AFC Bind

[MackJr]

Yes, I know some people will complain that this is an AFC question but that's what most of us are here for.

I'm still new to some of the DJ techniques but I got a chick using DJ moves, and got her number. During the last call I foolishly told her I'd call her on Saturday to set up a date. (certain things prevented us from setting it up then.)

I realized what I'd done after the fact. Her interest level is very high, so maybe it doesn't matter, but I've been thinking of calling her earlier just to surprise her and also to derail the predictable planned call, but I also worry that calling before Saturday is AFC because it indicates interest on my part. I could also just not call on Sat. to be an *******, but I'm not sure if that will work. The last time we spoke was Tuesday.

What would a full DJ do?

 

[StudMeister]

Does she have a cell phone? TXT her. Be like call ya later and then call on sunday or something. Lie to her if she askes why you did not call and be like, something uber important came up.

 

[uniassign]

TXT her. Be like call ya later and then call on sunday or something. Lie to her if she askes why you did not call and be like, something uber important came up.

That would work if you are EIGHTEEN. No offence to the poster, but texting a chick that you have not gone out with, or spoken to on the phone spells WUSS to me.

Just call her when YOU feel like. Don't mention the fact that you were meant to call on saturday. If she ask, just say you will be busy.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Be a man of your word and only calll her on saturday - not before or after and do not txt, that is to impersonal at this stage.

How would you like it if someone said they were going to call you then saturday then they called you on sunday?

Calling earlier than Satueday might show her that you are too anxious.

 

[NatureGuy]

I agree with Puerto on this. Consider making adjustments in your conduct and responses next time, but not now.

 

[xblitz44x]

This is crap that drives me up a wall. We preach "Be a man..." all over the place, yet we're so concerned that a girl won't like us if we call on a Saturday. What is so 'manly' about being concerned about our every action, treading lightly in worry of 'bringing down interest level'. True power, TRUE DJ, would be to do what the hell you want...and if she "loses interest"...that's her own MO, based on her own perceptions.

In the last month I've:

• Approached 3 girls with: "I've been trying to figure out a way to approach you but you're intimidating!"
• Called 2 girls every single day and set up dates whenever I felt like it.
• Told a girl she's a princess
• Called a girl on a Monday and set up a date for the same night. We cuddled at my house. I told her how beautiful she was. We had sex.
• Wrote a poem for a girl
• Texted 3 girls at LEAST 3-4 times a day
• Told these girls on numerous occasions that I like them

I'm pretty sure I've broken about every single rule in the DJ Bible, but lately I've been getting laid like a rock star. Is it more of a man to be restrained and limited by rules, or to do what you want, when you want; total freedom? I don't have time to worry about if texting is wussy, or if calling on a Saturday is going to be frowned upon by guys on an internet message board.

" I also worry that calling before Saturday is AFC because it indicates interest on my part."

Who ever said that letting a girl know that you want her is AFC? What is WRONG with being honest and blatent about your feelings? Why do we feel so scared and vulnerable to reveal them? Christ. This is getting really pathetic that we feel so weak when we care for somebody. Indicate interest all you want. Fvck it, if you want my advice I say you should call her up right NOW, tell her you were thinking about her and you think that the two of you should get together soon. Rather than stepping cautiously in FEAR that *another* girl will lose interest in you if they see who you really are, and that you actually care about them.

"Calling earlier than Satueday might show her that you are too anxious."

Only if you ARE anxious. Your actions will always represent what is really going on inside of you. It's why some guys will be able to do whatever the hell they want and be fine with it, and why other guys, no matter how tight the follow the rules, will fail because their actions will scream "I don't know what to do! I can't controll myself! I need to follow a game plan because I am insecure. He's excited to date this girl and the sooner he accepts that, the sooner his actions appear more comfortable, and excited rather than uptight and anxious.

Wake up guys.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by uniassign
TXT her. Be like call ya later and then call on sunday or something. Lie to her if she askes why you did not call and be like, something uber important came up.

That would work if you are EIGHTEEN. No offence to the poster, but texting a chick that you have not gone out with, or spoken to on the phone spells WUSS to me.

Just call her when YOU feel like. Don't mention the fact that you were meant to call on saturday. If she ask, just say you will be busy.

You have no idea what you're talking about. TXTing is actually really great cause txting doesn't give away vocalfeatures or facialfeatures that would give away more.... TxTing can be very subtle and full of inuendo which is really cool.

 

[Monkey]

Its 'AFC' to think its 'AFC' to not be able to call her on a Saturday.

xblitz44x has it so right.

You guys need to get past all this AFC/DJ crap.

If this girl is in the slightest bit interested she won't care if you call her anytime, but if you don't call her on Saturday then you risk her thinking you're not a man of your word.

So after having high interest from a girl initially, you could try to do the 'DJ thing' but infact stuff it up completely. See where I'm going?

Early this year I really tried to play it all by the DJ book with a girl who initially had extremely high interest in me - I didn't spend long on the phone, didn't reply to some of her text messages or emails or if I did kept them very short, didn't reveal too much about myself, never called her on the weekends etc etc and you know what? - Her interest actually dropped like a lead balloon.

We can get so caught up in trying to do the 'DJ' thing that we run the risk of ruining a potential relationship before it even happens. We end up acting like robots, void of any emotion, checking DJ 'rules' off a list of dos and don'ts.

Much better just to relax, have fun, let things happen and read each situation as it comes.

 

[MetalFortress]

xblitz44x, you should write that reply as a brand new thread on the tips board, and then it should be put in the DJ Bible. If you want to show no feelings at all, make it easy and become an existentialist or something. As for me, I'll do what I will, break the "DJ rules" and continue to reap the benefits. Too much emphasis here is placed on the "rules" and not enough on the mindset. Let's delete every post out of the DJ Bible except those written by Pook

 

[MackJr]

I'm going to go with Puerto Rico's advice. I'll keep my word and just try to move on in the future.

If she gets unglued and uninterested just because I keep (not break) a promise, then she's pretty unstable to begin with. Besides that, there would be a 4-5 day gap between contacts, so it doesn't look that needy on my part.

Xblitz, you may be able to break the rules, but you already know them. I need to have the experience of using DJ rules successfully before I'm comfortable with breaking them.

 

[gator-]

Its because the act of DJing should come naturally. It isnt a set of rules, or lines, or neg hits, or any of that.

Its how you SHOULD act around other people. If you don't act like a DJ, then you have problems, probably insecurities that HAVE to be dealt with before you will ever be successful.

Why can't you walk up to that hot babe?

What are you, too fat, ugly, don't think she will like you, whats the excuse today? What is it thats making you feel like you can't or shouldn't talk to some random person.

Don't think you will know what to say?

Then you suck at communicating, go practice.

"Xblitz, you may be able to break the rules, but you already know them. I need to have the experience of using DJ rules successfully before I'm comfortable with breaking them."

Once you are complete, and at one with yourself, you won't need rules, C + F, neg hits, any of that, because it will all come naturally.

Think back long long ago, to a time before sosuave.com, when you had a really good conversation with a girl, and she started to like you. You could tell that she liked you without her saying it, the way she looked at you, the way she acted around you.

You probably picked up on her body language. But you didn't even know what body language meant way back then........

Wait, are you telling me that were hardwired to understand body language. Why yes, yes we are. Gator is also telling you that you are hardwired to understand just about everything else to.

I bet in your good conversation, you were ****y and funny, I bet you made her laugh atleast a couple of times. Why do you think this is?

People act like this C + F thing is the holy f'n grail of getting women. Yea no ****, making a girl laugh, smile, and have a good time is surely gonna get you laid faster then being a ****, talking about uninteresting crap, ignoring her, or being a socially inept weirdo.

What about neg hits you ask? Most people are pretty equal, and theres no reason anyone should ACT like there above someone. So what is the natural thing to do... bring them down to your level.

Every rule was put in the bible to keep people from acting unnatural.

You only need rules if you have hangups. "When to call" rules were added because if you call the next day, you look like a little b*tch with no life and nothing going on. Thats not attractive.

But if your life is good, and you've got stuff going on, your gonna be busy monday and tuesday (hell yea you are, dates with HBanna, and HBcindy, rock on) and that + work + school + family + hobbies + friends + ETC ETC, so you just might have a chance to call her wednesday night.

You only have to follow rules to stop you from looking desperate, if you really are desperate.

Its not about the girls, its about you. If your unhappy with life, and you think a girl is the answer to your problems, wrong. You have to be happy with your life before you worry about girls.

Hey blix, you seem to know whats going on, what do you know about getting rid of hangups, and insecurities?

 

[Jimbo2k]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
Wake up guys.

*Wakes up*

Good reminder bro

 

[Seeph]

I'm with xblitz, DJing isnt about "rules" but more of "guidelines" such as not to call a girl, then call her right back an hour later to talk again so she gets smothered, and not to put a girl above you, once again they feel smothered. Just do whatever the hell you feel like, just know when to limit yourself.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
This is crap that drives me up a wall. We preach "Be a man..." all over the place, yet we're so concerned that a girl won't like us if we call on a Saturday. What is so 'manly' about being concerned about our every action, treading lightly in worry of 'bringing down interest level'. True power, TRUE DJ, would be to do what the hell you want...and if she "loses interest"...that's her own MO, based on her own perceptions.

In the last month I've:

• Approached 3 girls with: "I've been trying to figure out a way to approach you but you're intimidating!"
• Called 2 girls every single day and set up dates whenever I felt like it.
• Told a girl she's a princess
• Called a girl on a Monday and set up a date for the same night. We cuddled at my house. I told her how beautiful she was. We had sex.
• Wrote a poem for a girl
• Texted 3 girls at LEAST 3-4 times a day
• Told these girls on numerous occasions that I like them

I'm pretty sure I've broken about every single rule in the DJ Bible, but lately I've been getting laid like a rock star. Is it more of a man to be restrained and limited by rules, or to do what you want, when you want; total freedom? I don't have time to worry about if texting is wussy, or if calling on a Saturday is going to be frowned upon by guys on an internet message board.

" I also worry that calling before Saturday is AFC because it indicates interest on my part."

Who ever said that letting a girl know that you want her is AFC? What is WRONG with being honest and blatent about your feelings? Why do we feel so scared and vulnerable to reveal them? Christ. This is getting really pathetic that we feel so weak when we care for somebody. Indicate interest all you want. Fvck it, if you want my advice I say you should call her up right NOW, tell her you were thinking about her and you think that the two of you should get together soon. Rather than stepping cautiously in FEAR that *another* girl will lose interest in you if they see who you really are, and that you actually care about them.

"Calling earlier than Satueday might show her that you are too anxious."

Only if you ARE anxious. Your actions will always represent what is really going on inside of you. It's why some guys will be able to do whatever the hell they want and be fine with it, and why other guys, no matter how tight the follow the rules, will fail because their actions will scream "I don't know what to do! I can't controll myself! I need to follow a game plan because I am insecure. He's excited to date this girl and the sooner he accepts that, the sooner his actions appear more comfortable, and excited rather than uptight and anxious.

Wake up guys.

Well...that pretty much covers anything I had to say and then some.

 

[Panther]

To xblitz and others:

I agree with what you say, but you fail to see an important thing:

When I first started learning to drive, I followed the "rules": I had my hands at "10 past 10" on the wheel, I looked at the mirror and flashed my lights before turning, I kept the speed limit, etc.
Driving was a series of conscious application of rules.

Eventually, I got the hang of it and I just got in the car, slammed the door, turned the key and went where I wanted to go. I didn't think of any rules, and now that I think of it, I don't really follow most of them now, but there is no problem with that.

Its similar with the process of recovering AFCness...

Us recovering AFCs ARE insecure. We can't really help it, since most of us have lots of negative experiences dealing with women, and that is what causes insecurity.
We fake confidence until we can eventually be truly confident.
We pretend to have a busy, exciting life (while at the same time trying to actually make our life more exciting by doing stuff) so that we don't seem like losers.
We are vulnerable to infatuation and one-itis, so we need to protect our heart from the dreaded consequences of Phenylothelamine overdose, so we try to think of ourselves as the prize, throw the girl off the pedestral in our mind (and hers)by neg-hitting her, and nexting her when she flakes.
We don't have much experience in socialising with attractive girls without dripping neediness, so we use C+F techniques.

Etc.

Of course, at some point we will not have to use these rules. We will act unconsciously, and succeed, and eventually we will be able to break every rule in the book and still have success.

ThePanther