Almost got into a fist fight with step dad

[King Of Nowhere]

I have already got into two fist fights with him since he moved in.This week my step-dad has been making a big deal out of trivial stuff like leaving a kfc box open, and forgetting to put away a cup. He even wakes me up early in the morning when he knows I have school to argue over little stuff. Today, when i got home he tells me to get HIS towel out of the shower. I refused because its his towel and he is trying to make a big deal out of something stupid. Then he gets in my face and yells at me. I just give him a blank emotionless stare in response. The stare must have intimidated him because he was like " you look like you want to do something to me." At this point in my mind i am pissed off this guy is in you face over stupid **** and essentially daring you to hit him. I would have did it too, but my mom would have kicked me out. She always takes his side even though im her 17 year old son. What do you guys think I should do about this situation.

 

[thebrownman]

I would say move out but being 17 and probably still in school I imagine you don't have the means. But yeah, best advice is get out on your own ASAP.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I would say move out but being 17 and probably still in school I imagine you don't have the means. But yeah, best advice is get out on your own ASAP.

That's true, if you have family nearby or some really good older friends with their own place you could always crash with them until you're done highschool. This might bring some implications if you wish to go to college though.. Especially for the "Financially independent" qualifications nowadays.

That's really tough that your mother won't look past this idiot toward her own son. I experienced the same sh1t with my father and his girlfriend who hated me. Luckily I didn't live with them, but it still affected the relationship with my dad.

Some people are just straight up machiavellian.. You just have to realize it's something you can't control and that you just gotta role with the punches.

Best of luck dude.. Keep your head up, don't let it affect you and kick ass in life.

 

[King Of Nowhere]

I can't move out because all of my family lives out of town, and I don't think I can work full time to pay rent and still go to school. I might just have to put up with him until I go to college.

 

[thebrownman]

You can always just beat his ass until he comes correct. Call it self defense.

Don't ask for permission just ask for forgiveness. Mama will understand.

 

[FairShake]

Make a couple friends dude.

Friends that will take you in their home, help you beat up your dad, or give you better advice than strangers on a message board.

In lieu of them I'd say stay out while the staying is good. I know your situation because I had the same one when I was a teenager. My father had just come home from prison and wanted to institute jailhouse rules (no homo!) in the house. After trying to fight I decided to try flight. Not permanent flight, but temporary flight. I would stay out as much as possible. I'd hang with friends late into the night and sleep over when i could. I did all my homework at the library, played basketball all day, rode my bike all over the city, hung out at book stores, walked around downtown, etc. It gets tough but it will also breed you to be self-sufficient. You may even find yourself meeting new people, trying new things, and growing some.

When you're done school go away to college or go near other family members.

 

[BigJimbo]

This is why I am so glad that my old perverted father was my mother's first and only. I can't imagine dedicating your time and money to something that has been blasted by men or young boys before she met you. Yuck. I don't buy second hand underwear, why the HELL would I let "Mr. Stubby" get his head and body dirty and possibly infected?

 

[Kerpal]

Provoke him into hitting you. Don't fight back, just protect yourself enough to let him leave some marks/bruises but no serious damage. Then call the police and file charges against him.

 

[C-quenced]

Provoke him into hitting you. Don't fight back, just protect yourself enough to let him leave some marks/bruises but no serious damage. Then call the police and file charges against him.

^^^^^^
This. It's likely your best bet.

I been in a very similar situation myself when I was about 16 years old. Instead I chose the more reckless route and gave the dude the equivalent of a HHHUUUGGGEEE cauliflower ear but instead it was right over his ****ing eye. The cops were called and everyone sided with him instead of me. I screwed myself there.

Your stepfather obviously doesn't like you. Try to avoid the guy at all costs because he's really hell bent on provoking you to do something but don't let him think he can herb you around either. I know how frustrating this can be. Maybe spend more time outdoors.

 

[AlexDP]

Provoke him into hitting you. Don't fight back, just protect yourself enough to let him leave some marks/bruises but no serious damage. Then call the police and file charges against him.

I think you managed to combine everything I hate about American culture in three sentences. Absolutely despicable advice. The world would be a better place without people like you.

Not only are you a complete pvssy for suggesting that this pvssy advice is actually something a man would do, but you are also highly manipulative, backstabbing and a coward.

 

[Kenny Powers]

f-ed up shiit man, i've never experienced a problem close to this but as someone who understands the "nature of things" in this world, taking the high road may not be your best bet. He may just be trying to establish dominance. I guess just say f-it and let him have this little victory. In the scheme of things that shouldnt matter in your life.

As c-quenced, someone who has actually been in a similar situation, said, standing up for yourself and hitting him will just f-you over since he would then have the law and sympathy on his side.

Provoking him is kind of diick, but if he does hit you then you have every right to call the cops. Your only 17, he's the adult in this situation and should be the one held to the higher standard.

My advise - hold your ground and just get by acting NEUTRAL and keeping your distance. Stay LOGICAL and try to win over your mom onto your side. Yeah its kinda beta, but now is not the time to act super manly, cause that can mess shiit up.

Always remember though that you are in the right since he is the adult, but by law instigating a fight can lead to assault charges. If your family is going to help you with college then do all you can to get there. Once there you will have much more control. If not, then start looking into moving out, this is too important a time in your life to worry about junk like this, you shouldn't have to put up with it, it's bad for your development.

Im not sure though, this shiit is tough, let us know how it goes. This is a real problem - not like the usual whiny BS often on this site. I wish you the best of luck

 

[SgtSplacker]

You cant give him any moral right. The fight will either be fought with decency or not. Buy your own food, wash your own clothes, pick up after yourself, just be totally independent and dont do anyhting that can be considered wrong at home. If he steps to you with some stupid request just calmly say no. Don't get mad, no crazy looks just dont let him bully you. If he gets physical with you make him pay with his ass, give him a beating but make sure he initiates it. When the cops come they will see that he is in the wrong not you. But you have to make sure your really taking care of your side of things. The objective here is to not take his crap and to continue to live your life in decency. If he provokes you you must make sure you are in the right, there can be no justification for his anger.

This attitude is going to make both him and your mother respect you a little more eventually. You have a bone to pick with your mother now. Make sure to let her know that you feel let down by her acceptance of this mans agression towards you. Right now they may not hold you in very high regard, but when you see your mother notices your change, maybe she might try to congratulate you that is when I would let her know. Make sure to let her know that she has a responsibility to take care of you, not him.

When you are home try to make sure you are doing good things, reading, studying, whatever. So if he tries you it's while you are doing something positive. No loud music or too much video games or whatever. Hitting a kid while he's studying is a big difference from hitting a kid while hes playing xbox or something.

 

[Mike32ct]

Your step dad is a bully. At the risk of admitting the obvious, he wants you to hit him so you can get into trouble. It's a trap. Don't take the bait.

Continue with the emotionless blank nonreactive frame. It will piss him off, but stay strong. Stay busy and spend as little time around him as possible until you leave for college.

No disrespect here, but I think getting your mom on your side is a lost cause. I'm sad to say she has shown her true colors.

 

[AAAgent]

i would get out of there dude. She's your mom and she won't even take your side. The guy is not your dad and should not be commanding you even if he was your dad.

Ask any close friends parents if you can stay with them. Tell them you will do chores, cook, clean, etc. to make up your stay. Also get a part time job or try as hard as you can to get one.

If any one of your friends parents accept they will probably accept on the condition that your parents are aware/it continues to get worse or something like that. Once they agree tell your mom, that she's made this place uncomfortable for you to live. Tell your mom thanks for giving me life but what you're doing to me now is taking it away from me. Tell her your leaving and leave.

If you can't leave tell your school counselor and ask them to contact social services to find you a family. Dude i will shelter you if you live in my area. I know what its like to live in an abusive house where your either uncomfortable or scared to come home everyday. There were days when i wanted out but i sucked it up.
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My dad beat my brother and i. Bad. I would in turn get into fights all the time and now as a result i have temper problems and like getting into heated arguments/fights. My brother would get beat-up by me and in turn beat up smaller kids. My dad even gave each other knives to go in the backyard and said "only one of you can come in since you guys love fighting so much.". My bond with my brother is strong to this day because of what we had to endure.

I used to be forced to kneel on my knees for hours, locked in the basement in the dark, kicked out of my house in the middle of the night, dragged out and beat when i was sleeping. Luckily i had good friends that when i was kicked out, sheltered me. One thing that kept me sane was that my dad went away for 2 years after i turned 12 and i finally had peace and was no longer scared. I also grew up during that time and was a size that no longer looked like a child. My mother also consoled me everytime and cried next to me after i would go back to my room after a beating. She made it somewhat bearable. I no longer talk to my dad more than a sentence a day here n there. I no longer go home as i don't feel comfortable. He's not exactly the devil as there are good things about him, but they will never compensate for the hell i went through.

That place isn't your home anymore, you're about to become a man. find a new home and take care of yourself. It's going to be hard and you might not have anything, or anyone but if you don't get out of there it might ruin your whole future.

Don't stoop to his level and fight him.....

 

[Aaron B]

call CPS

the next time he gets in your face in a threatening manner, remain calm and call the cops

don't lie to the cops. tell them how he is menacing and bullying you. most likely they will remove him from the home, at least for the night.

its illegal for him to treat you that way. if it was my bio-dad i would (and have) just eat it because thats the man that raised me. this new dude hasn't earned anything and he doesn't get to be all aggressive and yell and try to get in your face

just him getting in your face and yelling can be considered assault.

since you are still a minor, if you can stay calm and present your side to the authorities in a mature manner and he's ranting and raving and pissed off when they get there, you will prevail

the more you can tell the cops true statements like "i've got this big test tomorrow i'm trying to study for and he's in here getting in my face wanting to fight because of a kfc box - i just wanna finish school and get out of here" the more it will help you look like the injured party

if you get angry and yell back and get physical he wins. then you are the bad seed juvenile deliquent who doesn't want to follow the rules

p.s. this is only a suggestion, i can't be responsible if you try this and it goes south. good luck.

at the end of the day, i think he's trying to get you to move out so he can have your mom all to himself

also when it comes up in conversation with your mom stay calm and communicate clearly to her that you are being bullyed by her husband and he is making your life miserable and you fear your grades will suffer and that you won't have as good of a life as you might have otherwise. if that doesn't pull on her guilt strings then you've got a piece of crap for a mom and if she's not going to back you i would follow the above advice and get the hell out of there