens, and I can find other plates. But, do I still go on the date? Is it worth it? Can I really gain anything out of this? My friends think that flaking on the date (for obvious reasons) is going to look really bad because we're all in the same social circle and I'm the most stand-up guy in the group. But there is no chance in he** I am paying for her if this is a friends thing. :crackup: :crackup: To make matters worse, our entire social circle is going out the night before this "date." Perfect.

.

Why the hell are you telling your friends everything? You should not be telling them anything about a girl you are dating until she is pregnant or something. Otherwise, they WILL screw it up for you. No one is out to help you get laid, they all want to make fun of you and see how desparate you are.

Yes you go on the date and make sure she has FUN and try to at least makeout with her at the end.

Don't get caught up with all the emotional crap. Girls are for sex and babies, that's it. :woo:

 

[Tortendieb]

I'd probably say that I can't make it earlier and that it's gonna be either that time, or no time.

Maybe it's not the smartest calling the shots so soon (or?), but at that point I'd just be losing so much respect for her that I can get pretty cold.

 

[The LadyKiller]

Thanks for the insight.

It's a crappy position for me to be in. I agree with what you guys are saying. Chances are I won't go on this "date" unless she expresses a serious interest in going.

On to the next girl...

 

[Die Hard]

Girls and their games... I see two possible reasons for her behavior:

1. She's interested in you but you didn't escalate enough on the earlier "dates". She's frustrated about that and wants you to take some goddamn action instead of being hesitant about making a move on her. She thinks that if you have competition, you'll be forced to show her that you want her and that you will take action to get her before that other dude takes her. That other dude/date might actually be something she made up, simply to manipulate you.

2. She's a disrespectful, arrogant attention wh0re who is trying to have two dates in one day, which is an ultimate ego boost for her ("wow, I had two guys go out with me on the same day, they even knew about each other and STILL went out with me. I'm soooo special!! ")

In both cases, she's acting like a stupid, immature, disrespectful cvnt... And if you're a real man who respects himself, you should respond to her behavior with dismissal, showing her that you shall have no part in such dispicable and objectionable behavior (after all, you are the PRIZE and you can find yourself a woman who acts NORMAL instead of acting in a disrespectful idiotic manner like she is doing here)

I think I would just agree and amplify, tell her something like. "Actually, I got better things to do that day. So you can go on that date of yours and I'll be able to do my own stuff. Win/win situation Have fun!"

If she's really going out with another guy, than this response shows her that you won't accept her making you compete with another guy. You're too good for that and you won't participate in her wh0rish ego boosting games.

If she just made that other guy up to get you jaleous, to grab the frame or whatever, than this response will make her stupid game-playing blow up in her face. She has now LOST YOUR ATTENTION COMPLETELY, instead of making you chase after her. That's what she gets for her stupid behavior and hopefully she will be very disappointed and frustrated about ruining her chance at having a date with you ("boohoo, I'm so stupid! I messed it all up, he was gonna go out with me but now I have nothing!"). If you're lucky, she will correct her behavior after this and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. If not, than it's her loss and you go find yourself someone better than this motherfvcking CVNTWH0RE!!

Stupid bytches and their stupid behavior must be punished and put in their place, man. Let her go and try her goddamn bullsh!t behavior on some loser who would gladly put up with it coz he's desperate for a chance at her pvssy. You however, will not put up with it, coz you respect yourself and you know that you can get much better, higher-value women instead of low-quality scumbag cvnts like these...


Just my two cents.

 

[gravityeyelids]

I think I would just agree and amplify, tell her something like. "Actually, I got better things to do that day. So you can go on that date of yours and I'll be able to do my own stuff. Win/win situation Have fun!"

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I think the best move is to not take any of her sh!t, don't let her walk all over you and use you as an ego boost... but at the same time, don't act all pissed and dejected about it, especially since you have mutual friends, be mature. You might run the risk of coming off as a wuss if you act all upset that she's going on a date with someone else. Just be firm and pretend it doesn't bother you and that it's not a big deal. Make her feel like she messed it up and its her loss....because it is

 

[Harry Wilmington]

WOW, Die Hard went IN on that, didn't he??

Anyway... unless you specifically asked her for the information about her having another date, there was no need for her to mention it... UNLESS SHE HAS MORE INTEREST IN THE OTHER GUY. And, quite honestly, I doubt she's telling the other guy that she's seeing you in the afternoon (and if she is, then she's playing the BOTH of you).

Regardless, guy, I wouldn't waste my money. There are too many other girls out there that will go out with you without having the audacity to tell you about another dude they're going to be locking lips with later in the evening. Even if it's a test hypothetically, the bottom line is there's no need to play the "nice guy" role and agree to go forward with a date after a girl's told you something like this. My suggestion? Do what they do to us - call her up, say something came up (be very vague) and you can't make it, but that you hope to get together "another time," then don't ask her out anymore. If she gets butt-hurt about it and starts asking why you haven't rescheduled the date it's at your discretion as to what you want to tell her... but seeing as she's more serious with this other guy, I doubt that will happen. Either way, at least you'll have your dignity in tact instead of looking like a chump who's so desperate to have a date that you'll take a girl out even if she's knowingly seeing other.

Hope this helps!

 

[The LadyKiller]

Thanks for the very insightful feedback.

To the satisfaction of us all, I didn't go on the date. I would have been in a bad spot and felt really uncomfortable, like you guys said. The funny thing is, I wouldn't have even been able to go on the date even if I was up for it because of what happened hours before.

Last night, I hit the bars hard. I didn't get sloshed, but I was in a good place. Hung out with a few HB's, including a HB 9.5 who stopped by the last bar knowing I'd be there (if only she didn't have work super early the next day...). The funny thing was, the HB I was so perplexed about didn't even show up. Her friends did, and we had fun. The only curious moment was when a couple of the HB's friends thought that I'd know where she'd be (why?), when in reality I hadn't spoken to her all day. Her friends kept telling me she'd show up, I told them I didn't care.

In the end, I'm back to being my usual self. Last night cleared out my frustrations, I'm over this game-playing HB and I'm onto new plates, when I find them.

 

[smurfs]

If I were in this situation I would change the activity to minimise your own investment.

Get her to do the work - tell her to bring movies and food to your place instead and start escalating

I personally do not like dates outside of my home as I find it very difficult to escalate in public... especially if you are in the traditional sit opposite one another at a restaurant situation. Seems to be a mood killer as it logistically seems like an interview.

If you do have to be at a restaurant, I always sit to the left or right of the date so that touching/kino can be built easier. Plus it cools the nerves of your date by not having to meet eye contact as they will generally feel intimidated if attraction is high.

 

[TheBossman]

I'm confused by just how much communication is allowable before you could be labeled an AFC or beta?

Should you go " I"m busy... forever" then go full NC?

How much feelings talk should be uttered by an Alpha, or someone trying to kill their AFC'ness?

Being put off by competition from another guy.. is that beta behavior? Out in the wild Alphas fight competition all the time to keep their *****es.... theirs.