Afraid of getting pregnant?? I smell a rat....

[STR8UP]

I have been seeing this chick for several months now. Nothing too serious, but I usually see her a couple of times per week, and up until recently we had quite a bit of sex on a regular basis. Now, it seems whenever I get her naked she is apprehensive about doing the deed.

Lately we have both gotten busy with work, and she has been traveling often, so we have had less of a chance to "hook up".

So here is the issue. Lately, I have noticed a change in her behaviour when it comes to sex. The change seems to have come right about the time she started traveling back to her hometown to watch her college football team play, sometimes a couple of times per month.

Since she began traveling (which coincides with both of our schedules getting more hectic) it seems like she doesn't want to have sex. We still mess around, she gives me head and all, but I sense her having an apprehension to full on sex, so I just kind of go with the flow and not push things. She also rarely wants me to go down on her anymore, which I find strange.

She tried getting on the pill but it made her sick, so we have been using condoms, and have had a couple of them break. Whenever it happened she seemed to get pretty paranoid about it, and recently she told me the last time it happened she took one of the "morning after" pills the next day.

So the last few times we have "started" to have sex it didn't end up happeneing. Last night was one of them. We started out messing around, but once again I got the vibe, so I backed off.

Last night we hit a Halloween party, and she evidently got pretty wasted. So this morning when we woke up she started asking me what happened, if we had sex and whatnot. I told her we hadn't, and proceeded to ask her why it seemed like lately the sex was pretty much non-existent.

She said that one of the past few times she was feeling sick from taking that morning after pill (I guess it does mess you up a bit), she said another time she was on the rag (if we are talking about the same night I was fingering her and she definitely wasn't bleeding), and then her excuse for last night was that she just "passed out". I have known girls in the past who would do that, but in the past this one was ALWAYS awake when we were fooling around, even at 5am, even when she was drunk.

She pretty much apologized for passing out last night, and we did proceed to have sex, but it still just seemed "off", not like it used to be.

I know it isn't that big of a deal, but I kinda want to know where I stand cause if she's moving in a different direction, I'm not gonna sit around and hope she throws me a ******* here and there to satisfy my sexual needs.

My gut tells me that she might be screwing someone back in her hometown, and that she's just showing the typical "guilt" type thing by trying to avoid sex with me. I doubt she's messing with anyone around here, no strange behaviour or phone calls or whatnot. She was supposed to have been done traveling for awhile, but recently decided to book two more flights back home in Novemeber. Hmmmm....

The only other thing it could be is that she is truly afraid of getting pregnant. She mentioned during our convo today that she has spent the past four months worried about getting pregnant. She seems to be very paranoid about it. The time we were messing around and she claims to have been feeling bad from that pill she made a comment like "if we have sex you have to make sure the condom doesn't break", then she tells me a few minutes later she isn't feeling well?!?

So what do you think? She has told me several times that I'm the best she's ever had, yet she doesn't want to fukk anymore?? Although I would consider our relationship to be casual, I am content to have sex with only her. But if she's off messing around with someone else I'm not gonna sit around and hope for a few scraps.

Thoughts???

 

[penkitten]

i think she is paranoid about getting pregnant and obsessed with not getting pregnant.

 

[DJDamage]

So what do you think? She has told me several times that I'm the best she's ever had, yet she doesn't want to fukk anymore?

Contradiction statment isn't it. Something is up, but you don't know why. All you know is that you are not getting sex and her best argument is that she is afraid of getting pregnant.

Tell her if she freaks out about getting pregnant and doesn't want to take the pill, then you will wear a condom and she will wear a sponge, this way you have a second barrier in case the first one breaks and the likelyhood of her getting pregnant and both fail at the same time is less then 99%. If she comes up with another excuse then you best show her where the door is.

 

[STR8UP]

i think she is paranoid about getting pregnant and obsessed with not getting pregnant.

So why does this come up NOW? Why not in the beginning? There's something else to it. I could be way off base thinking she's doing someone else, but regardless of what it is any time in the past where I have ignored my gut I have gotten raked over the coals, and I got a strange feeling with this one.

I'm just gonna lay low and let the situation play out as it may. It isn't like we are going to end up married or anything....

 

[RedPill]

Her desire to make sweet fvck with you has decreased since she started returning home. At the same time she seems to have developed a fear of getting pregnant. Coincidence? Doubtful, because a) she's using every other flake-out excuse in the book, and b) your gut detects BS.

Regardless of whether she's feeling guilty about sexing another guy, worried about pregnancy risk, or just plain bored and losing interest, her ACTIONS speak loudest here, and her actions demonstrate that she doesn't much desire to get it on with you anymore.

I won't even say it, you know what needs to be done. If it's just a hang-up on pregnancy, and she gets over it, then all is well. But it's not your responsibility to wait around for her to fix it.

 

[STR8UP]

Tell her if she freaks out about getting pregnant and doesn't want to take the pill, then you will wear a condom and she will wear a sponge, this way you have a second barrier in case the first one breaks and the likelyhood of her getting pregnant and both fail at the same time is less then 99%. If she comes up with another excuse then you best show her where the door is.

If we had a more serious relationship I might consider going this route, but if I press any more I have a feeling it's only going to drive her away.

If I'm still getting the same vibe from her in the future I'll just tell her that we might be better off as friends. We aren't much mor than that now anyways. If I'm the one who officialy pulls the plug on the sex chances are she'll change her tune. Funny how that works.

 

[penkitten]

maybe shes involved with someone else while shes away .
that would pretty much make you afraid to get pregnant by another man.

 

[( . )( . )]

Her desire to make sweet fvck with you has decreased since she started returning home. At the same time she seems to have developed a fear of getting pregnant. Coincidence? Doubtful, because a) she's using every other flake-out excuse in the book, and b) your gut detects BS.

Regardless of whether she's feeling guilty about sexing another guy, worried about pregnancy risk, or just plain bored and losing interest, her ACTIONS speak loudest here, and her actions demonstrate that she doesn't much desire to get it on with you anymore.

I won't even say it, you know what needs to be done. If it's just a hang-up on pregnancy, and she gets over it, then all is well. But it's not your responsibility to wait around for her to fix it.

RedPill nailed it.

I dont even really understand the long post to begin with, its textbook sh!t on her behalf.
Her actions are plate spinning, are you plate spinning also?

 

[Bible_Belt]

My gut tells me that she might be screwing someone back in her hometown

mine too

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

STR8UP, please tell me this isn't the 20 y.o. you were hooking up with 6 months ago before you disappeared from the forum? My guess would be it is, but I'll reserve judgement since I know you.

I'm going with REDPILL here only I'll suggest what you're experiencing is all of the above. After a few months, the novelty of the chemical rush is waning and the dopamine is wearing off. That's number one. Number 2 is the pregnancy fear issue which I'm not buying into 100%. This is a common female tactic to rationalize a shift in sexual intensity and/or frequency, which, in all honesty, happens regardless of committment levels in a relationship. A similar tactic would be the 'religious re-awakening' ploy. If she is in fact seeing an old BF or a new guy from her hometown this will only compound her need for a rationalization. You can make your own comparisons, but I doubt she had the same reservations about banging you like a b!tch in heat for the first 2 months you were together.

My guess is that she's conflicted and is trying to muster a tactful way of telling you things have changed (which you're already perceiving and she recognizes this). You mention your 'gut' telling you what's going on; in my experience 'gut' level instinct is merely a term for how our subconscious tries to tell our conscious that it's reading a lot of behaviors that aren't consistent with what we'd like to (or are being told to) believe. In such instances my advice is always to be more hyper-aware of the behaviors of others and compare them to what I'm expected to swallow. You can call this a bullsh!t meter, but it's simply being more observant than normal.

Sorry STR8, you know I like you, but I'm afraid you've hit the trifecta here - the perfect storm so to speak. I hate to be the prophet of doom, but everytime I've ever had a woman go from smoking hot to luke warm it's been because of another interest on her part and they did exactly what this girl is doing now. I can only point out consistencies in the Matrix for you - variations on a theme - but my gut is telling me the same thing as yours here.

 

[STR8UP]

No, this isn't the 20yr old. That one went off to college up north (and now has a new boyfriend) and is planning a trip back down here in December and wants me to give her a "birthday surprise". So I guess you can say that I AM spinning plates, although I don't have time or energy(work is consumong all of my time lately) to be juggling women nowadays.

It doesn't matter though....if I wanted to get back into actively pursuing women there are plenty around that wouldn't mind my company

I'm going to proceed with the assumption that she's involved with someone else up there. It's 1000 miles away, quite convenient and manageable.

Although as I mentioned we don't have a commitment, I'm almost thinking that I should at least acknowledge that I am aware of her behaviour, because as I said I WAS content to be having sex with only her, but if this is the case I'm gonna take advantage of any opportunities that might arise. She has had jealous outbursts in the past which I have called her out on (and basically told her if it ever happened again we would no longer hang out), and I'm not gonna let her get pissy about her imagining me looking twice at another girl when she off fukking someone else.

So, should I let her know that I "know" the deal, or not?

 

[speed dawg]

So, should I let her know that I "know" the deal, or not?

No. Come on, man, I've seen your posts. You know this sh1t. Don't let her get you in a bind.

 

[Latinoman]

Come on, man, I've seen your posts. You know this sh1t. Don't let her get you in a bind.

But he is NOW emotionally involved in this situation. Not the same when giving advice to somebody when we are NOT emotionally involved as when we are dealing with the situation ourselves.

 

[wayword]

i think she is paranoid about getting pregnant and obsessed with not getting pregnant.

BS, and you call yourself a woman? What a lame excuse, just like all her others. Look, she is fvcking some dude from her hometown and so is emotionally (ergo sexually) distanced from STR8UP now.

The End.

 

[Latinoman]

BS, and you call yourself a woman? What a lame excuse, just like all her others. Look, she is fvcking some dude from her hometown and so is emotionally (ergo sexually) distanced from STR8UP now.

The End.

You are 100% right. I personally ignored her reply.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

My ex first cut off the sex because she 'didn't want to get pregnant'. Then, she started tanning and working out, then we started arguing more often, then I found another guy in her dorm room. I ended it the next day. :cheer:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Rotflmfao!

 

[crowes22]

Although as I mentioned we don't have a commitment, I'm almost thinking that I should at least acknowledge that I am aware of her behaviour, because as I said I WAS content to be having sex with only her, but if this is the case I'm gonna take advantage of any opportunities that might arise. She has had jealous outbursts in the past which I have called her out on (and basically told her if it ever happened again we would no longer hang out), and I'm not gonna let her get pissy about her imagining me looking twice at another girl when she off fukking someone else.

So, should I let her know that I "know" the deal, or not?

If you do this, you will be left w/ your dyck in your hand. I'd ignore this shyt (she has something on the side IMO too), but so do you, so chill.

Next time you hook up, turn HER down. Leave or 'pass out', whatever. Good luck.

 

[Freddy1]

Its always good ideal to use condom together with some other back up contraceptic to prevent these problems. Condoms break, so her using the pill at the same time is a good ideal.
*If you combine contraceptives the chance of her getting pregnant is extreamly slim (its really worth it. believe me dude).

I think alot of women have preganancy fears with good reason though.

 

[STR8UP]

If you do this, you will be left w/ your dyck in your hand. I'd ignore this shyt (she has something on the side IMO too), but so do you, so chill.

Next time you hook up, turn HER down. Leave or 'pass out', whatever. Good luck.

True, true, works both ways. And no matter how much we would all like to think that this sex thing isn't a "game", we all know it is and sometimes you have to treat it that way.

She's "traveling" three weekends this month, maybe I need to be "busy" the whole week the 20yr old comes to town in December, hehe. Sounds like fun, cause this girl knows the 20yr old is gaga over me (and knows she's coming around!) and they don't like each other, lol. Fukk it. What do I have to lose?

If I said I didn't have any emotion involved, I would be lying, but at least we don't call each other bf/gf, and we both seem to be looking for the same thing (nothing serious). I would really RATHER NOT have this in the back of my mind along with the rest of the chaos in my life right now, but hey, whatever. At least at this point in my life I know how to read between the lines and can work it accordingly.