Age gap and conversation

[miles79]

So I ****ed up last night.

I (33 year old) was at a party with this HB7 (20 year old) I've been flirting with heavily the whole weekend, and indirectly for a few weeks. Now I've not been perfect with her, make my share of mistakes etc, but overall the night started in a reasonably good place. But the nail in the coffin was that the party was simply too long for me to entertain her and her friend, and they slowly drifted towards a 23 year old foreign guy. I drove her to her place when the party ended and got the "I have a boyfriend" line.

It's not that I can't sustain good conversation - I can. It's just that the kind of topics that would keep _me_ engaged for 5 hours are not contemporary music and other fluff. When I tried talking about politics or evolutionary psychology, eyes glazed and she actually said "this is over my head". And when they talked about music it was my turn to nod off. Ended up checking facebook on my phone or talking about Starting Strength with a friend. Was pretty tempted to start flirting with another girl.

So, DJs, what do you do in this kind of situations?

 

[EastWind]

Option A: find a girl with worthwhile things to say.

Option B: if it's got to be this girl and this girl only at that moment, why wait for five hours at that party? Fluff a bit, then drag her out "to get some fresh air" or "see your goldfish" or some such nonsense.

To calm you nerves, though, from what it sounds like she was never really interested. If she had been, she would have made efforts to get alone time with you.

Also, don't gravitate around a girl for five hours at a party. You don't want to be a satellite to any girl. Sounds like you were a bit fixated there.

 

[SecondHalf]

Get her talking about herself.

At the end of the night, she's think you're an amazing conversationalist and had her captivated all night.

SH

 

[scrouds]

So I ****ed up last night.

I (33 year old) was at a party with this HB7 (20 year old) I've been flirting with heavily the whole weekend, and indirectly for a few weeks. Now I've not been perfect with her, make my share of mistakes etc, but overall the night started in a reasonably good place. But the nail in the coffin was that the party was simply too long for me to entertain her and her friend, and they slowly drifted towards a 23 year old foreign guy. I drove her to her place when the party ended and got the "I have a boyfriend" line.

It's not that I can't sustain good conversation - I can. It's just that the kind of topics that would keep _me_ engaged for 5 hours are not contemporary music and other fluff. When I tried talking about politics or evolutionary psychology, eyes glazed and she actually said "this is over my head". And when they talked about music it was my turn to nod off. Ended up checking facebook on my phone or talking about Starting Strength with a friend. Was pretty tempted to start flirting with another girl.

So, DJs, what do you do in this kind of situations?

Sounds like you're following the beat of her drum. Bad idea.

 

[Alvafe]

So I ****ed up last night.

I (33 year old) was at a party with this HB7 (20 year old) I've been flirting with heavily the whole weekend, and indirectly for a few weeks. Now I've not been perfect with her, make my share of mistakes etc, but overall the night started in a reasonably good place. But the nail in the coffin was that the party was simply too long for me to entertain her and her friend, and they slowly drifted towards a 23 year old foreign guy. I drove her to her place when the party ended and got the "I have a boyfriend" line.

It's not that I can't sustain good conversation - I can. It's just that the kind of topics that would keep _me_ engaged for 5 hours are not contemporary music and other fluff. When I tried talking about politics or evolutionary psychology, eyes glazed and she actually said "this is over my head". And when they talked about music it was my turn to nod off. Ended up checking facebook on my phone or talking about Starting Strength with a friend. Was pretty tempted to start flirting with another girl.

So, DJs, what do you do in this kind of situations?

flirt with another girl, serious, you shouldn't stop at one place in a party, talk with several groups engage then, anyone you know in that group tag along know the others, stay chat a little then move to the next group, and talk based on what that group is talking about, let others talk, ask questions.

normally if i'm having any fun I won't stop in a place for too long so have fun, you are there to ahve fun not because of anyone

 

[st_99]

When I tried talking about politics or evolutionary psychology,

u cant be serious.

 

[miles79]

To calm you nerves, though, from what it sounds like she was never really interested. If she had been, she would have made efforts to get alone time with you.

True. I'd have estimated her interest level at about "Not really, but I enjoy the attention", with a dash of anxiety at my occasional lack of interest. But isn't this kind of situation what game is about? Turning a "maybe" into a "yes"?

Also, don't gravitate around a girl for five hours at a party. You don't want to be a satellite to any girl. Sounds like you were a bit fixated there.

True.

Sounds like you're following the beat of her drum. Bad idea.

Isn't it always...

flirt with another girl, serious

I'm always hesitant about doing that. I've read a couple of studies on speed dating, and it seems what correlated most with a successful hookup was mutual exclusive interest. I.e. overt flirting around is bad. My personal experience seems to agree with it too.

 

[zekko]

When I tried talking about politics or evolutionary psychology?

Please tell me you weren't discussing "game" with her.

Anyway, it sounds like you two didn't really have anything in common, and didn't really have any chemistry either. I know you probably just wanted to bone her, but it's still helps if there's at least a little attraction there. Maybe you'll get along better with the next girl.

Some girls will be receptive to you, some won't. It's almost like throwing a bunch of stuff at a wall and seeing what sticks.

 

[backbreaker]

i was gonna rip you but you probably aren't trolling lol.

women, ****, grown ones, don't like talking about politics or evolutionary physiology. my wife is 35 and college educated.. the last dinner we went out to our conversation was a play by play recap of the last the first 48 episode (she loves the show)

women want to be seen as equal but that doesn't mean they give a **** about the same things you give a **** about.

more so, where the hell did you take a girl where you have to talk to her for 5 hours lol? that sounds like the worst date ever.

you put yourself in a unwinnable situation and you put the nail in the coffin by trying to impress them by showing how intelligent you are.

remember this.. smart educated women, at the end of the day, are still women.

 

[miles79]

i was gonna rip you but you probably aren't trolling lol.

I have my share of misgivings, but I'm not that socially awkward. I didn't try to talk evolutionary psychology with them, nor even politics - except for a short attempt with the 23 year old guy. I was just giving examples of what I would find interesting to talk about, and they wouldn't.

I get the point though. Talking for 5 hours does not a good date make. But in that particular case the social context forced sitting and talking (and no, it wasn't a date, at least not in that I had a choice of venue).

 

[scrouds]

I show women I'm intelligent by using big words, naturally. I don't do it to impress, they've just been added to my lexicon. Just like I show class by being a classy guy. I don't have to show off my knowledge of evo psych or drop my coat on a puddle.

If you want to talk nerdy, find some friends that are interested. Keep it light and fun for the chicks you want to bone.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Miles,
I love your posts,always pretty spot on,we relate well here,because you have smarts,and you use them....Great....But mate for casual relationships,especially with a 20 year Old,you cannot expect intellectual stimulation as well as Pvussy.....You just have to get her talking on comfortable topics,boring as it may be,that's the price for her opening her legs!

 

[DonJuanabe]

You are 33. She is 20. She is probably a sophomore in college. She is still a child. She has nothing worthwhile to talk about at all. Guess what -- when I was 33 I dated a 20 year old HB 8 who was in college. It turned into a seven year relationship and she never had anything to say that was of any sort of intellectual substance.

It really isn't worth wasting your time if you are in any way nerdy or geeky. First, a 20 year old doesn't know anything about which to have a real conversation. Second, you are a generation apart and she won't know anything about the things from your childhood and teenage years -- the things that made you into the man you are today.

 

[Warrior74]

Roosh has a great bit about carrying on a convo. The comments section has some gems in there as well.
http://www.rooshv.com/first-30-minutes-of-conversation

But here's the thing, if you are at a party with a 20 year old, you know what you should be doing? Drinking, dancing, playing beer pong, being a flirt, betting on her to beat some other girl in arm wrestling and talking about wild and crazy times while trying to make some wild and crazy times happen right now. Maybe it wasn't that sort of party...or maybe I just have fun reliving my youth when I hang out with girls younger than me.

 

[Jitterbug]

There are a few things you can always talk about regardless of age difference:

- Music / arts
- Travels
- People & relationships (start by people watching in your surroundings, make a game out of it)

It's not the age difference holding you back. Women may get older but they don't get any smarter. If you want intellectual stimulation, talk to a man.

 

[blindnowisee]

You sound like the guy from 'Good Will Hunting'.. The one that gets ripped to shreds after trying to come across as being intellectual.

I'm saying this with all due respect but who cares how intelligent you are? Just act normally and people will notice your shards of intelligence coming through. People that start talking about 'complex' subjects reek of insecurity to me.

I've looked up the clip for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ymsHLkB8u3s

The dude I'm talking about enters the scene at 1:10

 

[YOUR BORING LIFE]

So I ****ed up last night.

I (33 year old) was at a party with this HB7 (20 year old) I've been flirting with heavily the whole weekend, and indirectly for a few weeks. Now I've not been perfect with her, make my share of mistakes etc, but overall the night started in a reasonably good place. But the nail in the coffin was that the party was simply too long for me to entertain her and her friend, and they slowly drifted towards a 23 year old foreign guy. I drove her to her place when the party ended and got the "I have a boyfriend" line.

It's not that I can't sustain good conversation - I can. It's just that the kind of topics that would keep _me_ engaged for 5 hours are not contemporary music and other fluff. When I tried talking about politics or evolutionary psychology, eyes glazed and she actually said "this is over my head". And when they talked about music it was my turn to nod off. Ended up checking facebook on my phone or talking about Starting Strength with a friend. Was pretty tempted to start flirting with another girl.

So, DJs, what do you do in this kind of situations?

Seriously dude, what the ****?


Your fatal flaw was attempting to engage a 20 year old American female in a logical, rational conversation at a party. She's probably seeking one of two things at the venue:

-get belligerently wasted
-get ****ed stupid

Not have an illuminating conversation about human biodiversity or decrypting the cipher for the Voynich Manuscript.


These are the same creatures that voted for Obama based on the virtue they were afraid Romney was going to rob them of their birth control pills. They buy handbags worth a third of their annual income, and they read **** like '50 Shades of Grey' and 'Twilight'. You'd have more baseline success with 90% of women you meet just by teasing them, never taking them seriously, and dropping subtle negs here and there.

 

[AW1983]

Your fatal flaw was attempting to engage a 20 year old American female in a logical, rational conversation at a party.

Yup. I learned this one the hard way when I was much younger. I'd meet a cute girl, joke around with her, get her all hot and bothered, and then start talking about some intellectual sh!t...not to impress her, but because I really only truly enjoy conversation of a meaningful nature. Then their eyes would haze over and that was that.

I have learned now - if you want to discuss anything abstract, stick with men. Females just aren't wired this way, and the ones that can manage for a while will sooner or later get bored, or emotional (over the topic at hand). I have very intelligent hopelessly AFC friends who are holding out to find a girl who will be their intellectual peer and soulmate. I try to tell them the way things are and they think I'm a caveman haha. Meanwhile I'm scooping up all the tail and they're in the badlands, just waiting and waiting...

And seriously man, at a party!? Have some social intelligence! Even when I meet an intellectual peer somewhere like that, I keep the philosophasting (ha) to a minimum because even if both parties are enjoying themselves you will alienate everyone else around you.