Again rejected

[AreYouSingleFemale]

Like I said elsewhere I have not been sarging due to heavy feelings over my bald head. But I find it difficult not approaching a woman when an approachable situation presents itself. Yesterday at lunch in the company cafeteria there was a girl eating alone, I joined her, had a great convo with lots of C&F. It was like we had a chemistry. She even waited for me to finish eating even though she had long since finished eating. I have a small bunch of hair (but hairs easily countable) at the front that to an on-looker looks like I'm not ugly bald, from the front view. I was sitting by her side and whenever we spoke I made sure she didn't see my sides. After eating while walking to deposit the used plates still I was cautious to not let her see my ugly side but I have a suspicion she may have seen. She gave me her number though when I asked for it.
Today I called her and asked her if she would join me for dinner (I didn't feel the need to use David DeAngelo's idea of first saying I'm going to a particular place, do you want to join me, because I thought there was sufficient rapport established yesterday enough for me to think I will kiss her on the cheek when I first see her). But she just said she had other plans, and when I asked about tomorrow, she said she wasn't sure, and when I asked laughingly when she will be sure she said "I DONT THINK THAT IS A GOOD IDEA".
I can't think of any other reason than that I'm bald why she rejected me.

 

[bish0p]

Like I said elsewhere I have not been sarging due to heavy feelings over my bald head. But I find it difficult not approaching a woman when an approachable situation presents itself. Yesterday at lunch in the company cafeteria there was a girl eating alone, I joined her, had a great convo with lots of C&F. It was like we had a chemistry. She even waited for me to finish eating even though she had long since finished eating. I have a small bunch of hair (but hairs easily countable) at the front that to an on-looker looks like I'm not ugly bald, from the front view. I was sitting by her side and whenever we spoke I made sure she didn't see my sides. After eating while walking to deposit the used plates still I was cautious to not let her see my ugly side but I have a suspicion she may have seen. She gave me her number though when I asked for it.
Today I called her and asked her if she would join me for dinner (I didn't feel the need to use David DeAngelo's idea of first saying I'm going to a particular place, do you want to join me, because I thought there was sufficient rapport established yesterday enough for me to think I will kiss her on the cheek when I first see her). But she just said she had other plans, and when I asked about tomorrow, she said she wasn't sure, and when I asked laughingly when she will be sure she said "I DONT THINK THAT IS A GOOD IDEA".
I can't think of any other reason than that I'm bald why she rejected me.

Maybe you were subconsciously communicating insecurity about your bald head through your body language?

 

[Igetit!]

Maybe you were subconsciously communicating insecurity about your bald head through your body language?

Freakin' bingo.


It's NOT your bald head that's the problem,it's the way your bald head MAKES YOU FEEL when you're with her.



You've been here too long to be this naive.

 

[kingsam]

you need to be confident in you "self" first - else you will be very usucessful wiht women - they will pick up on your insecurity .

you ned to work on this self-confidence first then go back to women

 

[r0cky]

Balding is the reason only if you believe it to be.
Heck, you can make yourself believe that balding is BRINGING you more girls, and you will be astounded with the positive results.
Whatever you believe, the universe has a way of making it reality.

 

[Kailex]

But she just said she had other plans, and when I asked about tomorrow, she said she wasn't sure, and when I asked laughingly when she will be sure she said "I DONT THINK THAT IS A GOOD IDEA".
I can't think of any other reason than that I'm bald why she rejected me.

Like the others said, stop being insecure about your bald head. That's not your main problem though, but it definitely is part of the source.

The part I quoted... there's PART of the problem as well.

You gave her an offer, and then you counter-offered, and then you counter-counter-offered asking: WHEN WILL YOU NOT BE BUSY, BECAUSE IM NOT BUSY FOR YOU.

That's another reason. You basically admitted to her that you were SUPER available just a day after meeting her at the cafeteria. She probably doesn't think about you as the "balding guy" but more so as the "creepy guy".
And please... are you going to tell me that ALL of the balding population is single or has no chance?

Like Igetit! said, you've been here way too long to be that naive.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Post a photo, let's see how bad it really is.

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

Like I said the conversation had gone really well. Stop talking about some subconscious communication of insecurity sh!t. If I were communicating insecurity the conversation would have sucked. It went so well that a group of 3 girls sitting at a table ahead of us seemed to be talking about us - I noticed them glancing us momentarily, and one of them even turning her head back and seeing us.
Kailex, you may be right about being "too available" for her, but that part came later. She immediately said an excuse the moment I suggested dinner, her rejecting me is not because of me being too available. I know one of the 3 girls in the table ahead was in her team, I wonder if they something talked to her later that jeopardized my chance. But that is unlikely.
I had posted a picture of my head sometime ago, you might find it in my Member CP. That picture is worse but I have gone balder still.

 

[Kailex]

If I'm reading the timeline correctly, this is how your exchange went.

Day #1: You meet her. # Close. All is good.
Day #2: You call her, ask her to go out on the same day. Rejected.
Day #2 (Same call): You counter-offer for Day #3. Rejected.
Day #2 (Same call): You counter-counter-offer by asking when she might be available.

Basically, you went from that cool guy at the cafeteria to the creepy guy I met there in less than 24 hours and already asked me out at least 3 times in one phone call.

Yes, she rejected you right away, but what if she was being honest?
You asked her to go out on the same day you called her. Kind of short notice? Yes, I know we preach her that if a girl has a high enough IL she will dump any plans to go out with you, but it doesn't seem that you had reached that rapport level with her. I usually try to set up dates with new women for 2 days later. A "same day" date is something I do with someone down the line, in a more established relationship where you have the confidence and know the schedule of that person well enough to pull that off. I know some guys here could pull off the "same day" date but it's typically hard to pull off for a first date.

Do you honestly think her friends came up to her and said: OMG, you gave your number to the BALD guy?

If so, you definitely have some issues you need to address. Don't blame "the girls", just take a firm look at yourself. You might say that the conversation had a nice flow, but subconsciously you could be projecting that insecurity to her, even if you don't notice it. So far you just seem intent on placing the blame on your hair and not on yourself.

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

Remember, no matter how many girls say"no", you only need one to say "yes."

How can one be enough?

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

Basically, you went from that cool guy at the cafeteria to the creepy guy I met there in less than 24 hours and already asked me out at least 3 times in one phone call.

No man, it was yesterday at lunch I met her. I called her this evening. It was not because I was desperate that I called her so soon, it was because I wanted to see her again while her memories are still fresh. So many things happen in a day that the good impression left will keep waning away quckly.

So far you just seem intent on placing the blame on your hair and not on yourself.

Even in sosuave forums I have seen so many arguments that looks do matter. And hair is part of that. Perhaps you will agree that an old man is far less attractive than a young man. Similar reasoning won't apply to hair?
I feel like puking when I look at my own head with 2 mirrors. Is it very unreasonable for me to think that girls might feel the same? And despite that I still fu**ing approach because the pull of female attraction gets better over my reasoning, when I encounter a female in everyday situations. But I don't go to clubs because I will feel far inferior being the only creepy bald guy there.

 

[Maxtro]

Why don't you shave your head? There doesn't seem to be any point in denying the inevitable. It also looks better than having a head that's half hair, half skin.

Style (Neil Strauss) shaved his head instead of looking bald.

Shaving your head should also give you some confidence because you know you are in control of your appearance.

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

Why don't you shave your head?

The thought had occured to me, but I dont like the shaved look and I will only look like a villain. I'm refusing to accept this thing as inevitable particularly becaues I have spent so long trying to correct this, it was even improving somewhat, but one day I stupidly stood under a waterfall at a hill station and it caused a near sudden increase in baldness, and worse, a further accelerated process of miniaturization of hair follicles over the months. It is all so shocking.

 

[Kailex]

The thought had occured to me, but I dont like the shaved look and I will only look like a villain. I'm refusing to accept this thing as inevitable particularly becaues I have spent so long trying to correct this, it was even improving somewhat, but one day I stupidly stood under a waterfall at a hill station and it caused a near sudden increase in baldness, and worse, a further accelerated process of miniaturization of hair follicles over the months. It is all so shocking.

Yeah, why take the easy way out with shaving and take away the ONE thing you can blame your lack of game on.

That's all that it sounds like to me. You just want SOMETHING to place the blame on for women not talking/not responding to.

And yes, looks do matter, but only to a certain degree. You can wear the right clothes, but if you don't have the swagger to go along with it, does it matter? You can have a great car, but if you don't have the confidence in yourself to push/pull a girl, will it matter? You could look like Johnny GQ, but if when you talk, you sound like a bumbling idiot, will it matter?
Like I said before, you think there aren't men in this world who have gone through (physically) what you are going through and they still get women to go out with them?

What? Lex Luthor never got laid?
I used to shave my head (not because I needed to, but because I liked the look) and you think I never got laid because I had a shaved head? Because you look like a villain??? You don't like the shaved look, but you don't like the way it looks now... I got it... JUST WEAR A HAT AT ALL TIMES. Be mysterious with a hat. That's the ticket.

You know what, just keep complaining about your hair. That's EXACTLY what is making every woman in the world look at you in disgust. It's just the balding head. It's repulsive.

 

[r0cky]

Like I said the conversation had gone really well. Stop talking about some subconscious communication of insecurity sh!t. If I were communicating insecurity the conversation would have sucked. It went so well that a group of 3 girls sitting at a table ahead of us seemed to be talking about us - I noticed them glancing us momentarily, and one of them even turning her head back and seeing us.
Kailex, you may be right about being "too available" for her, but that part came later. She immediately said an excuse the moment I suggested dinner, her rejecting me is not because of me being too available. I know one of the 3 girls in the table ahead was in her team, I wonder if they something talked to her later that jeopardized my chance. But that is unlikely.
I had posted a picture of my head sometime ago, you might find it in my Member CP. That picture is worse but I have gone balder still.

It seems like you WANT baldness to be the reason. There are hundreds of reasons why she might not want to see you, none of which are your hair. Think about it, if girls love confident funny guys whom they've made a connection with, even fat bald ugly dudes can pick up a HB if they have those qualities. Why do you think you would be the exception?
Its because of your limiting beliefs. You seem so focused on blaming your bald head for your problems with women, that I seriously can not fathom you not being selfconscious about it during normal social interactions.

Take a deep serious look at what you're focusing on during most of your waking life. Is it on being succesful with women or on the fact that you can't get women? By the title of this thread "Rejected again", it seems like you mostly focus on the latter, and it also seems like you've come to see rejection as part of who you are, like someone that says "I have bad luck". This sort of thinking will reinforce that fact. ALL THOUGHTS REINFORCE THEMSELVES. Thinking one way will lead you to encounter the sort of circumstances that reinforce that thinking. So people who say they have bad luck, will continue to have bad luck!

Start thinking about how you want things to be and not about how you don't want them to be. If you get rejected, don't be like most of the AFCs here who go for the mental masturbation and blame it on something they can't fix, such as physical qualities, but think about what you CAN fix, and fix it!

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

I reply to Kailex:
A year ago I had tried wearing a cap while approaching women but over time I felt like I was cheating and hiding something which she will eventually find out anyway, so stopped doing it.
I know it is not impossible for a man to fully accept baldness, shave it all off and grow his self-esteem. But I had resolved so much to regrow hair, invested so much time & effort although ended up wasted, my mom was also vexed about my hairloss, she always used to say how much thick hair I used to have but now I have the head of an old man, I have felt bad for letting her down. Just like accomplishments add to confidence, I would feel much accomplished and confident if I had been successful in my endeavour. Its not just the lack of hair on top of my head, it is the big failure story behind it that makes me feel down. I know there is nothing you can do to help me here, but I just wanted to clarify.

 

[MeteorMash]

would you rather look like a badass villian or a shady old man?

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

It seems like you WANT baldness to be the reason.

Its more like, I feel showing brimming confidence doesn't fit well with the horse-shoe shaped bald head that I see in the mirror. Especially I feel yucked to imagine me going to 2 women at a coffee shop and trying to pick them up, with this kind of head, for example. Not that I haven't approached in that situation at all, but that is how I feel about it.

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

would you rather look like a badass villian or a shady old man?

Obviously the former, but I'm afraid I would feel no more secure with a shaved head than with a wig. May be I should take a long holiday,escape to a foreign country and try how I fare with shaved look.

 

[n00bPimp]

I can't think of any other reason than that I'm bald why she rejected me.

I can think of a very big reason:

I feel showing brimming confidence doesn't fit well with the horse-shoe shaped bald head that I see in the mirror.

As long as you let your baldness affect your confidence, you will continue to fail with women.