Alpha Male

[Ray Don]

Hi all,

I've been reading some info on the So Suave website and from David DeAngelo's mailbag lately. Most of the info I've read really seems like it would work from my observations in the real world and I've been trying to psyche myself up to try it (i.e. stop being a wussy). I have some questions though; I'd appreciate input on these:

1.) How important is being an alpha male?

Obviously, in any group and or situation, there can only be one alpha male. I find that in social situations, I am never an alpha male, and to be honest, I don't really care to be. I like to get out sometimes, and go to parties or to bars, but I tend to hang back from the action. I'm introverted, so it would be tough for me to be the most talkative one. Also, now that it's summer, I really feel uncomfortable at parties, because people want to play sports like volleyball, badmitton, things like that, and honestly, I suck at sports. So the last thing I wanna do is make an ass of myself, so I'm even more out of the action at these gatherings.

2.) How important is social proof?

This kind of relates to my question on being the alpha male. I prefer being with small groups of friends when I'm out. Some friends I feel more comfortable with than others. I'm not the kind of person that has a lot of friends and acquitances, and I'm not the kind of person that could host a party.

Typing these questions out kinda makes me feel silly for being concerned about these things, but I worry about them. I tend to worry about things down the road aways...like, OK, what if start dating a girl, and she wants to hang out with her friends or my friends? I guess I feel like it'd be a letdown. Basically, I suppose I'm really insecure about being so introverted, but at the same time, it's not an aspect of my personality that I see changing. Being less shy and trying to talk a little more is doable, I've achieved that, but being a real extrovert, I don't see that happening.

What do you all think about these concerns?

Jason

 

[Ron_Mexico]

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[PRMoon]

1) It's not very hard to be an alpha male in any group setting. I'm kind of introverted myself (until I start drinking) but trust me being an introvert is no reason as to why you can't alpha in any situation. What being an inward thinking person means for you is that you've got to work extra hard to overcome those mental obsticles in order to get somewhere. Like when you see a pretty girl(s) and you're thinking of all of the bad things that could happen to you if you go over and say high or what they'd be thinking about if they came over to say hello to you, you've got to wipe your mind of all thoughts like that, build up some confidence and just do it some times. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Repeating this over and over again will result in your friends all looking to you to be the first one to break the ice with girls and thinking of places you all can go so you can "work your magic" giving you alpha characteristics.

2) Social proof is important in a lot of situations, seeing girls you've known from the past, going up and saying hello shows other girls you're not akward about socializing with girls which is a big releif for them because there are alot of dunces out there who look the part but act all geeky when it's time to put up or shut up. Looking the part definately helps too but you have to walk the talk. I meet alot of girls who are excited about going to the nightclubs around my town but since I've done it so many times and know the ropes I don't look as pumped or anxious about it as they do which gives me a well deserved "above it all" look which for some reason they seem to like.
Don't look at something like not playing sports as a disadvantage either, we all have our strengths and weaknesses so rather then focusing on what you're not, focus on something that you do well, what you are. Don't worry about travelling in small circles either. I have some friends but really I'll only go out looking for action with two or three of them tops because from my experience large groups are difficult when it comes to satisfying the whole (I'm a team player I like to see all of my boys doin well and having a good time, I'll litterally drop girls with high IL for me if I see one of my boys not gaming well) so keeping a small group makes work a little more smoothly.

Too sum it you've got all the tools you need to do well as a DJ you're just not using them the right way. It will take some effort for you to advance in the social world but really you have to work for good things in your life, everyone knows that. Being an introvert doesn't mean it's game over for you, it means you've got to try new ways to work from your perspective. Also dont' be afraid to put yourself out there. We all get shot down from time to time, it's bound to happen, just don't let it get you down, the only imortant girl is the next one.

 

[Ray Don]

Thanks for your words of wisdom and hope. I agree that it's easier when out with just a few people. I've just got to use what I've got like you said.

Jason

aka Ray Don