Alright, seriously. I'm getting sick of being rejected.

[coolf1r3]

I'm probably going about it the wrong way. There was a girl I liked, I talked to her for a bit, but she just kept ignoring me. So eventually, I IM'ed her one day, said hi, and she said "I don't get why you talk to me." (Ironically, she's in most of my classes :laughing the whole thing bummed me out pretty bad. Whatever. ****ing ***** can be a close-minded ***** if she wants to. Moving on. I got over her two days ago or so and I'm on the prowl once again. Today, I noticed this girl who had bright, vibrant blonde hair and these deep, dark brown eyes. I was instantly mesmerized. She's not in any of my classes, I don't know her name, she doesn't know my name, I know nothing about her aside from those intensely brown eyes. Now, I'm not the best looking guy, far from it. I've been shot down many times, even by some of my own friends, telling me "She's way out of your league," "There's no way you'll get HER," etc. Honestly, I'm sick of it. I need to develop something, I don't know if it's self-confidence I need help with or if it's learning how to spit game, or what. I'm pretty much an AFC for the time being and that really, really needs to change. It's my senior year of high school and I've only had 1 girlfriend throughout my entire life. Sure, the relationship lasted 8 months, but she was a control freak. Back to the topic, I need your guys' advice and support. I'm not popular in school, but I'm not hated either. People know me in school, but not many people. I'm a drifter, essentially. I can say hi to anybody I want to say hi to without it being awkward, but holding conversations is difficult. I tend to steer clear of the ***holes/jocks/d-bags simply because they are what they are. Unfortunately however, the upper echelon of my school is chock-full of those types of people. I refuse to become one of them. I'm a sixteen year old high school senior in Connecticut. It's been said that your "position" in school is determined by what clothes you wear. The thing is, I'm just starting out with a job (I start Monday! $8/hour yay) and my parents can't afford to buy new clothes for me every week. Now, I'm not poor or anything, it's just that my parents are building a huge house right now, and they can't spare much money. As for popularity, I played soccer last year, but I really didn't feel like I belonged. I was constantly criticized, looked down on, etc. I suppose that's because I'm not in shape. I'm 5'8/5'9 and about 160lbs. My lower body could use some work but I'm mainly concerned about my upper body (Too bad I don't have amazing genetics like some people but such is life. I've been going to the gym for the past two days, really trying to bulk up and such. I barely know anything about the gym, so I asked a regular to help me out. He was more than happy to give me advice (people rock, sometimes). In short, I need help on:

1) How to approach and talk to this girl that I'm interested in.
2) Physical and Mental self-improvement.
3) Popularity/Getting people to notice and or respect me.

Any and all input is appreciated. I will post the most recent picture of me:

Picture

The Vestibule is a internet forum I post on in my free time.

Oh, sup SoSuave community. This is my first post here. This is pretty much the only place I can expect a serious answer from people, unfortunately.

 

[Bonafide]

Damn........


Approaching I cant really speak on because I suck at it... im a *****, but im changing that tihs come monday.... my plan is like this

I see a female I like... im talking to her some way some how and I dont care because Ive seen one of my boys I hang with man and hes like automatic...its nothing to him any chcik he likes he talks to and ALWAYS I mean ALWAYS gets the girl...and its like nothing he just simply approaches or calls them over whatever and it works....im good lookin im pretty sure I could do the same... I just had this fear since a lil kid I guess

Physical... hit the gym


Mental - Everybody else can suck a ****

Popularity/Respect - From who? Those goons? Those idiots? Who cares what they think? If you do though, you can gain Popularity and respect by taking part in school sports...just dont try fighting or trying to impress anyobdy....


Overall, its all about what you think about yourself...if you think your the ****, you will eventually be the ****..

as far as your clothes and appearance goes, yeah...now a days....and I learned this recently...your clothes really define yoour status in high school...man let me tell you this story


Last year I was still fairly popular and cool with everybody but I mean I wasnt the most fashionable kid... I was decent...but I came back this year "FRESH to death"...let me tell you... I had random guys acting like they knew me, seeking my approval, reaching their hand out to shake mine... I had females staring, gossiping all that...try getting sum kool kicks...i dunno bout u guys but everytime me and a female meet eyes with me the next place she looks is down at my feet, so I dunno!!!!

 

[TheEnergizer]

Last year I was still fairly popular and cool with everybody but I mean I wasnt the most fashionable kid... I was decent...but I came back this year "FRESH to death"...let me tell you... I had random guys acting like they knew me, seeking my approval, reaching their hand out to shake mine... I had females staring, gossiping all that...try getting sum kool kicks...i dunno bout u guys but everytime me and a female meet eyes with me the next place she looks is down at my feet, so I dunno!!!!

whoa... whatd you wear? particularly shoes, because apparently girls notice shoes, and theres the proof right there lol. oh yeah, theres already a thread on that, better go look at it

 

[Desert Fox]

Read the DJ Bible...link is at the bottom of the page.

Come back with questions you have after reading then apply apply apply.

 

[Tekniq]

http://www.hypebeast.com/image/2008/03/diamond-nike-design-contest-2.jpg

If you can still find a pair, you will be mint.

 

[coolf1r3]

http://www.hypebeast.com/image/2008/03/diamond-nike-design-contest-2.jpg

If you can still find a pair, you will be mint.

I'm going to the mall tomorrow. I'm totally re-vamping myself. **** being some geek, confidence is the best feeling in the world. I got myself a job today, and now that I have some $$$ coming in, I can afford to take interesting women out! I'll have my license in a little bit, so that should be great. That girl I was speaking about is supposedly a *****, but she's a Freshman, so I'm not sure she's dressing properly just yet. Come on, most freshman girls dress provocatively when they enter HS so they can impress the older guys. So she might not be a ***** at all, maybe she's actually a good person. I hope so, anyway. It's part of my new POSITIVE mentality . My plan:

-Get some nice clothes from the mall (suggestions would be appreciated)
- Get a new pair of kicks (suggestions again)
- Get some experience approaching girls at the mall! Why not? I mean, ****, attractive girls are a dime a dozen, chances are some of them will like me!

But I still want a chance with this girl, maybe even go out for a date with her. I know that the DJ mentality is to game all these other chicks, but I'm still in transition from AFC to DJ.

**** it, I'm just gonna go out and have fun.

Guys, please suggest clothes for me. I'm a 16 year old HS senior and I've finally made the decision to start living life on MY terms. I'm the fvcking king of MY world now.

Btw, you all rock.:cheer:

 

[PhunGar]

please shave and tidy your hair a bit it looks really messy

 

[AlexParadox]

Ive got a couple tips:
first off:
SHAVE

Where i live, im in contact with many east indians, my school is half punjabi.
The main factor that scares off most girls is lots of dark facial hair.

Either shave it off (the mustache MUST GO) or style it in some fashion. Chinstraps look good on people with darker skin. As long as you keep it neat + tidy it will look good
if you really insist on keeping your facial hair, heres an idea for chinstrap:
http://z.about.com/d/menshair/1/0/1/0/-/-/chinstrap.jpg

like i said, KEEP IT TIDY:
http://images.askmen.com/fashion/fashiontip_300/365b_fashion_advice.jpg

if you do it right, it looks GREAT.


second:
just keep the confidence comming. You will here it again and again: woman are attracted to confidence.
with all these self improvements, if you arnt walking around with a sense of confidence, you are doing something wrong

 

[I'm Charming]

What I learned from school and general social gatherings is that heirachy is usually determined by insults and slander, the higher up in the group will be less inclined to pick upon the weak, but those in the middle of a group - or middle social status will focus on keeping you at the bottom.

The way around this is:

1) Don't react, sounds easy, is hard, someone insults you then you blank them - don't even acknowledge them, they will get pissy and think you're too good for them, other people will then establish them as douchebags.

2) Learn that when we are strong, we are vulnerable. A lot of people don't realise this - they think that strength will conquer all, it doesn't. The strong display body language that is open, widely spaced legs, a bared throat, the idea behind this is that by displaying their vulnerability they are being strong - showing that they have no fear. This openness leaves you open to attack - everyone always wants to unseat the alpha male.

3) Neghits. Not just for women. Wind up dudes, playfully - don't be aggressive, but let them find their liabilities and step beyond them.

4) Learn that status is not about clothes or tidiness, it helps for the ladies but it is not the be all and end all. I know some extremely unkempt dudes that I would not mess with.

5) Realise that status is established early. Do not be surprised if people react in anger and apprehension when you try to change who you are. You may need to remove yourself from a certain scenario and re-establish yourself to gain control again.

6) Do not mention or recognise your own liabilities in front of friends. I know a guy that negs himself, makes jokes at his own expense. Not good.

7) Smile. People love it.

I did all of these things towards the end and after I left School, on my bus card I have a photo of me from two years previous and one of my new friends from college remarked that I looked like someone who would crack and go do a school shooting, and he was right, I just had to smile, because I looked like a neglected crazy person. The same dude that said this respects me and probably would not recognise my old self if faced with it, my confidence made him unsure if I was the same person on the card, this frowning, hiding, shy person.

I realise none of this deals with women, but there's enough advice on picking up chicks here, so focus on being happy and the bigger picture.

Also, on a more cosmetic note, I would also say shave. A separated moustache always screams pedophile to me, keep the beard if you want but for the love of god the tache must go.

 

[619joe]

Im trying to imagine this situation and I understand completely.

1.If you dont(or barely) talk with her in class and she IGNORES you,why do you still continue?Learn to drop it man.Not every girl will like you and you will just be wasting your time
2.If your seen as one of the wierd/non talkative kids in class,she will ignore you.This is the sad part about high school,but if she is with other popular friends and especially if you arent atleast sorta friends with her,she will ignore the **** out of you
3.She is partly judging you on appearance and on how you act in school/class.Shave man.And try and get contacts,glasses just usually lead to judging RIGHT AWAY.
4.You seem like a serious type guy who tries to joke around at times but it just doesnt work out the way you want it to.
5.Dont go around approaching random girls in HS.This is a sure fire way to get a bad rep easily started if you mess up with certain people.News spreads like wildfire and you dont want to be the type of guy with that rep.Instead approach people who HAVE THE SAME FRIEND AS YOU to which you can easily bring up that point and it disarms them immediatly or just get introduced from a friend is usually another awesome option
6.Again man sorry to stress it out to you,but your social status and how you act is pretty much main reason shes judging you.Not because you think you need to go to the gym or w.e thats irrelevant.
7.If your really smart/nerd in class,you dont have a chance.There are exceptions that ive seen but generally if you seem really focused in course and not be relaxed and joking about it,she wont wanna talk to you.


This is all mainly from what I observed man.I was at your stage for first 2-3 years of high school and now that I sit beside the hot girls in class,Ive pretty much discussed with them what they think of some people in class and what Ive told you is the truth man.

My best tip that helped me?Get a hot female friend.One of my close friends had a good friend that was hot and then a year or so ago I became her friend.We hung out a bunch of times but just as friends but the fact that she was hot,I learned so much.It can sound wierd or w.e but just being around a good looking girl and vibing with them helps immensly and just having the exposure on a daily basis like that helps you get more relaxed.

I hope this helps good luck bud

 

[smoothtalker72]

you want the girls to notice you? join clubs. participate in school functions. participate in student government. i've had the geekiest of friends talk to the most popular girls in school. how? because they knew them through a club or through student government. sorry to say but you have to be sociable to get the girls. in hs you cant just walk up to a girl who you do not know at all. they're gonna think you're weird or be uncomfortable. fortunately they only need to know your name, the little bit of exposure you get from being active in school activities will give you the in you desire. the girls will know your name at least and you will have that much more room to work your magic.

moral of the story. be active in your school. it helps with your social status and gives you an in with the girls

 

[BlakeW5]

Completely off topic, but is the girl you mentioned a natural blonde? Just wondering because I've never met a natural blonde that had brown eyes (I'm a curious guy).

Anyway, so you basically want to totally revamp yourself?

1) Style: What styles do you like? By far the easiest style to pull of is the "preppy" style, but it's also very lame. Other popular styles for your age group are: hip-hop/urban, rocker, emo (basically rocker, just a little more feminine), and skater. The easiest way to find a style is to emulate a person you like, but the easiest way to be stylish in highschool is to emulate the "popular" kids.

2) Shoes: The link the other guy posted is perfect if you like the hip-hop look. It's got some color that stands out and it's got the faux gator leather. If you like shoes like that look into shoes by 310 Motoring (http://www.shoes.com/shopping/results.aspx?N=4294965330+6208+6278&Ne=2) they're chic in a hip-hop way. I actually work for shoes.com so I can give you some insight into popular styles (I'm a lowly shipper, I don't get commission so don't think I'm trying to con you lol). Hands down we ship out more "skater" style shoes than anything. Here's a shoe I saw the other day that I personally think is pretty pimp http://www.shoes.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?p=EC1094379&pg=5034914 and it looks even better in person. Basically, hit up shoes.com or zappos.com and check some shoes out. Both have HUGE selections, free shipping, free returns (for one year at that!), and lower prices than retail stores (online is really the only way to get shoes anymore IMO). I see literallythousands of shoes everyday (uggghhh) and I notice the trends.

3) Appearance: I didn't pay close attention to your pic, but I did notice one thing. LOSE THE FACIAL HAIR. Facial hair, especially moustaches, just don't look right on young guys. A moustache screams two things: a) motorcycle cop and b) skeevy guys (think child molesters, out of work pornstars, and "stuck in the 70's" guy). There have actually been studies that found that guys with beards are percieved as sketchy and less trustworthy, and I assume it works to some degree with all facial hair (it hides the face, bad from a body language standpoint).

4) Physical improvement: For starters, 5'8 160 lbs. isn't out of shape. It would be a stretch of the imagination to even call you chubby. I'm 5'5 150lbs and I don't look out of shape at all. Anyway, hit the gym, work the muscle groups that will give you a more masculine physique (from a western standpoint). Those would be chest, arms, and shoulders. Of course work everything, but the groups I mentioned tend to get noticed the most in American society it seems. After all, the one thing guys all seem to ask each other when talking about training is how much the other benches (rarely do they ask how much you squat, even though strong legs are much more useful in everyday life).

5) Mental Improvement: Actually start to believe that you are the sh*t. WORDS OF WISDOM>.... People will treat you how you let them treat you. If you view yourself in high regards, eventually others will too. Now don't kid yourself, at first people will do everything they can to hold you down, but if you're not getting hated on you're doing something wrong. People are jealous creatures by nature, they don't like to see others doing better than they are. At the same time there's a HUGE difference in confident and ****y. Confidence is a belief in yourself that you actually back up, ****y is running your mouth about how great you are and never proving it. People love confidence and HATE ****iness. Be the confident guy.

6) Popularity: Popularity is HUGE in highschool. Girls love the popular guys because all girls want to be popular (find one that doesn't I dare you). Popularity is easy too, despite what everyone tells you. The easiest way to get popular: dress like the popular kids (or the group you want to be popular with), adapt their lifestyle, BE SOCIAL (with everyone but focus on the group you want to be part of), join clubs/get your face out there. I was the school/class president (small school). I was well know, but not really popular. When I ran for president everyone in my class rallied behind me. Not only did I win, but I got instant popularity to boot. Just put yourself out there. Not many people have the balls to put theirself on the line like that, but people respect the ones that do.

I noticed you said you didn't want to be like the jocks/a-holes/douchebags. Be honest with me here, do you not want to be like them because you truthfully don't or are you scared they won't accept you into their circle?

It may sound like I'm telling you to be a different person than you are, and in a way I am. It's not something I recommend, always stay true to yourself, but selling out is the easiest way to get popular in highschool (sad but true ).

7) Approaching girls: Basically read up on the site. I'm not trying to write a book here (really I'm not ) and that's what it would take to cover this topic. Pick up the things that would apply to you. You're a sixteen-year-old senior, so I know you're smart. Girls are not that hard to figure out, you just have to throw logic (man logic) out of the window.

The most important thing to remember about approach is this: you have to learn through experience. The only way you'll ever get better is to get out there and try. All the book smarts (or sosuave smarts) in the world won't help unless you've actually tried to apply them and experience the interaction first hand. It's going to be rough at first, but you wouldn't be here asking for help if you weren't up for the challenge. People learn from mistakes, if you never messed up you'd never really learn, so don't be scared of messing up (it isn't the end of the world).



In closing, I hope I didn't forget anything and I hope I helped. If you ever have any questions don't be scared to ask, that's what this site's about. So get out there and start making your life better. It's gonna be sour at first (trust me), but that first success is the sweetest nectar in the world, it's more addictive than heroin actually.