Alright there, just joined, please read, especially if from UK

[Not Quite There]

OK....

stumbled across this site last week, and what a find!

I wouldn't say i'm a AFC, but i'm definalty not a DJ.

I do alright with girls, in fact, some friends would say i do pretty good, but heres my story, in a club after a few drinks i am brimming with dutch courage and my natural cheekyness comes out, i think i'm fairly good looking to, so can pretty easily get with a girl. I also already had a fair idea of ignoring girls especially the fitter ones, and watch them chase you.... etc

However, when sober, its a completey different story!!! especially in day to day situations! i just end up getting way to nervous.

see, in the UK, its jsut not the done thing eally to randomly approach people in the street, shops etc... we are far more reserved than americans, in fact, in fact, i reckon a lot of guys will only really try and pull girls in the club or bar.

well, i just came back from the library, there was no space so i sat down a big table where a younger lad was already sitting, and soemone else who i gathered was a girl by her stuff was away from the table. Eventually she came back (pretty fit, but younger than me about 18ish and i'm almost 23) they semed kinda flirty, not entirely sure if they where together or friends though.

We where sitting directly opposite each other, after a while he went of to get some food, and then just us 2 left, and this was when it got awkward, we kinda looked at each other, and i think we both felt awkward. At first though, I just thought, yeah i'm older, she probably likes me and feels shy, she was even breathing kinda heavily and i swaer the table was shaking! I was still kinda calm, and started to think i should say something jsut to break the ice, so i'm thinking '****y and funny', i thought i could make some comment about her being nervous and shaking the table, but as soon as i start to think about saying it, i find i'm getting nervous!!! and starting to feel flustered a bit...and i knew if i had of said soemthing, i would look jsut as nervous!

In a club, because its expected ina club, i would have no qualms making some comment to her, but in a library, its jsut not the BRITISH way to do things!!! haha, i just started thinking others will over hear etc...

Also, yesterday, when i was out and about, i was giving a few girls eye contact, which 1 continuded untill we walked past and i said hello, but i just feel i was giving out the impression of a crazy stalker instead of an interested guy, i have a good smile i think, but can't just give a smile, i have to be laughing.

so any ideas suggestions would be greatly appreciated! especially from any other brits.

 

[stevey_2000]

hello from sheffield mate!,

i do believe there is definitely a difference to approaching in the US to approaching in the uk, we are more reserved as you say but i can't see anything wrong with smiling at anyone, the way i usually do it is just keep your mind occupied and look like your a happy guy, if you look miserable then girls wont want to approach you

the way i do my stuff is smile at girls, if i get a smile back then i approach, if not then f*** em!,

it's all in the mind mate, think positive!

 

[Jariel]

You have said exactly what I discovered when I first started approaching. It's just not considered normal practice for adults in most UK cities and is more hassle than it's worth.

When I first started approaching, I noticed women were guarded, suspicious or dismissive, and I've never had these kind of reactions from anyone before.

What's more, you should note that cold approaches generally don't work anywhere and that even America's most prominent pick up artists have a less than 1 in 10 success rate outside of clubs.

Personally, I suggest you ignore the peer pressure bullsh1t and "tough love" on this site. When you spot a hot woman, take your time, weigh up the situation, get some eye contact going and maybe look for signals. This serves as a kind of unspoken introduction so when you do approach, it won't take her completely by surprise.

In fact, where mindless and heedless cold approaching will scare women away, a little patience may get you a number.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by Not Quite There
OK....

stumbled across this site last week, and what a find!

I wouldn't say i'm a AFC, but i'm definalty not a DJ.

I do alright with girls, in fact, some friends would say i do pretty good, but heres my story, in a club after a few drinks i am brimming with dutch courage and my natural cheekyness comes out, i think i'm fairly good looking to, so can pretty easily get with a girl. I also already had a fair idea of ignoring girls especially the fitter ones, and watch them chase you.... etc

However, when sober, its a completey different story!!! especially in day to day situations! i just end up getting way to nervous.

see, in the UK, its jsut not the done thing eally to randomly approach people in the street, shops etc... we are far more reserved than americans, in fact, in fact, i reckon a lot of guys will only really try and pull girls in the club or bar.

well, i just came back from the library, there was no space so i sat down a big table where a younger lad was already sitting, and soemone else who i gathered was a girl by her stuff was away from the table. Eventually she came back (pretty fit, but younger than me about 18ish and i'm almost 23) they semed kinda flirty, not entirely sure if they where together or friends though.

We where sitting directly opposite each other, after a while he went of to get some food, and then just us 2 left, and this was when it got awkward, we kinda looked at each other, and i think we both felt awkward. At first though, I just thought, yeah i'm older, she probably likes me and feels shy, she was even breathing kinda heavily and i swaer the table was shaking! I was still kinda calm, and started to think i should say something jsut to break the ice, so i'm thinking '****y and funny', i thought i could make some comment about her being nervous and shaking the table, but as soon as i start to think about saying it, i find i'm getting nervous!!! and starting to feel flustered a bit...and i knew if i had of said soemthing, i would look jsut as nervous!

In a club, because its expected ina club, i would have no qualms making some comment to her, but in a library, its jsut not the BRITISH way to do things!!! haha, i just started thinking others will over hear etc...

Also, yesterday, when i was out and about, i was giving a few girls eye contact, which 1 continuded untill we walked past and i said hello, but i just feel i was giving out the impression of a crazy stalker instead of an interested guy, i have a good smile i think, but can't just give a smile, i have to be laughing.

so any ideas suggestions would be greatly appreciated! especially from any other brits.

Oh man, being Canadian, can I tell you that I empathise with you on every single word here.

Cold approaches on the streets are not always the best thing to be doing, especially in the big city. We have inherited alot of English customs and social norms - hence why we are viewed as so polite. The reason is, because it is true. Holding the door, saying,"please" and "thank you". Respect and courtesy - those are our customs and codes of conduct here.

Think about your image of a Canadian Mountie, and you will get my drift.

Believe me, you get alot of strange reactions, hell, even hostile reactions, from women over here.

That said, any English women visiting Canada, I find they shed their inhibitions quite readily.

Conversely, when I am in England, I can get away with more along these lines under the guise of being a tourist, not really a guise when they hear my accent though, eh?

At the same token, I've seen alot of expats do very well over here - again, it's the accent - it brings a woman's guard down very well.

Is there an answer to this problem? Well, cold approaches on the street, the shops etc.....they are just really difficult. I don't bother with them.

I will, however, approach is it is someone from my neighbourhood, whom I've seen a few times.

We do tend to be friendly and say 'good morning' and 'hello' to neighbours, so this works. I concentrate on that, rather than cold approaches.

Personally, I moved into a flat with about 20 units in it, mostly young females. No real luck yet, just cursory conversations.

 

[NewMan]

I'm originally from the UK - living in Los Angeles for 10 yrs.

Firstly let me destroy the mith.

It's not that UK girls are to uptight to approach - it's that you've been programmed that way as a guy to respect and be polite.

It can shatter that shield by practice.

In the situation at the library was a perfect example.

You don't have to drum up **** & Funny all the time.

Get to know her first.

Simple eye contact and a "Hi" would do for starters.

Everyone in the UK is so uptight, that no one wants to make the first move.

What will set you apart from the crowd - is the fact that you are outgoing and friendly and not afraid to meet new people.

I used to be the same way.

Don't expect success - nor defeat. Not everyone will be excepting of your approach - but so what. You will get some success.


By the way, I'm not talking about purely cold approaching. But this library situation was a perfect opportunity for you.

 

[Not Quite There]

yeah, i just read soem of the bible stuff, and a lot of it makes sense, but some if it just doesnt apply to England, some is just to cheesy.

basically, i think the main things i am getting from this site are how important the following are:

confidence (obvious really, an AFC knows that! just doesnt have any),

importance of being ****y and funny (i realise this is how i am when drunk, going to concentrate on it more),

eye contact,

arrogance (with the fit girls, act like you don't care how fit they are, kinda knew this one, but going to work it a bit more, looking back, its always worked when i have been),

being a man, (i think this is usefull, makes sense, basically, going to be more ascertive and do my thing and make no concessions)

confusion (can see this definalty working, jsut dont overplay it).

anyhow, theirs definalty good tips on thsi site, jsut got to think what will fit your life really.

@Don Juanabbe know what your saying about being in a foreign country, was the same for me in USA and canada, I deliberatly went out my way and spoke louder over there! and true, us brits definalty losse our inhibitions abroad.



i think what i need now, is more ways i can basically approach and let the proper fit girls in the club know i've got something different about me and get them chasing me ideas??? you lot have bene on here longer! haha

 

[Not Quite There]

Originally posted by NewMan
I'm originally from the UK - living in Los Angeles for 10 yrs.


Everyone in the UK is so uptight, that no one wants to make the first move.

What will set you apart from the crowd - is the fact that you are outgoing and friendly and not afraid to meet new people.

I used to be the same way.

Don't expect success - nor defeat. Not everyone will be excepting of your approach - but so what. You will get some success.


By the way, I'm not talking about purely cold approaching. But this library situation was a perfect opportunity for you.

i completly agree! i wasn't even trying to get in with ehr, just wanted a conversation, but like you say, i'm so uptight!!! i feel i need some drink in me....this is what i would like to change.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

We're uptight here as well. The only way around it I've found so far, is saying hello to people I see in the street from the neighbourhood.

I do get alot of eye contact, on the street, in the subway, however, the women generally tend to look away when I catch them looking at me. Because of my confidence level, I automatically assume that the woman doesn't want to be approached. Consequently, alot of the time, I don't.

I think I'm going to start experimenting with this more, smiling more etc, because I'm afraid I might be coming across as some sort of nutter, given that women are also on their guard in the city.

The thing I worry about, is that I too, lose my inhibitions when I've had a few pints, but then I'll see the same people on another occasion, sober, and they must wonder what happened to the friendly, outgoing guy they were talking to the last time they saw me.

 

[Not Quite There]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe

The thing I worry about, is that I too, lose my inhibitions when I've had a few pints, but then I'll see the same people on another occasion, sober, and they must wonder what happened to the friendly, outgoing guy they were talking to the last time they saw me.

hahah! this is me 110%

half the time, i get slightly too wasted to remember what i even said or who i talked to, so the next time i walk in that bar/club, it feels like all eyes on me or something, even if say its some girls checking me out i'm thinking 'sh*t, have i met them before when drunk, what did i say or do?'

I won't beat about the bush though, this is when i go out with some mates with the intention to get like that and actually more harass girls than try and hit on them, not very DJ at all after reading this site, but i am thinking of changing my ways.

 

[Not Quite There]

anymore?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I've blown a lot of opportunities when I've gotten a little too pissed. They say macking drunk is a mistake.

But then again, I've also scored outlandishly when only a little buzzed.

It's a fine line, but I feel like a fool sitting in a pub, sober, quietly sipping a pint.

 

[NewMan]

It is a fine line - and I've been on that line many times - and over it many times.

In my case, when I'm boozing up on Jack and coke's or Scotch or any hard liqour - it's very difficult to know your limit on any particular day.

Stick to beer - and it takes a little longer to get a nice buzz (damn USA beer) but you have better control and it's easier to maintain.


Stick to beer when macking, Liqour when partying with your boys.

 

[Matt Rogers]

There is a certain art in the UK for pick ups called the polite throw away question. Assuming you have caught an eye and got a smile make a throw away comment and if she engages you and gives you a response other than "yeah" you are in. If she is hard at work or busy chances are she doesn't want to be disturbed.

For example in the library say something like
Those books look exciting do they have pictures?" and shut up. If she ignores you or just nods give up. If she gives you a full response and asks you a question, you are in.

I agree that cold pickups aren't best in england. I think it is better to focus on developing a social life so you meet girls and get introduced to girls when you are in the same setting and automatically got something in common

 

[GodsGiftToFatBirds]

Alright mate
I'd really recommend you have a crack at the bootcamp. I'm from the UK too and i've been doing it myself, it really can work wonders- if you do it properly, i reckon you'll find that your confidence will rocket and that you don't even need the booze to make you a confident outgoing sort of person.
I agree with you that cold approaches are not generally done in the UK, that doesn't mean they can't possibly work, shops are better for this than the street IMO, cos people are standing still and there's usually something to talk about. Are you at uni too mate? - I notice your location is 2 diferent places. If you are, then i'd say thats a bonus for doing bootcamp, as theres lots more birds about, who are generally speaking a bit less guarded and more willing to talk than maybe in a city centre.
I reckon its easy to say 'I can pull birds when i go out clubbing, so why do i need to learn to approach them in the day when its much harder work anyway?' Try doing the bootcamp, its not just about learning to do cold approaches, its also about becoming more confident generally in all areas of your life, with guys as well as with birds.