After a life as a bachelor I'm currently in a relationship...

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

My girlfriend is a very good looking girl, she is younger than me, family oriented and doesnt show any hoe behavior like those in social media.

I'm not bragging, I'm just saying that what many users considers paradise may prove itself to be hell in you're not an angel yourself.

First of all it's exhausting from the social point of view, from the free time point of view and carefree life style point of view.

The first thing I learned is that I lose any sexual interest in a woman the same moment we get into a relationship.
The more time I spend with her and the less intimacy I want...she initiates 90% of the times and I often find myself coming up with excuses to postpone it or avoid it, it started after the first month.

I would gladly bang girls much less goodlooking than her that are new or met in a carefree environment like a club or a bar.
Few days ago I dreamed about a barely decent looking girl I banged few years ago and how I would be happy to bang her now, I woke up with a strong boner after such dream yet despite having my gf near me, I just woke up and went on with my day.

I like her personally, enjoy the time we spend together and the conversations we have and I surely dont mind paying for dinners and trips but the luxury animal craving doesnt exists.
I also strongly enjoy the looks and credit I get from other women when we go to places, thats like pre-selections on roids compared to the suspicious looks that a single man going by himself gets in social settings.

What I suffer the most is the social side of that, I basically was introduced to her friends and some family members which is something totally alien to me since none of my fvck buddies existed in any form or shape in day time or during the week in the last decades.

I'm strongly considering an exit plan to just be friends with her without hurting her.

I would rather pick the dry spells and the freedom given the choice.

 

[Foe]

Damn dude you just completely described the exact opposite of my situation and desires. I spend all my free time wishing I had a girl as you described only to have to bang these pointless short term options which are average at best.

 

[Redwood]

So, you're basically saying your not a "relationship" type guy, correct?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sex should be getting better for the first year as you both figure out what the other person wants/needs, not be a chore.

 

[Solomon]

OP is suffering from the grass is greener syndrome...

90% of men would love to be in OP's shoes even on this site.

curious how old are you OP?

If this is the same chick from the thread last month you were traveling 2 hours for OP than I understand you could downgrade her to a plate

 

[ThisIsSparta]

What I suffer the most is the social side of that, I basically was introduced to her friends and some family members which is something totally alien to me since none of my fvck buddies existed in any form or shape in day time or during the week in the last decades.

I once had a LTR over 5 years with a woman that had 4 siblings. At times there wasnt a weekend in a month which hadnt some family or social circle meetups from her side going on. I am a single kid and an introvert and man i hated her social circle shyt going on all the time.
I put up with that in my bluepilled early 20s but wouldnt do so these days. There is no pvssy out there that good.

DO NOT let anyone tell you you are anti-social for not enjoying her social-circle shiat. Forcing yourself into these situations will only drain your energy and happyness.

Get a compliant woman that respects your needs and adores you for who you are.


That said, your other problem seems to be a lack of ability to get involved emotionaly with women.
I was there too. However good looking and nice the woman was, after a 2-3 weekends i had my fill of her.
I left some good LTR-material women back in the dirt at that time.

The problem for me was i didnt feel anything for them. If you do a lot of pump and dump it can dull your emotions for women. It was all about the thrill of the "new pvssy", hunt it down and then move on.


You will have to make peace with the fact that EVERY pvssy will get old at some point and that you either have to stick with one or forget about LTRs.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

Women are highly social in general. Good looking girls are socially cued. She expects it from you.
Shying away from the limelight of having a good looking woman is not a win.
But if you are not willing to level up let her go so she can go her way.

She will eventually ditch this behavior from you OP.

Yes women are social in general more than men and this is especially true for her and me.

In my life I often engaged in social activities in personal and business terms cause they suited my goals but I saw it as "work" so tolerated it for the necessary time...yet I dont want it to be my life style, I'm not an extrovert and I have always been annoyed from having my time and space limited from others since I was a kid.

I always told her to do/go where she pleases with whom she wants, no jealousy from me but she doesnt have to drag me to places.
She doesnt have to tell me where she goes, for how long and with who, total freedom

I just dont see myself living my personal life as a second time job, I even experienced a social hangover recently where after an entire weekend visiting a new city at some point my brain shut off and didnt want to see or talk with anyone.

At some point I told her I was going back at the hotel and not to consider me for any trip, museum or visit for that day.

Sex should be getting better for the first year as you both figure out what the other person wants/needs, not be a chore.

That's my problem, I've always been used to have sex with f-buddies or ONs so with girlfriends there is some kind of malfunction, even more when they push for it the whole day.

It seems like my brain keeps day and night into two separate processes.

OP is suffering from the grass is greener syndrome...

90% of men would love to be in OP's shoes even on this site.

curious how old are you OP?

Late 30s here, late 20s her.

I once had a LTR over 5 years with a woman that had 4 siblings. At times there wasnt a weekend in a month which hadnt some family or social circle meetups from her side going on. I am a single kid and an introvert and man i hated her social circle shyt going on all the time.
I put up with that in my bluepilled early 20s but wouldnt do so these days. There is no pvssy out there that good.

DO NOT let anyone tell you you are anti-social for not enjoying her social-circle shiat. Forcing yourself into these situations will only drain your energy and happyness.

Get a compliant woman that respects your needs and adores you for who you are.


That said, your other problem seems to be a lack of ability to get involved emotionaly with women.
I was there too. However good looking and nice the woman was, after a 2-3 weekends i had my fill of her.
I left some good LTR-material women back in the dirt at that time.

The problem for me was i didnt feel anything for them. If you do a lot of pump and dump it can dull your emotions for women. It was all about the thrill of the "new pvssy", hunt it down and then move on.


You will have to make peace with the fact that EVERY pvssy will get old at some point and that you either have to stick with one or forget about LTRs.

Holy F so much truth in the first paragraph, same here.

Family gatherings, friends parties and so on, what a drag.

I was also a single kid and always avoided group activies...hated those team sports that I was sent to when I was a kid and considered myself unable to do sports till I find out MMA where you "play" by yourself.

 

[bat soup]

Damn dude you just completely described the exact opposite of my situation and desires. I spend all my free time wishing I had a girl as you described only to have to bang these pointless short term options which are average at best.

The grass is always greener...

 

[RangerMIke]

I would rather pick the dry spells and the freedom given the choice.

I was a confirmed bachelor until my mid-30s. Then met my ex and in a period of time in my life, lost my mind and got married. why did I do this... I honestly don't fvcking know... but I will say that my ex checked EVERY box, top down looks, attitude, she was nuts about me. I just thought at the time I would NEVER do better than her... and at the time that was true.

The HARDEST thing for me to do in my marriage, which for me was my ONLY long term relationship that I was ever in, was the complete surrender of my freedom. I honestly didn't give fvck about losing other women, I was fine with monogamy. At that point in my life I had already checked that box and was ready to settle down for some stability.

The first indication that my life had changed was when she flew into a panic attack when I went to the Officers Club for a couple of beers after work and didn't 'check in'. I told her that I was going to be late and not worry about dinner, but I didn't tell her EXACTLY what I was doing. Then bit by bit, like the frog that is slowly boiling in water... one day I realized that almost everything that had been mine prior to marriage was in storage or had been tossed out... my weekends was me working in the yard planting her gardens, painting and re-painting walls because she was constantly doing house renovations for no reason other than she was bored. I was carrying around a cell phone with a location tracker. All my hobbies had been replaced by her hobbies... I was doing stuff like going to estate sales, yard sales... there is NOTHING I hate more than picking through other people's sh1t that they no longer want... we would spend an entire Saturday doing this cr@p and at the end of the day she MIGHT have purchased some place mats.

After 10 years of this garbage, I finally started pushing back... then the war on terrorism started, was called back on active duty and sent to Afghanistan. I was honestly HAPPY about that... seriously I was so fvcked up that the idea of going into a war zone seemed like and improvement. Then she cheated on me, when I was deployed and honestly I didn't give a flying fvck about the cheating... in fact I was glad... I had an out and took it.

IT IS THE LOSS OF FREEDOM that I hated. Going forward and my recommendation for any man is NEVER surrender who you are for some chick just so that you can say you have a relationship. She has to love you for who you are and what you want to do otherwise you are headed down the path of misery and eventually you will snap. Don't let a woman change you to fit her needs.

Does this make me 'damaged'... fvcking A I'm damaged. The one thing that keeps me from getting into any exclusive long term relationship is when I get ANY indication that I'm with a women attempting to exert ANY emotional manipulation and control... the red lights start flashing and alarms go off and I move on. I pull the trigger too quick because I would rather be alone than to go through that again.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Marriage blues I would understand but being this discontent in a LTR means you settled for someone lower than your value and you are waking up.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Honestly OP I hope you figure this out or you are going to lead a very lonely life past your late 40s.

That's not doom and gloom or me trying to say you should do something or not, that's just the reality of life.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Past your late 40s your life is gonna suck anyway wheter you are single or married.

Not true. All depends on how well you take care of yourself. But nice try at the cope.

 

[Barrister]

I was a confirmed bachelor until my mid-30s. Then met my ex and in a period of time in my life, lost my mind and got married. why did I do this... I honestly don't fvcking know... but I will say that my ex checked EVERY box, top down looks, attitude, she was nuts about me. I just thought at the time I would NEVER do better than her... and at the time that was true.

The HARDEST thing for me to do in my marriage, which for me was my ONLY long term relationship that I was ever in, was the complete surrender of my freedom. I honestly didn't give fvck about losing other women, I was fine with monogamy. At that point in my life I had already checked that box and was ready to settle down for some stability.

The first indication that my life had changed was when she flew into a panic attack when I went to the Officers Club for a couple of beers after work and didn't 'check in'. I told her that I was going to be late and not worry about dinner, but I didn't tell her EXACTLY what I was doing. Then bit by bit, like the frog that is slowly boiling in water... one day I realized that almost everything that had been mine prior to marriage was in storage or had been tossed out... my weekends was me working in the yard planting her gardens, painting and re-painting walls because she was constantly doing house renovations for no reason other than she was bored. I was carrying around a cell phone with a location tracker. All my hobbies had been replaced by her hobbies... I was doing stuff like going to estate sales, yard sales... there is NOTHING I hate more than picking through other people's sh1t that they no longer want... we would spend an entire Saturday doing this cr@p and at the end of the day she MIGHT have purchased some place mats.

After 10 years of this garbage, I finally started pushing back... then the war on terrorism started, was called back on active duty and sent to Afghanistan. I was honestly HAPPY about that... seriously I was so fvcked up that the idea of going into a war zone seemed like and improvement. Then she cheated on me, when I was deployed and honestly I didn't give a flying fvck about the cheating... in fact I was glad... I had an out and took it.

IT IS THE LOSS OF FREEDOM that I hated. Going forward and my recommendation for any man is NEVER surrender who you are for some chick just so that you can say you have a relationship. She has to love you for who you are and what you want to do otherwise you are headed down the path of misery and eventually you will snap. Don't let a woman change you to fit her needs.

Does this make me 'damaged'... fvcking A I'm damaged. The one thing that keeps me from getting into any exclusive long term relationship is when I get ANY indication that I'm with a women attempting to exert ANY emotional manipulation and control... the red lights start flashing and alarms go off and I move on. I pull the trigger too quick because I would rather be alone than to go through that again.

Good post. I have experienced this as well. Not so much with the mundane tasks, but with my LTR not caring for my friends and trying to make me give them up by throwing a little tantrum every time I head out with a couple of guys she doesn't care for. It would be easy to give in and tell her I won't see them anymore to "keep the peace." But I think once you head down that road on anything it is a slippery slope that can lead to instant frame loss.

I do think eventually ALL women attempt emotional manipulation to get what they want. It is a tool in their tool box to get men to do what they want since physically they can't overpower us. Once she is comfortable in the relationship otherwise, it will be attempted. How often and to what degree will depend on the woman.

 

[pipeman84]

Hey OP, is it the same girl? https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/how-to-convince-a-plate-to-hit-the-gym.277189/

 

[CornbreadFed]

Hey OP, is it the same girl? https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/how-to-convince-a-plate-to-hit-the-gym.277189/

my point proven XD

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

Not true. All depends on how well you take care of yourself. But nice try at the cope.

You can take care of yourself like a pro but you're still a middle aged.

The legend of 55 yrs old guys living like mid 30s chads exists only in this forum as much as the ones of older men getting girls in their early 20s.

my point proven XD

Actually no, she is already way above average for most european countries, she is easily a 7 while I'm currently a 6.5 at best in terms of LMS.
Trust me I'm very tight in giving marks, I usually give a 7 to no more than a girl out of 10 in western europe.
She could get to an 8 hitting the gym and me getting to a 7 fixing my hairline.

Hey OP, is it the same girl? https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/how-to-convince-a-plate-to-hit-the-gym.277189/

Yeah it's her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You can take care of yourself like a pro but you're still a middle aged.

The legend of 55 yrs old guys living like mid 30s chads exists only in this forum as much as the ones of older men getting girls in their early 20s.


Actually no, she is already way above average for most european countries, she is easily a 7 while I'm currently a 6.5 at best in terms of LMS.
Trust me I'm very tight in giving marks, I usually give a 7 to no more than a girl out of 10 in western europe.
She could get to an 8 hitting the gym and me getting to a 7 fixing my hairline.


Yeah it's her.

At 55 you don't want to live like you are in your mid 30s. You grow up, mature and have better things to do with your life.

 

[Stoic]

I once had a LTR over 5 years with a woman that had 4 siblings. At times there wasnt a weekend in a month which hadnt some family or social circle meetups from her side going on. I am a single kid and an introvert and man i hated her social circle shyt going on all the time.
I put up with that in my bluepilled early 20s but wouldnt do so these days. There is no pvssy out there that good.

DO NOT let anyone tell you you are anti-social for not enjoying her social-circle shiat. Forcing yourself into these situations will only drain your energy and happyness.

Get a compliant woman that respects your needs and adores you for who you are.


That said, your other problem seems to be a lack of ability to get involved emotionaly with women.
I was there too. However good looking and nice the woman was, after a 2-3 weekends i had my fill of her.
I left some good LTR-material women back in the dirt at that time.

The problem for me was i didnt feel anything for them. If you do a lot of pump and dump it can dull your emotions for women. It was all about the thrill of the "new pvssy", hunt it down and then move on.


You will have to make peace with the fact that EVERY pvssy will get old at some point and that you either have to stick with one or forget about LTRs.

a lot of wisdom in this post.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

At 55 you don't want to live like you are in your mid 30s. You grow up, mature and have better things to do with your life.

I understand what you mean but I believe it really depends on the person.

In my late 30s I already miss my late 20s...I'm genuinely concerned about my 50s unless I reach a zen state mindset.

The simple fact that all the women that show me signs of interest are doing it driven from the goal of a relationship is a huge pain compared to when it was genuine physical and personal attraction.

 

[member160292]

WDW,
I can somewhat relate to what you’re going through. Earlier this year, I went exclusive with a plate prematurely. Sweet, sexy girl like yours, super fun to be around. A month passes, she’s still a rockstar in the bedroom and it’s always a new experience for us. Then I started thinking about the plates I have dismissed just to be with this one. It got me thinking if this was all worth it. I decided there was too much out there for me to settle. I told her that I wasn’t able to fully commit to a relationship due to work and I made a mistake by commuting before I was truly ready. She broke up with me and we haven’t had any contact for 2 months.
She came around and we’re still dating. Although she still trying to push for commitment, I’m pretty firm.
Birds aren’t meant to be confined