AFC Somedude_UK_31 approach journal

[Somedude_UK_31]

First I want to start by saying that being AFC is one of the most crippling problems I have encountered. I know the problem, I want out, but man is it hard, I'm crippled by fear of approaching.

I hope keeping this journal will help me keep going and help others learn from my progress and mistakes.

My aim is to try at least 6-8 approaches a week.

Today was DAY #1:


I shaved, dressed properly and headed out with one purpose, to force myself to approach.
I get into the car, the thought of it makes me feel weird in my stomach and my heart was beating a little quicker than usual. The closer I get to my target (big bookstore) the faster my heart was beating and the more butterflies in my stomach.
I get there and walk in, right away I run to the washroom to pee from being nervous
There weren't many people there. To summerize, I ran into two approachable girls, one at a time. I chickened out and couldn't even give them eye contact. I'd say there were both a 6 no more. Sad but I couldn't help it.
I head to a coffee shop, I see a nice girl sitting and reading alone, I wanted to approach by my heart started racing and stomach went crazy, needless to say I chickened out, got my coffee and ran out.

So today was a total flop, but I don't see it as a total failure, I had to start somewhere and I think putting effort into it is a first step.
I think it would be a total failure if I look at today as a total waste of time, it wasn't, it was the beginning.
I'm going hunting again tomorrow, and the day after, and after...until I finally break the ice.

Note I have no problem chatting with cashiers, workers...etc. I got over that problem thank god, I just freeze at approaching a girl I want, I find showing the girl I'm trying to pick her up is the part that I'm having a hard time accepting as OK to do.

Tomorrow is another day and I will come and post my results.

I hope some of you subscribe to this thread and put MORE pressure on me when I don't post (due to chickening out).

Fvck I'm so sick of this fear!

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Day 2

I left work at lunch just to go approach. I think it's important to invest time into forcing yourself at first and get out of your comfort zone.

Girl #1:
I hit the bookstore, scanning books and people. I see this one HB5, nothing impressive.
I hesitate and make sure no one is around and go for it.
Me: Hi lots of options to choose from
Her: Yes I know
Me: Which book interests you?
Her: This Yoga one, I do hot Yoga
Silence for 4-5 seconds
Me: I always wanted to do it
Her: Yeah I go to this place to do it, you should try it
Silence for 4-5 seconds
She starts kinda walking away and acts like she's looking for someone, takes out her phone...etc. I get the hint but I wanted to close so I go..
Me: We should do it together sometime.
Her: I'm OK thanks.

Honestly it looked liked a formal business conversation, I was tense and had my hands in my pockets, oh well.

I noticed a woman was sitting and watching, witnessed my rejection, I felt awkward but I went about doing my business checking other books and looking for more action.

Girl #2:
I see a HB7 with a friend, they are sitting in the bookstore talking. I chickened out, walked by them and couldn't make eye contact or say hi. I knew I blew it.

Girl #3:
Heading back to work driving I see a nice girl at the bus stop. I park my car in a little street and go to her.

Turns out to be a HB4 - fvck


Me: hi did I miss the bus?
Her: no it comes at xx:yy
Me: OK cool.
Me: OK honestly I'm not taking the bus, I stopped while driving to come say hi because I thought you were cute
Her: oh really? hahaha
Me: Yeah, so where are you heading
Her: Councelling
Me: For jobs?
Her: No something happened in the past.

haha I know guys, scary.

Me: **** happens, no worries.
Me: Look I really gotta get back to work, gimme your #.
Her: OK, it's xxxxxxxx
Me: OK I'm calling it so you get mine.
Her: Oh this iphone I got is not mine, it's my sis, I borrow it for music.

LOL she's full of ****...anyway

Me: OK cool, ttyl, get up let me give you a hug
I squeeze her good.


Conclusion, it was a flop in terms of scoring but a success in terms of confidence. I could tell the guts to park my car and go talk to the 3rd was the results of the 1st failed approach.
It's hard to logically explain it.

 

[Fly By Night]

GJ on at least trying, 50% of guys who see a girl they like will just shy away from it saying "they need a 'perfect' opportunity." You should get yourself accustomed to opening. Try going around and telling girls something with no intent of staying for a conversation. If she responds with more than a one-word answer, then see if you can build upon it. Openers such as the one with Girl #1, it was situational and not just another pick-up line. Personally, I don't like the "Hi, you're cute, let me talk to you because of that fact," but hey, some girls will respond positively to that.

The first girl kind of seemed interested in you, but you let awkward silences creep in. Silences are not all that bad, but if this is your FIRST encounter with her, there is literally an endless amount of things you could say to her. Awkward silences this early are definitely a turn off...

And "hot yoga"? My mind flooded with different things to say lol! I'm not sure if you could not think of something to say or you were scared of coming off as sexual, but make sure you know the reason and try to fix it.

And remember to relax, being scared will just scare them off in more ways than you realize. There will be more women, so don't be afraid to experiment with things you usually don't do.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Day 3

Ran into at least 5 HB7-9 at gym, gas station, and store...chickened out, couldn't even maintain eye contact.

What a fvcking day. It's so true that regret is WAY worse than rejection. Lesson learnt.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

And remember to relax, being scared will just scare them off in more ways than you realize. There will be more women, so don't be afraid to experiment with things you usually don't do.

Thanks dude, you are right, tons more, so why not experiment.

 

[yuppaz]

Your doing well. Don't put such pressure on yourself to PERFORM (AAAAAHHHHH) in an interaction. Just go in trying to make small talk and meet cool, new people, because you are a friendly guy. The pressure you put on yourself by thinking that you have an outcome in mind (like I HAVE to get her number, I HAVE to make her like me etc.) will actually make things go very poorly because it comes off as very strange and uncomfortable and she will pick up on that.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

I txt Girl #3 from Day 2 and I get an instant reply. Turns out she's not a flake like expected.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Guys I donno but it looks like the -ve and down feelings are coming back to me. I stalled all of the sudden, I'm seeing many girls I'd love to talk to but I'm constantly getting the feelings "I'm not good enough, I'm ugly, I'm a loser....etc)
It's like a cascading effect, after I fail to approach one girl, I become more negative when I run into the 2nd one, and then the 3rd...etc until I feel paralized when it comes to approaching.

My entire body and attitude and everything about me becomes so DEFENSIVE when I'm in the vacinity of a girl I find cute!! Why is that? It's a terrible feeling.

 

[csycpr]

UK31, I can relate VERY, VERY well to what you're experiencing here. It's a bit rich for me to be advising you since I am even more hopeless at plucking up the courage to approach (especially day) than you, but since I've had periods of half-reasonable success at this in the past let me say this: bad as you might feel, right now would be the WORST time to stop.

You say regret is worse than rejection, well, to quit now is going to give you a TON of regret.

 

[csycpr]

Girl #1:
I hit the bookstore, scanning books and people. I see this one HB5, nothing impressive.
I hesitate and make sure no one is around and go for it.
Me: Hi lots of options to choose from
Her: Yes I know
Me: Which book interests you?
Her: This Yoga one, I do hot Yoga
Silence for 4-5 seconds
Me: I always wanted to do it
Her: Yeah I go to this place to do it, you should try it
Silence for 4-5 seconds
She starts kinda walking away and acts like she's looking for someone, takes out her phone...etc. I get the hint but I wanted to close so I go..
Me: We should do it together sometime.
Her: I'm OK thanks.

I believe you when you say this approach was tense and business like. But if you were looser and just having fun with it I could easily see the line "I've always wanted to try it...[pause]...what exactly is it?" delivered in a slightly C&F way working for you in this situation. Too late for this one, obviously, but if you're ever in a similar situation.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Day 4

Girl 1:
Went to this nice upscale neighbourhood on the lake. Saw a HB6, face and hair and everything was great and cute except she was at least 25 pounds overweight and is 28 years old
She was in a classic 70 something Aston Martin (I KNOW!!! ), owns a house on the lake...ohhhh boyyy!!!


Me: What year is this fine car?
Her: 70...(I forgot the exact year)
Me: I love it.
Her: Thanks, it's my summer car.

Dollar signs flash in my eyes...LOL

She then sticks her hand out and introduces herself...I knew right there I got her already

We then talk for a good 20 mins.
Me: I gotta go gimme your # so you can take me out and show me around sometime.
Her: Sure, here it is....


Few hours later, I get a txt "nice to meet you...blah blah blah...looking forward to meeting you again "
I ain't replying until tomorrow.

I'm gonna shag that giggly butt and have her take me on rides in that Aston Martin so I look like a fking pimp. Maybe she will let me borrow it, I will use it to pick up some finer biatchesss LOL

Getting closer and closer to approaching the ones I think are HB8s (in my perspective)...one step at a time baby.