allow me to be honest for a minute

[backbreaker]

let me start by saying there are parts of my life that i am very happy with. love my wife, love my son. hell my relationship with my mom is even pretty good right now. i'm still in great shape, i still work out just about every day.

but being 100% honest, i'm.. i'm not.. happy is not the word, I think the word i'm looking for is content. I'm not very content with my life right now. It's like i've eased off the gas petal and i don't like it.

how can i put this into words. i'm a goal oriented dream driven person. i want to, no i have to accomplish ****. or at least be trying to accomplish ****. it's what made me who i am today. and now, i mean we have a pretty nice social circile, we go out to eat all the times, we have fun, but it's like i'm going through the motions. something has just for like the last month or 2 just been really nawing at me inside, beucase i know that this is not me. this last week we've went out / had company like what, friday, saturday, sunday, tuesday, tonight, that's 5 freaking nights. some people would love to have that type of social circle or to be able to kick back like that but i despise it. not beucase i despise my friends, but beucse that's just not how i am wired.

i need to recommit myself to my goals becuase i don't like what i am seeing in the mirror right now. it's kinda like catching an alaholic who has been sober for 5 years start to visit the bars to "talk to his friends", even though he hasnt' drunk yet, it's not far along. i don't like the way i am living right now just being 100% honest. ;

i can listen to as many people tell me who i need to have balance and **** but they aren't me. being broke working my ass off though broke and fat were some of the happiest times of my life, just going to bed knowing i worked my ass off and i got that much closer to doing something. i don't have that now. i work but i am not working with purpose. and i need to get back to doing that.

part of the reason i can be ****y / half ass arrogant is that i love myself when i look in the mirror and right now id on't feel like that. right now i feel like i am selling myself short.

just need to vent/ rant more than anything. i talked to my wife about this earlier today and she of course told me to do what i need to do and she said she could notice a change in my attitude that i'm a little bit more irritable than normal and this is probably why.

just goes to show you that you are really the only person that can make you hapy at the end of the day. no number on the HB scale, no amount of money, no amount of friends, no amount of nights out on the town. at hte end of the day, the only way you are truely going to be happy is to look in the mirror and like what you see.

 

[Heretolearn]

agreed and can relate

 

[5string]

BB

You sound bored with what I think you consider a mundane life. I read all of your posts and you seem to have a nice life. Is there not enough excitement in it? Is that what's going on?

I get like this too. I have a great life right now but it has become routine. I break it up a little here and there by doing other things and it really works. For example, tomorrow morning I have set aside time to head out to the range to sight in a long range rifle I have with the ultimate goal of entering some of the competitions they have and competing against some of the other guys. Not something I normally do but heck, I know it'll be a good time. I'll come home and take the wife out Sat and socialize which is what I normally do. It may be part of our routine, but I really enjoy interacting with other people.

I think you should consider yourself blessed. Maybe do what I do. Get out there and try something a bit different that you think you'd really enjoy to break things up a bit. Please don't take a great wife, kid and a nice life for granted. It's easy to do but think about it. How many guys have what you do? Not very many.

 

[st_99]

some people would love to have that type of social circle or to be able to kick back like that but i despise it.

its funny that you mention this because we all know people like that. They have their clique of friends and like clock work, every friday night they get together usually at the same persons house.. the guys break out the miller lights, the girls huddle up in the corner and they sit around, watch tv, talk about the same college stories over and over and over or whatever.. go home, and do it all over again and again and again. lol.

I think a lot of people have a need for that comfort of being around the same group forever and its not a bad thing, it just not what its cracked up to be.

 

[easun]

I've been through this myself since I made a ton of money with my own business. Part of the problem, it seems, is that most people seem to be wired to actually want a balanced life. Myself (and yourself, it would seem) don't want that as much. I love the thrill of the independent risk-driven challenge. And so we are advertised this idea of success being the balanced life (which is IMO *BORING*), and we can achieve it, but when people like us do, it makes us very depressed.

There are good role models, though. Think Jack Welch, Steve Jobs, etc. They essentially found women in their lives that adapted to their own frames so that they didn't have to compromise their (to most people, at least) extreme lifestyle.

(This was actually one of my stumbling blocks. In the past, I tried to do the balanced thing to attract more or particular women. But that [compromising identity] was a HUGE mistake.)

Right now, with my new system, I am banging mostly 18-22 year olds. The relationships don't last long, but at least I don't have to compromise my lifestyle.

i can listen to as many people tell me who i need to have balance and **** but they aren't me.

I get this from my brother a lot, but frankly, his life is boring to me. It might be balanced, but it is average and mediocre (or maybe above average, but nothing too eyebrow-raising). Sometimes I wonder if he says this because he is jealous of my own lifestyle and goals and knows that he can't actually achieve it (while he himself thrives on being "balanced"). He actually won an award at his law firm for being balanced; what an irony - being exceptional for being balanced.

 

[Warrior74]

Since we are being honest. I'm a perpetual loser. Apparently that's my lot in life. We all have our roles to fill bro. Go at it. Me. I'll be getting evicted and breaking into houses soon to pay my bills. Good times. I got 99 problems but a b1tch ain't one.

 

[backbreaker]

Since we are being honest. I'm a perpetual loser. Apparently that's my lot in life. We all have our roles to fill bro. Go at it. Me. I'll be getting evicted and breaking into houses soon to pay my bills. Good times. I got 99 problems but a b1tch ain't one.

you will be fine. getting evicted because you can't pay your bills is almost like an entrepreneurial rite of passage. it's gonna happen. you'll live.

you know that scene in the fountainhead where gail wakes up in the morning in his penthouse suite over looking Manhattan and he starts to brush his teeth or what not and looks at his gun and is daring himself to kill himself because he doesn't' see the point in going forward at that point, that's kinda how i feel. not suicidal but, meh.

 

[AW1983]

you will be fine. getting evicted because you can't pay your bills is almost like an entrepreneurial rite of passage. it's gonna happen. you'll live.

you know that scene in the fountainhead where gail wakes up in the morning in his penthouse suite over looking Manhattan and he starts to brush his teeth or what not and looks at his gun and is daring himself to kill himself because he doesn't' see the point in going forward at that point, that's kinda how i feel. not suicidal but, meh.

Hey man, from what I can tell via your posts here, you and I are a lot alike. Same age, entrepreneurs, intelligent, well-read, history buffs, good with women, etc. I've struggled with that feeling you've got for my whole life man. I was married to the greatest, most loyal girl I've ever known when I was younger and basically just walked out for cigarettes and never came back one day, all due to what I call The Restlessness. Or ennui is another good term for it.

It's basically a perpetual dissatisfaction. It usually does more harm than good but it's also a great catalyst for forward motion in life. I've started at least 3 companies in the last decade or so and either sold or dismantled them when I got bored (i.e. after they were successful lol). Routine kills me. In fact I'm extremely imbalanced in the other direction (spontaneous and erratic). Of course this causes it's own set of problems...I'm always trying to strike some balance between Rand and Kerouac haha.

Anyway, I think dudes like us need constant stimulation mentally. I start getting irritable and apathetic about things when I don't have any fresh invigorating challenges/experiences going on in my life. Sounds like you're getting bogged down in the routine. When you have the drive, and the ability for the great things, that can be a spirit crusher. Anyway, try some new stuff man. Buy a motorcycle and take a roadtrip. Hang out with some new peeps. Shoot I only live an hour from you if you're ever trying to kick it.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

BACKBREAKER, for you:

https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/10/31/perfecting-the-fantasy/

 

[backbreaker]

Hey man, from what I can tell via your posts here, you and I are a lot alike. Same age, entrepreneurs, intelligent, well-read, history buffs, good with women, etc. I've struggled with that feeling you've got for my whole life man. I was married to the greatest, most loyal girl I've ever known when I was younger and basically just walked out for cigarettes and never came back one day, all due to what I call The Restlessness. Or ennui is another good term for it.

It's basically a perpetual dissatisfaction. It usually does more harm than good but it's also a great catalyst for forward motion in life. I've started at least 3 companies in the last decade or so and either sold or dismantled them when I got bored (i.e. after they were successful lol). Routine kills me. In fact I'm extremely imbalanced in the other direction (spontaneous and erratic). Of course this causes it's own set of problems...I'm always trying to strike some balance between Rand and Kerouac haha.

Anyway, I think dudes like us need constant stimulation mentally. I start getting irritable and apathetic about things when I don't have any fresh invigorating challenges/experiences going on in my life. Sounds like you're getting bogged down in the routine. When you have the drive, and the ability for the great things, that can be a spirit crusher. Anyway, try some new stuff man. Buy a motorcycle and take a roadtrip. Hang out with some new peeps. Shoot I only live an hour from you if you're ever trying to kick it.

while we are on the subject, that's something i never understood like my dad, this is all he does. just spin plates. and from a mental standpoint i don't get it, because after a while you know all the answers. women really aren't all that complicated. stay in shape,d ress, have a life, don't supplement, pretend to like her cooking, bam. for all these threads on this forum, women seriously aren't that complicated, we make them complicated. from a mental standpoint it's not very challenging. I mean it's something you want but still once you figure it out it's not like some life long quest that you go on, they are just women.

i know exactly what needs to be done i just have to roll up my sleeves and do it.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

To me it just seems that your bored with your life. Looks like you got "tamed" and now your just going through the motions when you haven't really experienced all you wanted to experience in life. Life is very different from when you are married and when you are single. You are restricted from doing many, many things when your married compared to be single. Traveling by yourself- getting to know yourself better etc. Now I'm not saying to go out and get a divorce but it sounds like you need some alone time just to do you and get your mind right.

 

[lgbs2004]

Since we are being honest. I'm a perpetual loser. Apparently that's my lot in life. We all have our roles to fill bro. Go at it. Me. I'll be getting evicted and breaking into houses soon to pay my bills. Good times. I got 99 problems but a b1tch ain't one.

I can relate with that

 

[backbreaker]

i've basically talked myself into being complacent and not working as hard as i should becuase of my family and other obligations using them as an excuse. i am pretty quirky, and i tend to talk myself out of going hard every day and becuase i don't have the fire under me to light my ass i don't have the other part that says STFU and get to work. i need to roll up my sleeves. i have a project i have been just sitting on my ass for about a year and a half now and i need to get this **** done.,

 

[Von_S]

Growing up I was the underdog, single mom, black, nerdy, poor, ignored or shunned by the "cool" kids. I spent a lot of time in my 20's improving myself, working my balls off, learning my trade, starting businesses, traveling, learning how to manage money. And here I am, 6 figure salary, own a beautiful home in an amazing city, money in the bank, good personal style, in shape and I still feel that restlessness feeling AlphaWhiskey was talking about.

It's the challenge, life is too easy now, the stakes aren't high enough. I spent YEARS fighting to survive, I remember the days of bounced checks, worrying about gas money, not being able to afford textbooks, feeling like an outcast on campus, driving a car with massive front end damage because I couldn't afford insurance let alone another car. It sucks, but I kept my head in the game, I played the hand I was dealt and made it through. I appreciate my successes because I've lived the alternative but part of me deep down is still hungry to fight and misses the feeling of failure breathing down my neck.

The only thing I've found that is close to that experience is solo international travel. Traveling though SE Asia with nothing but your wits and a backpack strips away all the bullsh!t, it's what I do to get that feeling of walking a tightrope without a net. I think you just have to find something that truly challenges you, something that is a little out of your league, that can still knock you on your ass and give you a bloody nose. And when it does you pick up your sword and charge in again.

 

[scrouds]

In the natural order of life my friends, you get kids. They mollify those feelings. I know a guy that went to war, but his kids growing up made him settle down. Grown now, he was saying he's itching for adventure again. But now he has a grandkid. Kids will mollify you. Worth considering.

 

[Danton1975]

Hey Backbreaker,

Number 1:

It seems to me you need a big goal and to think bigger. What you are experiencing is the plateau after you have reached a goal. The worst thing that can happen to us is to reach our goals. You need an all absorbing goal that can focus your attention so that you feel alive again. Maybe I am mistaken but this is what happens to me when I reach a goal. I set an income goal this year that I thought was plain nuts and yet I achieved it by March...You would think great right? Not so...I never felt worse.

Number 2:

Schopenhauer quotes this too...but the only 2 things that cause major unhappiness in our life is pain and boredom. What he prescribes against boredom is not what you read here...as in...get a hobby, ride a horse, play chess, have a great date, go a wine tasting event. Instead the key is some all absorbing intellectual pursuit that really focuses all your thoughts. This, coincidentally, goes very well with Number 1.

Danton