All that glistens is not gold...

[Skalioppe]

A lesson I learnt that might be a stern warning for others...

I met, charmed and won over a leggy 9 out of 10, she was a real head turner, tall, beautiful with a body to die for - the best I'd ever laid my hands on. I seemed to be able to make her laugh, tease her in the right way, engage her bright mind with deep intellectual conversations that she loved, and appreciation for culture and all the other small talk jazz. She said she always had the pick of the crop of men and so went for Alpha types and she seemed to think I fitted the bill nicely, and this was demonstrated by respect from other men when I was with her - kudos from men is a great feeling.

Although we lived a few hours drive apart and we both had busy careers, before long we were banging like rabbits and it was sweet, she was experimental and uninhibited and I was thinking does this get any better? I didn't want anything too serious or committed and she seemed totally cool with that (well, originally she was), things were so good I pretty much stopped spinning plates - it was hard to top her. Anyway, things ticked along nicely on and off for 2 years and it was good times. However as time went by I realised something, beneath the aesthetic dream lay the catch, from time to time I became aware she had deep seated psychological issues, bipolar and more, SERIOUSLY up and down-ville which was starting to manifest more frequently.

In her depressive cycles my role slowly became that of counsel, she appreciated my empathy and advice helping her through the horrendous lows, there was me being supportive, thinking I was the Knight in shining armour, trying to lift her so as to reach a return the the halcyon early times - whisking her off on my steed for weekends of hedonistic fun. As time went on I noticed my role slowly became more counsel than anything else and as a result physical element diminished somewhat, she was happier to communicate by phone email etc.

Then recently the bombshell: communications had tapered off and although we were on good terms I sensed the dynamic had changed. I'm not naive, so I was able to read between the lines and asked her if she was seeing someone else and she confirmed the had recently met someone. It turned out she wanted something serious and our fling would probably never head that way, she wanted someone local, close to hand, someone who she could call and head over to in a few minutes, someone to have fun with immediate availability. But it was obviously she also wanted someone who wasn't her counsellor - a role not particularly Alpha. She was quite happy for me to counsel her through the crap, meeting up occasionally for some fun, but new guy got to see the post therapy good side, and she was quite happy not to tell me, keeping me in my new role. B1tch.

Evidently new relationship energy is a good mental hit if you suffer from depression.

She thought everything was fine and dandy all her boxes ticked until I dropped my own bombshell on her, I was moving on, bye bye :wave: . I'm sorry, I can't be any guy's fluffer and I'm no-one's plan B or unpaid counsel. Yes, I deserved everything I got for being a d1ck, dropping my game and becoming too much of a support, slowly seeping into the friendzone, for getting too oneitis over her and stopping spinning plates, heck, for lots of mistakes, all classic mistakes, but I'm a quick learner. Anyway, she emailed me a long email a few days later saying she was distraught and in a very vulnerable place, having a tough time given my revelation, was in bad way (lots of very depressing tearful stuff) by me moving on. I didn't reply - I won't be her crutch. It's his problem now but I'm not sure she'll want to show that side of her to him so early on - exactly the same sh1t she hid from me.

Well, I'm day 26 of NC now and it's fvcking hard, I go over cr@p in my head like a stuck record the stuff we shared, and I miss her terribly, even through the good and bad sh1t and her issues. When she was happy (and I don't mean manic) she was the best woman I'd ever met, a dream to be with, but I learnt my lesson hard... don't become some girl's counsel it'll ruin all chances, but most of all... All that glistens is not gold.


Anyone else share a similar experience?

 

[Fly By Night]

It sounded like a nice run while it lasted, but that's crazy how you were able to walk away just like that after 2 years. Way to stay strong.

The girl I'm with now is starting to show my disinterest by flaking and whatnot, so I'm still talking to other women and getting the game down. I noticed I'm becoming better once I'm in a conversation, but I am still getting AA.

Got to keep it moving, nevertheless.

 

[Skalioppe]

It sounded like a nice run while it lasted, but that's crazy how you were able to walk away just like that after 2 years. Way to stay strong.

The girl I'm with now is starting to show my disinterest by flaking and whatnot, so I'm still talking to other women and getting the game down. I noticed I'm becoming better once I'm in a conversation, but I am still getting AA.

Got to keep it moving, nevertheless.

Yes, it's no cakewalk - hardest decision I've made in a long time, and if I'm honest I'm still suffering but it had to be done. I was too far friend-zoned and you can't go begging or trying to win favour when in that place, you're devaluing yourself, plus competing against new relationship energy and the mysteries another new Alpha can hold. Sometimes the surest way to leave a swansong of your value, a vacuum in their life where they can reflect on what you added to it, is to go against everything your mind tells you to do, man up, and just let go..... *GONE*

I don't think she'll contact again, I think my message was final.

You should move on too!

 

[Kenny Powers]

Solid cautionary tale, but you banged a HB9 with a personality to boot for 2 years without committing to a relationship, even overcoming both her and your busy schedule and the psychical distance between the two of you. I have no pity for you, just high fives.

All i took away from this is that for two years you won (except giving up your plates - that was a mistake) and that you needed to keep things sexual. Clearly the distance between you two and your transformation in her mind from sexual alpha to beta therapist put your relationship to a quick end when she met a man who gave her what she needed. Next time just keep things more sexual.

Best of luck maintaining NC

 

[betheman]

Yes, it's no cakewalk - hardest decision I've made in a long time, and if I'm honest I'm still suffering but it had to be done. I was too far friend-zoned and you can't go begging or trying to win favour when in that place, you're devaluing yourself, plus competing against new relationship energy and the mysteries another new Alpha can hold. Sometimes the surest way to leave a swansong of your value, a vacuum in their life where they can reflect on what you added to it, is to go against everything your mind tells you to do, man up, and just let go..... *GONE*

I don't think she'll contact again, I think my message was final.

You should move on too!

you made some mistakes most of us have made, Im one of them, however you identify & acknowledge them, believe me the way you have handled this will help you so much, you have got out with your dignity intact. its still going to be tough but you had a good run. the poor side of her nature, the mood swings are her, and the new guys problem, let him deal with that cr@p now, no doubt it will be a rinse and repeat scenario for her. stay strong man, you will be ok in time and better

 

[Gro0ver]

All i took away from this is that for two years you won (except giving up your plates - that was a mistake) and that you needed to keep things sexual. Clearly the distance between you two and your transformation in her mind from sexual alpha to beta therapist put your relationship to a quick end when she met a man who gave her what she needed. Next time just keep things more sexual.

But that's probably why she chose him and stuck with him, the potential for manipulation.

I've been reading a lot about personality disorders lately and it seems a lot of them target "white nights" or people who naturally take on counselling/saving roles in relationships. Seems like many people here have been there in one form or another.

Way to go breaking it off man. I know it's rough but the alternative was a hell of a lot rougher, now you've got the rest of your life to look forward to without being weighed down by this girl and most importantly - your self-respect is very much in tact

 

[Bible_Belt]

The thing about bipolar, borderline, and otherwise crazy women is that when times are good, they are more fun than sane women and the sex is better. But it's like a fast car with too much nitrous or an athlete on too many steroids - performance is initially superior by far, but when things go bad, they go really, really bad.

 

[Skalioppe]

The thing about bipolar, borderline, and otherwise crazy women is that when times are good, they are more fun than sane women and the sex is better. But it's like a fast car with too much nitrous or an athlete on too many steroids - performance is initially superior by far, but when things go bad, they go really, really bad.

Those are very wise words indeed and I can testify to that being EXACTLY the case, spot on :yes: . I take it you've had some fun and games yourself with bipolar women?

But on the flip side of bipolar : the bad sh1t doesn't last indefinitely and the good sh1t you allude to is often compensation enough. So I suppose if I continue using your metaphor, it's like having a fast car that generally is the best adrenaline ride ever, you keep kicking the nitro and it takes it, happily eating up the tarmac with gusto for a decent period, then things start to go wrong with the engine, it splutters, performance is cr@p it's unreliable and flaky. So you spend a small fortune in time and effort sorting the problems out, knowing that before long it should be running like a dream again.... and THAT'S the proverbial repeating dangling carrot. The trouble is sometimes you think... ah fvck it, I'll just get another more reliable car.

Kudos to you Bible_Belt for knowing the score.

 

[Gro0ver]

The thing about bipolar, borderline, and otherwise crazy women is that when times are good, they are more fun than sane women and the sex is better. But it's like a fast car with too much nitrous or an athlete on too many steroids - performance is initially superior by far, but when things go bad, they go really, really bad.

I have nowhere near as much experience as some people on this board with these kinds of women, but reflecting back it seems like a totally different experience to a normal woman. It's more like a drug.....you might know it's bad for you, and you're going to feel s**itty later, but you can't help but go back for more.

It's bizarre when I compare it to my normal healthy relationships, but there's something addictive about these kind of girls when the good times are rolling. Maybe that's why it's so easy to develop one-itus for them and forget about that revolting beast inside of them that has it's claws in virtually everything they do.

 

[SoSuave666]

I have nowhere near as much experience as some people on this board with these kinds of women, but reflecting back it seems like a totally different experience to a normal woman. It's more like a drug.....you might know it's bad for you, and you're going to feel s**itty later, but you can't help but go back for more.

It's bizarre when I compare it to my normal healthy relationships, but there's something addictive about these kind of girls when the good times are rolling. Maybe that's why it's so easy to develop one-itus for them and forget about that revolting beast inside of them that has it's claws in virtually everything they do.

Pretty accurate. I am far from having an addictive personality. Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, blah blah blah all have no hold on me. I have dabbled in each area long enough to get addicted, but just never have. I could go on without any of those three no problem...no doubt.

With my BPD chick it was as addicted to something as I've ever been. Luckily for me, once I realized what was going on and how damaging the relationship was, I got out. I don't really know what my problem was. I was healthy, motivated, of high value, educated, and most importantly had loads of other women in my life. I just seemingly got together with her at my most vulnerable time. We both did our damage to the other as well. I remember after becoming "boyfriend/girlfriend" with her turning around the next day and saying "actually, I kinda want to take it back I'm not ready for that." Basically I told her I wasn't ready to stop seeing other people. She continued to hang around and be such a sweet girl. Once we became "boyfriend/girlfriend" for good though, she changed completely. The change in her brought out the worst in me. That's what I hated the most. I was acting like someone I never wanted to be, nor thought I could be.

Basically, everyone can be a little crazy some times. But these BPD chicks man will turn you into someone you hate. Then THEY will hate you for it. Then when you become normal again, they try and change you back to your afc days. Their turbulent emotions can definitely provide some of the best, but also some of the worst days. Hell to this day she still tries to get under my skin and rub it in that she is seeing other people. She also comes around every once in a while for a good fvck.

These people don't know they have psychological issues. If you want to help them, direct them to a psychiatrist.

 

[DonGorgon]

this is simple... she is a normal human females and she simply found another mate who Fed her better than you.. If you will better she would always keep you on her F list while hoing around.. dont feel bad .. you had a good looooong time with r but during that time she sampled many other ****s and eventually founder a better fit..lol

 

[pdx1138]

It's bizarre when I compare it to my normal healthy relationships, but there's something addictive about these kind of girls when the good times are rolling.

I had that monkey on my back just over a year go.

but damn was it fun!

 

[Bible_Belt]

I take it you've had some fun and games yourself with bipolar women?

Yes, and thank you for the compliment. I have learned a lot about personality disorders by dating women with them. And something most people don't realize is that such knowledge is applicable to all people with that disorder whom you might encounter under other circumstances. My current girlfriend's boss is an undiagnosed bipolar. He's the world's nicest guy most of the time, and the biggest a55hole the rest of the time. That's what it is to be bipolar, farther up than anyone else when you're up, and farther down than anyone else when you're down.

 

[Skalioppe]

Day 32 NC update.

She texted me today.....

<Her petname for me>, I miss you heaps. Are you sure we can’t be friends?
<My petname for her> x

I also found out she'd booked and gone away on one of those "sort your head out", meditating, peaceful therapeutic holidays at very short notice about 10 days ago. Perhaps the vacuum I left behind has left a huge hole in her life? Ha ha.

By the way, I haven't replied.... Thoughts?

 

[Blistex]

By the way, I haven't replied.... Thoughts?

You're better off not replying. Forgetting about her is one of the best choices you'll ever make.

 

[Shockwavedave]

Day 32 NC update.


By the way, I haven't replied.... Thoughts?

Ignore and let it lie. Always the best option

 

[TonyBaloney]

Take it from me, my friend that this point in your life could make or break you.

You are dealing with (depending on which science/philopsophy you adhere too) with either a BPD, or (my own thought) a genetically anomalous woman, or others call them devils...

I had one of these creatures.... on and off for 3.5 years.

I had no idea what I was dealing with. I had an argumentitve woman for 5 years before this nut job, so when it started to go crazy, i thought, just another woman whos crazy, so i dumped her....but somehow she had put her talons into my soul....sexually, emotionally, spiritually....

The coldness and lack of sympathy goes against everything we thought we knew, and had learned about women growing up - this is what blows mens minds, and drives us to seek anwsers again and again.....

This one, to add to my misery had a father whos is one of Englands cleverest men, a mother who I believe had the same complaint as her, looked literally like an angel, and sexually was completely perverted and insatiable - everything I wanted....

I can tell you that the lows that this woman has caused me have tested my most Iron resolve - if I didnt love my sisters, mother, nieces and nephew and friends so much, and didnt want them to feel the pain of losing someone they loved too, I most certainly would have committed suicide. The agony was that bad. It was torture...

The ons and offs have been numerous. I am sure that I was only fun to her, now with the benefit of hindsight. But she always wormed her way back in with charm, sex and her allure. The last time, I had met a new girl who was great, but no match for the ex. So we met, but i wisely, i thought, as the ex had fooked me around so much before, decided and told the ex that until she wanted a `proper` relationship, i would keep seeing the new one. The ex agreed, I also demanded that we go to counselling to sort out issues. She complied. We did, and I thought progress was being made. The ex asked me to let the new one go, which I did. The same night as I dumped the new one, the ex started an argument which culminated in a huge row, and me going home. We stayed away from each other for two days and met and saw a film. She agian started an argument over a petty thing, and again we had two days apart. That evening we met agin, and went to our counselling, We told the counsellor that Id parted with the new one, and we were ready to start again. The counsellor talked about issues that were holding us back, and advised that we should keep communicating....

In the car home, she broke down and said `i just cant do this anymore` I knew that the game was up.........


I sent a couple of texts over a couple of days, but felt so completely betrayed, that I knew that was the end...... I told her never to contact me again..... That was 9 months ago....

I still have dreams and nightmares about her. We live close, but I avoid any bar where she may be. This matter still bothers me. I havent yet found a rplacement, perhaps never will, but whatever in life is instore for me - she will never be part of my journey again. My soul is slowly repairing.... but it took my staring in the abyss, to realize that I would be destroyed if I ever venture towards her again....