All you guys who say looks don't matter in dating

[bigdave17]

explain this to me please


Why are online dating/bars/clubs and to a slightly lesser extent, cold approaches, totally impossible unless you're a damn near 10/10 male model?


All your talk about personality/character only applies to guys who can meet women naturally through their daily routine via social circle and such, meaning they get to interact with them over and over and over again and make the woman fall for them over the 50,000 Chads messaging her on match and tinder. For those of us, like myself, who don't meet women in daily routine, we are totally screwed. Even worse, if you have any sort of specific standards and aren't okay with whatever nonsense comes into your life, you're REALLY screwed.


For example, if I did online dating and got 2 or 3 dates with women who fit my specific type, I would have a girlfriend in a heartbeat. I'm very likable in an isolated/1 on 1 situation but it doesn't matter, I would get zero replies if I tried OLD and went for what I wanted (7-9s my age with no kids). Personality/Character is overrated. For the most part, the hardest aspect is getting a woman to be attracted to you - once you get the date, it's easy to make her fall for you.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Why are online dating/bars/clubs and to a slightly lesser extent, cold approaches, totally impossible unless you're a damn near 10/10 male model?

They're not. They're only impossible for YOU.

 

[Spaz]

Hundreds of replies to all ur threads and you've displayed recalcitrant attitudes towards any viable advice.

Why bother even opening a thread when you have that attitude?

 

[HankHill]

Same sh*t different thread.

 

[sosousage]

no one said look doesnt matter lul. thats the major factor

 

[peanutbuttablunts]

the whole point is that looks shouldn't stop you from flirting/getting number. of course looks matter to an extent, but you improve your looks by taking leaps of faith that you reflect upon and recognize your attractiveness "within", which boosts your immanent attractiveness (how you feel about yourself) which the mind unconsciously remaps onto the material image of your body. literally just stop being a judgemental POS and youll become attractive to yourself. this doesn't mean going out and banging uglies it means accepting onself for what they are and allowing yourself "in" to the dating world.

imagine it like this: you have three ways to be: positive, negative and double negative. the positive projects his beauty into the mirror, and promises to himself that hes beautiful. the problem here though is that any inconsistency or discord between how you see yourself and the feedback you get from the universe will causes issues "**** well then I MUST be ugly!". positivity does work, but it always has a back-end that falls through. negative is simply projecting ugliness in the first place, this only compounds and adds more ugliness, this is the simplest form to understand, probably where you who is reading this is at now. then we have double negative, which is not just simply the same as positive. here we accept our ugliness and generate attraction based upon that inner valley of "ya I know I'm ugly, but who gives a ****?" this route also involves one being categorically ethical, because part of your attraction is how you behave in the world, and even though god doesn't exist, when fate strikes one must preemptively have grace or else youll stumble and look like a dork. follow the double negative and you will begin to generate attractiveness in a "nut shell" ie by yourself. part of it is embracing your "scars" (even mental ones) and simply allowing the beauty to emerge from the wound as if it was jesus from the grave...

 

[ohrein]

Looks matter if you think they do. Fix your god damn mindset. Stop obsessing over things you can't change. You've done what you can, now focus on working with what you have. Google cognitive behavioral therapy and start practicing it. I'm not as good looking as you and I've dated hot doctors I met off Tinder with terrible profile photos. My girlfriend is "out of my league" according to some of my friends. But she's not, because I'm a man who leads, has inner character and strength and makes her *** so hard it feels like she's strangling my ****. Get some confidence and take charge.

 

[Pandora]

explain this to me please


Why are online dating/bars/clubs and to a slightly lesser extent, cold approaches, totally impossible unless you're a damn near 10/10 male model?


All your talk about personality/character only applies to guys who can meet women naturally through their daily routine via social circle and such, meaning they get to interact with them over and over and over again and make the woman fall for them over the 50,000 Chads messaging her on match and tinder. For those of us, like myself, who don't meet women in daily routine, we are totally screwed. Even worse, if you have any sort of specific standards and aren't okay with whatever nonsense comes into your life, you're REALLY screwed.


For example, if I did online dating and got 2 or 3 dates with women who fit my specific type, I would have a girlfriend in a heartbeat. I'm very likable in an isolated/1 on 1 situation but it doesn't matter, I would get zero replies if I tried OLD and went for what I wanted (7-9s my age with no kids). Personality/Character is overrated. For the most part, the hardest aspect is getting a woman to be attracted to you - once you get the date, it's easy to make her fall for you.

I agree bro. But even after a wonderful date that they enjoyed, they still ghost. You hit the nail on the head when you say you have to see them over and over again. If you dont see them regularly its quite tough to get them.

Many of the girls that I have sex with ghost me. But if I run into them again they fall for me again. Distance/ cell phones are the worst thing for men. Once she gets out of your vicinity shes get distracted by her million other options.

 

[resilient]

Distance/ cell phones are the worst thing for men. Once she gets out of your vicinity shes get distracted by her million other options.

...kinda off topic from thread but in the old days you could use “give her the gift of missing you” or “abscence of the heart, makes the heart grow fonder” to raise intrigue, mystery, and interest level lol.

Now, i’ve noticed after a good date, kino, hooking up etc. they forget you or at least the imprint isn’t as strong. Meaning, she’ll get that dopamine hit when a new potential guy sends her an Instagram DM, Facebook message, snap, OLD apps/sites etc. or when an ex drops back into an orbit that she was into. Literally minutes after checking her notifications and driving home from your date or when she gets dropped off at home.

That’s why we must always have options to match her options...

 

[Soflobro#3]

Dave you need to go approach those women you're afraid to. You have a great job, a great income, you're not terrible looking so all u need to do is work on your insecurities. I wish i was in your position in life. If you paid me id go out there with you and sh1t id do approaches just so you can watch and take notes and eventually you could do it to. Sometimes its easier to work on a team then by yourself. Why not get a wing man?

 

[peanutbuttablunts]

A bit back, my uncle's step-daughter was at my place in a big panic. I thought it was some sort of emergency - like someone might have died or something.

She had an acoustic guitar in her hand. I'm like what the fvck?

Turns out she is performing some song or other, and she can't play the half dozen chords and the couple of simple trills.

She seriously thought that the guitar wasn't working. That it was broke. Maybe she needed to buy a new one? Change the strings? Etc.

Nope. Nothing wrong with the guitar. She had bought it and wanted to get to performance level in under a week. She just didn't know how to play it. And I had to try and tell her that.

This kind of feels the same. I'm sure if someone else picked up your guitar, they could probably at least play a tune. But at least in her case, she wasn't some noob telling everyone else trying to learn the guitar that you need the most perfect strings and the finest instrument to play good music.

TLDR? Git gud.

this was actually really great, wasn't sure where you were going with it at first xD

but yeah looks ...once you achieve at least mild DJ status.....you realize looks are the least of your concerns, truly. when you see a woman from 15 feet or more away and you think shes hot then get closer and shes got acne or some imperfections.....that right there and listen carefully .IS IT. the girl that you find attractive regardless or even moreso because of the imperfections, this is the same for a woman seeing you. much of the time what you find ugly or hate about your look is what ends up being the "mark" that allows your beauty to emerge. trust me on this: you looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself "I'm such a hot ****" is NOT the key! embrace your imperfections, that goofy smile, completely ignore any blemish you have, start to allow and notice your own beautiful soul emerge from underneath the projected image you have of yourself that you map onto it's reflection, you aren't your image, you are YOU, and yet that you is impossible to find when youre trapped underneath a bundle of negativity and bad emotional past. embrace that broken leg MF, chicks dig a guy with a wound who isn't a sore loser, you better believe that your emotions and negative past are a WOUND. accept anxiety NOW, emotions do nothing but L I E. I have a serious case of lyme disease which excacerbates several alternating/simultaneous mental conditions, including negative feelings of anxiety that I cannot control. still turning heads all day and it has most to do with how I ground my energy firmly in myself and KNOW what I'm worth, I don't just project a worth that I think I might have....

 

[tanchinos]

My girlfriend is "out of my league" according to some of my friends.

I never get this phenomenon in society. Most people in my circles are not models and everyone else around them wouldn't want it any other way. I thought such narrow-minded attitudes only belonged in movies, but perhaps not. Where I come from we appreciate and celebrate others and fall in love with others mostly for what they do. We are just different over here, I dunno, I have no idea why I was ever made to feel insecure and not up to snuff to be attractive, in spite how those wretched college girls acted.

You'd think average guys and girls were not from the same walk of life. Guys are brothers who stick together through a storm. Everything in a girl's life seems superficial-based from their boyfriends to their pets. That's why they only care about movements like MGTOW if the guy was hot.

 

[Glassguy]

Wait.......who tf says looks dont matter? Initial mutual attraction is ALL that matters.