After giving it some thought, turns out my fear of rejection isn't *really* a fear of rejection

[BPH]

So this is me? I am not like that in any way

What? No, this is GoodMan.

 

[GoodMan32]

Well this seems to be a good point.
But what could the source be? This make it sounds there is an internal "self-esteem" problem?

Because I could go to a dating, get the women, and don't know where to go or what to do, but just be in the car with her listening to music and make that moment special somehow.


So this is me? I am not like that in any way


Did you forget her?

I have a track record of struggling to keep a woman; that's why I have a fear that I won't be able to keep a woman.

The example of a woman fvcking my brains out (and giving me the best head ever), yet getting "nexted" by me for making a comment that pissed me off, was a hypothetical example of something I'd be willing to do. There has, however, been a time where I nexted a gal for saying something that pissed me off (we hadn't done anything sexually yet though)

 

[GoodMan32]

Oh yeah, @BPH, by the way, there's good reason of why I sometimes don't take the advice I'm given: A lot of the advice I'm given is unsolicited.

For example, in the time I've been on this forum, there have been a lot of posts from various posters giving me fitness advice (even though I never asked for, nor do I want, fitness advice)

You've complained before about posters giving you unsolicited financial advice. I would have guessed you of all posters would know better than to give me unsolicited advice.

You know what though? Even if I became a bodybuilder, I still wouldn't see much of a difference as far as how often I'd get dates/non-escort sex.

Would I get more IOIs if I became a bodybuilder? Obviously. As explained on the OP of this thread, however, I'm petrified to act on IOIs.

It really doesn't matter if I get 2 IOIs per year or 2 IOIs per day; if I don't act on the IOIs, I won't get anywhere.

So, in addition to the fact I simply don't want to work out, the fact working out wouldn't even impact my dating/sex life is all the more reason I shouldn't bother working out.

 

[BPH]

Oh yeah, @BPH, by the way, there's good reason of why I sometimes don't take the advice I'm given: A lot of the advice I'm given is unsolicited.

For example, in the time I've been on this forum, there have been a lot of posts from various posters giving me fitness advice (even though I never asked for, nor do I want, fitness advice)

You've complained before about posters giving you unsolicited financial advice. I would have guessed you of all posters would know better than to give me unsolicited advice.

You know what though? Even if I became a bodybuilder, I still wouldn't see much of a difference as far as how often I'd get dates/non-escort sex.

Would I get more IOIs if I became a bodybuilder? Obviously. As explained on the OP of this thread, however, I'm petrified to act on IOIs.

It really doesn't matter if I get 2 IOIs per year or 2 IOIs per day; if I don't act on the IOIs, I won't get anywhere.

So, in addition to the fact I simply don't want to work out, the fact working out wouldn't even impact my dating/sex life is all the more reason I shouldn't bother working out.

Dude stop replying and tagging me. Like I said, I don't care.

The unsolicited financial advice I received was annoying because I'm already aware of that problem and am actively working to fix it.

You seem aware of your problem but are UNWILLING to fix it.

What do you think is easier? Making $100k or committing 4-5 hours per week to going to the gym?

You are constantly getting the same answers to your problems but don't do anything about them because they're not the answers YOU want. You want a cheat code that you can use now that will allow you to relive the previous "success" you've had with older married women from your past without having to make any real changes.

For that reason, I think a lot of people are wasting their time trying to help you, myself included. So please stop bringing me back to your threads when I'm replying to others.

 

[SW15]

What do you think is easier? Making $100k or committing 4-5 hours per week to going to the gym?

4-5 hours of a week of the gym/intense exercise is easier to commit to doing than finding corporate employment than pays between $100,000 - $149,999 per year.

 

[Barrister]

So you are what? Proud? Of the fact you "asked total strangers in public" for sex and they all declined when you were 23? I don't know if you mean you were heading out to bars and trying to pick up chicks or if you were walking up to women and asking them for sex. Regardless, this is nothing to hang your hat on when you went 0-fer. Probably lucky you didn't get some complaint lodged your way with your lack of tact.

You remind me a lot of an older poster that hasn't been around for awhile named @biggoal. Like you, he basically just did the same thing over and over and never tried to change anything for the better and kept wondering why he had no success. I have a sneaking suspicion that like him, you just like to come here and get attention for your lack of dating success. And a lot of us, including me, will bit I suppose. Why not change some things up and try to be successful? Start by just getting out and making some friends (male and female; build a social circle). Learn how to be socially charming. That is honestly one of the biggest indicators of success in cold-approach (and would be very beneficial in your beloved "speed-dating").

 

[SW15]

beloved "speed-dating"

Most men who have been in the game long enough will tell you that speed dating and singles events are a waste of time/effort.

It doesn't take long to come to that conclusion. Going to 1-2 of those events is all it takes.

Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by...

www.sosuave.net

cold-approach

Approaching strangers in real life is very difficult and has low success rates. However, for some men, it's the best option available.

 

[Barrister]

Most men who have been in the game long enough will tell you that speed dating and singles events are a waste of time/effort.

It doesn't take long to come to that conclusion. Going to 1-2 of those events is all it takes.

Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by...

www.sosuave.net

Approaching strangers in real life is very difficult and has low success rates. However, for some men, it's the best option available.

Cold approach is generally always the best option for all men if they are taking care of themselves UNLESS they happen to have a good social circle to draw from. Most adults 25+ are not going to have that though. But yes, it is a numbers game and you must condition yourself to being OK to fail.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You remind me a lot of an older poster that hasn't been around for awhile named @biggoal. Like you, he basically just did the same thing over and over and never tried to change anything for the better and kept wondering why he had no success. I have a sneaking suspicion that like him, you just like to come here and get attention for your lack of dating success. And a lot of us, including me, will bit I suppose. Why not change some things up and try to be successful? Start by just getting out and making some friends (male and female; build a social circle). Learn how to be socially charming. That is honestly one of the biggest indicators of success in cold-approach (and would be very beneficial in your beloved "speed-dating").

Assuming the OP is not trolling (at this point, I'd say odds of that are about 50-50) and really is autistic, I don't think that "getting out and making some friends" is something that would be easy or even possible for someone like him.

 

[Barrister]

Assuming the OP is not trolling (at this point, I'd say odds of that are about 50-50) and really is autistic, I don't think that "getting out and making some friends" is something that would be easy or even possible.

I am never clear on whether he really is autistic or just stubborn to a fault.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I am never clear on whether he really is autistic or just stubborn to a fault.

He claims that he is.

 

[GoodMan32]

Dude stop replying and tagging me. Like I said, I don't care.

The unsolicited financial advice I received was annoying because I'm already aware of that problem and am actively working to fix it.

You seem aware of your problem but are UNWILLING to fix it.

What do you think is easier? Making $100k or committing 4-5 hours per week to going to the gym?

You are constantly getting the same answers to your problems but don't do anything about them because they're not the answers YOU want. You want a cheat code that you can use now that will allow you to relive the previous "success" you've had with older married women from your past without having to make any real changes.

For that reason, I think a lot of people are wasting their time trying to help you, myself included. So please stop bringing me back to your threads when I'm replying to others.

The irony of you complaining about me "bringing you back to my threads" (and claiming you "don't care" about what I have to say) on a post you're making on my thread.

Whether making six figures or getting into a fitness regimen is harder is beside the point. I don't fvcking want to get into a fitness regimen (plus, I already explained how becoming muscular wouldn't lead to better results with the ladies anyway...making it a total waste of time/effort)

I take some of the advice I'm given. I came to realize that shirt on another thread of mine isn't the most flattering shirt (on a thread asking for fashion advice). I'm looking into starting counseling again. I've come out of my shell by attending speed dating events. I am making progress. You just don't like that I'm not doing it exactly your way.

 

[SW15]

Cold approach is generally always the best option for all men if they are taking care of themselves UNLESS they happen to have a good social circle to draw from. Most adults 25+ are not going to have that though.

I agree that most adults 25+ do not have good social circle options.

Approaching strangers for mating purposes is only slightly better than sales reps who make cold calls for business purposes. Cold calling has long been discredited as a sales method, but it is still talked about and practiced in 2025, decades after it was discredited.

it is a numbers game and you must condition yourself to being OK to fail.

It is a numbers game is the kind of statement that some loathsome sales manager tends to say.

To me, it is and isn't a numbers game. Approaching strangers in real life does have some sort of inefficiency and ineffectiveness baked into it. However, doing the wrong things and/or being a person that the market of single women generally doesn't want is going to make the failure rate much higher and the numbers needed to approach much higher. Additionally, some men in that situation won't be able to have the emotional ability to withstand the high percentage of rejections.

 

[characternote]

r being a person that the market of single women generally doesn't want is going to make the failure rate much higher and the numbers needed to approach much higher.

of course, but that's just life. Gotta accept it. If she wants a guy under 25 who is very tall with light eyes, great jaw line, and a good head of hair then that's gonna put a lot of guys $hit out of luck on a cold approach and they'll be left wondering why their PUA routine didn't work lol.

I feel like doing the 'wrong things' is only really a concern if someone has real mental issues. Maybe they can't make eye contact for love nor money and just come off as extremely odd. But i'm assuming/hoping that that's just not gonna be the case for 95% of guys.

 

[BPH]

I don't fvcking want to get into a fitness regimen (plus, I already explained how becoming muscular wouldn't lead to better results with the ladies anyway...making it a total waste of time/effort)

Then be lonely dude. Nobody is entitled to success with women, least of all somebody who expects to get better results without becoming a better man.

If you think your f***ing SHIRT of all things is your problem, then nothing we say is even partially getting through to you.

Pissing into a champagne bottle doesn't make it champagne.

 

[SW15]

If she wants a guy under 25 who is very tall with light eyes, great jaw line, and a good head of hair then that's gonna put a lot of guys $hit out of luck on a cold approach and they'll be left wondering why their PUA routine didn't work lol.

Looks are more important than personality. A lot of the 18-24 yer old best looking women will be looking for similarly aged men with the features you mentioned. Those features also are going to help a lot of 25-39 year old men too.

A lot of PUA routines are focused on personality, which is far less of a factor than looks. PUA routines including dressing, which is a part of looks. The classic 1990s-2000s era PUAs didn't emphasize lifting weights and fitness regimens as much, though most of them would have acknowledged it was an advantage.

I feel like doing the 'wrong things' is only really a concern if someone has real mental issues. Maybe they can't make eye contact for love nor money and just come off as extremely odd. But i'm assuming/hoping that that's just not gonna be the case for 95% of guys.

There are many neurotypicals who have mild to no mental issues who often do the wrong things with women.

It's worth acknowledging again that women operate on emotion. With Millennials and Gen Z women, it is easier to give "the ick" or not "all the feelz". Millennial and Gen Z women tend to demand a lot from men. Men can be dismissed/rejected over some rather minor things.

 

[GoodMan32]

So you are what? Proud? Of the fact you "asked total strangers in public" for sex and they all declined when you were 23? I don't know if you mean you were heading out to bars and trying to pick up chicks or if you were walking up to women and asking them for sex. Regardless, this is nothing to hang your hat on when you went 0-fer. Probably lucky you didn't get some complaint lodged your way with your lack of tact.

You remind me a lot of an older poster that hasn't been around for awhile named @biggoal. Like you, he basically just did the same thing over and over and never tried to change anything for the better and kept wondering why he had no success. I have a sneaking suspicion that like him, you just like to come here and get attention for your lack of dating success. And a lot of us, including me, will bit I suppose. Why not change some things up and try to be successful? Start by just getting out and making some friends (male and female; build a social circle). Learn how to be socially charming. That is honestly one of the biggest indicators of success in cold-approach (and would be very beneficial in your beloved "speed-dating").

Posting on this forum has allowed me to make all sorts of psychological breakthroughs (as I reflect on various stuff from my past)

I'm not necessarily proud of the fact I asked total strangers for sex when I was 23. I mentioned the story because it's part of a psychological breakthrough I made (and at the very least, that phase when I was 23 served as a learning experience)

To answer your question, I wasn't going to bars when I did that.

As for your claim that I'd do better if I developed a social circle, I had somewhat of a social circle in college. It didn't help.

 

[GoodMan32]

Most men who have been in the game long enough will tell you that speed dating and singles events are a waste of time/effort.

It doesn't take long to come to that conclusion. Going to 1-2 of those events is all it takes.

Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by...

www.sosuave.net

Approaching strangers in real life is very difficult and has low success rates. However, for some men, it's the best option available.

In a nutshell, I am attempting to find my best option.

Tech methods have become oversaturated.

Making a move on a woman I regularly cross paths with is a no-go (for reasons I've outlined in my posts)

I guess that leaves cold approaches (and yeah, I now know I'm not able to go straight to requesting sex)

 

[GoodMan32]

Assuming the OP is not trolling (at this point, I'd say odds of that are about 50-50) and really is autistic, I don't think that "getting out and making some friends" is something that would be easy or even possible for someone like him.

I really am an autist.

Developing a social circle is unrealistic. Partially because the outside world doesn't like my presence; partially because I don't like their presence.

I am never clear on whether he really is autistic or just stubborn to a fault.

Refer to what I said in response to @Bokanovsky.

 

[GoodMan32]

I agree that most adults 25+ do not have good social circle options.

Approaching strangers for mating purposes is only slightly better than sales reps who make cold calls for business purposes. Cold calling has long been discredited as a sales method, but it is still talked about and practiced in 2025, decades after it was discredited.



It is a numbers game is the kind of statement that some loathsome sales manager tends to say.

To me, it is and isn't a numbers game. Approaching strangers in real life does have some sort of inefficiency and ineffectiveness baked into it. However, doing the wrong things and/or being a person that the market of single women generally doesn't want is going to make the failure rate much higher and the numbers needed to approach much higher. Additionally, some men in that situation won't be able to have the emotional ability to withstand the high percentage of rejections.

I had no problem at all withstanding the rejections when I used to ask total strangers for sex at 23.

I mainly stopped because I began to notice a pattern (no one took me up on my offer). Plus, I came to realize how cringeworthy I was acting.

My point is I could take rejections if I get back into cold approaching.