All my freinds are going soft

[Modern Man Advice]

My social circles are now basically on life support

as we are all approaching 30 at least 4 of my closest friends are desperate to settle and have all taken literally the first woman they have met

My group chat resembles a scene from some sort of romantic comedy , its getting so boring and cringe, they are constantly talking about where to take her next , where to go on holiday , what the weddings will look like how in love they all are ya da ya da

None of them are interested in doing anything fun anymore , its like a military operation just getting them to go for a meal

I'm sat here pondering whether there is something wrong with me I'm almost certainly indirectly being made to feel like it , i know deep down this is all nonsense and in a few years there will be the inevitable heartbreak and everything that comes with it

a part of me has never wanted to settle early i spent 4 years of my 20's in a relationship it was a nice period in my life but i cant say it was the best and there was plenty of downs as well as up's

Now i am single i want to have fun , lads holidays , weekends away , saturday boozing sessions

But fvck me at 29 i am being made to feel like life is already over

Are anyone else's social circles in the state mine are in , is it common ? , i need to start a new life somewhere i think

I think it's a consequence of the state of modern dating. It's almost like the saying "A bird on hand is worth more than two in the bush".

Meaning, you find a decent girl and you do not let go.

I think it sets a brad precedence and mindset, because it lowers men's standards and self-worth. But yes, it is common. Again, remember, we are seeing a generation of SIMPs and blue pilled men spreading like wild fire. Tables have turned. Women have the upper hand.

On the positive side, at least you have a social circle and group of guy friends. This is rare. More men, 30+ are becoming lonlier and more asocial. Men loneliness is becoming very apparent and problematic. Not saying being a lone wolf is not powerful, cause it is. But having a group of men to bond with is critical for us as men. So cherish that to the best of your ability.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Bingo-Player]

Speak for yourself.

You know what's not cool? Getting married because you feel "alone" and you do it at the expense of your goals, passions, ambition, $, and freedom.

It's not 1950 anymore, sporto.

I'm over 45 and loving life; good $, own property, date women half (or younger) my age, own my own business, workout/run 3-4x week, hike every day, and live in the #1 city in the US according to 2021 US News and World Report survey. I couldn't even fathom being married for 20 years to the same woman and p*ussy, mega bills, kids, wife stuff, likely 20-30 pounds heavier (fat) - because I have to provide for all this.

I'll go the Lone Wolf | James Bond route any time. I'd bet 95% of all men who are mired in the "married life" would switch places with me in a heartbeat. Maybe you're in the other 5%.

Ciao.

This is the kind of energy i like to hear

As i said in an earlier post i'm constantly reminding people to separate LUST from LOVE

Lust- is when a male and a female who first meet are attracted to each other want to fvck like rabbits and very quickly think they are in "love"

When in all reality Love can only materialise 15-20 years down the line when the male and female have seen each other sh1tting on the the toilet , been up all night with newborns , gone to umpteen thousand kids birthday parties , survived countless arguments over busybody Inlaws and all the other horrendously mundane sh1t that comes with a LTR & family

If after all that the male and female still want to fvck like rabbits and are still wildly attracted to one another i will concede and believe they are in love

You get the best out of the relationship in the first year after that its a constan gruelling battle to keep that spark alight between you and i will not believe anything else

 

[Bingo-Player]

It just comes down to personal preference.

I have no desire to be 'smashing pu$$y' until I'm 86, and dying of a heart attack during sex.

Yea but we weren't talking about 86 we were talking about 40

I know sh1t tons of 40 & 50 year old men where i work who are like rabid dogs because they are in sexless relationships with women who have completely let themselves go

then when the new 28yr old HB 7 finance clerk starts her role they are going fvcking wild

This is the type of sh1t i am not destined for

 

[Dash Riprock]

Number one city for what?

Overall quality of life: https://denver.cbslocal.com/2021/07/15/boulder-ranked-best-place-live-america-u-s-news-world-report/

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Up until meeting my girlfriend 8 months ago, I'd been the only single one of all my friends for quite some time.

OP, if you think it's rough when approaching 30...wait until you're approaching 40.

It's not cool to be 45 and single. Before you know it, you're gonna be that creepy old guy in the bar...brown chest hair hangin' everywhere, creeping girls out...

Hank Moody, nice to see you back Cute twist with the 8 month girlfriend. Nice touch.

 

[SW15]

My social circles are now basically on life support

Are anyone else's social circles in the state mine are in , is it common ? , i need to start a new life somewhere i think

My social circles are in lousy shape too. Too many of my friends are married men in suburban homes with dogs. They all became far less fun after they got married.

I made the decision to de-emphasize certain friendships, including one where a man exposed his true colors as a massive beta male.

 

[JayAce]

My social circles are in lousy shape too. Too many of my friends are married men in suburban homes with dogs

100% same w most of my friends as well

im in the same boat as yours and op’s original post. trying to find new friends, etc.

been a bit of a struggle tbh, but it is what it is

 

[SW15]

100% same w most of my friends as well

I think that's true of most men over 30 who are never married and have no children. Guys who fit the description in the last sentence tend to be on the fringes of most social circles. Established couples comprise most social circles of people 30+.

 

[eli77]

who says you need a huge group of friends ?

 

[Bingo-Player]

who says you need a huge group of friends ?

You don't need a huge group , ideally you want lots of little groups

Why ? because these are usually the fastest and safest way to meet quality females they also allow you to retain a level of social proof

People are communal , the lone wolf status has some benefits but generally people don't want to really associate with
"that guy who is always on his own"

this perception gets harder and harder to shift as you get older , you start moving around a lot in your 40's / 50's the first question on everyone's lips will be "why" and "what's wrong with him"

 

[Willie Naylor]

Feminized men chasing LTR's and marriage is evidence of the tragic feminisation of men.

Women want to chase men for LTR's, they don't want to be chased by men for LTR's.

This thread is talking about friendship circles.

 

[rjc149]

Jesus’ most impressive miracle was having 12 buddies at age 33.

 

[SW15]

Exactly. OP is struggling with friendships because all his friends worship pvssy and can't balance their lives.

Many men struggle with this. I'd say that the friends I've made in my current city are pusssy worshippers that can't balance their lives.

Jesus’ most impressive miracle was having 12 buddies at age 33.

12 buddies as a 30 something guy is not that big of an accomplishment. 12 buddies who live in the same city and you see on a regular basis is an accomplishment.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Jesus’ most impressive miracle was having 12 buddies at age 33.

And even then, one of his "buddies" sold him out.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

You are fine. Dont fall for it. Other circles will come.

This is true. New circles will come, some will go again.

The same thing happened to me in my mid to late twenties. By the time I was 30, most of my old social circles were settled/settling down. I'm still single and living the life I want nearly 9 years later. I've moved around a bit and lived in and frequented places where there are people to match my concurrent mood and outlook. It takes a bit of trial and error, but we get on fine.

Twenty-five to thirty-five is a hugely transitional decade in life. If you're not wanting to settle down, it's a good time to really proliferate success and worldly understanding for the future. I hang with some older guys in the pub now and then and a couple of them are borderline polymaths; insomuch as they are very knowledgeable and skilled in a number of disciplines - making money, music, art, cooking, crafts/DIY, tech, sports, whatever. You can tell that they have spent a good many hours, by themselves, honing their skills and knowledge. Really quite inspiring to see.
It's good to be good at things, especially at the moment when most people aspire very to little, beyond social media attention-seeking.

 

[DisposableBenchmark]

My social circles are now basically on life support

as we are all approaching 30 at least 4 of my closest friends are desperate to settle and have all taken literally the first woman they have met

My group chat resembles a scene from some sort of romantic comedy , its getting so boring and cringe, they are constantly talking about where to take her next , where to go on holiday , what the weddings will look like how in love they all are ya da ya da

None of them are interested in doing anything fun anymore , its like a military operation just getting them to go for a meal

I'm sat here pondering whether there is something wrong with me I'm almost certainly indirectly being made to feel like it , i know deep down this is all nonsense and in a few years there will be the inevitable heartbreak and everything that comes with it

a part of me has never wanted to settle early i spent 4 years of my 20's in a relationship it was a nice period in my life but i cant say it was the best and there was plenty of downs as well as up's

Now i am single i want to have fun , lads holidays , weekends away , saturday boozing sessions

But fvck me at 29 i am being made to feel like life is already over

Are anyone else's social circles in the state mine are in , is it common ? , i need to start a new life somewhere i think

I'm at the same age and similar situation to you. Luckily I have a few friends who are a bit younger. I find the worse thing about this generation and this age group is that it seems to be a bit of a dichotomy: either my friends fall into the category of long term relationship or engaged or married. Or they're ****less virgins and are out of the game completely and spend their days smoking pot and playing video games. I sympathise with women. Good men are hard to find.

 

[Bingo-Player]

This is true. New circles will come, some will go again.

The same thing happened to me in my mid to late twenties. By the time I was 30, most of my old social circles were settled/settling down. I'm still single and living the life I want nearly 9 years later. I've moved around a bit and lived in and frequented places where there are people to match my concurrent mood and outlook. It takes a bit of trial and error, but we get on fine.

Twenty-five to thirty-five is a hugely transitional decade in life. If you're not wanting to settle down, it's a good time to really proliferate success and worldly understanding for the future. I hang with some older guys in the pub now and then and a couple of them are borderline polymaths; insomuch as they are very knowledgeable and skilled in a number of disciplines - making money, music, art, cooking, crafts/DIY, tech, sports, whatever. You can tell that they have spent a good many hours, by themselves, honing their skills and knowledge. Really quite inspiring to see.
It's good to be good at things, especially at the moment when most people aspire very to little, beyond social media attention-seeking.

Love this

 

[coyote_astro]

I so much resonate with the OP's message!

Even though my friends' behavior is not quite as cringy, most of them have either gotten engaged or into serious relationships/moved in with their girlfriends.
Don't get me wrong, they are free to do what they want and I'm happy for them, but I'm in a totally different headspace than most of them.
After the past crazy 1,5 years of covid restrictions etc, I want to go out, have fun, travel and meet cool girls while doing all these! In the meantime some of them are ready to get married while others post pictures of their girl's pug on Instagram...

I don't mean to say this is all over. My career is at its highest point ever. After hitting the gym consistently for 1 year, I'm in the best shape of my life. But I believe that a social circle of cool friends to go out with makes everything much easier (and more fun).

PS: I should add that I do have other friends that are way cooler than that, and/or still single, but we live in different countries..

 

[LucianoM]

Youre not going to find true friends after 25, you just need to learn how to make moves solo.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

My friends are people I grew up with, I meet people through them, not sure what to tell you there, other than understanding there are some friends that you can trust with certain things and others you cant, hell I have some people I call friends that I just plain and simple can't trust with anything lmao.

Its no different than dating women, if you aren't prepared to get burned when you trust someone, anyone, then you need to take some time but at some point the trust runs deep enough that if the communication isn't strong enough, your gonna get burned regardless and some guys put up this wall where they don't want to communicate, they feel that they can just do what they want and they can, in another social circle, somewhere else.

I don't mind friends I can't trust but if we can't communicate, that's where the issues lay the most for me.

Like for example, I'm the type of guy, I can be an idiot sometimes, but I'm also self aware enough to know that so I can mitigate my own idiocy when I need to, but there are people out there who are idiots and not only don't know that they are idiots, but somehow actually think they are intelligent and those people are the most dangerous people in the world.

Most of the people that I cant trust, they have enough self awareness to know I can't trust them