agh!! I think I blew it

[32swf]

so Friday night I had a second date with a guy I seem to have a lot in common with. We went out and had some wings and beer. The conversation went really well, we seem to agree on a lot of things, religion, politics, music, etc. And we're both sarcastic, so things were easy going and funny.

Then I went to the bathroom, and bummed cigeratte from a guy on my way back. (My date used to smoke, so he didn't have a problem with this). But then the guy I bummed from and his two friends wouldn't let me leave, and kept talking to me. I finally went back to the table after 10 minutes and apologized to my date and he didn't seem to mind.

Then after a while, we both had to go to the bathroom,and I beat him out, and bummed a second smoke from the same guy, so I was standing there when my date came back. The three guys at the table were like "ah, so here's the date, have a seat. blah blah..." so we both sat down with these guys and they bought us another beer and we all chatted and laughed til they had to go.

My date didn't seem to mind, and he was very outgoing and friendly with these guys. They were's that good looking, and certainly not my type. so I don't think he thought I was interested in any of them.

when we got in the car to leave, I said " that was weird, i don't usually start talking to strange guys, (he had already observed that I was a little reserved) and he laughed and jokingly said he did it all the time. so I thought thinks were fine.

I asked him in, and he came in for a little while, looked through my CDs and DVDs, commenting on them. but he didn't make any moves and I haven't heard from him.

I did leave him a message last night to see if he wanted to go to a local short film screening tonight, but I haven't heard back.

Did I blow it??

 

[golf299]

well, i cant tell you if you blew it or not...only he'll be able to tell you that with his actions. what i can tell you is this: what you did would put any guy in an extremely awkward situation. i mean, he was out on a second date with you and had to wind up fighting for your attention with some other guys. not the best thing you could have done. you're lucky he took it as well as he did. but i can assure you that he wasnt all that cool with it. i would have probably handled it the same way he did, but i wouldnt have been thrilled.

did you blow it? time will tell...lets see if he calls back about the movie. but if he doesnt all hope is not lost...he's getting mixed signals from you so he's likely confused and needs some time.

good luck.

 

[squirrels]

He is either playing the game exactly as he should, or he's wussing out. Hard to tell from your perspective, which is exactly as it should be.

If it were me, when you came back to the table the second time, I would've politely excused us at that point. If these guys weren't total idiots, they would take the hint and roll out. Sounds good that he handled it with friendliness instead of jealousy.

As far as going back to your house, it sounds like one of two things happened:

1) He wanted to make a move, but either didn't really know how or was afraid to.

2) He didn't want to make a move just yet, for whatever reason. Could be part of his plan, could be a lack of sexual chemistry.

Once again, I'm not used to looking at things through a woman's eyes. He could see the situation entirely differently.

 

[1utfan1]

Originally posted by 32swf
Then I went to the bathroom, and bummed cigeratte from a guy on my way back.

Then after a while, we both had to go to the bathroom,and I beat him out, and bummed a second smoke from the same guy, so I was standing there when my date came back. so we both sat down with these guys and they bought us another beer and we all chatted and laughed til they had to go."

---I almost puked at these guys' chumpness. Two smokes and beers for a women who they knew was there with someone. And then your date gets roped into having to sit with you and your chump brigade?

 

[honeyshark]

Something similar happened to me last week...that is I went to lunch with a girl and she ended up meeting people and dragging them along with us. Let me tell you, it was a HUGE turn off. She was pretty good looking but as this was happening I could not wait for lunch to end and for me never to deal with her again. Plus, from the way she acted afterwards, she was interested in me but she had defintely killed my interest in her by being so inept.

Not only is it disrespectful, it intimates that you are not comfortable solely being with your date and you have to have other people around to reduce tension . It also shows flakiness and poor social skills. I mean, you talked to them for 10 minutes while your date was waiting and then you went back and talked to them again and waited until they left to end the interaction. Plus, it was a Friday night date.

I don't believe you should be the perfect date whenever you go out with someone; I am just saying when something like this happened to me it seriously killed my interest. I was thinking to myself, "is she really this socially unaware?"

In conclusion, I would say that you did screw up and I would have probably done the same thing he did if you had annoyed me enough. Also, using common sense, just because he says he doesn't mind if you bring three other guys along on your Friday night date doesn't mean he actually believes it. It doesn't matter if you aren't interested in any of the guys or if they aren't your type (as if he is somehow supposed to know that).

Peace.

 

[dietzcoi]

Leaving your date at the table for 10 minutes while you "smoked and joked" with some moronic AFCs who "would not let you go" is complete BS. Yes you blew it and it seems both your date and the other losers were all a big group of AFCs. I would never accept that. By your name I assume you are 32 years old. You should know better than this... you are not 16. Unacceptable.

What were you thinking?

Dietzcoi

 

[32swf]

all is not lost!

well, the guy did call me back last night. He was busy that evening, but said he was free this weekend. I have tentative plans for Saturday night, and he has plans friday night, but I'm supposed to let him know if it turns out I'm free on Saturday. If not, we'll probably get together on Sunday.

I know I was wrong by socializing with those other guys. That's normally not me, I'm not normally very social or flirty. I've only recently started being a lot more talkative and outgoing, and I was flatterd by their attention. I didn't need them to reduce tension, because my date and I were having a great relaxed time. it wasn't awkward at all. Maybe that's what threw me off, and I was subconsciously trying to sabotage myself.... who knows??? But it definitely won't happen again.

 

[MrBond007]

To make up for it,offer him to give you ana| sex.

 

[thissucks003]

Re: all is not lost!

Originally posted by 32swf
I know I was wrong by socializing with those other guys. That's normally not me, I'm not normally very social or flirty. I've only recently started being a lot more talkative and outgoing, and I was flatterd by their attention. I didn't need them to reduce tension, because my date and I were having a great relaxed time. it wasn't awkward at all. Maybe that's what threw me off, and I was subconsciously trying to sabotage myself.... who knows??? But it definitely won't happen again.

There is nothing wrong with being human. Talking to people and being social is showing your humanity. There is nothing wrong with talking to others, even on a date. Be natural, show your humanity, is being your self. Anything else is being fake.

BTW, swf32, there seems to be a common theme in all of your posts after you have a first date, and that is that you are very worried and annalyze each and every detail to the point that you are worried that you made a mistake because he didn't call you back immediately after you called him. Stop worrying over small details. It's not bad to rehash what you did right and what you did wrong for future dates with new guys but you take it to the level where it seems that you are not confident in yourself or you have self esteem issues. Trust in yourself! You are a quality person. Know that whatever you do, you trust yourself!

TS