All the DJS' opinion on this chick (Serious relationship problem)

[vivek59234]

Hi Guys,

I apologize for my English, because English is not my native language.

I have been in a serious relationship problem today.

One of my friend had an affair with a girl from past 4 years and they were in a serious relationship. Now this guy has recently got married with another girl and his girl friend has been left out, she came in contact with me, she was very upset. Used to cry daily because she loves him so much but I was there with her and helped her out to forgive him.

Meanwhile, we both have developed feelings and we both started loving each other. It's just less than 2 months though. She loved me like anything. Whole day phone calls, texts loves kisses. She is kinda far from me so I used to travel around 4 hours to meet her. Every weekend we have been seeing each other and we were so so serious. Everything was fixed, she was ready to marry me and we were happily living our life.

Here is the problem : I screwed myself. What I did was one day we were talking about his ex (who is my friend as well). I told her every single truth about him that he was also going around with many girls and never loved her.
After listening to this, she kept quiet. But later on after 15 days which is yesterday she just called him up and blew up everything what I said. She was angry on him because he cheated her.

Somehow, that guy cried and don't know what he did. He convinced her and girl called me up and called me liar. She wants proof and she doesn't want to continue relationship with me now.

I tried to explain her and told her that truth is truth he is going to use you. He is married and he just wants one thing from you. She says "either I love him or leave him" but I want to love him. And she left me crying whole night. She said we won't talk from now onwards.

It's just that she is innocent and that guy is damn smart.

I am too much upset and feeling very very low.

Please help me guys in handling this situation. I know we have to move on but still, is there any chance? And in case, how do I handle this situation?

I want to know what would have went wrong? What was my mistake?

Please let me know your reviews on this.

Many thanks in advance.

Vivek

 

[Boilermaker]

you are a big shining chump because

i) you were engaged in a romantic relationship with an ex of a friend
ii) you couldn't keep your mouth shut and thought you would gain more sympathy and intimacy from her in exchange of information about her ex ..

truth is .. she was probably never into you .. the fact that she was interested in learning the details of her previous relationship clearly tells this.

you are a low, immoral chump. you were the rebound guy and now it all blew up on you.

well, you totally deserved it.

 

[Veridin]

Somehow, that guy cried and don't know what he did. He convinced her and girl called me up and called me liar. She wants proof and she doesn't want to continue relationship with me now.

I tried to explain her and told her that truth is truth he is going to use you. He is married and he just wants one thing from you. She says "either I love him or leave him" but I want to love him. And she left me crying whole night. She said we won't talk from now onwards.

It's just that she is innocent and that guy is damn smart.

Some thoughts:

1. She is being really stupid. He is married! And had an affair with her. And she still doesn't believe you when you say he has slept with a lot of women? And she calls you a liar? Wow, just wow.

2. She says she loves him? And won't talk to you because you're a "liar"? When he's the one who is married, and you have been comforting her for two months? Do ... not ... see this woman any longer.

3. You picked up your friend's mistress when he dumped her. She was crying over your shoulder for two months, and said she fell deeply in love with you - only to break it all off when you told her that your friend has been sleeping with more women than her. That means you mean very little to her. She just needed you as a stand-in. It's the other guy she really wants.

4. And let's not forget that as soon as you had told her the truth about the married guy, what did she do? When you trusted her to keep it to herself? She called him. She betrayed your trust.


I don't say this often, but this is an open-and-shut case. Do not see her anymore. You will get over her. There are more women out there. It may take a while to find someone new, but a year from now you'll be glad you dumped that woman.

 

[Bible_Belt]

What you and her had in common is a need to be loved that was more powerful than common sense, something that would make you get involved with your friend's girl or make her commit to a married man. Neither of you view yourselves very highly. If you're unhappy with yourself, then any relationship seems better than no relationship, and this causes you to make poor choices.

 

[vivek59234]

Thanks all for the responses.

All I am confused is because she has been loving me so so much. I can show you guys her texts. She was very desperate to talk whole day. If I didn't talk, she used to cry.

On top of that when I met her, she was so so much into me. Believe me this is fact that she was almost forgetting him. I know it's not easy to forget 4 year's love.

But I screwed it up by saying the truth of that guy. I shouldn't have spoken anything and ball was in my court. Now, she believes him because he cried and he said "he is not happy with his wife". He loves her like anything.

On top of that she has also told everything about our relationship to that guy, which makes me feel very low.

I have too much of feelings for her and left me cry whole night. I am not able to concentrate now. What should I do? Will she be back ?

 

[Veridin]

What you and her had in common is a need to be loved that was more powerful than common sense, something that would make you get involved with your friend's girl or make her commit to a married man. Neither of you view yourselves very highly. If you're unhappy with yourself, then any relationship seems better than no relationship, and this causes you to make poor choices.

Wow, deep. And true. Both chose someone they shouldn't.

Thanks all for the responses.

All I am confused is because she has been loving me so so much. I can show you guys her texts. She was very desperate to talk whole day. If I didn't talk, she used to cry.

On top of that when I met her, she was so so much into me. Believe me this is fact that she was almost forgetting him. I know it's not easy to forget 4 year's love.

But I screwed it up by saying the truth of that guy. I shouldn't have spoken anything and ball was in my court. Now, she believes him because he cried and he said "he is not happy with his wife". He loves her like anything.

On top of that she has also told everything about our relationship to that guy, which makes me feel very low.

I have too much of feelings for her and left me cry whole night. I am not able to concentrate now. What should I do? Will she be back ?

Vivek, she did not really love you, if she breaks things off with you and calls you a liar when you tell the truth about the married guy. She is just an emotionally unstable person. How would she know she loves you after only two months? And you even talked about getting married? She is a flake.

She talked with you every day, pouring her heart out. That means you were a sponge for her to pour her emotions into. That is not what a boyfriend should be. She was using you - she probably doesn't think of it like that herself (she probably wasn't thinking at all), but that's what she was doing.

No, you did not screw up. You told her the truth, that's not screwing up. Be glad that you did! Now you know she can't handle the truth and that she is still in love with him. Good to know before you spend more time, money and plans on her.

Now stay away from her. Stay away. No contact until you can handle it. No phone, no emails, no texting. I bet she can wrap you around her finger if she wants to. Stay away until you have stopped feeling like she is the center of your universe. You have a case of oneitis - obsessing over one girl. You can only see her like she is the sun. That's not healthy. Stay away until you are yourself again.

 

[vivek59234]

Thanks a lot Veridin. You are absolutely right. I must stay away. It is a big pain but I will have to handle it some how. oneitis just screws up your life. It is damn damn hard and difficult to concentrate on things. May be I will have to work hard on this to move on.

 

[speed dawg]

Bierte????

 

[squirrels]

Bierte????

LOL!! :crackup: I remember that guy! IT AM BJERTE!! BJERTE AM COMING TO SO SUAVE FOR LOVE! I SQUEEZING KJELL'S BALLS FOR HE AM LOVING WITH SNITS!!

Vivek, you said you exchanged text-kisses. Did you ever actually KISS this girl, like, in real life? Let alone make love to her?

If not...she used you.

And yes, you are a turd for tattling on your friend for his cheating. I guess you didn't want him to be your friend any more?

 

[NewMan]

She is definitely co-dependant.

You should avoid this chick going forward, because she's extremely unstable.

If you think about what she did:

1) In love with a guy that has multiple girls on the side (and she ignored a lot fo warning signs)
2) went for comfort with tis guys friend - you
3) "Fell in love" with you
4) learnt the truth about her ex
5) called he ex who has now moved on and is married
6) stopped talking to you - because she'd rather believe an ex BF who is married

- sound like she never got over her ex.


Move on.

 

[ProDJ26]

A perfect example of the 48 laws of power

specifically LAW #2

 

[vivek59234]

LOL!! :crackup: I remember that guy! IT AM BJERTE!! BJERTE AM COMING TO SO SUAVE FOR LOVE! I SQUEEZING KJELL'S BALLS FOR HE AM LOVING WITH SNITS!!

Vivek, you said you exchanged text-kisses. Did you ever actually KISS this girl, like, in real life? Let alone make love to her?

If not...she used you.

And yes, you are a turd for tattling on your friend for his cheating. I guess you didn't want him to be your friend any more?

I met her 10 times. Every time we made out loved each other. She has also spent a night with me. Now I am facing serious problems. oneitis. Couldn't sleep whole night. It feels like something's burning inside. Pain. I will really have to do something to get over this girl otherwise this will screw my life.

 

[vivek59234]

She is definitely co-dependant.

You should avoid this chick going forward, because she's extremely unstable.

If you think about what she did:

1) In love with a guy that has multiple girls on the side (and she ignored a lot fo warning signs)
2) went for comfort with tis guys friend - you
3) "Fell in love" with you
4) learnt the truth about her ex
5) called he ex who has now moved on and is married
6) stopped talking to you - because she'd rather believe an ex BF who is married

- sound like she never got over her ex.


Move on.

You are absolutely right. When I spoke with her last time, she said "she had me in her mind all the time and she wanted me forever in her life but this thing has screwed up. She believes him then me just because he has been with her for 4 years. She told me let's stop talking and if we will have feelings, we will meet some day. This means she wants me to keep as an option.

 

[Delly2000]

Hey boss.

This may be a sort of an echo but reinforcement is good.

I know you hurting inside but I think you made a few mistakes with this one.

First you went after your friends ex or whatever. Out of all the women out there why her? I dont see the point in starting something serious with someone that your mate already had.

Second I think you was a rebound for her. So her stay with you was temporary anyway. She was rejected and her feeligns are raw so she is using the relationship with you to put a band aid on her hurt...which is a reason for the "too much too soon" chracteristics she is displaying.

Third is you snitched on your friend. I can see why you did what you did but the admission wasn't going to keep her grounded.

I would walk away from this one and find a new girl when you are ready. Too much drama man and baggage to start a healthy relationship.

She is using you emotionally and feinging interest to make herself feel better but she won't tell you that.

Matter fact you want to be the guy your friend is....that the girl uses another guy as a therapist to talk about.