After one "date" tells me shes seeing someone.

[lolwut]

Just say, thanks for letting me know, was nice talking to you. And then don't talk to her again.

Or.. remain casual friends? Obviously not being the nice guy that always hangs around her but is it helpful for the sake of expanding social circle?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

No, You don't respond at all. You keep it moving. If she thought that your date went well you think she would have said that? You think she would have said that if she liked you? I think not. Charge it to the game and keep campaigning.

 

[window]

na you asked her out as you had romantic interest in her. She declined. Just move on but if she is in your social circle just be polite. Let her initiate any contact though. I wouldnt pursue friendship as it emasculates you given your previous stance.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

I would continue like that never happened. Keep going after her.

 

[lolwut]

i don't think it was a really a date that i screwed up.

Maybe I wasn't clear enough when i "asked her out", even though i thought my intentions were obvious.

We briefly worked together around 2-3 times, then she asks me to get food together ( this is a lunch break sort of thing ).

So I do and afterwards i said "I'm leaving this place but we can hang out sometime, whats your #?"

she gives me her #. I call several days later ask her to get coffee. She accepts, we go get coffee and chat for couple hours.

My question is was I not clear enough what my intentions were?
If not, how should I have been more clear that I'm asking her OUT and not just as friends?

 

[J Roc]

I would continue like that never happened. Keep going after her.

thats thirsty desperate behavior

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

When you ask a girl out she KNOWS your intentions.

She just wasn't interested in you after the date.

 

[Desdinova]

...and you should be seeing other women as well. You cannot jump directly into a relationship when you date a woman once. You both need to figure out if you should remain together, or if your other prospects are better.

I would have responded with "Yeah, so am I". Ask her out on another date. If she agrees to one, then you're a candidate for her next relationship. If she turns you down, she's not interested.

 

[lolwut]

When you ask a girl out she KNOWS your intentions.

She just wasn't interested in you after the date.

Since I'm not sure what i ****ed up on the date, Heres a brief FR , if you guys can critique me and help me improve that would be great!


So after getting her #, she texts me the next day to add her to fb. I was busy at work, i reply about 5 hours later. Basically just 1 line reply and avoided any txt convo. The next day she texts me again randomly. Once again I was at work and didn't reply until later.

At this point i felt like she had high interest, so I called her later that night asking to go get coffee. Couple nights I suggested didn't work for her, she counter offered, didn't work for me, so I said I'll call her later in the week when I get my full schedule. So i called couple days later, this time schedule works out for both.

I got there on time, and gave her a call, she said she was gonna be 5-10min late; I just said ok.

She gets here , We go get coffee, she initiated and hugged me before going inside. I was in front of the line, I told cashier to put hers on my bill too she declined so I shrugged and let her pay for her own. We chatted for about 2.5 hours. I kept the conversation about her, and tried to keep it personal. Added some humor/teased her a bit occasionally. I followed the 40/60 or 30/70 rule , let her talk about herself most of the time. There weren't any awkward moments or anything, I think the convo went relatively well.

I maintained eye contacted pretty much 100% of the time. I didn't do any kino because we were sitting across from eachother and the table was kinda too big to reach over and kino without being obvious/creepy.

About 2.5 hours in she said she had to go to class and we part. She shakes my hand and hugs me again before leaving. She said we could go get food next time or something. I didn't say anything or set up another date.

5 days later I call to ask her to go out again. Didn't text her inbetween and neither did she. She agrees again, it was thanksgiving day so all the places are closed, I told her we'd have to resort to a really boring date of food+movie. She says she will figure something out and call me. So tonight the day before thanksgiving, she texts me and says that she's seeing someone and that a movie together might be crossing the line but lunch together is fine.

we are around 26 yrs old if that makes a difference.

So the question is did I seriously **** something up causing her to lose interest or did she wanted to jbf in the 1st place?

 

[Desdinova]

I got there on time, and gave her a call, she said she was gonna be 5-10min late; I just said ok.

I'm usually the one who shows up 5-10 minutes late. I like letting her spend time with her brain when she's nervous. She'll start to wonder if I'm gonna show up, if I got into an accident, whether I changed my mind, etc. The more she thinks about me, the more she fluctuates in emotion, the more she's going to be attracted.

I told cashier to put hers on my bill too she declined so I shrugged and let her pay for her own.

Good stuff. You didn't push the issue. Personally, I never volunteer to pay for her 5hit.

There weren't any awkward moments or anything, I think the convo went relatively well.

I like awkward moments. I just act like things are perfectly normal and let HER scramble to fill in the silence. Why the hell should I worry about it? Again, more emotional fluctuation.

I didn't do any kino because we were sitting across from eachother and the table was kinda too big to reach over and kino without being obvious/creepy.

Ah, but you already DID get kino. You hugged right after you met. You had the green light to touch her more.

So tonight the day before thanksgiving, she texts me and says that she's seeing someone and that a movie together might be crossing the line but lunch together is fine.

It sounds like she's exploring other options, and you're one of them. This other guy may have been around longer than you and therefore has higher value / time investment / priority. She didn't say he's a bf, she didn't say he's a fiancee, and she didn't say he's a husband. If I were you, I'd work at making your value higher than this other guy. It's not hard to do, most AFCs are boring bastards.

DO NOT take her to dinner and a movie. Take her somewhere more interesting, do some more kino, put more humor into your conversation. Show her a great time. Show her a date that the other dude won't and you'll be fine.

So the question is did I seriously **** something up causing her to lose interest or did she wanted to jbf in the 1st place?

I don't see any major mistakes on your part. I think she's just letting you know that you've got competition. She still sounds like she's interested. Pay attention to her actions, not her words. If she accepts a second date with you, that action shows she's interested.

Don't give up on this one yet! Take the challenge and learn how to play the game. Take the general knowledge of AFC weaknesses and use them to plan your next move. Think about what the other guy is doing... probably taking her to dinner and a movie, talking on the phone too damn long, and telling her how fvcking pretty she is.

Call her up and say, "I've wanted to check out this (activity place) for a while, why don't you join me?" Watch her jump at the opportunity to do something fun

 

[lolwut]

Call her up and say, "I've wanted to check out this (activity place) for a while, why don't you join me?" Watch her jump at the opportunity to do something fun

thanks for the tips!

So should I still go to lunch with her tomorrow?

 

[Trump]

I told her we'd have to resort to a really boring date of food+movie. She says she will figure something out and call me. So tonight the day before thanksgiving, she texts me and says that she's seeing someone and that a movie together might be crossing the line but lunch together is fine.

we are around 26 yrs old if that makes a difference.

So the question is did I seriously **** something up causing her to lose interest or did she wanted to jbf in the 1st place?

Should have called her on being 10 min late, showed no respect.

Should have called her when she said you could go get food next time, and asked her "when."

Should have called her when she said "figure something out". What does she have to figure out?

Should have called her on having spending 2.5 hours with you and arranging a second get together, and then telling you she had a boyfriend. Wasted your time.

You should call people on everything , every thought, every action, every word. Make sure they can back up what comes out of their mouth.

"Really boring date of dinner and movie" -> putting yourself down. Shows no confidence.

 

[Desdinova]

So should I still go to lunch with her tomorrow?

That depends. If you have time allowed for it, take her out somewhere afterwards. If you're short on time, then I'd just cancel and re-schedule. Doing a strictly 'friendly' lunch will put you in the friend zone. You need to push a little harder to enforce the fact that you're not in this for friendship. You need the environment to make the date fun and interesting. For the most part, lunch isn't interesting.

 

[st_99]

Why would a girl say "im seeing someone"? To me, dating around is fine and is just naturally implied but expressing it like that is just weird. I mean, who does that?

I'm not saying she's a lost cause but thats a frame grab if you ask me. Its like she put you in beta mode
by saying that. "I'm in charge here, start jumping through hoops" F*ck that, ditch the ho.

Its acutally insulting what she said to you.

 

[window]

The girl likes you I think but she is a branch swinger as a lot are and is trying to put you into orbit. I wouldn't go for it. Just tell her to give you a call when she is single and move on. Maintaining friendship dates (standing in line) is the worst thing you can do.

 

[TopGun2000]

Why would a girl say "im seeing someone"? To me, dating around is fine and is just naturally implied but expressing it like that is just weird. I mean, who does that?

I'm not saying she's a lost cause but thats a frame grab if you ask me. Its like she put you in beta mode
by saying that. "I'm in charge here, start jumping through hoops" F*ck that, ditch the ho.

Its acutally insulting what she said to you.

funny you mentioned that. one chick kept showing IOIs to me but mentioning other dudes at the same time. basically she's trying to show she's high values and should be in charge all the time. i nexted her later on.

 

[Robert28]

nothing against these guys who've posted on here but you're getting some bad advice in my opinion. i've had this crap happen to me lately, acctually worse. this chick and i went out once and seemed to hit it off. i didn't hear from her for months later(8 months to be exact). then the b!tch pops out of nowhere and shows up back in my life as if nothing happened. usually i'm a once chance type of guy, but i figured hell i'll go a different route this time and give her a free pass. we go out 3 times and she pulls the same sh!t again. few days later and i get a text saying "i'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, i'm sorry i should have told you, you didn't deserve that, yada, yada, yada". lesson learned, my mistake for giving her a second chance.

as for your situation goes, pull back. pull waaayyyy back. as in delete her number, delete her memory, delete everything. if she is seeing someone else, fine, don't let her use you for some side entertainment b.s. while some other guy is getting the @$$. the lunch, coffee, chit chat, friendly dates you're waisting on her could be used with some other girl whos willing to give you the @$$. think about that. life is too short to be going out with someone who's not interested in you and you alone. i don't buy all this date 5 people at one time and chose which one you like the best. fvck that. i go for one girl at a time. when it doesn't workout with one, i move on to the next.

 

[backbreaker]

here is the deal. it's clear as day if you actually stoppped and thought about it for a second

she is using her boyfriend/whatever as a buffer. she wants to date someone else, she liked you enough to give you a shot, you bombed for whatever the reason (not necessarily yoru fault, **** happens) and now she is touting the BF line to get rid of you.

had she really taken a liking to you she wouldn't have mentioned him.

in all honestly, she's doing you a favor. very low quality woman.

We chatted for about 2.5 hours.

that was a big reason why she cooled off. WTF are you doing revising the bill of rights?

you are at a coffee shop. there isn't enough conversation in the world to last me 30 mintues in a cofee shop let alone 5 times that. 3 ****ing hours in a coffee shop lol?

think of a date with a girl as a really really good TV show. you ahve to be interesting while at the same time, peek enough interest for them to want to tune in next week. if boardwalk empire lasted 2 and a half hours, i doubt i watch next week. WTF for I know everything already.

First of all, coffee dates show you are very unoriginal and very blah. what aFC americanm eagle wearing chump doesn't think starbucks is a perfect coffee date?

at least you are out there trying i will give you that, but she was feeling you and you came off way too needy and way too boilerplate

 

[Alle_Gory]

So should I still go to lunch with her tomorrow?

Why? Spend your time on things that give you a return. A new, more interesting woman who is interested in you. You won't find one wasting your time on this girl.

Use your time wisely, because you will be dead soon just like the rest of us.

 

[lolwut]

so ya my reply was

"well lunch date is even more boring than lunch+movie, i will just pass, happy thanksgiving"

and i don't plan on initiating contact with her again

as far as going for coffee as the 1st date, i felt that was more casual and least invested to get a initial feel for eachother without a more devoted date. Should i have gone straight for an action date as the 1st date instead? i.e bowling etc.