Alpha Widows

[Willie Naylor]

What is the best way to deal with an Alpha Widow?

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with one, or should you just pack it up and move on?

 

[rjc149]

What you're asking is "how do I deal with a woman who is hung up about her ex?" -- but what you're really asking is "how do I date a woman whose ex boyfriend is more attractive than I am?"

If she's hung up, you deal with her at arm's length like any other emotionally unavailable woman. If you believe yourself to be an inferior option for her, that's your hang up, not hers.

"Alpha widow" is a made-up Rich Cooper red pill term. All attractive women have been with "alphas" and "betas" within various social contexts and have left one for the other, or maybe vacillated back and forth between the two over the course of their lives.

This weekend I saw a young couple, maybe late teens or early 20's, passionately making out with each other on a park bench. The girl was a 8+. The guy was a 5'7 scrawny guy who was very well-dressed and looked to have an expensive haircut. Not someone who fits the definition of "Chad." Clearly, this kid has high status in their social sphere, which he enhances by carrying himself in a high-value way.

If he dumped his hot girlfriend, I doubt we'd refer to her as "alpha widowed" and unattainable by anyone else.

 

[Willie Naylor]

What you're asking is "how do I deal with a woman who is hung up about her ex?" -- but what you're really asking is "how do I date a woman whose ex boyfriend is more attractive than I am?"

If she's hung up, you deal with her at arm's length like any other emotionally unavailable woman. If you believe yourself to be an inferior option for her, that's your hang up, not hers.

"Alpha widow" is a made-up Rich Cooper red pill term. All attractive women have been with "alphas" and "betas" within various social contexts and have left one for the other, or maybe vacillated back and forth between the two over the course of their lives.

This weekend I saw a young couple, maybe late teens or early 20's, passionately making out with each other on a park bench. The girl was a 8+. The guy was a 5'7 scrawny guy who was very well-dressed and looked to have an expensive haircut. Not someone who fits the definition of "Chad." Clearly, this kid has high status in their social sphere, which he enhances by carrying himself in a high-value way.

If he dumped his hot girlfriend, I doubt we'd refer to her as "alpha widowed" and unattainable by anyone else.

Exactly. Which is why I asked the question the way I did. I don't know why you decided to re-word it for me. The chick in your story is not an Alpha Widow, so I don't know what relevance it has to my original question.

This chick has had her heart broken by an Alpha, and she still pines for him years later. Then, we meet. Things are going great with us, but deep down, she still longs for the a$$hole that broke her heart.

I feel like, as much as I want to make it work, she'll never give herself fully to me. Because she's just hoping that he comes back someday.

Am I right?

 

[rjc149]

Exactly. Which is why I asked the question the way I did. I don't know why you decided to re-word it for me. The chick in your story is not an Alpha Widow, so I don't know what relevance it has to my original question.

This chick has had her heart broken by an Alpha, and she still pines for him years later. Then, we meet. Things are going great with us, but deep down, she still longs for the a$$hole that broke her heart.

I feel like, as much as I want to make it work, she'll never give herself fully to me. Because she's just hoping that he comes back someday.

Am I right?

Then she's hung up over an ex, not hung up over an "alpha."

If you feel like her feelings for her ex are an impediment to your relationship's development, you can always make your exit. Never compete with another man for a woman. Never fight for a woman. The moment you feel a woman is undecided between you and another man, you walk away and make the decision easy for her. You remove yourself as an option for her. That's how to be "alpha."

All of us are still a little hung up over being dumped by a very attractive ex, that we don't think we can replicate. Until we meet someone who is not in competition or comparable with that ex, but different. Then we form new attachments to that person, and a new relationship develops.

What about this ex makes you think he's the alpha a$$hole? Do you know him?

 

[Willie Naylor]

Then she's hung up over an ex, not hung up over an "alpha."

If you feel like her feelings for her ex are an impediment to your relationship's development, you can always make your exit. Never compete with another man for a woman. Never fight for a woman. The moment you feel a woman is undecided between you and another man, you walk away and make the decision easy for her. You remove yourself as an option for her. That's how to be "alpha."

All of us are still a little hung up over being dumped by a very attractive ex, that we don't think we can replicate. Until we meet someone who is not in competition or comparable with that ex, but different. Then we form new attachments to that person, and a new relationship develops.

What about this ex makes you think he's the alpha a$$hole? Do you know him?

Thank you. That's good to hear. I've known that for some time, but need someone to slap me over the head every now and then to remind me.

She's casually mentioned him in conversation a few times over the last 2 months. Just, totally out of the blue.

Not really digging it.

 

[rjc149]

Thank you. That's good to hear. I've known that for some time, but need someone to slap me over the head every now and then to remind me.

She's casually mentioned him in conversation a few times over the last 2 months. Just, totally out of the blue.

Not really digging it.

How do you know he's an alpha?

 

[Willie Naylor]

How do you know he's an alpha?

I assume that. Since she tells me she's the one that left him because he 'had some drama going on.'

But over the last couple weeks, she's all of a sudden keeping her phone face down, and when we're together and her phone rings, she'll go in another room.

So, I assume that what really happened is that he left her, now he's decided he's h0rny again, so he's circling back around.

My gut tells me to just, like you say, exit this relationship. But there's this nagging voice in my head that says I can change her mind.

** i know I can't. But the voice is still there.

 

[Barrister]

I assume that. Since she tells me she's the one that left him because he 'had some drama going on.'

But over the last couple weeks, she's all of a sudden keeping her phone face down, and when we're together and her phone rings, she'll go in another room.

So, I assume that what really happened is that he left her, now he's decided he's h0rny again, so he's circling back around.

My gut tells me to just, like you say, exit this relationship. But there's this nagging voice in my head that says I can change her mind.

** i know I can't. But the voice is still there.

You already know the answer, brother. Silence and Distance is how you deal with this. If she is pulling back, you pull back harder. If she tells you that she wants some space, you agree and amplify and give her more space than she asked for. If she tells you she doesn't think it is going to work, you tell her thanks for the memories and go No Contact and begin contacting other women.

Doesn't mean these things are easy. Once you get an emotional investment in a woman it is difficult. But this is the not only the best way to deal with her directly and potentially (maybe) bring her back to you, it is also what is best for YOU even if it is difficult. Good luck, brother.

 

[Willie Naylor]

You already know the answer, brother. Silence and Distance is how you deal with this. If she is pulling back, you pull back harder. If she tells you that she wants some space, you agree and amplify and give her more space than she asked for. If she tells you she doesn't think it is going to work, you tell her thanks for the memories and go No Contact and begin contacting other women.

Doesn't mean these things are easy. Once you get an emotional investment in a woman it is difficult. But this is the not only the best way to deal with her directly and potentially (maybe) bring her back to you, it is also what is best for YOU even if it is difficult. Good luck, brother.

It's not gotten to a breaking point, but I can already see some writing on the wall.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

What is the best way to deal with an Alpha Widow?

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with one, or should you just pack it up and move on?

Don't. Hotter younger girls turning 18 everyday. Leave them for YouTube dating marriage coaches.

 

[Robert28]

Alpha widows usually don’t come right out and tell you they are. What I mean is everytime I’ve met an alpha widow she didn’t mention anything about still being stuck on an ex or anything until we’d already been out a few times, after she’d gotten me to start investing into her.

 

[Willie Naylor]

Alpha widows usually don’t come right out and tell you they are. What I mean is everytime I’ve met an alpha widow she didn’t mention anything about still being stuck on an ex or anything until we’d already been out a few times, after she’d gotten me to start investing into her.

It's almost like that's the game they play.

"Let me get this muhfvcka hooked first, then bounce."

 

[Robert28]

It's almost like that's the game they play.

"Let me get this muhfvcka hooked first, then bounce."

I don’t mean invested like I’m hooked, but I have invested my time with texting or making time to see her and fit her into my schedule. Maybe I’ve already started thinking I’d like to continue seeing her. That’s what I meant by invested.

 

[Barrister]

I don’t mean invested like I’m hooked, but I have invested my time with texting or making time to see her and fit her into my schedule. Maybe I’ve already started thinking I’d like to continue seeing her. That’s what I meant by invested.

Because ultimately all women crave validation. Some of them want more than others. Some of them want it from multiple men. You are likely dealing with women who want it from multiple sources. They don't necessarily have to be "alpha widows" for this to be the case -- it can be any woman.

 

[rjc149]

But over the last couple weeks, she's all of a sudden keeping her phone face down, and when we're together and her phone rings, she'll go in another room.

I'd say this is a pretty big red flag.

Next time she goes into another room to take a phone call, give her a c0cky smirk and say "ooh, secret boyfriend?" Whatever her response, DO NOT REACT. Don't follow up, don't come up with some witty retort. Just be serene, non-reactive and change the subject with a shrug.

This lets her know two things:
1. You're not a chump
2. She can't shake you

If you feel her pulling away, let her go, and let her come back to you. Never react to this. A woman's affection will ebb and flow, you just have to let it and not let it bother you. Don't chase, don't punish. Just be serene and non-reactive. If she disrespects you, set her straight with direct, assertive communication -- not tit-for-tat stuff or punitive mind games. If she violates a boundary, she's out.

Make your peace with this relationship being on borrowed time. Enjoy it while it lasts. Start casting out your net.

 

[metalwater]

I assume that. Since she tells me she's the one that left him because he 'had some drama going on.'

But over the last couple weeks, she's all of a sudden keeping her phone face down, and when we're together and her phone rings, she'll go in another room.

So, I assume that what really happened is that he left her, now he's decided he's h0rny again, so he's circling back around.

My gut tells me to just, like you say, exit this relationship. But there's this nagging voice in my head that says I can change her mind.

** i know I can't. But the voice is still there.

do not let this slide. don't even worry about what it is she has done or might do. look exactly at NOW and what she is doing now.

do you want to have a woman with you that takes calls from other men in priority over you. she literally gets up and LEAVES you to go give attention to another man because he asked.

three choices.

a. set boundaries and manage her environment. if your in a strong beta postion with her, you might be able to do that. it's better than choice b.

b. do nothing and become a cuck. give trust priority and ensure you don't appear insecure. by playing along, the other dude will be having a good time and perhaps literally at your expense.

c. leave.

if you pick c, and she comes to you and wants to make it right, you still have the same three choices.

you might think you can out alpha her memory, and maybe you can. it will take time if it's not that way now. during that time refer to choices a and b.