After being an AFC can you make girls see you differently

[viking22]

I've been seeing a girl for a month now and as she put up quite a lot of resistance at first I ended up chasing her quite hard and showing a lot more neediness than I should have done. She was also asking me questions like "Why do you want to take me on a date" and I started qualifying myself saying I liked her and wanted to get to know her better and all these things. Basically Ive been acting like a total AFC.

For whatever reason she still wants to keep seeing me and we have slept together, but I get the feeling she is losing interest.

I feel like I could raise her interest if I shaped up, made myself less available, stopped complimenting her all the time, and played it cool from now on.

But I am worried that her first impression of me as a needy AFC will stick and she will never take me seriously even if I started acting like more of a man.

Can you turn things around and make a girl see you differently and raise her interest level? Or is this a losing battle and would I be best advised to find other girls and be a man from the start

 

[tsmith2334]

I have found one can "transform" but at least 3-6 months is needed for a girl to change her perception.... it works best when you haven't seen or talk to her for a while...

Very rarely will her perception change overnight

 

[Metaphysical]

You do need to pull away for a while. Not necessarily disappear, because she does want to continue seeing you, but let her chase you around a little bit.

You also need to gauge how attracted she is to you. If she is very strongly attracted, there is no real need to pull away. But don't be needy, learn from the mistake and continue on the right path in the future.

Believe me, in my past, there were times when i miscalculated a girl's attraction for me. I was inexperiecned and I thought because I called a girl two nights in a row, that now i need to pull away and I would stop speaking to her for a week or two. She would first freak out but then gave up on me and thought I was playing her and was too busy cheating on her with other women.

 

[L.A. Tripp]

Viking, it is possible to change her perception while you are with her, but beware, it will shock her system. She won't know what to do at first, how to handle you, etc. Only if she is SERIOUSLY into you will you not take a chance of blowing her out if you change rapidly. It's best to make the changes slow and let her adjust.

I've gone through those changes while I had a relationship with one girl. She lived through those changes with me. It was nice at first to her, but eventually became hard for her to handle. So, be careful with that aspect.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

I'm thinking it MIGHT be possible, but you're very likely going to have to pull away for a while, as Metaphysical mentioned.

You are in a relationship with this girl so it is a little different, but I have a first-hand situation suggesting that no matter what you do, some girls will still think of you as that AFC from years ago...

In high school, I was a little, scrawny AFC who had no idea what to do with girls. I went after the most physically attractive girls, I was too nice/needy/desperate, and these girls (who oddly all knew each other?) not only rejected me, but did so personally and harshly. One laughed and said I'm not going far in life (yeah she was queen b!tch). Once I got to college, I vowed to change and did. I went from scrawny to a very well-built and much more confident person. Nowadays, as my former high school classmates see me, their reaction is priceless. I constantly get asked if I'm on steroids (I'm not...just a heavy dose of hard work and determination) and I fear no one. So what do the girls I went to high school think? The perception seems to be that I had to "cheat" to get big, and there's no way I could have actually transformed into a confident, assertive individual. In high school, they held back laughter. Now, they seem to hold back all-out resentment. It's quite funny. :crackup:

Anyway, the point is these girls refuse to accept the "new TCK" and are convincing themselves I am the AFC of old. As for you, she seems to like you for now, but you're going to need to show her you're more confident and more sure of yourself than you were before. It may come as a shock at first like L.A. Tripp said, but it's necessary. If you don't change, she'll distance herself soon enough...no girl wants to be with a guy she sees as an AFC.

 

[Miguel]

Viking22, change is good, but realize that unless you do something hugely drasitic overnight then she's not going to notice at all. And if you do, then what's to say that she won't just be werided away from you?

What I'm trying to say is, you act like an AFC, your fucked. Sure you can change, and it can work, but it just makes you life 50 times harder then it needs to be. Just be expecting to bail on the relationship if the thing really start going off.


@ ComeBackKid: I agree and disagree with you there combackkid. Sure it's cool to look different, but what really matters is the personality.

Anyways, I think a (slightly) edited line from fight club sums up most of my interactions with those 'princess':

Me: Oh, yah, you were that pretty girl from high school? So how's that working out for you?
Them: What?
Me: Being pretty?

Lol. The look on their face is priceless when the realize I know that their power was always in the looks department. The trick I think with meeting these girls from the past is excately that, don't care about their looks, just shrug e'm off and the girls seemed stunned.

(But you gotta do it funnily/****y/and nicely.)

After that, usually I find these girls tend to get over themselves. Thats my call anyways. If I'm wrong then hillarity will ensue.

@Metaphysical: Damn you, thats what I wanted to say.

 

[Groovy]

Of course you can ****ing do that. I know my principles (What should I do to get girls, what girls usually like, etc.) but sometimes I just have mood swings and get NO ATTENTION AT ALL and I look wierd.

Then I go eat something, 2 hours I come back and I am a total new person, the girls may think I'm "acting different" for 5 minutes, but I don't let it affect me, and as soon as you know, I'm me again!

I don't know if YOU can do it tho... When I'm a AFC it's usually because of my mood. I wouldn't chase a girl for 3 or 4 whole days, I'm not THAT low. A month you say? Hmm!

You need some serious improvment, a totally different mindset, and yeah, after that you can make girls see you differently. There's no doubt.

But YOU'RE the prize, not her. You're the don juan. Let people impress YOU. DON'T chase a girl, it's her loss if se blows you. Say that kind of stuff to yourself, for starters!

If you're in this forum, and you really want to, I KNOW you can, but it doesn't matter! Think like this: Okay, this girl may not like me. I can even admit I'm no don juan... But I know I WILL be one one day, and I'll have more girls then I can imagine... So screw that chick! Be patient and don't stop improving!

And don't seek for her appoval, damn it, or try hard/fake to be someone who you're just NOT. If you man up just for her approval, that's still afc.

 

[viking22]

Thanks for the comments.

I agree I have to pull away gradually. I've been showering her with attention and while part of her seems to like it I think she will get tired of it very soon. I haven't really given her a proper chance to miss me and because I have been doing all the chasing she hasn't had to invest effort into chasing me.

Really my hope is that if I gradually pay her less attention and make her work harder for my attention and time that she will value me more and that will raise her interest.

I suppose there is a danger that she will think I am not interested or cannot be bothered and while that can make some girls even more interested, others do not like it.

 

[slaog]

Don't worry how girls see you. Whats important is how you see yourself.