After a year of no contact....contact

[pumpit21]

Hey all, long time lurker, first time poster.

I have an interesting dillema and Ill keep it short. I had dated a girl for a year about a year ago. We broke up last Feb. I went no contact, did my own thing, focused on my life. On New Years weekend I see her at a party. She approaches me, and is giving me the feeling that she is interested. (A lot of eye contact, laughing and just the general aura wasa there to I know she was showing me she was interested) We talked for a while and she was suppose to hang out for an after party but certain circumstances came and we couldnt. She initiated couple texts following day, essentially breaking our NC that we had. The texting stops, couple weeks later I see her randomly at the grocery store by her place (i wasnt stalking, just was in that area. This time things were different. She starts talking in a different manner and the general feeling is shes not pursuing me anymore. It was more of a friend talking to friend vibe. (Couple my friends said maybe it was because she wasnt drinking like NYE).
Then last weekend see her at a mutual friends place. Same thing, no vibe. Im engaging her friends and making them laugh and when she came over, made her laugh too, but it still was a different vibe from NYE.
Opportunity presented itself yesterday when my softball team needed a girl to plaly, i texted her asking and she declined.


I am now wondering, what changed? Am I reading too much into this or is she no longer interested. Is there something I should do?

 

[Noodles]

Nostalgia is like grammar. It's present tense and past perfect.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

Nothing to do here. Move on. Seriously. It doesn't look like she's attracted to you. Continue to improve yourself and believe you can do better than her.

 

[pumpit21]

Nothing to do here. Move on. Seriously. It doesn't look like she's attracted to you. Continue to improve yourself and believe you can do better than her.

Thanks for the quick replies
Either way, I have and will be doing that. I went on over a year without her. Theres no doubt in my head on NYE she was pursuiing me. Im wondering and wanting to learn from this, why things changed, if they did, and why is she no longer interested?

 

[romangod]

Im wondering and wanting to learn from this, why things changed, if they did, and why is she no longer interested?

Because she's a woman.


She used you to feed her ego. Once she saw that you were interested she knew she has you where she wanted you. That was enough for her. Her ego was placated while you bit like a chump.

Forget about her and move on while learning a valuable lesson. You can't go back in time.


Cheers!

 

[DMEDFISIK]

Thanks for the quick replies
Either way, I have and will be doing that. I went on over a year without her. Theres no doubt in my head on NYE she was pursuiing me. Im wondering and wanting to learn from this, why things changed, if they did, and why is she no longer interested?

Sometimes women (ideally) don't want a guy to move on. They harbor an inner satisfaction that a certain guy still pines for them. It's ego boosting. It's all games.

She might have pursued you on New Year's Eve, but if she really wanted you she would find a way to get your attention even more. Don't make a mistake of getting your hopes up.

 

[Nkognito]

Thanks for the quick replies
Either way, I have and will be doing that. I went on over a year without her. Theres no doubt in my head on NYE she was pursuiing me. Im wondering and wanting to learn from this, why things changed, if they did, and why is she no longer interested?

It depends really on if she was drinking and still might have some feelings. Maybe you were last ditch d!ck for the night. Then again you never explained how you acted towards her. If you gave any indication that you were available and there was no challenge then she knows if she came to your door in a skirt you would take her offer up.

She sees you at a party then texts you. Why she still has yor number I have no clue. What you said back to her was your first mistake. It most likely should have been "Who is this"? Then followed by silence because texting is no way to reconcile (if that's your goal).

A couple weeks later you see her at the grocery store, did you recognize her or did she come to you? Either way she needs to be ignored at that point or a simple 1 minute conversation then a hastely "I got to get back to my life" goodbye should have been said.

The girl needs challenge and it does not sound like she got it from you, especially on NYE. I would have kept to no contact or limit interaction to one sentence then a "hold that thought" finger and engage in conversation with someone else after getting another beer.


I think you're reading too much into her reactions. If this is the one you want then lay it out or walk away. If you don't have any LTR interest in her then she does not need to be renting space in your head. Unless the girl is at your door or calling you to meet you somewhere then her actions are the most truthful. She stopped texting, she lost interest because you became available.

 

[pumpit21]

It depends really on if she was drinking and still might have some feelings. Maybe you were last ditch d!ck for the night. Then again you never explained how you acted towards her. If you gave any indication that you were available and there was no challenge then she knows if she came to your door in a skirt you would take her offer up.

She sees you at a party then texts you. Why she still has yor number I have no clue. What you said back to her was your first mistake. It most likely should have been "Who is this"? Then followed by silence because texting is no way to reconcile (if that's your goal).

A couple weeks later you see her at the grocery store, did you recognize her or did she come to you? Either way she needs to be ignored at that point or a simple 1 minute conversation then a hastely "I got to get back to my life" goodbye should have been said.

The girl needs challenge and it does not sound like she got it from you, especially on NYE. I would have kept to no contact or limit interaction to one sentence then a "hold that thought" finger and engage in conversation with someone else after getting another beer.


I think you're reading too much into her reactions. If this is the one you want then lay it out or walk away. If you don't have any LTR interest in her then she does not need to be renting space in your head. Unless the girl is at your door or calling you to meet you somewhere then her actions are the most truthful. She stopped texting, she lost interest because you became available.

Sometimes women (ideally) don't want a guy to move on. They harbor an inner satisfaction that a certain guy still pines for them. It's ego boosting. It's all games.

She might have pursued you on New Year's Eve, but if she really wanted you she would find a way to get your attention even more. Don't make a mistake of getting your hopes up.

I was thinking kind of the same thing. Especially since I hadnt called her in a year.

It depends really on if she was drinking and still might have some feelings. Maybe you were last ditch d!ck for the night. Then again you never explained how you acted towards her. If you gave any indication that you were available and there was no challenge then she knows if she came to your door in a skirt you would take her offer up.

She sees you at a party then texts you. Why she still has yor number I have no clue. What you said back to her was your first mistake. It most likely should have been "Who is this"? Then followed by silence because texting is no way to reconcile (if that's your goal).

A couple weeks later you see her at the grocery store, did you recognize her or did she come to you? Either way she needs to be ignored at that point or a simple 1 minute conversation then a hastely "I got to get back to my life" goodbye should have been said.

The girl needs challenge and it does not sound like she got it from you, especially on NYE. I would have kept to no contact or limit interaction to one sentence then a "hold that thought" finger and engage in conversation with someone else after getting another beer.


I think you're reading too much into her reactions. If this is the one you want then lay it out or walk away. If you don't have any LTR interest in her then she does not need to be renting space in your head. Unless the girl is at your door or calling you to meet you somewhere then her actions are the most truthful. She stopped texting, she lost interest because you became available.

I like what you said here. I did play it cool the whole time. Part of the reason I say she was interested on NYE was because she was trying to keep my attention the whole time, asking me questions and came and approached me. During conversation she was bringing up how on xmas she was missing me bc of our last xmas together etc. We know each others number bc we were together for a year, but i get your point.
You mention that I am too available, if I do want to pursue this are you suggesting go back to not contacting her and let her see me date others?

 

[pumpit21]

Agree with the others.

I noted in your original post that you never

• Mention who dumped who.
• Who ended the texting messages by not replying any longer.
• Who's circumstances changed after NYE that prevented the hanging out.

Now, based on your confusion as well as asking here what happened, and add into the matter that you spoke to your friends about it, I am going to guess that she is the one that ended it and wanted to move on.

My advice is to find more girls and not even bother replying the next time this girl sends you a validation seeking text.

- I dumped her but it was really one of those things that it was going to happen regardless. If i didnt do it, she probably would have. We basically ended things because we were drifting apart and I was moving away for work. im back now.
- the text messaging was ended by her I believe. The context was basically the day after the NYE part she was asking how my night ended and I told her, then she came back and said what she did following day and I think I replied with a joke and that was it.
- Her circumstance prevented her hanging out that night. Her friend that she came with was throwing up and ended up having to go home with her.
- She couldnt play softball last night because of work, atleast thats what she texted.

I am dating someone right now, I am just not into this girl fully, kind of a temp thing. I would rather be with the girl I mentioning but Im not putting my life on hold for her which is why Im dating this new girl.

Maybe it might be a good idea to put up some pictures of me and this girl im dating on facebook so the other girl can see that I am dating another girl.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Is there something I should do?

Yeah. You probably should move on.

You mention that I am too available, if I do want to pursue this are you suggesting go back to not contacting her and let her see me date others?

Well, contacting her certainly hasn't helped your cause.

Sorry to be overly-simple, but this is a simple problem. You two had your fun for a year, and it ended. Now it's time to go your separate ways.

If one day you two end up happily together, skipping through flower fields, it'll be after you've moved on with your life, and she sees you as a different man than the one she dated before.

Maybe it might be a good idea to put up some pictures of me and this girl im dating on facebook so the other girl can see that I am dating another girl.

No. That would be the opposite of a good idea. It would be petty and childish. If I saw you doing that, then the next thing I'd expect to see from you is a box of tampons. Because that's some female sh*t right there.

Don't play gay little mind games. Just live your damn life. "I'm gonna put pics of me and other girls on facebook so my ex will want me back." Seriously? Is this the man you thought you'd grow up to become? Playing cute little mind games on facebook to win the attention of an ex you stopped seeing a year ago?

 

[SamTheHobit]

Nostalgia is like grammar. It's present tense and past perfect.

I like this!

 

[Nkognito]

You mention that I am too available, if I do want to pursue this are you suggesting go back to not contacting her and let her see me date others?

Well NYE is what did it for me. If an ex from a year ago comes your way you should treat her like you met her for the first time. Don't say anything, when she says your name or hello then I would act off guard, maybe squint a little like she seems familar and follow up with "Hello..ummm"? When she brings up the fact you two dated which she will because you just admited that she is not even worth a memory. Then I would let her draw the picture, I might cut her off mid sentence, place me hand gently on her shoulder, smile greatly, say excuse me and wander of to my friend. If my friend is talking to someone I might just ask who they are, extend my hand, tell them to continue, put my beer down, go and grab another.

If she comes by again then I have a new beer and one I can use to throw away and duck out again if need be. the object though is to pay no attention to her. No glancing or anything like that. You're not running away just showing no interest.


Posting pics on facebook of you and some girl is not bad just DO NOT make it your profile picture because you're making it some what exclusive. I got me and chicks on my phone and on facebook but I don't post them, I get tagged in them. As long as you are out having fun, it doesn't matter if she see's them or not. But dont make them appear because you want her to see them, that is childish.

 

[Iceberg]

Well NYE is what did it for me. If an ex from a year ago comes your way you should treat her like you met her for the first time. Don't say anything, when she says your name or hello then I would act off guard, maybe squint a little like she seems familar and follow up with "Hello..ummm"? When she brings up the fact you two dated which she will because you just admited that she is not even worth a memory. Then I would let her draw the picture, I might cut her off mid sentence, place me hand gently on her shoulder, smile greatly, say excuse me and wander of to my friend. If my friend is talking to someone I might just ask who they are, extend my hand, tell them to continue, put my beer down, go and grab another.

Pretend you don't know someone that you dated for an entire year?

If some recent ex gf saw me somewhere and pretended she didn't remember me, I'd just assume that she was so hurt by our breakup that she needs to pretend to not know me in a childish attempt to hurt my feelings.

You're not going to a fool a grown adult into thinking that you COMPLETELY forgot them after dating for a year. "Umm. How do I know you again??" Come on. Seriously?

I'm not saying you should talk to her all night, but I mean damn....no one's gonna fall for the "I completely erased all memories of you" trick. That just makes you look more hurt by the breakup.

 

[BlackJackal]

Hey all, long time lurker, first time poster.

I have an interesting dillema and Ill keep it short. I had dated a girl for a year about a year ago. We broke up last Feb. I went no contact, did my own thing, focused on my life. On New Years weekend I see her at a party. She approaches me, and is giving me the feeling that she is interested. (A lot of eye contact, laughing and just the general aura wasa there to I know she was showing me she was interested) We talked for a while and she was suppose to hang out for an after party but certain circumstances came and we couldnt. She initiated couple texts following day, essentially breaking our NC that we had. The texting stops, couple weeks later I see her randomly at the grocery store by her place (i wasnt stalking, just was in that area. This time things were different. She starts talking in a different manner and the general feeling is shes not pursuing me anymore. It was more of a friend talking to friend vibe. (Couple my friends said maybe it was because she wasnt drinking like NYE).
Then last weekend see her at a mutual friends place. Same thing, no vibe. Im engaging her friends and making them laugh and when she came over, made her laugh too, but it still was a different vibe from NYE.
Opportunity presented itself yesterday when my softball team needed a girl to plaly, i texted her asking and she declined.


I am now wondering, what changed? Am I reading too much into this or is she no longer interested. Is there something I should do?

Move on. She's your ex and thats where it should stay.

 

[mustfirstregister]

You can't repair a broken mirror. Next.

 

[Nkognito]

Pretend you don't know someone that you dated for an entire year?

From what he posted it had been a year since he saw her. A lot can happen in that year. But my point was to make it seem like knowing who she was then, and speaking to her knowing she was once with him does not place him any higher than her on the pedestal. He needed to make her less of a identifiable priority.

Whats interesting is when she comes up to him when he is talking to her friends at the party. That is when I would excuse myself and cut her short of the good times I was giving her friends. Make a impression on them, after all he is single so he can date her friends. Girls will compete with other girls for a guy just to one up them.

If some recent ex gf saw me somewhere and pretended she didn't remember me, I'd just assume that she was so hurt by our breakup that she needs to pretend to not know me in a childish attempt to hurt my feelings.

You're not going to a fool a grown adult into thinking that you COMPLETELY forgot them after dating for a year. "Umm. How do I know you again??" Come on. Seriously?

I might be misunderstood in my post but basically what I was pointing out is not to make her such a fresh memory. I don't know how long he knew her before they actually started dating so you see how my suggestion is not so we played. If they were friends a year before the year they dated then nothing I say will work except for go no contact and reply with "who it this" when she texts.

I'm not saying you should talk to her all night, but I mean damn....no one's gonna fall for the "I completely erased all memories of you" trick. That just makes you look more hurt by the breakup.[/QUOTE]

Perhaps but it is almost the same as not texting. Now she is actiing differently although she seemed interested, she now is acting like he was just put in the friendzone. I was suggesting he should have been vague about why she was familar then talk to her like she wasn't near the friendzone, she just was someone he called by her name once.