AFC....help appreciated

Enigma2517

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Alright I won't bore u with the details just give u the basic story.

This one cute girl in my psychology class that just started talking to me one day. She maintained a lot of interest in me and we even worked on a project one weekend. While she was over at my house we got to hang out for a good amount of time and I got to know her pretty well. By now I was pretty interested too :)

So of course, I'm just throwing in the usual DJ moves...the C and F, kino, whatever. The entire next school week this girl and me flirt like mad. Finally, Friday rolls around and we end up going to the back to school dance as dates. So of course I call my boys up, we roll around and hit the bong for a bit, and then I show up at this dance.

One hour...ever so fashionably late. I think the anticipatition killed her before I even got there. Hug here and some whispering in the ear there, pretty soon we're all over each other. This all happened in like the first 5 minutes I was there! I was astounded...your site truely does something to change a man drastically.

Things calm down after awhile and we just dance and hangout. After one hour there us and this other couple leave the dance and go out to the baseball fields. We just chase each other around and makeout on the bleachers. Before long, its time to go and I leave for the night.

Realizing my first mistake as I'm writing this....I called the chick the DAY AFTER that. Ridiculous. But maybe not entirely....I did have to work out something important...our next psychology project. We had to meet on sunday so I called her up to confirm times and ****. Other than that I just hung out and had a blast partying until sunday. So I wake up sunday, feeling refreshed, social, and most of all anticipating her arrival. Well she calls about 2 hours prior and tells me she can't get a ride there or back. Sounds likely, knowing her parents. I act like its not big deal and just go do something else.

Now the weird **** starts...I go to school on monday and everything just seems so different. I try not to give her too much attention but still try to maintain the vibe that i'm into her. I talk to her and everything seems to be going ok...shes just a bit shy and reserved. Its ok I think I feel like that too I'm just really trying not to show it. But then again on tuesday a similiar dilmena. Once again, we can hold a conversation but it just doesn't seem the same...she kinda stopped smiling at me as much and beginning to avoid eye contact. I also asked her about trying to meet up again on thursday to do the project. Half as enthusiastically as before she replies...I'll ask my parents.

Wednesday rolls around, shes really tired and probably in not the greatest mood. I approach her and once again exchange some empty conversation. Of course by now even i can see the obvious. She will barely even look at me anymore. On our way out I ask her about the project. Cutting out the unimportant logistics she basically tells me she can come but she really doesn't want to. Nervous, I try to fix the situation even more. I kinda tangled myself up. I was giving myself the "now or never you gotta take some chances" speech over the "shes in a bad mood and/or not interested in you at all right now just step off" speech. But yeah...I see her at lunch, approach her, awkwardly stand by while she chats with her friendly once again barely acknowledging me and then I ask her if friday night was for real (like not a rebound or something). She says it wasn't but thats about all she says before she quickly retreats back to her friends.

I can't believe I was actually approaching her thinking I was going to ask her out. But at least now I know for sure that shes really not into me anymore.

I thought I'd feel like ****...but surprisingly enough, (partial) rejection really didn't feel that bad. At least the feeling of uncertainty was gone.

Now I'm here...Wednesday night...no project tomorrow...probably awkward time in class on friday.

I'm doing exactly what I think most of you would. Just forget about her, occupy myself with other things, go pimp out some other chicks, and then maybe...sometime in the not too distant future when we get rid of all these bad vibes she might start getting into me again. Or not...who knows. But I figure just leaving her alone right now would be much better then trying to talk to her and "fix it" (hard to do when somebody doesn't even look at u when they're talking).


But thats why I'm here...to get more specific advise from the masters. Where did I go wrong? How do I fix my problem? What would be the best way to end on a good note while on the same time politely "nexting" her? Is it even worth a shot to come back in the (near) future? If so, whats the best way to go about doing this.

My possible failures (any combination of these):
1. At the start shes the one who paid all the attention to me. By the end I was the puppy dog following her around. More balance needed?
2. We built up a lot of momentum in the first week....the making out was pretty fun...should I have just asked her out then before she lost interest?

Now I know all of you will laugh because deep down inside of me still lingers the ugly AFC. But I can't help it. I really couldn't stop thinking about this girl since that one friday night. But I'm really just trying to get this thing figured out so I won't screw something up like this again.

So you guys think u could help me out? :D
 

rgeere

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I can tell you right now that you were fine up until the point to where you were making out.

The mystery and the magic left and you became old news, since you were spending that extra time with her.

She probably also felt dissapointed that you called the next day to talk ABOUT HOMEWORK, yuck ... No girl wants to hear about anything work related right after a HUGH EMOTIONAL HIGH such as that one.

If you just had to call it should have been to remind her what such a GREAT LAY that she was and that you have a good time. This is putting you in the dominant position in that youare reaffirming to her that she is worthy of your time and attention.

But just calling specifically about homework? Please..

Well, the bottom line is that she now probably feels that you don't care about her. And now she knows enough about you that there isn't anything new to spark her interest, you should have known better....

Other than that you did a good job, just don't let it happen again if you want a girl for an LTR.
 
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You were 'high' and she may have been too the night that the 'magic' happened!! You 'made out' within a few minutes of seeing her - usually there is convo and rapport building then you make out. You put the cart before the horse and did not establish enough interest for her to stay! She knew you were 'high' that night and may not want to associate with a 'pothead - she know has second thoughts and decides to bail'!

Do not chase her anymore! Once you invited her to do something then you should have not asked constantly afterwards - let her respond and take some responsibility to contact you. She knew that you were interested in her - don't over do it!!
 

WishIWas

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Originally posted by rgeere
Well, it may or may not be too late now, but what you needed to do in a nutshell was to make her feel appreciated for who she is to you and what she has done for you. This is a basic cardinal rule for keeping a woman for the long term.
are you suggesting to call a girl a day or two after a date or a hook up to let her know she's a fun person?
 

Enigma2517

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Thanks guys, I appreciate all the responses thus far. Two comments that I will respond to are...


rgeere - Thanks bro, I can see where you're coming from. She really might have thought I was trying to play her or something. Next time I'll try to seal the deal a bit more. As for the HW yes I know stupid ;). However, you should really know two things. First, she actually asked me to call her on that day to talk about the project. Secondly, I actually didn't call her just about homework. In fact I spent the first 5 or 10 minutes just asking her about her soccer game, and what she was up to, what I was going to do later (trying hard to make it apparent to her that I have another life outside of hers), etc. Except I think I may have tried too hard :). In fact, now that I think about, I only mentioned what happened on friday twice to her since then...and we didn't really go too far into it.

My friend whos pretty good with girls says that was probably one of my mistakes. I tried hard to express my interest in her but in the wrong way. I thought that being direct would come off sounding kinda dorky, but he actually proposed a good idea. Ask her if she has any feelings for me (not now of course :D ). Even if I didn't do that exactly, I think I should have definetely recognized each other's attraction for one another some more, instead of just continuing to aimless flirt with her.

Oh and one more thing...think I should have asked her out sometime before this all went downhill?

PuertoRican - I thought about that myself actually...even while I was there at the dance. Haha I don't think she was high tho. On our way out to the baseball fields I told her something along the lines of if you haven't guessed already I smoked a little pot before I came here blah blah blah. She said (pretty sincerely I think) that she didn't mind at all. She is not a very judgemental person...we talked about bongs in class before...she doesn't smoke because of the soccer but I really doubt she cares all that much.

However, I think you and rgeere are right along the lines tho, I did something to start making her second guess me and our attraction for each other.

Lastly, anymore suggestions beyond just not chasing after her anymore?
 

Enigma2517

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rgeere - Right on...but my question more than half of the time about these types of approaches is how how how. I learn best from examples :). I know it's impossible to really find a one size fits all type package because every situation is different...but taking what u know about mine for instance...what could i have concretely said to her without coming off desperate or just the opposite? I think its just one of those things you need to have a feeling for...I'm sure I'll get it over time.
 

rgeere

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Originally posted by Enigma2517
what could i have concretely said to her without coming off desperate or just the opposite? I think its just one of those things you need to have a feeling for...I'm sure I'll get it over time.
Yes, you can say it's something you just have a feeling for.

For me just saying something uplifting and positive to her every once in a while tends to do the trick. This especially works if she is feeling a bit down or down on her self.
 

Enigma2517

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Ok last thing then case closed....I also forgot to mention she just got out of a relationship about 2 weeks ago or something around that...I'm not sure how serious it was but uh....could that be the reason why shes ignoring me and the LTR?

Again...maybe its just one of those things I have to give some time.
 
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Originally posted by Enigma2517
Ok last thing then case closed....I also forgot to mention she just got out of a relationship about 2 weeks ago or something around that
This was important to know - this makes a difference!!!:rolleyes:
 
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She may still have an emotional attachment to other dude and you did not overcome her attachment!! She is waiting for the next guy who she sees as greater than her past dude
 
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